Mental Toughness Mastery Podcast with Sheryl Kline, M.A. CHPC
Summary: Mental Toughness and Certified High Performance Coach
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog The ongoing theme for March is mindset months and I'm going to be sharing tips, tools and habits, some of which I've been discussing in my mental toughness monthly round table. I wanted to share here to see if they'll help you as well. By the way, I know that you're ambitious, but sometimes our progress isn't as quick as we would like, or we feel like we're working really hard and we're not seeing the results that we want and deserve. So I'm going to share one, what I called tiny triumph today. It's one little thing that you can start doing differently, and it is a tool that world-class athletes use. I've been teaching us over the last 25 years. It’s what world-class performers do so they can accelerate their progress and get better quicker. We're going to be talking about imagery training which we just covered in my Mental Toughness Monthly group. We went deep into this topic, so members could get a really good idea how world-class performers bring what they want to life. 1.) Be very mindful of what you think about at night, especially before bed. World-class performers think in vivid detail, what they want and what that finish line looks like. Before an Olympian gets the Olympics, they've been there a million times, in their mind. What does it feel like if you're a swimmer getting into the pool? How is the temperature? What does it feel like on your skin? What does it sound like when the gun goes off? You get the idea. Very vivid details. They also talk about what it feels like to stand on the podium, to hear the crowd, even down to the detail of when they bend down, what does it feel like when the gold medal is placed around their neck? I'm giving you this example because what usually happens for most people is not only do we not know how to do this, we do the opposite and we tend to catastrophize. We worry about what could go wrong and not what we want to go right. If we do this, we can wake up feeling defeated before our day even starts and not looking into having our eyes wide open to the possibility of success. 2.) Be sure to think about what is the most important thing that you want in your life as part of your bedtime routine. It could have to do with your fitness. It could have to do with your next level ambition, your career. It could have to do with strengthening a relationship. It could be an upcoming meeting. In other words, how would that conversation turn out? How would it feel to get to the gym, to go through the class and to be proud when you're done? I want you to be as vivid as possible. 3.) Commit to taking action and also to setting yourself up for success. So if it has to do with getting to the gym in the next morning, for example, get your water and clothes ready and rope a friend into going with you. I have an example for you. A good friend of mine is an amazing masters track athlete. She's in huge, huge training mode right now because she's heading over to Europe for a big race. She cleared out her entire house of junk food because she cannot eat it now. Why would you have that temptation? So let's get very vivid about what you want, and set yourself up for success. This entire month is mindset month, which means I'm going to be teaching world-class tips, tools, and habits, how you can think like the top 1% and help you get to that next finish line. Here's to you thinking about how you want something to turn out tonight and giving yourself the gift of 90 seconds. If you want to know about my mental toughness monthly mastery, please drop a note and just say, that's me and I will make sure to DM you with all of the information. Here's to you being amazing. Here's to you controlling your thoughts and emotions so you can control your reality and your next level of ambition and success. I'm cheering you on from San Francisco. Here's to being amazing and I look forward to seeing you next time. - Sheryl -
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog Do you ever feel like you are working EXTREMELY hard and... 1.) not making the progress you want and deserve 2.) not feeling acknowledged 3.) not able to sustain the pace If so, you are 100% not alone. In an effort to disrupt this cycle and make progress towards you achieving your potential in a holistic and sustainable way, we are going to kick off International Women's Day a little early. Let’s all be inspired and learn from the amazing stories, impact and courage from women past and present, so we can be our best and rise, together. For a moment, step into the shoes of Wilma Rudolph who was one of 21 children (yes, 21!) in her family, and born 1940 in St. Bethlehem, TN. Because Wilma was born premature and inflicted with many childhood illnesses (including polio), she was told by her doctor that she would never walk again. Her mother told her she would walk again. Wilma chose to listen to her mother. With the coaching, cheerleading and pushing from her mother and siblings, Wilma took small steps to prove her doctor wrong... first with braces on her legs and eventually without the braces. She fell, a lot. She likely was frustrated, a lot. She likely cried, a lot. But, she was resilient and persevered to achieve her dream of being on her high school basketball team. When on the basketball team, her high school track coach saw Wilma and asked her to try out for the squad. She agreed. in 1956, Wilma Rudolph competed in that year's Summer Olympics and received a bronze medal in the 4X100 relay. Then in the 1960 Summer Olympics, determined to get the gold, Wilma returned to win three gold medals. She also broke at least three world-records and became the first American woman to win three gold medals in one Olympic games. She was named "the fastest woman in the world." When Wilma Rudolph returned home, she refused to attend her homecoming parade unless it was integrated. Because of Wilma, everyone attended her homecoming parade... together as a community. What if Wilma’s mother did not believe in her? What if she did not have an emotional and tactical accountability structure to cheer her on, to push her when she wanted to quit... and to believe in her when she did not believe in herself? Would Wilma Rudolph have ever walked, shed her leg braces or created Olympic history? Probably not. Success does not happen in solitude. Without the proper structure in place, you could be holding yourself back from the success and joy that you want and deserve. Setting up an accountability structure for yourself is a vital component of your next level of success and joy. I talk about this very topic in great detail in my book "ZONED IN." Here are a few tips to get you started if you choose to hire a coach, align with a mentor, choose a colleague, or ask a friend to support you. Make sure to: 1.) choose someone who is not in competition with you in any way 2.) choose someone who has your best interest at heart 3.) choose someone who is committed to your success (i.e.: they will show up and be present) Once you choose the right person or group, we’ll chat about how to build the environment for you to rise in a holistic and sustainable way. Stay tuned! Can I Give You More Perspective? I am here to make this content real and actionable for you. Please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions, challenges or comments. I respond to all my emails personally. --Sheryl--
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog Have you ever had a birthday come and go when you received nothing? No recognition, no card, no special dinner. Nothin'! That happened to me a while back, and it felt like I was invisible and no one cared. The reality was that the most important people in my life cared, but it somehow slipped their busy minds. See, it’s a human drive to be acknowledged and validated. For example, "Happy birthday!" "Can we spend some time together?" "I made you a card that has a heartfelt note." etc. When it comes to work, we can have greater influence on ourselves and our teams if we acknowledge our/their milestones... great and small. If we celebrate the process and not just the outcomes, such as making those follow-up calls, the trips to the gym, or trying that new recipe... rather than just the closed deals, weight loss or delicious meals prepared. If we are not receiving what we need from our colleagues, management, family or friends, we must speak up and be heard, so we can be our best. If not, our deeper connection, collaboration or innovation can be weakened or lost. There are three main reasons (types of fear) why we do not speak up: 1. Process Pain: The journey (process) will be too difficult, so we do not attempt it. 2. Outcome Pain: If I put in all the hard work, maybe it will not turn out as I hoped. 3. Fear of Failure: If I try, I may get rejected or not be successful. For me, it was #3. I spent 25 years working with the world-class athletes globally, but I knew I had more in me. I knew I could serve at a higher level. I wanted to influence individuals and teams in business to be their best. I wanted to be on bigger stages, and have a bigger voice to help ordinary people to be extraordinary... so they did not have to go through the struggle that I did. I wanted to unlock their potential, so they could feel the joy that comes along with being their best. But, I was afraid. What if senior leaders in Fortune 500 companies don’t think what I have to say is important? Am I good enough to be the best or just to coach the best? Let’s decide. De-cide, meaning put a death to any other option. Decide it is your time. Then surround yourself with influencers who can show you the way to your next level of ambition and joy. That’s what I did four years ago, and that’s when my business and my life changed. We Are Only Limited By the Dream We Cannot See. I’ve seen the transformation in myself, my kids, thousands of individual and corporate clients who have achieved what at first seemed impossible. I believe in YOU. You are enough. You just need the right tools, and to surround yourself with the right people. How About You? What is Holding You Back? I am here to make this content real and actionable for you. Please reach out to me at email@example.com with any questions, challenges or comments. I respond to all my emails personally. -------- Get (and Stay) Engaged Here are the five best ways I can help you, and for you to join our community: Join us on social media: Facebook: fb.com/mentaltoughnesscoach Instagram: @sherylmentaltoughnesscoach LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sherylklinema YouTube: Sheryl Kline's YouTube Channel Twitter: @sherylkline Grab my FREE "Confidence Accelerator Video/Podcast" series Read my book ZONED IN: The Mental Toughness Required for a World-Class YOU! Let's chat (schedule a FREE 15-minute consult call with me) Become a Founding Member of the monthly "Live Mental Toughness Mastery Roundtable with Q&A" community -------- We are on a journey together to empower 100,000 women and men globally to be mentally tough by 2020. Thank you for joining me in part of something amazing! To your next level of success and joy (and to being heard!) --Sheryl
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog Four years ago I got asked by a dear friend to sit on a panel for a Google Ventures sponsored event which was hosted by Autodesk. The topic was "Mental Toughness for Women in Tech." I thanked my friend, and politely declined. At the time and for the past 25 years, my clients were world-class athletes typically ages 16-22... not the best, brightest and most successful women in technology residing in San Francisco, Silicon Valley and beyond. Full transparency, I was scared. Why would they listen to me? I essentially helped the top 1% teens and young adults to be their best, consistently and under highly important or high stakes situations. Thankfully my friend at Autodesk was persistent, and fortunately I decided that my voice deserved to be heard. I prepared extensively (and then even prepared a lot more), showed up, delivered, and my business was forever changed... especially after I heard this from one of the attendees: "My company is the culmination of the blood, sweat, tears and it’s a dream for myself and my team. When it’s game-time, and I have to approach VC’s for funding, it’s my Olympics." She went on to say that she never learned how to be courageous, the science of how to influence others to stand with her in unity, and how to prepare mentally for a challenging journey or for those defining moments. Now she does. Have you ever felt like you had something important to say, or something valuable to contribute, but you kept quiet or played small? If so, it’s time to decide, which literally means "death of any other option." It’s time to decide if you will show up as you were meant to and have the impact and joy that is rightfully yours. If you do, who else benefits? Who is impacted if you don’t? If you have decided, the first step is to take 20 minutes for yourself to get clear on how you want to feel, and fill out the "Get to Know Yourself Questionnaire" from my ZONED IN book. I've made this available to all my awesome subscribers to you can download the questionnaire and use it for FREE! -------- Get (and Stay) Engaged Here are the five best ways I can help you, and for you to join our community: Become a Founding Member of the monthly "Live Mental Toughness Mastery Roundtable with Q&A" community Join us on social media: Facebook: fb.com/mentaltoughnesscoach Instagram: @sherylmentaltoughnesscoach LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sherylklinema YouTube: Sheryl Kline's YouTube Channel Twitter: @sherylkline Grab my FREE "Confidence Accelerator Video/Podcast" series Read my book ZONED IN: The Mental Toughness Required for a World-Class YOU! Let's chat (schedule a FREE 15-minute consult call with me) -------- I am here to make this content real and actionable for you. Please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions, challenges or comments. I respond to all my emails personally. Also, you can also join me LIVE at 11:00 a.m. PST every Wednesday where I will teach a #tinytriumph and answer questions: Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/mentaltoughnesscoaching Instagram: www.instagram.com/sherylmentaltoughnesscoach We are on a journey together to empower 100,000 women and men globally to be mentally tough by 2020. Thank you for joining me in part of something amazing! To your next level of success and joy (and to being heard!) -- Sheryl --
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog I am so excited! I spent all day at the Women in Cloud Summit 2019 at Microsoft, learning from over 1,000 of the country’s top technologists and tech entrepreneurs and doing a book signing for ZONED IN. Let’s talk about a couple of the things from the book that resonated most with these amazing women and which are important to all of us. 1). The importance of long-term clarity: Not just your one-year goal, but your five-year goals. This has less to do with what tasks will you accomplish and more to do with how you want to be remembered or what legacy you want to create. Once this is dialed in (It can be hard to do, but there is a process to figure it out!), you have the platform to create the reality for yourself, your team or for you family. 2). Discovering how you want to feel in your days: I shared tips, tools and habits how to take control of work-life balance, how to slow down your days (Yes.. this IS possible!) and how to feel happy and satisfied at the end of your day as well as determining how you want to feel in the future. Once you have the blueprint, you can build the house! 3). Learning how to use your voice to speak up: ... even when you’re scared or unsure. I heard from some of these amazing men and women, that it's sometimes hard to have the courage to speak up either professionally or personally. I shared how men and women can gain the courage and prepare to speak up, especially in the moments when you're feeling like it would be safer or easier not to. Whether in the boardroom, classroom or living room, I really want to challenge you to start thinking about these three things. A lot of times, we are clear on our tasks, but not on how we want to feel or the legacy we want to leave. Finally, we tend to put off the tough conversations (I’m guilty too!) that have the potential for the most growth. If you want to uncover your next level of ambition or want to get dialed into what you want your legacy to be, I'm going to be dropping some really powerful nuggets over the next couple of weeks on how to get that done. Some of the same things that I was talking to these women and men at this recent amazing event.
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog After researching, studying and working with the Top 1%, I’ve learned that there are are similarities and differences between world-class performers and everyone else. Everyone experiences anger, fear, frustration, and doubt. Everyone. There’s one important difference though that, that sets the best apart from the rest. It’s that world-class performers are intimately and vividly aware of what they want and why they care so deeply. Maybe you’ve heard that before, but do you know how to uncover your why? Your real why. Regardless of what your next level of ambition is, it might be hard. Maybe really hard. What will get you to your next finish line or to your own personal Olympics is being intimately aware of why you care about it. This will prove as your biggest cheerleader, and it will extend a lifeline when you want to quit. We’ve all wanted to quit, right? It will help you persevere when others retreat or give up. Here’s a couple tips to shift your mindset and get in touch with your real why, so you can unleash your best: 1. Plan quiet time every day. For me, it’s 5:00 a.m. when my house is quiet and before I head out to my spin or bootcamp class. After I still my mind (ie: meditate:) for 10 minutes, send love to someone, have 1 moment of gratitude, I give myself 10 minutes to be still, to surrender to the possibilities that lie ahead for me. I ask for help and guidance, and declare that I have no fear and that I am ready. I sit on the carpeted floor of my bedroom, palms on the top of my legs facing up, eyes peering to the sky outside my window. I end with, ‘Show me the way. I am here.’ 2. Connect the dots. Was there a special person in your life or an event that shaped you? For me it was my dad who told me ‘Sheryl, if you focus and if you are consistent, you can achieve anything you put your mind to’. Are there any interactions or events that light you up? What makes you smile? Start writing these things down. 3. Give yourself permission. You don’t need it from anyone else. I spent over 25 years helping the Top 1% of world-class performers to be better. It was not until 4 years ago that I gave myself permission to be the best too. Please do not wait that long. The world needs you to shine, now. If you want a guide on how to rewire your brain to believe that what you want is possible, craft a plan to make it happen and gain the mindset to persevere, get on the pre-order list for my book, ZONED IN: The Mental Toughness Required to for a World-Class YOU (distribution begins February 1, 2019) ... http://www.sherylkline.com/zonedinthebook
I’m not sure if your holidays are all jolly smiles, presents flowing and family getting along famously. Let’s just say when I was young, I really looked forward to January. Now, I LOVE having kids home, traveling, exchanging gifts and volunteering this time of year, but it can still be stressful at times. There’s one thing world-class athletes do that we can all learn from to have the most enjoyable and relaxing holiday possible. They rest and renew. Yep, that’s it. The most successful and prolific athletes make sure to rest and recover, often. Why do you think John McEnroe (am I dating myself?) crashed and burned and Roger Federer is still going strong? Rest and intentional time for calm. Here are a couple tips for you to have the most sane and happy winter break you and your family deserve: 1). Take Breaks During the Day: When you are home with a lot of family, at holiday gatherings etc, be sure to take a short 5-10 minute break every 1-2 hours. Just be still, close your eyes and listen to your breath then have some gratitude for the people you are about to go back out to see. The only place to do this may be in the bathroom. World-class performers do what they need to do! Enjoy your time in there.:) 2). Check Out for a Few Days (or Weeks): Try not cooking (unless you love it), moving a lot, resting a lot, laughing a lot, and just being without doing. If you want to hit the ground running in 2019 (and not limping or being a grouch), this is incredibly important. You are a multi-sport athlete capable of astonishing things in your career, relationships and in your personal wellness. Decide which one you want to go after wholeheartedly in 2019, but please take a break first. It will pay off, I promise. -Sheryl
Do you ever get distracted and veer off from what’s most important? Of course, that’s a trick question. We all do, especially this time of year! You might wonder how world-class performers have laser-like focus when it comes to their long-term vision and their short-term progress. Thankfully, there are tools we can all learn, so we can have remarkable focus too and achieve what may have (at first) seemed not possible. Here are a couple tips to get started: For Long-Term Focus: Create a Personal Manifesto, Olympians are remarkably clear about their future ambitions, and they visit them often. They visualize what they want in an extremely vivid and visceral way, and they are consistent about bringing their future self and their future experiences to life. Here’s a example from my book (ZONED IN: The Mental Toughness Required for a World-Class YOU) that explains this point: Months and even years before the Rio Games arrived, Kayla Harrison, a 26-year-old judoka (Judo athlete), practiced imagery training for 10 minutes before falling asleep each night... mentally going through entire days of Olympic competition. "Waking up, weighing in, packing my bag, getting on the bus, listening to certain music etc.” she said. “Every night I visualize myself winning the Olympics.” She then went on to defend her Olympic judo title in Rio! Not training for the Olympics? No problem. What you want to achieve is no less important to you. Start by writing your personal manifesto. Think about it this way If you had a magic wand, what would come to life for you in the next 6-12 months? Make it as vivid and visceral as possible. Mine starts like this, but yours can be simpler or more grand, whatever is appropriate for you right now: "My name is Sheryl, and this year I help 10,000 people to be mentally tough. The way I do this will be via my coaching my monthly Live Mental Toughness Mastery Roundtable with Q&A program, podcast appearances, corporate speaking and training. The stages I will be on are… The people attending are…. They look like… When my sessions/speaches etc are over, the look in their eyes is… The podcasts are… The response is …" . The presence I am committed to with my clients and with my family is.... You get the idea. Be sure to read it every night before you go to bed. For Short-Term Focus: Get Intentional. Let’s say you are a world-class track and field athlete getting ready to start a race that will determine if your dream of the Olympics will live or die. Results are note left to randomness. They are remarkably intentional. You’re clear on what the most important controllable is for you to get the result you desire, and then you set and intention to focus on that. For the track and field athlete, it may be "strong arms" for example. As you set your sights on your next level of ambition, what that is in your control is most important for you to do your best? If you have an important event coming up, what controllable is most important for you to level up and do your best? Then, take a moment to set an intention to do that. For example, let’s say you have a pitch, presentation, important meeting coming up and having high energy and referring to end goals is most important for you to do your best. Set the intention before the meeting: "energy level 8 (of 10), end goals." This is a way of directing your mind or focusing on what’s most important, so you can be world-class when it matters most. I even set intentions for my daily tasks, such as writing this article or when I make calls to prospective clients! Try this at home, so you can be even more world-class there too! For example, when you get home from work, take a moment to ask yourself : How do I want to show up to my family when when I walk in the door? I honor you for all of the amazing work you have done all year, and for the good you have already put into the world! To your continued success and joy! --Sheryl
Here’s what I’m hearing though over and over again from my local and global workshop attendees... as well as those applying for my monthly subscription: Despite all the amazing things they are doing... “I feel mediocre.” I hear you. I’ve felt that way too. If we work extra hard, we feel like we are mediocre with our loved ones and friends. If we commit to our family, our career ambitions might slow down. Here’s the worst: We work extra hard at both, and still feel like we are coming up short:(. I'd like to share three valuable tips to STOP feeling mediocre and get onto feeling (as Jen Sincero of You are a Badass so eloquently puts it) like your badass self at work AND at home. Create your circumstances and the person you want to become NOW. Write your personal manifesto to yourself, and read it every night before bed. The more detailed the better. Form an accountability structure for yourself. Newsflash: Willpower does not exist. Best case scenario, it gets depleted PRONTO. Do not depend on it. Who will your board of directors be and how will they support you on your march to your next level of greatness? Celebrate your successes big and small. Celebrate the process and not just the outcome. The outcome will be a product of your new habit and processes you have in place. Want some help? I am SO excited to share this! In anticipation of the upcoming release of my book, ZONED IN: The Mental Toughness Required for a World Class YOU, I will be sharing excerpts. In addition, there are some fun insider perks coming up for my loyal subscribers. Below is a portion from the book's introduction. But first... What is it time for you to do in 2019...? If it’s YOUR time, I’d love to have you as a Founding Member of my Mental Toughness Mastery Roundtable with Q&A (live) community. There are only a couple spots left for our December 4, 2018 roundtable, so join today before it gets opened up to the public this January in conjunction with my book launch. What will the outcomes of this monthly community be? Clarity for your next level of ambition and how to get there. Accountability from me and our community who will cheer you on, challenge you, and collaborate with you Easy to use tools to crush the feeling of mediocrity and get busy making progress toward what you want and deserve Community via our online Zoom video calls, when we come together in person once a year, and via our closed Facebook group To your continued success and joy! --Sheryl
I had a conversation with one of my oldest and dearest friends recently that at first struck me as odd. She asked, "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind wanting to start again...?" I recognized that was the opening lyrics to Katy Perry’s song Firework. She was off. Not her present, fun, happy, and courageous self. It was strange, because she’s so accomplished. She had raised happy, productive, and conscientious kids. She worked doing what she loved. She had a few half-marathons under her belt, and she had a loving family and friends. After many conversations, I finally understood. She was at an ambition checkpoint. Her kids needed her less, and she felt like there was more of her to give to her career. More people to serve and a legacy to create. It was inaction that made her feel she was off-purpose... like a plastic bag drifting through the wind. She was being blown around by her days, by her old routine, by other people’s wants and needs, and by being "busy" without being clear about what she wanted. Without defining her next level of ambition and having a plan to make progress. She knew there was more. More of a sense of contribution. More of a feeling of purpose. More joy. If you are at an ambition checkpoint, here are a couple tips to help you develop the mindset to check in, and check out of being stuck there any longer: 1. Have Gratitude Experience gratitude for what you have already accomplished, the lives you’ve touched and the progress you have already made. You’re a climber, and sometimes it’s easy to forget how far we’ve come. Trust me. I’m guilty too! 2. Create Space Reflect about what is missing, what it important to you, and what would make you most happy and proud if it were a year from now. Go to your favorite coffee shop, take the day off, or go somewhere that inspires you. This is a priceless gift you can give yourself. 3. Develop Your Roadmap Consider the steps needed to get to where you want to go. It’s common for world-class performers to start with the end in mind and work backwards. They envision the finish line, what they yearn for first and think about it often in visceral detail. Once you draw up the plans for your dream, it’s time to start building it. Once you do this, you are off to the races! See, we have a human drive to feel like we are living as our best selves. When we aren’t, we get the tap on the shoulder to pay attention and next-level our efforts. Maybe you are crushing it at work, but your relationships are suffering. Maybe you are giving 100% to your family, but you’ve put aside your dreams and aspirations to serve others. Or possibly each bucket is half-full, but you’re too comfortable and are bored. We can ignore the tap on the shoulder, but it rarely retreats. There is usually a price to be paid for neglecting it for too long. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am here to help make this content real and help any way I can.
Is it possible that you have everything it takes to achieve what you yearn for and what, I believe, is already rightfully yours? Maybe the reason why you have not achieved the level of success you want and deserve is because of the limitations you place on yourself. I know that was the case for me up until three years ago. How could I go from having a thriving yet (very) small private practice to helping thousands? To help the masses refine their clarity and gain the mindset required to reach their potential, to arrive at their Olympics? Who would listen to me and find value in what I had to say at Fortune 500 companies in San Francisco, Silicon Valley and globally? I consider myself as a relatively smart person, but that was sure stupid thinking. Companies like Google Ventures, Autodesk, CapitalOne, Bank of America, and VMware (to name a few) have listened the last couple of years. Up next, a national podcast tour for my upcoming book, "ZONED IN: The Mental Toughness Required for a World-Class YOU" and major speaking engagements in 2019. It’s to share with you because, as I started believing in myself three years ago, I believe in you. I care so deeply about your success, and your joy. Also, I will not allow stupid thinking to get in the way of your next big win. Here are a couple possible results when smart people think stupid and how you can avoid this trap: Example #1 Not so productive: I failed at ___________, so I must be bad at ______________. Much better: I failed at ___________, so I must have had a poor performance that day. Example #2 Not so productive: I have never achieved this _____________, so I maybe I never will. Much better: I have never achieved this _____________, but I believe in my ability to improve. Let’s take a look into the science behind the consequences of stupid thinking. Dr. Albert Ellis is considered one of the most influential characters in the history of psychology (for more information on Dr. Ellis, have a look at the Albert Ellis Institute, http://albertellis.org). His life’s work was centered around curing depressive disorders, but we can learn an important lesson about not just going from sick to well, but how to go from good to great. Ellis proved that when we stop thinking wrong (i.e.: in a highly negative and propagandistic way) and start thinking right (i.e.: in a more encouraging and optimistic way), we can be cured of many types of depression. I am not qualified, nor do I diagnose or treat depression, but in the context of performance, imagine what we can accomplish if we started raising our ambitions ... and if we started thinking about what’s possible rather than the obstacles in our way or our past failures? Maybe we’ll "cure" failure or quitting and discover a remedy for our biggest success yet.
"Non-negative thinking sets the best apart from the rest." If you're human, you will experience failure. Period. Serena Williams experienced a huge failure in the Miami Open a couple months ago, an early exit in round 1. Unheard of, right? Not really. She was a new mother, not back in her best shape, and it was her first tournament since the birth of her daughter. We fail too. Maybe we lose a competition, a prospect says no, a presentation goes south, or we get rejected after a promising (so we thought) interview. According to Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, founding father of the new science of positive psychology, there is a power in positive thinking, but it "pales in comparison," says Seligman "to the importance of what we think after we fail." Our “non-negative” thinking sets the best apart from the rest. Serena, packed up after the Miami Open, understood that she did not in fact fail. She needed more time to prepare. She was optimistic about her ability to come back, and vowed to do what it takes to make progress. It’s time to take to take inventory of what Seligman calls your “explanatory style,” how you explain defeat to yourself. Do you concede that you are "not good enough," "not capable" or "not deserving?" If so, you may have what Seligman calls a "pessimistic explanatory style" which is not going to serve your long-term success. If your explanatory style is more optimistic, you feel setbacks are temporary, and a way of learning how to get better, you should recover from setbacks quicker and make more progress over the long haul. Here are a couple tips for what to say to yourself when you fail: "This was an isolated incident, and doesn’t mean I am not smart/capable/deserving/competent enough." "It’s ok if I’m upset/disappointed/frustrated for a short period of time, but I am committed to learning and improving." (i.e.: being resilient) "This setback has nothing to do with other aspects of my life. Just because I failed/had a setback with work has nothing to do with my ability to be a good partner, friend, colleague." Bottom line: If you work on having an optimistic explanatory style, you will be more resilient, make more progress, and very likely, be happier. There are also other benefits according to Seligman, such as boosting your immune system as well. Chin up. You got this! ... and I am here to support you every step along the way.
http://www.sherylkline.com/blog Have you ever been told that you will never improve, or you are not a good fit? After the London 2012 Olympics, Mariya Koroleva thought she would be in serious consideration for the next Olympic team in 2016, but she was not. Mariya was told she was too old (at 23) and that she did not fit into the team that was being considered which would be much younger. She had a choice: 1. Give up on a second Olympics 2. Go for it and train for another year with no guarantees of being placed on the team. Mariya went for it. She felt in her gut that the world had not seen the best of her, and she had not seen the best of herself. Mariya did not want to have any regrets. She’d commit to being "all in" for that year before the decision for the next Olympic team was made. Mariya felt that if she gave 100% and still did not make it, then she could be at peace that she gave her best. We all have our own Olympics, and sometimes we need to trust our gut. Here are a few tips to help you take a leap of faith: Give yourself the gift of time and space to realize the best decision for you. When we are too busy and/or stressed, we are not setting ourselves up to make a good decision or to realize the answer that we may already know. Believe down to your soul that your desired result is possible, and start seeing yourself at the finish line. I recommend saying (out loud) an "I am" affirmation every night before bed and then being as detailed as possible thinking about how it feels. Take control of your progress. What will you do this week to start moving forward?
I saw Serena Williams play an exhibition match in Los Angeles when she was only 11 or 12 years old. Looking back, I wonder if she realized that she would be the named best player in the open era and have earned more than 22 Grand Slam titles! Not to mention all of her other unimaginably successful endorsements and businesses. Maybe not down to those exact details, but she did work every day believing her day would come, and believing it was possible. It’s that unwavering belief in ourselves that allows us to dream big and persevere. When it comes to our long-term objectives it’s important that we “proceed as if success is inevitable” (my favorite quote, BTW), hold on to our dream, and then relinquish control of the outcome. You, like Serena Williams early in her career, have little to no control of the scale of your future success. There are many unknowns: What will the competition be like? What setbacks will you have? What obstacles will get in your way? Will you be good enough? When we dream BIG, we must assume our desired result will happen, and then let the worry and doubt surrounding the outcome go. Proceed every day as if your success is inevitable. If we attach our daily efforts to our own personal Olympics, the chasm is too great to cross. We get discouraged, risk getting injured or worse, we quit. Let’s say Serena Williams wanted to be #1 in the world when she was 12 years old. But she lost consecutively that year, and suffered an injury at this time as well. On top of that, maybe the naysayers were prolific since her father was a coach and she did not play traditional junior tournaments. Injury, losses, and negativity could be a lot to bear for Serena Williams, and could definitely take its toll on motivation and progress. So what keeps US in the game and fighting past setbacks, defeats, and those who intentionally or unintentionally, discourage us? We must believe our dream is possible, and then let it go. One of the main characteristics of long-term objectives is that we have little to no control. When a young person wants to win a gold medal in the Olympics (let’s say in a decade or so), she has little or no control whether or not she will make it to the Olympics… nonetheless win a gold medal. She believes and practices every day like it’s possible. She sees herself on the podium, receiving the gold medal. She feels the width of the ribbon around the back of her neck as she bows to receive it and also feels how heavy it is as it hangs around her neck. She hears her National Anthem, feels her hand on her heart with tears of joy in her eyes. She holds her congratulatory bouquet over her head, waving at all the fans holding her country’s flag, finally catching sight of her parents in the stands who are jumping up and down screaming, so proud and filled with love and joy. It’s time to start seeing ourselves today as we want to be in the future. What is it like once you’ve arrived? How does it feel? Who is there to celebrate with you? Create victory in your mind and visit it as often and as heartfelt as you’d visit a friend in need. However, in your day-to-day activities, focus on what you have control over to make progress and let the outcome go. By taking control of your actions, you’ll gain confidence in those small successes which in the long run add up to a big victory and more confidence in your ability to succeed. I am here to make this content real and to help you devise a plan to achieve what matters most to you. Get (and Stay) Engaged: Here are the four best ways I can help you, and for you to join our community: Join us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/mentaltoughnesscoach Grab my FREE "Confidence Accelerator Video/Podcast" series Work with my team and me privately 1:1 or in a small group. Step 1: apply for a FREE 1-hour Discovery Session Let's chat (schedule a FREE 15-minute consult call with me) Here's to you being amazing!
Sometimes our dreams and aspirations are a little mismatched with our efforts. Full transparency... I was called out on this one by my mentor this past January. Don’t get me wrong I was working hard and extremely busy. There was something missing when it came to how I was approaching my next level of success. I had next-leveled my ambitions, but how I spent my time was the same. My ambitions were not aligned with the next level of success I wanted (and knew I deserved.) This worked for a while, but the next level would require me to "go pro." Once I made the necessary adjustments and fine-tuned some key habits, that’s when the next level was attainable. We’ve talked about where you fall on the ladder. But what are your current circumstances now, and what level of commitment are you willing to have? Pro: You are actively taking action to become the person you want to be, and you are remarkably consistent. Proficient: Maybe you are consistent, but you must take your habits and your actions to the next level to get what you want and deserve. Novice: Maybe you are a novice, meaning you want and deserve something, but consistency is not your friend. Quitter: Maybe you gave up for now. But you realize it’s your time to get started or restarted. If it’s your time to "go pro," here are a couple questions that should help you make the shift so you can see the progress, and joy you want and deserve: Assess your current ambitions and your actions, and then ask "what needs to change?" Do you need to ask for help? Do you need to learn a new skill/become more proficient in something? What changes will you make and by when? I am here to make this content real and to help you devise a plan to "go pro" at what matters most to you.