History That Doesn't Suck

“We’ll root out the damn’d tories. We’ll drink their blood. We’ll eat their hearts!” This is the story of the path to war--the War of 1812. The United States is stuck between a rock and a hard place: Britain and Napoleonic France. The two empires are seizing American ships amid a large scale throw down. Britain’s going one step further; it’s impressing thousands and thousands of American sailors into His Majesty’s Royal Navy. Meanwhile, two Shawnee brothers, Tecumseh and The Prophet, are forming an Indian coalition in Indiana to stand against US expansion. Things are about to go down, and Americans blame … the British. Americans are convinced Britain is reasserting its rule over them and it’s time to “declare” independence again. Welcome to the War of 1812.

"Big stuff is coming" This is the story of three people trying to produce a podcast for your entertainment. Join Greg, Josh, and Cielle as they update you on what's new and upcoming with the podcast.

"Adieu best of wives and best of Women. Embrace all my darling Children for me." This is the story of the most influential duel in American History: Vice President Burr versus General Hamilton. Aaron is down on his luck. He's an outgoing, lame-duck Vice President who's just lost the New York gubernatorial election... and word is Alex's been talking smack. Alex is down on his luck. He's an out-of-the-game General who's hoping to get back in ... and Aaron's calling him out. Aaron's itchin' for a fight; Alex doesn't scare easy. There's only one way to settle this affair of honor: with pistols at Weehawken.

“Damn sugar, damn coffee, damn colonies!” This is the story of Thomas Jefferson building an “empire of liberty.” As the new US President, Tommy’s lowering taxes while cutting the deficit, trimming the government, fighting off Federalist judges, and an increasingly Republican America is loving it. Oh, the Sage of Monticello is also fighting off pirates; brilliantly purchasing the Louisiana Territory from a very serious potential enemy (Napoleon Bonaparte); as well as sending William Clark and Meriwether Lewis to explore the west. Seriously, what can’t the Virginian philosopher do? Well, it’s not all smooth sailing. Can Tom’s former newspaper attack dog, James Callender, take the President down with a vindictive article about him and Sally Hemings? Meanwhile, will William (Bill) and Meriwether survive a rugged wilderness and disease--even with Sacagawea's help? Tom’s doubling the size of the United States and seeing to its exploration. Welcome to a larger American Republic--to the start of an “empire of liberty.”

“I have nothing more to offer than what General Washington would have had to offer, had he been taken by the British and put to trial by them. I have adventured my life in endeavoring to obtain the liberty of my countrymen, and am a willing sacrifice in their cause.” This is the story of Gabriel’s fight for freedom. An intelligent, literate, and enslaved blacksmith, Gabriel is raising a slave army to seize Virginia’s capital of Richmond and set up a new society where all people, regardless of their color, are free. But the world is changing around him. Chesapeake tobacco plantations, the international slave trade, and northern slavery are dying. Meanwhile, Eli Whitney’s new invention--the cotton gin--is taking southern slavery and the interstate slave trade to a whole new level. This rebellion’s a risky move. Gabriel and his lieutenants are taking their lives in their hands, and they know it. But such risk should sound familiar; after all, there’s nothing more American than a willingness to live by Patrick Henry’s immortal phrase: “give me liberty, or give me death!”

“He invited me to see the loom operate. I well recollect the state of admiration and satisfaction with which we sat by the hour, watching the beautiful movement of this new and wonderful machine.” This is the story of audacity. A young Samuel Slater risks it all by immigrating to America in order to open his own industrial textile factory. This isn’t just a risky entrepreneurial move; it’s illegal. His industrial know-how is about to give America a huge leg up, and Britain will consider him a traitor. Meanwhile, Francis “Frank” Lowell is a successful New Englander who’s bent on bringing the best of British industrial tech to America. It’s nothing a little espionage can’t make happen, and Frank’s up for it--even if the British navy is going to pursue him. These audacious, risk-taking, bold men will change America forever. Rebelling against parliament. Spying. It’s just how America does revolution. Welcome to America’s industrial revolution.

“The intercourse with Mrs. Reynolds, in the meantime, continued.” This is the story of seduction and failing relationships. New England’s favorite curmudgeon, John Adams, is now leading America as its second president, and the French Revolution is making life no easier for him than it did for George. The new French government’s agents, “X,” Y,” and “Z,” are trying to extort bribes and it’s ripping the the Franco-American friendship apart--it seems France is losing its charm. But back at home, Alexander Hamilton has too much charm; Welcome to America’s first sex scandal! Meanwhile, the Republicans and Federalists are still bickering; Federalist infighting is starting to kill the party; and a fistfight breaks out in Congress! And the cherry on top? John ceases to be on speaking terms with his once good friend, Vice President Thomas Jefferson, about 24 hours into their four-year term. The election of 1800 is going to be rough ...

“The American Revolution is really different from most revolutions around the world. Sometimes Americans get a false sense of how revolutions work because we look at ours and think, ‘Oh right, revolutions! That’s where things get more awesome!’ No.” This is the story … of our stories (I know, super “meta,” right?). In Historians (of the) Roundtable, Greg chats it up with the HTDS Team (Josh and Cielle) “roundtable” style as they analyze the last two episodes … or otherwise tangent on awesome historical things. This is unscripted, so it goes where it goes! This is HTDS’s first roundtable chat, and while HTDS will ALWAYS be free (thanks for listening!!) these roundtables will be a new monthly feature uniquely for those subscribed through patreon at $10/month and higher. But this month, we’re releasing the first go to the public as an episode so you can see what on earth this is (and yeah, I won’t be coy, we hope you think it’s awesome and say to yourself: “dammit, I need that in my life, where do I subscribe?!”). Oh, you do that here: patreon.com/historythatdoesntsuck.

“I die hard, but I am not afraid to go.” This is the story of death and (another) revolution. The French Revolution means the end for King Louis XVI’s life. As his royal blood stains a Parisian square, the fallout of revolution in France is hitting George Washington hard; France is going to war against Britain! America is in no condition for war, but should George stand by his French allies? And with its regime change, is France still an ally? Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson couldn’t disagree more on the matter as a troublesome French diplomat, Citizen Genêt, exacerbates the feud between their respective political factions But Louis XVI isn’t the only head of state leaving us in this episode. After explaining his views on slavery and their lifelong evolution, it’s time to say goodbye to George. This won’t be easy. Tissue is advisable.

“I always knew Colonel Hamilton to be a man of superior talents, but never supposed that he had any knowledge of finance.” This is the story of conflict. Infighting. Intrigue. Dissension. This is the story of George Washington’s first term as President of the United States. The new government is making important strides: it’s creating the Bill of Rights and new departments: War, State, and Finance. But Alexander Hamilton’s ambitious plan for the American economy is completely contradictory to Thomas Jefferson’s vision for the country. These two Founding Fathers could not be more different; each also could not be more determined to win at the other’s expense. It’s Alex’s Northern bank-supported commerce versus Tom’s Southern agrarianism. Buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

“Oh, what, you want it in a single sentence? Fine, here you go.” The epilogue to the Revolution. After enjoying the stories of Revolutionary America (1763-1789), it’s time to make sure you didn’t lose the big picture before we dive into the Early Republic. So today, we’ll cover: (1) the main causes of the Revolution; (2) the highlights of the war; (3) the bare essentials of the peace process and making the US Constitution; and (4) who won and who lost (beyond the obvious). College students who blew off the first few weeks of class and are now cramming for that midterm on the American Revolution: you’re welcome.

"I'd say you know more than 90 percent of the American population about the American Revolution at this point." This is the story... of your questions! Rather than telling you a story this week, Greg sits down with the rest of the History That Doesn't Suck team (Joshua Beatty and Cielle Salazar) and talks through questions submitted by you, the listeners!

“What even is the Virginia Plan but democracy checked by democracy, or pork with a little change of the sauce?” This is the story of 55 men from 12 of the 13 sovereign states gathered at the Pennsylvania State House during the miserably hot Philadelphian summer of 1787. They are here to discuss the failing Articles of Confederation. Foreign debts are past due. Rebellions are rising. The states are fighting. Can they fix all of this? Or will the disagreeing, arguing, threatening, theorizing, brainstorming, (mostly) sober-speech making, and compromising all be for naught?

“I have not only grown gray but almost blind in service to my country.” This is the story (or tale) of two cities. In Paris, Ben Franklin, John Adams, John Jay and (briefly) Henry Laurens negotiate the terms of American independence. They’ll out maneuver the greatest powers on earth and defy Congress as they negotiate the greatest achievement in American diplomatic history. Meanwhile, officers in the Continental army are done with Congress’s broken promises. They’re even considering violence … could a military coup end the American experiment before the peace treaty is even signed? Help us George Washington. You’re our only hope.

“The British officers in general behaved like boys who had been whipped at school.” This is the story of the beginning of the Revolution’s end. Lord Cornwallis swears the British need to take the fight to Virginia. He’s got Thomas Jefferson and Lafayette on the run. But at the same time, French General Rochambeau and Admiral de Grasse are ready to give George Washington some serious support ... enough support that the Americans just might turn the world upside down. ​