The Glengarry Glen Ross Minute

The Write-up Guy is too forlorn and despondent about the results of the “Shelly” draft to even begin to make an effort. He would like to express his T.Hanks, though. Anyway, the fellas choose one person from each character corral and then duke it out to create one final fantasy cast. Sigh. 

Bill never slid a garter up a leg for a prom picture, nor did he ever nail a protest manifesto to a door. The fellas realize that they just sit and lie to each other to get thru the show. In the first of entirely too many WWTP’s in this episode, the fellas double dip Sam Sheppard and Scott Glenn. Matt don’t trust no-one with their own code. Bill interrupts Matt’s rendition of En Vogues’ “Never Gonna Get It.” Matt, hates having to talk Laker basketball but with Bill’s help, he gets through it. Nick Cage gets the high hat. Jeff Bridges gets high praise. The fellas discuss, as old men often do, the history and variation in personal day planners. We get a snapshot of George having his Wheaties and preparing for the work day. Ricky trusts George to let folks know where he’ll be, just like Mitch and Murray trust phone-tech Jimmy. Oh and here comes the third, and maybe the biggest WWTP thus far, John Goodman. The fellas discuss, only quasi-emotionally, the end of the film and the end of the show. In a fourth WTTP, David Strathairn then gets the same treatment that he and Matt gave that sink, that time. Bill runs us through some credit sequence tidbits and some stats and fun-facts. The fellas awkwardly get through some underwhelming “Thank you’s” and then engage in a denouement that takes entirely too long. Finally, Matt completely fucks up the end of the final episode, which he’s feeling really great about! Thanks to one and all for the most fun two guys ever had with microphones… No wait… that's probably…  ahhh fuck it.

Bill is a flosser from way back. The boys start the episode by giving an oft overlooked genius, and a blockbuster movie-star the WWTP treatment.  Plutonium gets its day in the sun, but please, don’t keep your plutonium in the sun. Matt gets very nervous that Bill is gonna utter this actor’s name, and then, it keeps coming up. Matt is flabbergasted that the space shuttle Columbia got used more times than some of his gym socks. Bill would have no trouble ordering a fluffy squirrel on-line, in Moscow. Bill tortures Matt with more punny allusions to a Cage. Evan Fournier gets combed over. Ricky is apparently into being watched. There is a kinder, gentler, Baylen, for a moment, then a taunty, menacing Baylen comes to play. It is Euclid.  Georgie boy comes back to the office refreshed and ready to get back to work. Ricky knows something, we just don’t know exactly what he knows. The fellas wind-down this episode by, discussing some the more effective and ineffective denouements in their movie preferences. A veritable inception of denouements.

In this week’s extra-mini Minisode, the fellas pick their favorite, non-GGGR performance from each member of the unrivaled, inimitable, and vaunted cast members. It goes better than anyone could have expected.

Bill almost choked to death, and Matt enjoys being so close to his goals with such little effort. Rain Man was a wasteful asshole. Matt explains cake numbers and Bill gets hungry. Bill loves Neptunium. Dean-o swings by to inquire about the poppies, Daddy-o. The boys sniff around classical Persian finger counting. Spidey’s web shooting sound-effect gets recreated by the jackasses, far too many times. Bill has a mini-stroke after the break. Shelly is beaming, but that won’t last. Phone Tech Jimmy is the best there ever was.  Bill needs to work out his own jaw. Shelly realizes what he’s done. Lemmon acts the fuck out of this minute with practically zero dialogue. Ricky is squarely on his run o’ luck. Turns out, Baylen’s alter ego is a huge, jazz-douche. Everyone stay tuned for “Pod-iums”, Bill’s next podium-based, podcast endeavor. Matt just wants a courtesy wave. To end the Epstein, the fellas have a bit of a Katz-corner, ya know, for the Mamet.

Matt reminds Bill that not everyone wants the “flava.” Bill claims he doesn’t “trot in” from anywhere, and if he did, he’d step on a line, no problem.  Matt is upset (shocking) that Bill has discussed most of this minute in previous episodes. Uranium gets its day in the sun (run!). Dean-o swings by. Matt doesn’t like movies with temperatures in the title. DeShawn Stevenson’s tattoo anecdotes entertain the fellas. The LMR debate comes to a head today and after some unpleasantness (and maybe some higher volume outbursts, Matt, we’re looking in your direction), the fellas graciously find some common ground. Bill has dreams in which he can’t scream, conversely Matt has no trouble laughing about it. Bill makes a great observation about Shelly being powerless to communicate in this minute. Bill features a Glengarry themed parody song that has pleased Matt for decades. Bill housekeeps a fairly important film that the fellas omitted in the ’92 review show.

Bill sings Matt into a vicious malady right off the bat. The fellas are north of 90 and they can’t believe they find themselves in Denouement-ville.   Protactinium gets its half-life, moment in the sun. Matt is so done with the penny. George joins the fellas for the numerology segment. The boys apparently abhor the pumpkin innards. The minister of defense swings by, one Epstein too soon. Matt lays out the listener’s approach to Bill’s speedbump-itude. Shelly is trying to get out of jail with the old “I have a family thing” excuse. Williamson is a consonant lover. Roma cannot stop fiddling with that belt. Matt has had moments when he is actually unable to find “his couch, the living room.” Jagoff John might be a prime example of the “Peter Principle.” Matt suggests Kevin Greene for the Baylen corral.  Kevin Hart gets thrown to the Blake-wolves. Phone-tech Jimmy does some fine, fine work at the end of this minute.

The episode starts with some Gonzo convo. The boys agree that they are now at the “right” angle. Bill not only enjoys puzzles, but is also a puzzle unto himself. Matt is once again thwarted by his partner’s sieve-like memory. Bill sings us a bar of “Ain't no good with eggs.” Matt has some real issues with soccer’s “stoppage time.” John Williamson finally admits to not liking Shelly. Bill admits to both having “Memo Fever” and also really not liking how John has handled the whole memo situation. Matt admits to not liking the whole Webb situation. The fellas wonder why the Nyborg lead is still in the “rotay.” Matt has long-held an erroneous assumption about the film. The fellas agree that the descriptions of the Nyborg’s house didn’t sound all that squalor-esque. Matt is taking the anti-fever stance, while Bill likes to power through any illness. Matt is still looking for a podcast feud.  Bill explains Shelly’s peculiar “Why?” Matt wants to point out once more that it WAS a pretzel and its called a “Diner check mint.”

The fellas discuss the illustrious line-up of films released in 1992 and where Glengarry Glen Ross ranks among them. 

Buckle up for our longest episode to date! Matt compares Bill to a wet towel. Pythagoras, man, Pythagoras, man, he don’t care. Matt reminds us that GGGR is a two-actinium play. Bill has no significant industrial use and he likes it like that. The fellas are concerned that episode 18 of this podcast, will soon be banned (Editors note: Minute 18 is a fantastic episode entitled “Fuck or Wok” and we’re all very proud of it). The fellas run-down Sweet Lou Amundson’s impressive resumé. The fellas discuss who actually does have the biggest mouth in the office. Is Williamson… a stand-up guy (gasp)? Shelly is a bad father and Matt can barely stand it. Williamson is loving every brutal second of having Shelly by the Shel-hairs. There are more mailboxes at Premier Properties than in the post offices of some midwestern towns. Here at the GGGR Minute, we graciously and humbly accept the (imaginary) award for Most “Svaboda” mentions of any podcast, ever. “You like us. You really like us.” Matt attempts to start a podcast feud.  Shelly would look great in a fast-food apron. Matt shocks everyone with a very unimpressive quote corner, and THEN the fellas cast the indomitable, unassailable, Gene Hackman.

Matt is very supportive and nurturing, specifically for the sake of Bill’s growth. More discussions about how we as a people couldn’t resist using radioactive substances. Never lick your paint brushes to keep the point clean. Bill’s ineptitude is a sign of progress. Al gets taken down a peg or two. Matt talks to us about the HARM missile. The fellas delve into the whips of  Mr. College football, Keith Jackson. The Premier properties break room may be the smokiest, smelliest room on the planet. The fellas break down what it is to “Do the Dutch.” Williamson makes a show of his affinity for Big Red. The boys speak briefly about liquid-center gums, and this nauseates Matt. Shelly admits that Williamson may have a “slight advantage.” Williamson is taking immense pleasure in Shelly’s misfortune and in finally revealing his tragic flaw. Bill draws a less-than-reasonable parallel between a Brady Bunch episode and this film. Matt gets a little activist-y right at the end but all in all, the fellas agree, this ep is a gem.

Matt is fired up and Bill is the gasoline. Bill would like to watch things vaporize and Matt would like to watch Bill watch that. Matt has the “Kill Bill” T-shirts already printed and ready to go. Bill won’t move that bubble wrap.  Matt is reduced to conducting breathing exercises while Bill recounts some cricketing anecdotes. The fellas agree that A.I. fosters unity. Bill gets fired up for just a moment about jersey number restrictions. Matt feels Williamson’s horse-shit viscerally. The PDB gets his treatment. Bill is so proud of his week’s old, Chachi Arcola reference. Williamson, simply doesn’t care. The boys wonder if John would  want Ricky in the room during the “rat-out” process. Lemon astounds the fellas yet again with the skillful execution of his craft. Matt continues to be made nauseated by John Williamson. Bill brings a list of Mamet, tie-ups, and Matt says “No, thank you.” The fellas squabble over “Heat”  for a spell.  Bill shares with us a Pirandello offshoot, movie idea. Dean Martin gets the corral treatment.  Bill is worried about Dean-o getting his “cool buzzed.” Bobby Glennister pops on by and Matt senses that he’s seconds from death. Finally, Steven Tyler gets cast, mostly because the fellas are literally losing their minds.

Matt starts the episode three levels deep in a kind-of Inception-anger at Bill. Bill considers writing jingles for the mundanity of his every day life moments. Matt wants to “86” Bill from the show and now we all know the derivation of the term. Bill once met Hines Ward. Matt was terrified of the quiet killer. Bill is too proud of his own jokes. The fellas once again praise the film’s direction, this time, for the feeling of tension and claustrophobia.  Here come the Lemmon praises again… look the guy was like, one of the best ever… What do want the boys to do? Bill tells us about his hard-workin’, never shirkin’ neighbor. Matt has some practical and economical ideas for vacationing with a young adult. Shelly appears to need a full dental workover while Williamson hurls his accusations. Foley encourages Lemmon to make “wah-wah-wah” faces. Matt checks in with Bill’s PB consumption. The fellas stroll down memory lane and recount one of Bill’s many theatrical disappointments. Matt reluctantly accompanies Bill on his, full-cast WWTP. Bill refuses to believe that the Facts of Life gals moved to a candy store. Matt is unhappy with Bill's lack of research. The boys agree uncomfortably, that where Kim Fields is concerned, there is no closing time.

Bill puts his unwillingness to take responsibility on display for the people. Matt is disgruntled. Bill regales us with stories of his particular faint-prone, frailty.  Bill is eschewing the uniform dictate again. The fellas issue an artificial sweetener warning. The boys poke fun at maybe the most successful musical in Broadway history. Matt introduces Bill to the Youngbloodz. Chad Ochocinco gets discussed for the first time in a WHILE. Shelly cannot get the goddamn pretzel out of his goddamn molar.  Spacey and Lemon share the screen dynamically. The boys sit in awe of the writing in this minute and its build to the inevitable reveal. Matt takes us back to Lech Walesa to free himself of embarrassment. Bill has been exposed as a peanut butter junkie and he does nothing whatever to deny it. Matt tells his friend here, a little something might help him to, cashew butter.

The fellas start the episode by introducing a new game, that no one will enjoy playing or listening to… and they call it “Don’t say the words.” Bill brings some prop talk. Matt thinks if you’re not getting you’re giving. The fellas, once again wonder why Polish jokes were OK. Matt faces one of the more embarrassing moments of his life, and that's saying something.  Numerology gets really sad and weapon-y this week. The boys posit an innovative idea of swapping-in actual fat men, for nuclear weapons. Bill slept in the backyard 'cause he’s a grown man. The fellas briefly, welcome Peja Stojakovic to the podcast. The boys confirm that Shelly’s got a big mouth. Kevin Spacey gets his ass-kissed, but this time by two willing, middle-aged fellas. Bill apparently owns a business and sometimes wants to create a secretary. Spannel’s house is like a box of chocolates. Matt adore’s Bill’s “Shelly.” The fellas are too emotionally sensitive about this minute of the film and as a result, they practice psychological avoidance by engaging in a dynamic discussion of hard candies. Matt can’t extoll the virtues of pineapple enough. Our heroes end with a game as bad as the one they started with.