Sex With Dr. Jess

Andrea Werhun, author of Modern Whore, joins Jess and Brandon to share her personal story as a sex worker, performer and author. She discusses her beautiful journey into sex work and how her work has shifted during physical distancing and isolation. They also discuss: What makes an escort enjoy the experience with a client How sex workers and their clients build trust and connection in their relationships Andrea’s Hire-A-Muse packages The coming out process and Andrea’s story of sharing her truth with her Mom & Dad How to be an ally to sex workers and how to be sex worker-positive Jess’ experience with sex workers at her first SAR Sex work as a healing profession The benefits of sex work Insights from sex work that can benefit all daters Stripping vs. Escorting and the whorearchy  The importance of labour rights for sex workers Follow Andrea on Instagram & Twitter. Follow Modern Whore on Twitter & Facebook. Learn more about Let's Get Checked here. Use code DRJESS and save BIG at checkout.

Wendy Miller, host of Sex Ed The Musical Podcast, joins us to discuss her experience as the former Head of Production with PlayboyTV. She shares stories from the Playboy set shoots as well as insights from the Under Covers series, which explored the real stories of women from all walks of life. They discuss PlayboyTV’s Swing, the toll TV representations can take on body image and their “Sexual Golden Tickets”. Listen now and learn more! Follow Wendy on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.  

Therapist Todd Baratz joins Jess to discuss the costs and potential benefits of avoidance behaviours. He shares his thoughts on: The ways in which avoidance can be functional The stress and anxiety associated with sexual avoidance How to manage conflict avoidance The importance of conflict in relationships Specific strategies to break the avoidance cycle Follow Todd on Instagram here. Check out his podcast, Your Diagnonsense.  

Messages related to sexual shame are engrained from a young age and they affect how we feel about how bodies, how we interact with sexual partners and how we experience sexual pleasure. This week, we discuss a range of approaches to relinquishing sexual shame. Consent educator, survivor-turned-thriver and founder of CONSENTParenting, Rosalia Rivera joins Jess and Brandon to share her story and insights. They discuss: Rosalia’s personal path to recovery after assault Pleasure as a route to relinquishing sexual shame How partners can support survivors when they disclose past trauma/abuse The importance of your inner compass in recognizing sources of shame Prompt questions to help you examine shame-based beliefs including: What messages did you receive above sex from your parents? What did your parents tell you about sex with their words? What did your parents tell you about sex with their actions? How did your parents react to sexual depictions on TV? What messages did you receive above sex from your peers? What messages did you receive above sex from your teachers? What messages did you receive above sex from media sources? What messages did you receive above sex from your religion? Am I okay with these belief systems? What do I want to do differently for myself? What do I want to do differently for kids? Follow CONSENTParenting on Instagram and Facebook. Listen to the AboutCONSENT Podcast here. This episode was brought to you by We-Vibe, use code DRJESS on their website for a small discount off your purchase. :)

Pelvic floor physiotherapist, Kate Roddy, joins Jess to answer questions and share advice for keeping your pelvic floor as healthy as possible. They discuss: How to destress your vagina How to protect your pelvic floor while lifting weights and working out The forms of incontinence and how to manage them Why you don’t have to settle for peeing when you laugh How to do a proper kegel How to differentiate between pain and discomfort The Power of the Kegel Release Curve How to find the back end of the clitoris Safe vaginal & perineal massage (especially postpartum) Symptoms of an unhealthy pelvic floor The 4th trimester Follow Kate on Instagram. To learn more about the Kegel Release Curve, check out their Instagram and website.  

Jess & Brandon try one of the “Lovers Inquiries” from her new book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart. They discuss ways to eroticize daily interactions within the context of a busy lifestyle and work through the prompts in the “Why do I love you again?” activity. Have a listen and try it out yourself using these prompts to guide you: What was the first thing you noticed about your lover? What first attracted you to your lover? On your first date, what excited you most? On your first date, what made you nervous? Do you remember the first time you kissed? What was it like? Do you remember the first time you had sex? What was it like? What is one awkward intimate moment you wouldn’t want to relive, but are able to laugh about now? Can you remember the wildest/hottest sex you ever had? What made it so memorable? How has your partner changed for the better since you first met? And if you’re in the market for a new toy for your bedside drawer, use code DRJESS at Womanizer.com and WeVibe.com to save a few $. To learn more about Erosscia, the adult toy that was mentioned during this podcast, click here.  

Let’s talk about food and sex and dismantle diet culture. Food and sex have so much in common and so many of us (Jess included) consider food an important component of our core love languages. Lisa Davis, author of Clean Eating, Dirty Sex: Sensual Superfoods and Aphrodisiac Practices for Ultimate Sexual Health and Connection, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss the ways in which the foods we eat affect our sex lives. We discuss: What foods have been shown to benefit sexual health? Why you may not want to “ditch” foods, but rather focus on new additions How diet affects metabolism How to rice cauliflower How diet can affect erectile dys(function) The power of flavonoids The concept of “cheat days" Follow Lisa on Instagram. If you want to learn more about her book or podcast, click here. Listen to Lisa's Podcast, Talk Healthy Today, here.

Do you avoid or lean into conflict? Do you fight to win or fight to understand? Do you speak up when you’re unhappy? This week, CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke of Thrive! Inc. join Jess and Brandon to talk about the upside of conflict. They discuss: How to start difficult conversations Three questions to ask yourself when you’re fighting (or about to engage in conflict) How to cultivate better listening skills Why you don’t always need to arrive at compromise or a resolution The challenge of emotional differentiation The connection between conflict and passion The 5-5-5 approach to tackling tough topics Follow CrisMarie & Susan on Instagram and Facebook. Check out their books, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples & The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage.

In this quickie episode, we chat about the fact that our interest in sex has declined since the onset of social isolation. We discuss strategies for creating “responsive” sexual desire and managing distractions that detract from pleasure.

Dating coach and matchmaker, Carmelia Ray joins Jess and Brandon to discuss: What holds most people back from finding a great match How dating has changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place Virtual speed dating How to ease into digital dating whether you’re a new couple or living long-distance How to manage the awkwardness of digital dates As mentioned on the podcast, check out Carmelia's online dating programs on FirstDate.co. Follow Carmelia on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter.

Since we’re trapped at home in isolation, we decided to record an extra episode this week. We talk about a fight we had yesterday and how stress levels are affecting the way we interact. We also spend some time discussing an unrelated user question: “Do I get a say in my partner’s porn use?”. We explore the difference between setting boundaries and dictating behaviour as well as specific communication prompts you can use to talk to your partner about porn. We also consider whether or not you should change your habits to meet your partner’s needs and concerns. Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast.  Listener Question: "Do you get a say in your partner's porn habits?" You have a say in terms of having the right to speak up about how you feel. You don’t have a right to dictate how they behave. And why would you want to? If they have a desire to engage in a specific behaviour, why do you want to limit them? This isn't a rhetorical question. Explore your reasonings for wanting to limit their sexual exploration. This may help you to adjust your expectations and/or better communicate your needs and feelings. Note: If you can’t agree on porn use, it’s likely you’re not sexually compatible. Unless porn is interfering in your daily interactions (e.g. they can’t focus on a conversation or hold a job because they want to run off to their laptop and stroke it), it’s unlikely to be a real problem. Listener Question: Where is the line between advocating for what I want/setting boundaries and being controlling? Of course you can tell them if you feel jealous or uncomfortable. And they have a right to express how they feel about using porn (e.g. excited, passionate, entertained). You’re both entitled to your feelings. And you’re also responsible for your own feelings — your partner’s behaviour may affect how you feel, but your emotional response is complex and is influenced by a great number of factors (e.g. your past, sexual values, sexual associations, mood, sleep, previous relationships, your own experiences with porn). You can ask your partner to take your feelings into consideration and you can ask them to engage in a dialogue about porn. Hopefully they’ll be willing to listen and consider your feelings. This doesn’t mean they have to adjust their behavior to make your feel better; perhaps you need to adjust the way you think to make yourself feel better. Of course, if you’re expressing feelings of vulnerability, I would hope that they’d respond with care, love and reassurance. If, on the other hand, you’re making accusations and directing blame, it’s more likely they’ll respond with defensiveness and/or their own accusations. Listener Question: What about types of porn? Are some more acceptable than others? What about porn that depicts women as objects? It’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable in response to scenes that depict degradation, age play and other taboo sex topics. It’s also not uncommon to be aroused by these scenes. In fact, some people are simultaneously aroused and disgusted. Just because a fantasy makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s inherently bad — as a fantasy.  When actors consent to perform a degradation scene for example, they’re not personally being degraded; they’re actors playing a role for pay with consent. Listener Question: Should I try to change if my porn use is upsetting my partner? I suggest you consider their feelings and think about whether you want to change your habits. If you do something because you feel forced to do so, it’s likely you’ll find yourself frustrated and resentful. Some changes might be more doable (e.g. don’t watch porn in the living room) while others might feel like a violation of your own sexual rights (e.g. don’t watch porn at all).

We’ve been isolating at home in Toronto for 19 days now and we thought we’d share how we’re doing as a couple — what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about some of the conflicting feelings we’re experiencing and brainstorm ways to make sure we’re still feeling connected over the longer term (since this could last a while). We talk about how we respond to unsettling emotions like anxiety and share some ideas for daters who can’t connect in person. Thanks for listening.

Tova Leigh joins Jess to share her journey as a mother, woman and author of F*cked at 40. They discuss: How she got over her body image issues after birth How to care less about what other people think The reconciliation of motherhood and sexuality The experience of stripping down at a nude spa The power of nude photoshoots Her new book: F*cked At 40 Follow Tova on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.

Therapist and writer, Jake Ernst, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss: Strategies for assembling your support team (AKA quaran-team) during this stressful time Apps that can help you to manage stress, transition and isolation How to manage being cooped up with your family, partner or roommates How to cope with difficult personalities and strained relationships in close proximity Ways to bring yourself back to the present and support others in doing the same How to recognize and manage signs of stress Follow Jake on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. Learn more about Straight Up Health here or by following them on Instagram. As Jake referenced during the episode, consider Calm's 30-Day free trial.

How can equine therapy with horses help couples improve communication? How can horses support survivors of trauma? What is vaginismus and what are some approaches to managing painful sex? Dr. Maha Nasrallah-Babenko joins Jess to answer these questions and more. Follow Dr. Maha on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.