WifeSavers Podcast

Everyone knows that a successful marriage depends in large part on how well a couple communicates with each other. What should be natural, easy conversation can become discouraging or frustrating though when a wife feels that her husband isn’t really paying attention to what she has to say. If this becomes a pattern of interrelating, she may assume the worst about him and the relationship.   In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, “He Doesn’t Listen”, multi-award winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who is frustrated with her husband’s lack of engagement when she’s trying to talk with him.   THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “I would say one of the biggest struggles we have is communication. Sometimes I feel like it’s difficult for us to talk about the simplest things. It gets very tiresome to me because I don’t even feel like I can make a suggestion or offer my opinion because, he doesn’t really listen. Or he starts to listen and then after a while he’ll check out or tune out. I’m definitely looking for better communication skills.” Listen and learn the potential real reasons behind a husband’s distant demeanor, and how to improve your communication style so that he’s more likely to listen up! Key Points in this podcast: - The difference between casual and active listening - Her POV: Five possible reasons you may think he’s not listening - His POV: Eight explanations that are closer to the truth of it - How your expectations and his attempts to listen get out of alignment - Six strategies for optimizing his willingness to listen and engage - How his listening skills can improve and mature as yours do Related episodes: - Episode 18: To Transform Your Marriage in 2019: Focus on This - Episode 16: Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don’t - Episode 11: Turning Negative Communication With Your Husband to the Positive "Great ideas you can easily implement. It’s a fun listen too! ✭✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener

The fun and functionality of our screens are creating a seamless interaction between us (the users) and the greater world. There’s a lot of good in that. But there’s also a lot to be aware of and concerned about. Are you or your husband and children becoming hyper-stimulated by virtual activity and in the process, becoming desensitized to one another? When parents and kids, husbands and wives, choose to immerse themselves in their devices instead of in one another, they’re experiencing what is aptly called “the great divide”.In the conclusion to this two-part series, multi-award winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, complete their answer to a wife who is feeling increasingly estranged and neglected by a husband absorbed in his mobile devices and gaming. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: How do the kids and I become more interesting than his cell phone? And what to do about hubby's video gaming in the evening downstairs when I want to spend time with him (especially a war game)? Listen and learn how to get your spouse and kids to work together to create, and then support, a family tech and media plan. Key Points in this podcast: How a couple and a family can collaborate on solutions Eight questions that will get the family thinking and talking Five sample family media standards Six sample family technology standards Tactical musts to support personal and family cybersecurity Tactical options to help protect your relationships and maintain the family plan Five steps to proactively counter the negative aspects of today’s domineering media and online culture Related episodes:  Episode 23: Tech and Relationships Part 1: You Episode 18: To Transform Your Marriage in 2019: Focus on This Episode 16: Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don’t "Ramona and Dale’s WifeSavers podcasts are so delightful, humorous, and full of golden information! ✭✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener

How has technology impacted your most important relationships? With all our compulsive “connecting”, many of us are actually “disconnecting” from the loved ones that are present, the ones who are depending on us in so many ways to “be there” for them. How do we embrace technology without losing ourselves or our closest relationships in the matrix? Multi-award winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who is feeling increasingly estranged and neglected by a husband absorbed in his mobile devices and gaming. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: How do the kids and I become more interesting than his cell phone? And what to do about hubby's video gaming in the evening downstairs when I want to spend time with him (especially a war game)? Listen and learn how a wife and mother can help manage and prioritize the health and well-being of herself, her marriage, and her family in a hyperconnected, tech-mediated world. Part one of a two-part series. . Key Points in this podcast: - The “threats” posed to families by the overuse or misuse of technology - Eight technology-induced addictions - Six questions to help determine if there is an addiction at play - Four uses of technology to evaluate your own dependence by - Recognizing and avoiding technological narcissism - The science behind our digital impulsiveness - A simple way to determine whether to engage with tech or the people present in any given moment Related episodes:  Episode 18: To Transform Your Marriage in 2019: Focus on This Episode 16: Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don’t "Full of experiences and wonderful advice that inspires me to become a better wife, which in return makes him a better husband. ✭✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener

Most men, once married, know they need to fill their pockets with more than love; they need to do something; to be somebody. He may be so focused and driven that he leaves the family in the dust. On the other hand, his career path may be more of a meandering stroll than a focused climb. Maybe he's too discouraged or too comfortable with the status quo? Or does it seem that one-too-many opportunities have passed him by? Multi-award winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, explain how most men view their “work” or their quest for “a work” in a way that answers a wife who is baffled and even frightened by her husband’s direction in life.  Throw Me a WifeSaver: “I don’t know what my husband’s quest is because I don’t think he knows, either. That’s a HUGE frustration in our marriage and it’s becoming a big problem. Any advice?” Listen and learn how a worthy “quest” is defined for a man: a fulfilling dream, a rewarding pursuit that will help him mature into his best, most courageous, most loving self for the sake of the whole family. Key Points: - How a man’s work is related to his identity and self-respect - Myths about achievement and career development - The weighty considerations in a man’s mind regarding his work choice - How to be a help in the process without creating stress - The definition of a “quest” - The single most important consideration in settling on a direction - The four attributes of a worthy and effective “quest” Related episodes: Episode 8: Do You Believe in Him? How to Show Him and Why You Want To Episode 9: How to Help Your Man When He’s Unsatisfied at Work "These podcasts are life-changing! Absolutely love them. So inspiring! ✭✭✭✭✭” 

Feeling desired, even “wooed”, is the romantic high that that poetry, film, literature, and music have prepped women for all their lives. But how realistic is it to expect the passion, mystery, and excitement to continue throughout a lifelong marriage? Is it possible to create on-demand at any age or any stage?  Multi-award winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who is longing for days past when she felt that her husband was more drawn and devoted to her.  Throw Me a WifeSaver: “My husband was INCREDIBLE with me for so long...he was doting on me, loving on me, encouraging me. Now I don't feel that way, and I don't know how to fix it. What can I do? How do I bring romance back into my marriage?” Listen and learn how to re-ignite and sustain the amorous fun and fascination you used to feel in your relationship! The answers are more doable than cynics might think and more down-to-earth than romantics might expect! Key Points: - Why “romance” is important to women - Our two great needs at odds in the quest for romance - How today’s expectations of marriage differ from the past - The definition of love vs. desire and why we want both - 3 dynamics that make us desire, or feel drawn toward, our spouse - 6 challenges that will bust complacency and cultivate excitement
 "I love listening to the dynamic between Ramona and Dale and hope that my husband and I will be like them in 30 years!" ✭✭✭✭✭ iTunes/Apple listener

Life often feels unfair, especially at home, where every member of the family absolutely depends on every other member doing their part. When a husband or wife, in particular, is lacking or slacking, the other spouse can feel undue pressure. The result is frustration, overwhelm, and resentment. Multi-award winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who is exasperated with her husband for not carrying his fair share of family life.  Throw Me a WifeSaver: “I'm having a hard time changing my thinking to be super appreciative of my husband's (lack of) help around the house and kids...He is a good man but boy did he get lucky with me. I do SO MUCH that it's downright not fair. Do you have a mantra for me as I work through this?” Listen and learn how to relieve the pressure on yourself and your marriage by incorporating a whole new approach to “fairness” in family life. Key Points: - Why “fairness” feels so important to us - How a “matcher mentality” affects personal relationships - 3 different ways to look at “fairness” in family life - How to evaluate the effectiveness of your personal approach and philosophy - 3 key skills or attitudes needed to achieve optimal “fairness” - Examples of how to work together more effectively as a couple and family

 Who does the bulk of the housework in your house? Maintaining a home and managing a family is a big job optimally shared by all family members, including husband and wife. But what if your kids or husband don’t see it that way? How do you motivate them to help out, and to do it willingly and well?  In this episode, multi-award-winning author and global marriage educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who is feeling exasperated in her attempts to get her husband and sons more involved in the everyday care and operations of the house. Throw Me a WifeSaver: “No matter my approach, I wake up most days wondering how and when I opened a bed and breakfast. While I truly and deeply love them and sincerely seek out ways to serve and honor my husband and family, I also need them to be contributing members. Any attempts I have tried to discuss this with my husband has failed miserably. How do I encourage my husband to contribute? How do I serve my husband and boys joyfully without creating the illusion that they are not expected to do their part in the family?”  Listen and learn how you can most effectively persuade your children to do their chores and your spouse to take on more responsibility in the home. Key Topics:  - How you may be micromanaging and how it affects the family - How spouses might perceive “home” differently - The attitude that will change the environment in your home - A specific approach to helping your kids “own” their chores and want to improve at them - What your husband wants and needs from you regarding his help  - “The Language of Respect”: a highly effective strategy for recruiting your husband’s help in a way that he will appreciate and be motivated by 

  Looking for a New Years resolution that will improve your relationship? How about one that won’t bog down your “to-do” list; one that’s so simple, it’ll take only a few seconds here and there. That’s right, no matter what state your marriage is in, this concise, uncomplicated approach will not only immediately impact your feelings toward each other, but will also have major long-term repercussions for the positive. In this episode, multi-award-winning author and global marriage educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who, in her quest to improve her marriage, is curious to know where best to focus her limited time and energy. Throw Me a WifeSaver: “What are some examples of things we can do with my time to improve my relationship with my husband? Would you recommend it be time spent with him or is time spend doing acts of service for him?” Listen and learn what wives and husbands should focus most on if they want their relationship to thrive for a lifetime. Key Topics: - The magic in marriage researcher’s John Gottman’s “5 Magic Hours” - Simple daily and weekly rituals used by couples in thriving marriages - Why minor instantaneous interactions are so consequential -The scientifically proven #1 most effective thing you can do for your r relationship - Real examples of how to apply that approach - A 3-second 3-question way to decide whether or not to use your smartphone in a given moment when you’re with your spouse  - How your marriage can actually increase your time and energy Free ebook: 5 Lies We Tell Brides and 5 Truths That Save Wives Learn more about the WifeSavers Education Membership

Feeling frustrated and disappointed in your husband? Are his mistakes and shortcomings piling up? Or are you feeling bad about your own choices and behaviors? Everyone knows that saying or hearing “I’m sorry” can help, but actually extending or requesting real and lasting forgiveness is often the greatest challenge in marriage. In this episode, multi-award-winning author and global marriage educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, talk about how to get through or past ordinary or common offenses that have caused pain in your marriage. Throw Me a WifeSaver: “Can you talk more about forgiveness?” Listen and glean new insights into how forgiveness actually works and why it is worth the effort. Key Topics: - The signs and the downfalls of victimization - The “advantages” to feeling “put upon” - How focusing on vindication affects other relationships - The psychological, physiological impact of victimization - The 5 steps to replacing “put upon” with “powerful” - What “everyday forgiveness” encompasses - The  4 things forgiveness is not - How the “how” of forgiveness is in the “why” - The 3 popular “why’s” that don’t work and the only “why” that does - A powerful statement to use that expresses forgiveness precisely - The 3 steps or stages in restoring the relationship - The only truly effective way to request forgiveness - How forgiveness is possible and worth it

Is there an issue in your family or marriage that the two of just can’t see to agree on? One that you both feel strongly about? How will you ever get on the same page? In this episode, multi-award-winning author and global marriage educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who would like to resolve a real concern with her husband but is reticent to bring it up because she knows he’ll disagree with her. Throw Me a WifeSaver: “What is the best way to have a conversation with my husband to try to work on and come to a compromise on a big issue on which we do not see eye to eye?” Listen and learn how the two of you can productively navigate your way through the difficult conversations that focus on red-button issues. Key Topics: - How the “big” issues differ from natural, everyday conflict - The specific approach proven by researchers to be the most effective - Your top three objectives during a critical conversation
- How to avoid taking responsibility for your partner’s emotion - Ways to down-regulate defensiveness - The 6 conversational stages that will guide you to a constructive conclusion
- A natural, simplified approach to accomplishing those stages - The hosts’ model of a conversation on a critical issue in their own marriage - The real purpose of the exercise or how to measure success


What kind of relationship do you have with your mother-in-law? Is she a source of support for you and your family? Or of aggravation? How do the two of you go from feeling polite, distant, or competitive to warmth and friendship? In this episode, multi-award-winning author and global marriage mentor and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, tackle this uniquely sensitive relationship in answering a wife who is unsure how to approach her husband’s mother, a woman she has a hard time being around, let alone connecting with. Throw Me a WifeSaver! “The holidays are upon us and I would love to hear any wisdom you have with regard to dealing with mothers-in-law. We’ve been married for almost six years and this topic has come up many times in the past and has often created quite a big wedge between us in our marriage. I recognize that she doesn’t intend to hurt my feelings, but I need to develop some conflict strategies to learn how to deal with her. I’m more than open to any advice here.” Listen and learn how to create (or improve upon!) a pleasant, productive relationship with your mother-in-law. Key Topics: - Why this important relationship is worth the investment - The specific fear that interferes in this relationship between women - How the relationship may be impacted by stereotypes - Understanding better her probable intentions and real desires - Which of you bears the responsibility for improving things - The three stages mothers and daughters-in-law must progress through and how - Real examples of relationships that grew past misunderstanding and tension - The three mantras that can change everything

Do you ever struggle in your relationships with his family, or his with yours? Extended family dynamics can be tricky, especially during the intense togetherness and expectations that are often part of the holidays.  In this episode, multi award-winning author and global marriage mentor and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, speak from their 40+ years of experience in answering a wife who is worried about navigating upcoming decisions about, and encounters with, extended family.  This Week’s Question: “What if my husband and I have different ideas about what makes the perfect Christmas? My husband wants to stay home with just us and the children, and I want to be with all my extended family, and we go through this every year.”  Listen and learn how to plot a course and steer your husband and children through any extended family gathering so they feel content and secure throughout, and happy with the experience at the end.  Key Topics:  - Compromise vs. Accommodating any time of year  - 
Understanding his POV about your family and holiday wishes
  - What you should do first before discussing plans with your husband 
 - The three things to prioritize when spending time with extended family during the holidays  - 
Seven strategies for managing and making the best of time with extended family as a couple

Do you feel UN (or under!) appreciated? Does your husband seem impassive, unaware, or inconsistent in his notice of all you are and all you do?  Disappointment, disconnect, or disrespect is often the direct result of feeling taken for granted. In this episode, Ramona and Dale answer a wife who knows her relationship and her family could be improved by more frequent expressions of thankfulness, but who doesn’t know how to motivate or inspire her husband to comprehend the obvious: she and the family need and deserve his appreciation. Listen and learn how to create a culture of gratitude in your marriage. Today’s WifeSavers Question: “My husband and I are having difficult times because our relationship is missing this important phrase: thank you. How I can I help my husband practice this more? Thank you!” Key Topics: - Why hearing “thank you” is so important to a woman
 - The common ways spouses fail to appreciate one another 
 - How “appreciation” is different than saying “thank you”
 - Detecting his nonverbal demonstrations of appreciation
 - How to ask for more verbal expressions
 - The impact of her appreciation on him
 - He wants her appreciation for this one thing most of all
 - Creating a culture beyond “thank you” and “appreciation”

Ever feel that your husband is too quick to express his disapproval, to point out your “mistakes”? Is his occasional or even chronic negativity towards you hurting the relationship? Ramona and Dale answer a wife who suffers from a sense of bewilderment and betrayal every time her husband focuses on (what he perceives to be) her shortcomings. Listen and learn how a woman can negate or arrest his negativity by effectively discerning between—and optimally responding to—different types of criticism. Today’s WifeSavers Question: “I often feel I am unappreciated and unfairly criticized by my spouse. When I have tried my best, and things are running smoothly in the household, I am still not measuring up in my husband's eyes. I know this because of what he says. Help.” Key Topics: - The three fears his criticism excites in her - How his criticism violates three of her most essential needs or desires - How to discern between the three types of criticism - Ways she can respond effectively to each type of criticism, including exact phrases - Understanding and managing toxic or chronic criticism - The six behaviors to avoid when addressing or responding to his criticism - Defining different forms of abuse - Ten WifeSavers principles to keep in mind as she speaks her mind

Discouraged and frustrated by communications with your husband that leave both of you feeling miserable? It may be that your what you are saying is being heard very differently than you intend. Ramona and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who doesn’t mean to come across as negative and unloving but is afraid that’s exactly how she’s being received. Listen and learn how with a few tweaks in approach and wording a wife can completely alter the outcome of almost any conversation with her husband to the positive. Today’s WifeSavers Question: “Sometimes when I respond negatively to things with my husband, I know right away that I've gone about it all wrong. I definitely don't want to handle things in an unloving way it just seems to come out in a burst of emotions sometimes before I even know how to package it in a more positive way. Any suggestions?” Key Topics: - Why his perceptions may be formed or based on the words and phrases you are using - Identifying seven characteristics of negative language that you may be unaware of - What actual messages you may be sending inadvertently - Mindset or paradigm shifts that will undergird permanent changes in your communication style - Three simple but powerful linguistic approaches that will lessen confusion and leave you both feeling better