The Wilder Ride

Lili von Shtupp winds down the song, "I'm Tired," by adding the words, "Everything below the waist is kaput." The cowboys in the audience begin shooting their guns into the air, cheering. She falls over and the dancers grab her as she does, heading off stage. A moment later, they return and she takes a bow before falling again into their arms. At the same time, a note is handed to Sheriff Bart. Jim asks what it says? He begins to read the, but only gets a few words out before the minute comes to an end.

We continue with the drunk coming up on stage and Lili kneeing him in the nether region. She is totally unphased and simply continues singing. As she moves through the lyrics, she brings up to famous poets -- Lord Byron and Percy Bysshe Shelley. She says they jump on your belly and bust your balloons. Byron was famous for his poem about Don Juan. Shelley was famous for his poem, Ozymandias. By the end of the minute, we being to channel our inner Ozzy Osbourne.

"I'm Tired," continues. Lili von Shtupp is at a point where she chats with the audience. She begins with a young man with his feet on stage. She asks his name and he replies, "Tex, ma'am." She say, "Well, Tex ma'am, are you in show business?" He says he's not. Then she kicks his boots as she tells him to get his friggin' feet off the stage. She then compliments another for having a 10 gallon hat, or is he just enjoying the show? Then she does a strange slow octave build, prompting a drunk to get on stage.

We continue today with Lili singing the song that closed Poland. While we examine the lyrics, we wonder if the song is autobiographical. We wonder why she is tired of being admired? Also, we try to figure out what she says after the lyric, "...and always too soon." There is some discussion about where the chair goes that is kicked into the audience. Also, who threw their hat at her? By the end of the minute, we are only a third of the way through the song, but the audience is really enjoying it.

We begin with a slight variation on the introduction of Lili von Shtupp. In the theatrical release, when the emcee introduces her, she immediately comes out from behind the privacy screen. However, in the television version, she enters from stage left, wearing a pin-stripped pant suit with a hat. We discuss this outtake and then dive into the scene, with a breakdown of the initial lyrics sung for, "I'm tired." We also spend a few minutes on a rabbit trail dedicated to some of our favorite Bond theme songs.

Our episode continues with Hedley Lamarr saying to Lily, "I love it when you talk dirty." Bart and Jim find their way to a table. A piano is playing a version of, "I'm tired." In the dressing room, Hedley has his hands all over Lily but to no effect. She demands he get to the point. He wants her to seduce and abandon the sheriff of Rock Ridge. He asks if she can do it? She responds with, "Is Bismarck a herring?" We return to the stage where the emcee comes out to introduce the Bavarian bombshell herself.

We begin with Bart and The Waco Kid finishing their conversation in the jail. We cut to outside the Rock Ridge Saloon where we hear what sounds like Lily von Shtupp doing some vocal warm-ups. We cut to inside her dressing room where she is literally patting down her entire body with a powder pad. There is a knock. She says, "Willkomen, bienvenue, welcome, come on in!" Hedley enters with flowers. Hedley tries to flatter her but She calls him on his BS and asks him what's the job?

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Today we continue inside a tent where Hedley is in the midst of a bath. Taggart finds Hedley uses his tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore. Hedley tells Taggart the beast has failed and so he will turn his attention to beauty. With a burst of excitement, he shoots his leg straight up out of the tub. Then it hits him. He is missing his favorite squeaky toy. He demands Taggart look for his froggy. The minute ends with us shifting to the jail, where Mongo is chained to the outside of the jail cells.

We finish with the Candygram for Mongo. Bart leaves to a Merrie Melodies fanfare, putting his fingers in his ears. As Mongo opens the candy, there is a tremendous explosion and a fade to black. This is where we dive into the TV version and show Mongo being defeated two additional times. We also mention a fourth option for defeating Mongo in the script, but was never filmed. We then move to where Hedley is soaking in a bathtub and Taggart is scrubbing his back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrpwBgh7gGc

We continue today with Van Johnson trying to convince the sheriff to help with Mongo. As Bart seems to agree, Van Johnson immediately thanks the sheriff. Bart goes to put on his guns, but the Kid tells him not to do that. He tells Bart that if he shoots Mongo it will only make him mad. We then cut to the inside of the Rock Ridge Saloon where a group of men are being slowly crushed behind the piano. Suddenly, Sheriff Bart arrives, dressed in a Western Union uniform. He announces he has a Candygram for Mongo.

Olson Johnson is doing his best to look interested in what Howard Johnson is saying. Howard is discussing the scientific advances of Louis Pasteur. Meanwhile, outside, Samuel Johnson, on his horse, approaches Mongo, who is tying up his bull. Samuel says, "You can't park that animal there!" Mongo turns, walks a few steps toward him and punches out the horse. Back at the jail, Bart comes back from the window stating, "I don't know what it is." Just then, Van Johnson comes running in begging for help.

We continue with The Waco Kid trying to sooth the hurt feelings of Sheriff Bart. He reminds Bart the people of Rock Ridge are simple farmers; the common clay of the new west. Then he adds, "You know, morons!" This does the trick and snaps Bart out of his stupor. Unfortunately, the moment does not last as a rumble announces the approach of Mongo riding a bull. Everyone in town begins to scream and scatter at the approach of the man-beast.

The scene opens with Bart trying to simulate a draw on Jim, but the Waco Kid is too fast. Bart is thankful those figers aren't loaded. Bart then reminds The Kid, once he establishes himself in the town, they have to accept him. Jim takes a toke and wishes Bart good luck! Unfortunately for the optimistic sheriff, the first citizen he meets is the old woman we saw being hit repeatedly in the stomach during the Number 6. When Bart mentions it's a lovely morning, she replies, "Up yours, ni**er."

The scene opens with The Waco Kid shaving while Bart rolls a special cigarette. As the sheriff takes his first toke, Jim catches a whiff. As he returns to shaving, saying he received a note. Bart asks from whom? Jim replies, "I'm not sure. It was addressed to the Deputy Spade." Sheriff Bart laughs and then adds, "Who knows? In 20 years, Deputy Spade might turn out to be a groovy position." Jim wishes Bart good luck.