Sunshine Parenting show

Sunshine Parenting

Summary: Camp Director and Mom Audrey Monke discusses summer camp, family life, raising thriving kids, and ideas for living more connected and happier lives.

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 Ep. 34: Advice on College, Transferring, and How to Support Your Kids with Their Decisions | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 35:37

“When you’re applying to college, there’s a big focus on the name of the school, the statistics of the school, and the rankings of the school, which is important in some sense, but it didn’t end up being as important for me.” -Hannah Episode 34 is a follow up to Episode 21: Advice on the College Application and Selection Process. I’m talking with my daughter Charlotte and her friend Hannah about their college journey, which for both of them included transferring after their freshman year. Questions could adults ask to help high schoolers to help them  What makes you happy? What kind of community do you need around you to make you happy? What kind of area do you want to live in? What do you want to do in your free time during college? Resources/Related College Touring 101 5 Must Reads Before You Drop Your Child Off at College How to Stay in Touch with Your College Student Episode 21: Advice on the College Application and Admission Process Book I mentioned: “When you’re applying to college, there’s a big focus on the name of the school, the statistics of the school, and the rankings of the school, which is important in some sense, but it didn’t end up being as important for me.” -Hannah Episode 34 is a follow up to Episode 21: Advice on the College Application and Selection Process. I’m talking with my daughter Charlotte and her friend Hannah about their college journey, which for both of them included transferring after their freshman year. Questions could adults ask to help high schoolers to help them  What makes you happy? What kind of community do you need around you to make you happy? What kind of area do you want to live in? What do you want to do in your free time during college? Resources/Related College Touring 101 5 Must Reads Before You Drop Your Child Off at College How to Stay in Touch with Your College Student Episode 21: Advice on the College Application and Admission Process Book I mentioned:

 Ep. 33: Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 2) with Maria Horner | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 34:00

“You decide as a family what’s important…Every single thing can’t be important. You have to pick a few things that are in alignment with your family’s values and then really, really be consistent with them.” Maria Horner In Episode 33, I’m with Maria Horner talking about more of her “Jedi Mom Tricks!” Listen here if you missed Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 1)! In this episode, Maria shares more of her “Jedi Mom Tricks.” These are important lessons Maria has learned as a parent and as a summer camp director for the past three decades. She passes these tricks along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at Catalina Island Camps. “You know, those ‘Jedi Mom Tricks’ that you do to control my mind without ever yelling or getting mad.” -Nick Horner Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 2) Jedi Mom Trick #5: Talk about your values and priorities and what’s important to you (with your co-parent) Jedi Mom Trick #6: Pick your battles: Decide and be a united front with kids Jedi Mom Trick #7: Focus on consequences not threats Jedi Mom Trick #8: Annual question for kids: What are some things you’d like to be able to do this year that you haven’t been able to do before? Resources/Related Ep. 22: Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 1) 10 Ways to do LESS and be a MORE Effective Parent 10 Parenting Tips from Camp Counselors The Power of Positive Words The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact     Want to help your kid get ready for adulthood? Subscribe to get my weekly email, and I’ll send you my Ready for Adulthood Checklist – you just hand it to your kid and let them start checking things off! “You decide as a family what’s important…Every single thing can’t be important. You have to pick a few things that are in alignment with your family’s values and then really, really be consistent with them.” Maria Horner In Episode 33, I’m with Maria Horner talking about more of her “Jedi Mom Tricks!” Listen here if you missed Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 1)! In this episode, Maria shares more of her “Jedi Mom Tricks.” These are important lessons Maria has learned as a parent and as a summer camp director for the past three decades. She passes these tricks along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at

 Ep. 32: 10 Benefits of Summer Camp for Teens | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 23:54

It’s those deep relationships that are formed at summer camp that really have a dramatic influence on them. -Stephen Gray Wallace In Episode 32, I’m talking with Stephen Gray Wallace about his recent article for Teen Life : 10 Reasons Why High School Students Will Get a Lot from Summer Camp. Adolescents’ Three Primary Developmental Tasks Forming an identity Gaining independence from parents Making friends The Top 10 Outcomes of Experiential Learning at Camp “Camp is an experience every child deserves,” according to the American Camp Association (ACA), which accredits more than 2,400 camps serving more than 7.2 million children and teens. Specifically, ACA points to the “joy” kids experience when they make new friends and the inherent value in unplugging from their electronic devices, enjoying being out of doors, connecting with other young people, and learning about themselves. And the ACA adds that, from a quantifiable perspective, the outcomes of a summer camp experience include the following. Friendship skills: Make friends and maintain relationships. Independence : Rely less on adults and other people for solving problems and day-to-day activities. Teamwork: Be more effective working in groups of peers. Family citizenship: Gain attributes important to being a member of a family. Perceived competence: Believe that they can be successful in the things they do. Interest in exploration: Be more curious and eager to learn new things. Responsibility: Learn to be accountable for their own actions and mistakes. Affinity for nature: Develop feelings of emotional attraction toward nature. Problem-solving confidence: Believe they have abilities to resolve problems. Spiritual well-being: Develop purpose and meaning in life. Camps are also being recognized as incubators for the highly valued non-cognitive or “soft skills” and as places to hone leadership and social entrepreneurship skills. Abbreviated Excerpts Audrey: Is there an amount of time teens need to be at camp to get these benefits? Stephen: I would argue the longer the better, but these types of outcomes transfer quickly, so even if they are only attending for a week or two, you’d see gains in those areas. Certainly, the longer they stay at camp, the deeper those benefits flow. Audrey: What do you think are some of the mechanisms that help teens in all these areas? Stephen: I think it’s the intrinsic nature of what we’ve been talking about. They’re away from home. They’re away from their normal support systems.

 Ep. 31: Listen: 5 Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 38:20

You’re not alone. Whatever struggle you’re facing and however hard it feels to you right now, I’m confident that with support you can get through it. And I’m 100% confident that you’re not the first or only parent to have slipped up in all the ways you have slipped up, nor are you the only parent to have a child who does X or behaves in Y way. So you really aren’t alone and we are our here to support you and help life go better for you and your family. -Tosha Schore In Episode 31, I’m talking with Tosha Schore, co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Tosha is a parent coach whose mission is to create a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time. She is the mother to three boys ages 11, 13, and 15. Hand in Hand Parenting The whole philosophy is really based upon the idea that people are good. That our children are born good and they’re doing the best they can and along the way, as they go through life…things happen. And the body has a natural process to heal from upsets and that process is a release of emotions…If we stop that process, a layer of hurt sets in. As the hurt piles up, the behavior gets stickier – off track. Patty Wipfler (co-author of Listen) founded Hand in Hand in 1989, but has working with parents for more than for 40 years. She started out by running a day care and eventually turning it into a non profit, while developing tools based on connection and listening. Patty also wrote a set of booklets that sold very well – one on each of the five tools. Patty is Tosha’s mentor and asked her to c0-write the book with her. The Five Tools We want to do a balance of showing them that we care and we love them and they’re important and also pushing them to do things that they’re a little uncomfortable with but listening to the feelings that come up for them as we do that. The tools taught in the Hand in Hand method are “really simple, but not necessarily easy,” according to Tosha. Some come easier than others depending on the person. “The whole philosophy is really based upon the idea that people are good. That our children are born good and they’re doing the best they can and along the way, as they go through life…things happen. And the body has a natural process to heal from upsets and that process is a release of emotions.” * Special Time * Staylistening * Setting Limits * Playlistening * The Listening Partnership   Resources Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges (order on Amazon) Sample Chapter & Reviews (On Hand in Hand website) Hand in Hand Pare...

 Ep. 30: How to Raise a Durable Human with JJ Madden | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 32:13

“Durable means to be effective for as long as possible – in your mind, your body, and also in your relationships with other people. It’s being strong and secure and moving forward, taking in and reacting to the experiences you have along the way but continue to stand strong through it all.” -Jenifer Joy Madden In Episode 30, I’m talking with Jenifer Joy Madden about her book, How To Be a Durable Human: Revive and Thrive in the Digital Age Through the Power of Self-Design. Madden is a health and environmental journalist who is also a digital broadcaster and adjunct professor for Syracuse University in their DC Program. Madden is a child advocate who has volunteered her time to establish new walking and biking trails throughout northern Virginia. Madden is also the parent to three durable adults. Some of the topics we discuss include: The “Triple Crown” of Durability Genuine relationships Importance of kids being able to look people in the eye. Using a “gadget basket” during meals. Says Madden, “Not only are kids learning how to have face to face conversations and wait – take their turn and listen – it’s a really great opportunity for parents to keep an eye on them day to day. And I literally mean keep an eye on. Because if you’re looking at them, they’re making a comment, maybe their words are saying something but they’re eyes – something happened. You’re watching and this expression came over their face really quickly. If you’re not looking at them, you’re going to miss it.” Attachment: It starts a little before birth that the child starts attaching to the primary caregiver – the mother. The Internet Addiction Treatment Center is worried that kids’ first images are going to be obscured by a device. Kids that don’t securely attach to a caregiver become agitated and insecure and have trouble coping. We need to feed their love mechanisms early on in life, otherwise they’ll be kind of shaky their whole lives. “Virtual Autism:” In France and Romania, doctors have identified “Virtual Autism” in kids under age four who have free reign all day to be on a tablet. After days and days of being on the screen, they stop responding to their names and adults can’t catch their eye. When kids return to a regular kid lifestyle and they’re playing with physical objects and playing outside, that “virtual autism” goes away.  Recommended guidelines for a 12 year old: •Definitely make sure that the bedroom is off limits to all electronics. Give them an alarm clock and train them from an early age. If they have a phone, start from the beginning charging it out of the bedroom. •Look away from the screen every 20 minutes to keep their eyesight durable. Curiosity: “Every person is unique and interested in different things and that makes them a broader, fuller person and they can contribute more to society if they develop their own individual self. And so they need opportunities to follow their curiosity. If parents take their kid to a playground or a park, it’s almost like the parents aren’t patient enough to stay there. They have to honor the kid’s ability to get into imaginary play and to follow their curiosity.” When you’re outside, all the senses are active at once and that really helps a person to be very good at sensing things. Get kids exposed to dirt.  “Durable is different from resilience. Resilience means to be knocked over and have some problem happen and then you get yourself standing back up again. Durable means to be effective for as long as possible – in your mind, your body,

 Ep. 29: Empowering Kids through Outdoor Adventures | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 29:09

“Instead of telling kids what to do, we have the kids tell us what to do. It’s an empowering experience to let kids think that way from a young age.” -Paul Dreyer In Episode 29, I’m chatting with Kyle Littman (COO) and Paul Dreyer (CEO) of Avid 4 Adventure. Kyle and Paul are both passionate about empowering kids to choose an outdoor, active lifestyle away from screens. Avid4Adventure is a program for kids in Colorado and California. They teach every kid—from first-time adventurers to experienced athletes, from pre-K through 12th grade—how fun and empowering being active outdoors can be. As campers hike, bike, climb and paddle, they build lasting skills and newfound confidence, igniting a passion for being active that lasts their whole lives.  Why do you think there’s value in getting kids outdoors? Natural consequences: So much of the environment that we live in — school, playground, etc. — people have tried to remove risk. We don’t want to avoid risk, we want to lean in where kids have natural consequences. If a kid doesn’t bring a jacket to camp, it’s fine to get wet as opposed to being on top of a mountain in a lightning storm, which is too big of a risk. Lean into more controlled risk, help kids learn from that to make better decisions. Decision-making/judgment: When kids get taken outdoors, instructors don’t say “don’t do this, don’t do that.” We ask the kids very open questions… what’s different about this environment? Instructors help kids with positive risk taking and developing good judgment. “It’s sunny out, we should all put our sunscreen on before we go.” How can parents use these skills? Kyle: Start with “why?” What would you do? When my 5 year old comes to me and asks what to wear to soccer practice or asks me to pack the back, I ask, “What do you think you should do? What’s the weather like?” I let her go outside and figure it out. If she decides to wear a t-shirt at this time of year in Colorado, she might be cold, but she’ll learn for next time. Everything from packing for a hike to going to a park allows kids opportunities to learn about natural consequences. Paul: We do environmental briefings with a series of three questions: (1) What’s changing in our environment? (2) Based on the change in environment, what are the big risks?  (3) Okay great, what do you want to do?   Have these briefings all day long – get them in the mindset. Our brain/risk management decision making skills are a muscle just like everything else. Kids need to learn to ask themselves what the risks are and then make a couple of rules for themselves in that new environment. What advice do you have for parents who say their kids aren’t “outdoorsy?” Summer camps expose kids to activities that parents might not be very interested in/wouldn’t expose their kids to. Just don’t type cast your child as someone who doesn’t like to be outside.  Start small. If your child is currently spending a lot of time inside, you might not in one week turn him into a rock climber, but maybe you can get him in the backyard for 10 minutes. If you find that your kids are ready and asking for a larger adventure, there are a lot of actual risks and perceived risks. Reach out for resources to see what the real risks are about activities. Like rock climbing — people think it’s risky when it’s actually really safe. Links/Resources

 Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids’ Strengths with Audrey and Sara | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 29:03

In Episode 28 of the podcast, I’m back with my good friend Sara Kuljis talking about being strengths-focused parents. Sara is the owner and director of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. Sara offers popular parenting workshops in Southern California. In this episode, we’re talking about the importance of focusing on our kids’ strengths. Ideas for Building Strengths Here are a few of the topics we discussed: Helping kids identify natural talents, the way they are made. “Tell me about a time when you experienced success. What did you contribute to make that a successful experience?” The power of naming our kids’ character strengths. Enjoyed this episode? Listen to my previous podcast episodes with Sara! Episode 7: Family Pace & Space Episode 23: Peaceful Mornings Links/Additional Resources Celebrating Strengths Focusing on Strengths Power of Positive Words Catch Kids Doing the Right Thing Books Websites Gallup: CliftonStrengths Solutions VIA Character Strengths Prefer to watch us on video? Here we are: In Episode 28 of the podcast, I’m back with my good friend Sara Kuljis talking about being strengths-focused parents. Sara is the owner and director of

 Ep. 27: Raising Teens who Thrive with Stephen Wallace | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 20:08

“We are highly focused on promoting favorable youth outcomes, things like positive identity formation, character development, leadership, civic engagement, social entrepreneurship, media and financial literacy, conflict resolution…. and we’re focused on prevention, working on issues like youth suicide, prescription drug use by young people, the opiod epidemic, those types of things.” Stephen Wallace Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE) About Stephen Gray Wallace In Episode 27, I’m talking with Stephen Gray Wallace. Stephen has broad experience as a school psychologist and adolescent/family counselor. He is president and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE), a former associate research professor at Susquehanna University, and the past national chairman and chief executive officer at SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Driving Drunk). Stephen also works with the American Camp Association (ACA) as a feature magazine writer, media spokesperson and faculty member at its e-Institute for Professional Development. In addition, Stephen is a resident camp director and the director of counseling and counselor training at Cape Cod Sea Camps. Stephen was also appointed to the professional development faculty of the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) and serves as a parenting expert for kidsinthehouse.com. He previously served as an adjunct professor at Mount Ida College in Newton, Massachusetts. Most important, Stephen is a high-profile participant in, and commentator on, the modern-day adolescent experience. Reality Gap Stephen is the author of Reality Gap: Alcohol, Drugs, and Sex–What Parents Don’t Know and Teens Aren’t Telling. Reality Gap is a book that talks about what teens are doing in real life compared to what parents think they’re doing. The chart in his book (see image on right), helps parents think about preparing kids to take responsibility for themselves. As your child matures, you should see decision making moving from left to right. When kids are young, parents decide, then as they get older, you make joint decisions on some issues. Finally, by the time they are in late high school, entering college, they need to learn to make good choices and decisions for themselves.  Authoritative parenting is the most effective with all ages of children, including teens. Authoritative parenting is high on expectations and high on warmth.  In our interview, conducted live at the American Camp Association Conference in Orlando in February, we talk about providing teens with both the structure and freedom they need to thrive. Key Issues we Discuss  • Importance of staying involved (but not overbearing) in your teens’ lives–slowly giving them more responsibilities/freedom/choices. • Issues teens face in the first semester of college and how to help with that transition. Directly communicating with teens about values rather than making assumptions abo...

 Ep. 26: Be the Parent, Please with Naomi Riley | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 28:03

“Parents are bombarded by technology. We’re all under a lot of pressure. But we’ve somehow lost all sense about parenting when it comes to screens. And we have sense when it comes to other things. Our kids don’t ask us for chocolate cake for breakfast every morning. And you know why? Because we’ve created the expectation that breakfast involves cereal and eggs and toast and fruit, and that’s it. With technology, if we create the expectation in our home that we don’t have screens on weeknights or we don’t use screens at the table or we don’t use screens at sleepovers, they will not bombard you everyday with ‘Why can’t I have a screen at this meal? Why can’t I have a screen at this sleepover?’ because they know what to expect. There’s something about screens that makes us throw common sense and parenting sense out the window.” Naomi Riley In Episode 26, I’m chatting with Naomi Riley about her recently published book Be the Parent, Please: Stop Banning Seesaws and Start Banning Snapchat: Strategies for Solving the Real Parenting Problems. Trained in journalism, author of several books on a variety of subjects, and mother of three, Naomi has many insights on children’s need for boundaries when it comes to technology and screen time. She is a visiting fellow at the American Enterprise Institute and a former Wall Street Journal editor and writer whose work focuses on higher education, religion, philanthropy and culture. To find out more about Naomi’s work–including published articles and books and speaking engagements–visit her website at naomiriley.com. In the interview, we talk about many things, including the importance of finding like-minded parents and being upfront with other parents and kids about the technology rules in your house or car. We also discuss all the shiny new technology being used in schools and the importance of setting realistic expectations for our kids depending on their ages and avoiding situations (when possible) where we use technology as a babysitter (like at long dinners at fancy restaurants or swim meets, for example). Other topics covered in this episode include: When smartphones/social media became so ubiquitous. How schools are handling phone policies. The benefits of summer camp experiences that offer a break from technology. How kids respond well to limits and parents need to rally together to set those limits. It’s hard to be the only parent with screen rules. Things in the news – rise in anxiety and depression corresponding with smartphone use. How parents have been blindsided by tech stuff, especially with devices being used at school. How to handle phones at sleep overs. Naomi’s answer to a 6-year-old play mate of her son’s asking her for a device: “You are the device.”  Simple ways to set limits.  The need for parents to trust the adults that you’re child is with. You need to know that your school/camp/wherever you send your kid will get in touch with you if there is a problem. If you feel like your child isn’t safe, then he/she shouldn’t be there, with or without a phone. The importance of teaching kids to ask other adults for help if they need it.  Interested in Be the Parent, Please? By Chuck Radke This is an incredibly well-researched parenting book, one that blends seamlessly with examples from the author’s life and the lives of...

 Ep. 25: Sports Camps and Competitive Athletics with Susan Reeder and Steve Proulx | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 34:08

“We want kids to learn to love the game.” -Steve Proulx In Episode 25, I’m talking with Steve Proulx and Susan Reeder, the husband and wife team, along with daughter Aimee Reeder, who have owned and directed Carmel Valley Tennis Camp for the past 24 years. Questions for parents to ask about sports/specialty camp programs Is the camp accredited by the American Camp Association? The primary purpose of the ACA-accreditation program is to educate camp owners and directors in the administration of key aspects of camp operation, particularly those related to program quality and the health and safety of campers and staff. ACA standards establish guidelines for policies, procedures, and practices. The camp is responsible for the ongoing implementation of these policies. The second purpose of ACA accreditation is to assist the public in selecting camps that meet industry-accepted and government-recognized standards. ACA’s Camp Database provides the public with eleven separate ways to search for the ideal ACA-accredited camp. Who will be supervising my child every hour of the day? Who will be looking out for my child’s social and emotional needs? Do you accommodate all levels of players? What is your technology policy? Do you allow cell phones? Can they have access to them constantly? Any time limits? What is the philosophy of the camp in regard to the sport? What does the camp teach kids about sportsmanship and how to handle winning and losing? “I’m here at the London Olympics, and I’d rather be at CVTC.” -Former CVTC Counselor The CVTC philosophy is that they want kids to love tennis, so they encourage kids to play a variety of sports. I learned so much from talking with Susan and Steve. I especially liked Steve and Susan’s advice for parents of promising athletes, “Let them have fun with it!” As well as Steve’s input about how much to push kids, “I don’t care what the sport is. If the child reaches a point where they’re not loving it, they’re not going to keep playing it, no matter how talented they might be… You’re creating a job for a child.” For parents, we can take a cue from Steve and Susan and instead of asking our kids  whether they won or lost, we can ask them: How did you play? What did you well? What did you do poorly? That will go a long way in teaching our kids about both their sport and life. More pictures from CVTC, where kids love to play tennis AND enjoy doing other fun activities as well: Resources/Related: 5 Reasons Not to Worry While Your Kid is at Camp 10 Reasons Great Parents Choose Summer Camp “We want kids to learn to love the game.” -Steve Proulx In Episode 25, I’m talking with Steve Proulx and Susan Reeder, the husband and wife team, along with daughter Aimee Reeder, who have owned and directed Carmel Valley Tennis Camp for the past 24 years. Questions for parents to ask about sports/specialty camp programs Is the camp accredited by the American Camp Association? The primary purpose of the ACA-accreditation program is to educate camp owners and directors in the administration of key aspects of camp operation, particularly those related to program quality and the health an...

 Ep. 24: The Danish Way of Parenting with Jessica Alexander | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 17:13

This episode of the podcast is an excerpt from my interview with Jessica Alexander, co-author of The Danish Way of Parenting. When we’re so immersed in our own culture, we rarely take the time to step outside our ways and see if there may be some things we can learn from others, like a de-emphasis on competitive sports for kids. In The Danish Way of Parenting (subtitled, “What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids”), authors Jessica Alexander and Iben Sandahl share that one of the best cultural practices of Danish parents is not judging other parents. So, if the Danes were assessing American parenting practices, most likely, according to the authors, they’d look for the positives in our competitive, self-focused, over-scheduled, and over-supervised craziness. What this book does so nicely is not focus on what American parents do wrong but instead shares a glimpse into a culture that is obviously doing some things right – they are, after all, the happiest people in the world! I had the opportunity to interview Jessica Alexander, and it was refreshing to hear her insights. An American-born mother of two, she married a Dane and is raising her kids overseas (in Rome). Before her children were born, Alexander observed that Danish children seemed especially well-behaved and happy. She explained, “I saw in Denmark a long time ago how well-behaved the kids were […] and I was really struck by it.” She watched this phenomenon over the years and realized the Danes have it right. When her daughter was born, Alexander read many parenting books, but found herself always going to her Danish family and friends for advice. Without realizing it, that network became her “go to” for everything. “I really prefer the Danish Way,” she said. “And then, one day, I was reading the Happiness Report, and I found out they were the happiest people 40 years in a row!” Once she had her own kids (now ages four and seven), she started delving into the “why” of the phenomenon she had witnessed first-hand, and what came of it was her co-authored book. A quick read (just 103 pages) The Danish Way offers some straightforward and easy-to-digest wisdom about simple practices that come so naturally to the Danes. The practices, admittedly, may be easier read about than done, but offer some suggestions for a more connected and happy family life. Play We all know that research supports the importance of play for children’s optimal development, yet our schools and our family schedules have not changed much to accommodate this knowledge. Despite compelling research, American kids are getting less, not more, recess and play time. Meanwhile, “Forest Kindergartens,” exclusively outdoor preschools, are common in Denmark and other Scandinavian countries. A few have popped up in America, too, which is encouraging. The Danes value play and it shows in their children’s daily lives and helps Danish children develop important social skills like empathy and teamwork. Reframing I loved Alexander’s description of Danish “realistic optimism,” and how Danes practice supportive language. She writes, “Danish parents are good at helping their children conceptualize their emotions and then guiding them into finding something more constructive, instead of a disparaging or limited belief” (p. 45). I know I could use some more of this “reframing” skill!

 Ep. 23: Peaceful Mornings with Sara Kuljis | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 15:56

My regular (and super-fun and wise) podcast guest, Sara Kuljis of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp, joined me on Facebook Live for this month’s One Simple Thing topic: Peaceful Mornings. You can read more ideas in this month’s post: 10 Solutions for Chaotic Mornings. This podcast is the audio from Sara’s and my Facebook Live discussion about creating more peaceful mornings with your family. A few (of many) excellent tips from Sara: * Solve one little problem. * Let them face the natural consequences (not our barking and reminding!) of being late and remembering items. * You are the thermostat. Keep it warm (not hot). Make your morning conversations NOT about school and logistics. Send them off with encouraging words like, “I just want you to know how much I like you.” If you missed last month’s One Simple Thing, you can read about it here: How to Have a Closer Family in 5 Minutes a Day. Please share your ideas for more peaceful mornings – and any victories you have this month in making small changes – in the comments! Or, send me an email! My regular (and super-fun and wise) podcast guest, Sara Kuljis of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp, joined me on Facebook Live for this month’s One Simple Thing topic: Peaceful Mornings. You can read more ideas in this month’s post: 10 Solutions for Chaotic Mornings. This podcast is the audio from Sara’s and my Facebook Live discussion about creating more peaceful mornings with your family. A few (of many) excellent tips from Sara: * Solve one little problem. * Let them face the natural consequences (not our barking and reminding!) of being late and remembering items. * You are the thermostat. Keep it warm (not hot). Make your morning conversations NOT about school and logistics. Send them off with encouraging words like, “I just want you to know how much I like you.” If you missed last month’s One Simple Thing, you can read about it here: How to Have a Closer Family in 5 Minutes a Day. Please share your ideas for more peaceful mornings – and any victories you have this month in making small changes – in the comments! Or, send me an email!

 Ep. 22 Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 1) with Maria Horner | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 30:08

These really aren’t ‘tricks.’… In order for any of this stuff to work…you have to have a strong relationship with the kids you’re trying to use these on. -Maria Horner In Episode 22, Maria Horner shares some of the important lessons she’s learned as a mom and now passes along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at Catalina Island Camps. “You know, those “Jedi Mom Tricks” that you do to control my mind without ever yelling or getting mad.” -Nick Horner Jedi Mom Trick #1: The Look & The Look with Head Tilt Jedi Mom Trick #2: Give Choices (that are both acceptable) Jedi Mom Trick #3: Clearly Communicate the Rules Jedi Mom Trick #4: Ask Questions I asked Maria to share some of her favorite parenting resources, and this is what she had to say: Here are a couple of books that are a little “off the beaten track”: Good Influence: Teaching the Wisdom of Adulthood, by Daniel Heischman. He’s the executive director of the National Association of Episcopal Schools. I read his book when Nick was in middle school and was struck but his premise that we should be raising our kids to be good instead of raising them to be happy….because while there are plenty of happy people who are NOT good, almost all really good people are also happy.     My Monastery is a Minivan, by Denise Roy. Hysterical. The Blessings of a Skinned Knee, and LOVED Blessings of a B-, by Wendy Mogel Resources 10 Ways to do LESS and be a MORE Effective Parent Michael Brandwein Dr. Chris Thurber Book I quoted at the end of the podcast: Note: I’m going to stop using my super powerful microphone that is picking up all kinds of background noises of my papers, notes, etc. Sorry for the distracting background noises in this episode. These really aren’t ‘tricks.’… In order for any of this stuff to work…you have to have a strong relationship with the kids you’re trying to use these on. -Maria Horner In Episode 22, Maria Horner shares some of the important lessons she’s learned as a mom and now passes along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at Catalina Island Camps. “You know, those “Jedi Mom Tricks” that you do to control my mind without ever yelling or getting mad.” -Nick Horner Jedi Mom Trick #1: The Look & The Look with Head Tilt Jedi Mom Trick #2: Give Choices (that are both acceptable) Jedi Mom Trick #3: Clearly Communicate the Rules Jedi Mom Trick #4: Ask Questions

 Ep. 21: Advice for the College Application and Selection Process | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 27:49

“For me, I grew more appreciative of everything I have…I also learned that I am a happier and better person when I am outside and don’t have my phone.” Charlotte, talking about what she learned on her gap semester in Costa Rica This week, I dropped my daughter off at her second college (the one she transferred to this year as a sophomore). She has several friends who also decided to transfer schools after their freshman year, so I know her college experience is not as unique as it seems. On our epic road trip to Colorado, we talked about a lot of things – including her odyssey through the college process, what her friends have experienced, and where she’s ended up this year. We’re calling this her “College Restart” or “College 2.0.” We’ve also had some laughs about what she called her “quarter life crisis,” when she decided, after returning home from her first year of college (which she mostly enjoyed) to transfer to a different school. Because it’s on the top of my mind (and the only thing I had time to do this week), I decided to interview Charlotte about the college process and talk about what we both learned over the past few years. In Episode 21, Charlotte and I share some ideas about keeping the whole college application and selection process in perspective. Some of our tips include: • Avoiding “Naviance” and statistics and instead focusing on which school’s culture, focus, and location might be the best match. • Beware of going overboard on SAT/ACT prep. • Apply early (if you know where you want to go), so that you can enjoy the rest of your senior year without stress. Caveat: If you’re not sure, don’t do any “ED” applications (Early Decision, where you HAVE to go to the school if admitted). • If there is a university that is closer to home (not two or three flights away) that is a good match, why not consider staying a bit closer, perhaps in the same region? • Consider taking a “gap” year or semester (travel, work internship). • Don’t worry if you don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Most adults are still figuring it out. • Get a feel for the culture before you decide! “Talk to people who you like, who are older than you. Visit and really get to know the school and the people.” Charlotte • Stop asking kids where they’re going to college and what they’re going to do with their life. They don’t know yet (or think they do, but don’t really). During Charlotte’s junior year, I wrote this post about the process of touring schools. Here are some other posts I wrote for Charlotte and her friends as they headed off to college: Conversations Before College: Who You are is More Important Than Where You Go Conversations Before College: Honest Talk about Alcohol  Conversations Before College: Preventing Sexual Assault Keeping in Touch with Your College Student

 Ep. 20: The Yes Brain with Tina Payne Bryson, PhD | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 25:34

  A ‘Yes Brain’ is one that is open and receptive and resilient. It’s one that, even when something is really hard, we’re willing to stick with it. -Tina Payne Bryson In Episode 20, I’m chatting with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson about her latest book – The Yes Brain – co-authored with Dr. Daniel Siegel. I love this book and highly recommend that every parent, educator, and person who works with kids reads it this year. I found it to be helpful not just in my work with kids but in understanding myself (and my own “Yes Brain”!) better. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of THE CENTER FOR CONNECTION in Pasadena, California, where she offers parenting consultations and provides therapy to children and adolescents.  She earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  Dr. Bryson has an unusual knack for taking research and theory from various fields of science, and offering it in a way that’s clear, realistic, humorous, and immediately helpful. Tina speaks internationally to parents, educators, camps, and clinicians.  She is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of the New York Times best-selling THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD and the New York Times best-selling NO-DRAMA DISCIPLINE, as well as her latest book, THE YES BRAIN . Advance Praise for The Yes Brain: “This unique and exciting book shows us how to help children embrace life with all of its challenges and thrive in the modern world. Integrating research from social development, clinical psychology, and neuroscience, it’s a veritable treasure chest of parenting insights and techniques.”  – Carol Dweck, author of Mindset  “Bottom line: every parent wants to raise a strong-minded, resilient, caring child.  We just don’t know exactly how; we open our mouths and we sing our parents’ tired refrain, “No… no…no.” In The Yes Brain, Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s teach us how to cultivate a receptive, curious brain in our children.  I have never read a better, clearer explanation of the impact parenting can have on a child’s brain and personality.” – Michael Thompson, PhD, co-author Raising Cain “In today’s busy, competitive culture, allowing our children the space to be themselves is more important than ever. This book provides an escape hatch from the high-stakes mindset. It is a parent’s guide to ensuring health, happiness, and genuine success—a blueprint for raising confident, creative kids in a fear-based world. It’s never too late to implement the science-based strategies that Dan and Tina share.” –Vicki Abeles, producer and co-director, The Race to Nowhere and Beyond Measure I also interviewed Tina in November on Facebook Live – Check out our video chat below (or on Facebook):

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