Sunshine Parenting

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] “We want this party to be with all the girls being present and in the moment with their friends.” -Ashley, Parent Ashley’s Facebook post caught my attention – it was a photo of the text she had sent to the parents of the 22 (yes, you read that correctly, TWENTY-TWO!) girls invited to her 12-year-old daughter’s sleep-over swim party. I am sharing Ashley’s ideas here so that other parents can decide if a “phone vacation” might be a good idea for a future social event. Perhaps we can start a trend of parents setting limits on screens and media usage not only for their own kids but for other kids they’re hosting? As soon as I saw Ashley’s post, I shared it on my Facebook page with this comment: “This is an absolutely brilliant way to set limits on phone use for a bday party! HOORAY, Ashley! I highly recommend copying her text for your child’s future events — what about even for when just one child comes over? Until we parents decide to set limits and create space for our kids to enjoy each other and have fun without their screens, they will continue to follow the lead of the majority of the people in the world (adults and kids alike) and be glued to their phones and disconnected from real people. YAY for UNPLUGGED birthday parties! Let’s start a new trend AND applaud and support parents who insist on real connection. If I had a 12-year-old daughter, I’d definitely want her at THAT party! “ How, as a parent in this unbelievably screen and media-focused era, do we best supervise other people’s kids’ phone use when they are with us? This is something we all need to think about and decide what action we’re willing to take. Thanks to Ashley, we have some great ideas! First, we can let people know in advance about any planned screen-free time. Next, we can make it fun by having a “Phone Vacation” spot that makes it playful to give phones a break. (I’d like to use that one with adults, too!) Ashley did a great job outlining her and her husband Chris’ expectations for their daughter’s party. Both the parents and the kids attending knew ahead of time what to expect – and weren’t surprised – that this was going to be an “unplugged” event. Before the event, she posted this comment with a picture of the empty “Phone Vacation” basket: “Drew’s winter swim/sleepover party is on Friday, but my basket for the cell phones is already ready. I hope the girls who bring their phones are ready to send them on vacation for about 18 hours.” I was not surprised to learn from Ashley that the typical pre-teen sleep-over these days includes a lot of photos, videos, and social media posting. By explaining the reason for the “phone vacation,” Ashley made it clear that this was to keep the party’s focus on the fun and real connection. According to Ashley, most parents responded positively to her text. Only one parent wasn’t happy about it, and they, of course, had the option of not having their daughter attend. Because being “unplugged” is one of the central philosophies at my camp, I have done a lot of research on the benefits of screen breaks. I’ve also put a lot of effort into communicating our philosophy and policy to our camp community, including the details of how we stay unplugged at camp. (e.g. “No, e-readers are not allowed.”  “Yes, your camper flying from another country will have their phone while they travel.”) Our campers and counselors willingly agree to give up their phones and any...

In Episode 3 of the Sunshine Parenting Podcast, I interview my good friend Sara Kuljis about raising resilient, independent kids. Sara is a 20-year veteran camp director and parenting trainer who has great insights and ideas about parenting and counseling kids. Sara, with her husband Steve, owns and directs Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp, a Christian adventure camp for children ages 8 to 16 years old founded 44 years ago by Sara’s parents Jim and Marna Slevcove. Together, the Kuljises also direct Emerald Cove Day Camp in San Juan Capistrano, a day camp that serves children from kindergarten through 4th grade. Among many other topics, we talk about how camp helps build independence and resilience in kids, as well as readiness for camp, college, and being away from parents and home. Sara shares three great questions to ask kids after a challenging or new experience: 1. What did you enjoy/love? 2. What was challenging? 3. When (not if!) you do it again, what will you do differently? Books Sara and I mention in the podcast include: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, Wendy Mogel How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims Present Over Perfect, Shauna Niequist The Opposite of Spoiled, Ron Lieberthe Social Intelligence: The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships, Daniel Goleman Sara teaches parenting workshops in Southern California. Contact Sara to have her come speak to your group on parenting topics including: • Positive Behavior Shaping • Effective Affirmation • Pace of Life • Listening Skills Here are some additional Sunshine Parenting posts related to the topics we discuss in Episode 3: How Camp Helps Parents Raise Adults Ready for Adulthood Checklist Parking Your Helicopter What’s the Best Age for Camp? Five Reasons Great Parents Send Their Kids to Camp Why Kids Need to Get Uncomfortable Who’s Not Ready for College?

Episode 2 10 Friendship Skills Every Kid Needs Listener Question: How do I help my 13-year-old daughter with her social anxiety? Social Anxiety Resources: What is Social Anxiety? Social Anxiety Disorder, WED MD Parenting News: New research on screen time’s impact on our kids’ ability to persevere through problem solving: “Turn it Off Right Now!” Great Schools Parenting Tip: Have family members think up a “question of the night” for each person to answer. Quote of the cast: “True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island…to find one real friend is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” Baltasar Gracian Resources/Related: Questions for Connections 10 Ways to Create a Happy and Connected Class 5 Steps to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts 10 Ways to Teach Kids to Calm Down Why Cheerleaders Have Happier Marriages, Christine Carter Episode 2 10 Friendship Skills Every Kid Needs Listener Question: How do I help my 13-year-old daughter with her social anxiety? Social Anxiety Resources: What is Social Anxiety? Social Anxiety Disorder, WED MD Parenting News: New research on screen time’s impact on our kids’ ability to persevere through problem solving: “Turn it Off Right Now!” Great Schools Parenting Tip: Have family members think up a “question of the night” for each person to answer. Quote of the cast: “True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island…to find one real friend is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” Baltasar Gracian Resources/Related: Questions for Connections 10 Ways to Create a Happy and Connected Class

In episode 1 of the Sunshine Parenting podcast, I talk with best selling author Christine Carter, Ph.D., about her book, Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. We discuss two of the tips from her book, including “put on your own oxygen mask first” and family dinner. We also address a listener question about teaching children how to handle unkind kids. Visit Christine’s website at christinecarter.com for more information about Christine’s books, online classes, and coaching. I hope you enjoy the Sunshine Parenting Podcast! You can subscribe on iTunes here. Links/Additional Reading: Why Family Dinner is Important No Time for Family Dinner? Sharing our Highs, Lows, & Buffaloes Raising Happiness The Sweet Spot Living Life in our Sweet Spot Happiness Habits 31 Days of Happiness Hacks   In episode 1 of the Sunshine Parenting podcast, I talk with best selling author Christine Carter, Ph.D., about her book, Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. We discuss two of the tips from her book, including “put on your own oxygen mask first” and family dinner. We also address a listener question about teaching children how to handle unkind kids. Visit Christine’s website at christinecarter.com for more information about Christine’s books, online classes, and coaching. I hope you enjoy the Sunshine Parenting Podcast! You can subscribe on iTunes here. Links/Additional Reading: Why Family Dinner is Important No Time for Family Dinner?

Back in 2012, I wrote about how much I treasure our Family Dinner. That was a precious, memorable year for our family, the final one before our oldest daughter left for college. Now our family dinners include just four of us (myself, my husband, and our two boys), but they are still my favorite part of the day – and often the only time we really talk and connect. I have not maintained my vigilance, however, in keeping our evenings free during the dinner hour, so family dinner does not happen as often as it did back in 2012. We’re back to evenings of soccer, tennis, and youth group, all of which conflict with our beloved dinner hour. After talking with a friend over coffee, I came up with a compromise for those nights when family dinner just doesn’t work out. I share my tip in my first-ever Sunshine Parenting Minute (stay tuned for my first full-length podcast!). You can find the audio file at the top of this post. Resources/Links: Making Family Dinner Like a Campfire Sharing our Highs, Lows, and Buffaloes Let the Kids Cook Dinner Taco Tuesday Twists Be a Better Parent by Doing Less Want more Sunshine Parenting?  Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest or Twitter for links to articles and ideas about camp and parenting. Thank you for reading, and have a happy day! Back in 2012, I wrote about how much I treasure our Family Dinner. That was a precious, memorable year for our family, the final one before our oldest daughter left for college. Now our family dinners include just four of us (myself, my husband, and our two boys), but they are still my favorite part of the day – and often the only time we really talk and connect. I have not maintained my vigilance, however, in keeping our evenings free during the dinner hour, so family dinner does not happen as often as it did back in 2012. We’re back to evenings of soccer, tennis, and youth group, all of which conflict with our beloved dinner hour. After talking with a friend over coffee, I came up with a compromise for those nights when family dinner just doesn’t work out. I share my tip in my first-ever Sunshine Parenting Minute (stay tuned for my first full-length podcast!). You can find the audio file at the top of this post. Resources/Links: Making Family Dinner Like a Campfire Sharing our Highs, Lows, and Buffaloes Let the Kids Cook Dinner Taco Tuesday Twis...

I’ve always considered myself non-confrontational and have done my best to avoid conflict. In researching ways to teach kids conflict resolution skills, I’ve discovered that avoidance is actually a choice on the “Conflict Resolution Wheel.” I’m primarily a “walk away” or “go play with somebody else” conflict resolver. And, perhaps because I try to “use kind words and a friendly voice” most of the time, I’m able to steer clear of many conflict situations. I know that my technique is not always the best way to resolve conflicts, nor has it worked in every situation, so I’ve learned to “talk together & work it out” with people in my life who are important to me. Because people aren’t perfect and relationships are messy, we all need to learn how to better resolve conflicts. What kind of conflict resolver are you? What about your kids? How do they resolve conflicts? Over my three decades at camp working with thousands of kids and teens, I’ve noticed that kids have become less and less adept at solving their own problems and conflicts. They are quick to involve adults and call other kids names (“bully” is a favorite). I think they’ve become so accustomed to constant adult supervision that they are prone to seek it immediately, especially when they’re in an uncomfortable situation. There’s nothing wrong with seeking direction, especially when adult intervention is needed, but I want to be sure our counselors are armed with good skills for giving campers guidance on conflict resolution, rather than just providing kids with the solution itself. All too often, we parents tend to rescue our kids from conflict; at camp, kids have a great opportunity to learn to solve such challenges on their own. One of our goals, then, is to prepare counselors to teach campers conflict resolution strategies, which the kids can use in similar situations at home (like with their siblings!). 5 Steps to Resolve Conflicts CALM DOWN Give everyone a chance to take a breather from each other. Ask them each what they need to do to calm down. The “wheel” offers some good choices, like walking away and taking a break for a few minutes, counting to 10 (or 100!), or writing down some feelings. In any case, nothing coherent will come from trying to lead a discussion with upset, emotionally fragile kids. So ask them to figure out the best way to calm down before attempting to solve the problem. STATE & UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM Once calm has prevailed, talk to each child (either together or separately, depending on the circumstances) and help them state their problem. Stress the importance of being honest and admitting their role in the conflict (most problems are shared). Encourage them to use “I” statements to express their feelings. For example, “I felt left out and hurt because he wouldn’t let me play the card game, so I threw his towel to annoy him.” APOLOGIZE WELL

Before I had kids, there were several things I said I would never let my kids do. Once I was actually a parent, however, many of the “nevers” evaporated in the reality of my day-to-day parenting challenges. My kids did occasionally end up sleeping in my bed, eating fast food, and watching too many cartoons instead of playing educational games. However, there was one pre-parenting pet peeve that I didn’t waver on. I never wanted my kids to whine, cry, or throw a tantrum in the check-out line at a store because I wouldn’t buy them a pack of gum or a toy. All of these items, by the way, are strategically placed by the store for the very purpose of creating a tantrum so that we will purchase them for our children. I succeeded with that one “never,” because I had a simple trick. With all my kids now well beyond the tantrum-in-the-store years, I can say that my five kids never had an in-store tantrum because I wouldn’t buy them something they wanted. Success! Now that I know it worked, I’m going to share my tip with those of you who have young kids or grandkids. Step 1: NEVER purchase something at a store because your child asks for it, whines for it, or throws a tantrum. You will create a monster consumer who will find something to ask for in every store. Step 2: Keep a list on a notepad in your purse or on your phone. If your child asks for something, say, “Let’s put that on the list,” and get out the list or your phone and put the item on the list right then. Once they’re old enough, let them put the item on their list by themself. Instead of asking me to purchase things, my kids would ask me if they could, “Add it to the list.” When it got close to their birthday, we looked at the list to see what they still wanted. They learned how they didn’t still want everything on the list. And that’s a good lesson about impulse purchasing. I think “The List” is probably one of my greatest parenting successes. My children not only didn’t have the check-out line tantrums, but they also learned about delayed gratification. I hope their ability to wait for things will translate into a better ability as adults to save money for items they really want rather than incurring credit card debt due to irresponsible impulse spending, which is a problem for so many adults. I still keep lists for my kids using the memo feature on my phone. That way, as they mention things they’d like throughout the year, I have good gift ideas for special occasions. I also keep their shoes and clothing sizes there, since they seem to change so often and these days, many of their gifts are something to wear. I highly recommend using “The List.” It’s been a great parenting tool for me. Let me know if you use this idea and how it works! Before I had kids, there were several things I said I would never let my kids do. Once I was actually a parent, however, many of the “nevers” evaporated in the reality of my day-to-day parenting challenges. My kids did occasionally end up sleeping in my bed, eating fast food, and watching too many cartoons instead of playing educational games. However, there was one pre-parenting pet peeve that I didn’t waver on. I never wanted my kids to whine, cry, or throw a tantrum in the check-out line at a store because I wouldn’t buy them a pack of gum or a toy. All of these items, by the way, are strategically placed by the store for the very purpose of creating a tantrum so that we will purchase them for our children. I succeeded with that one “never,” because I had a simple trick. With all my kids now well beyond the tantrum-in-...