The Wilder Ride

Bart tells Jim they need to find a way to get closer to Hedley Lamarr and his lieutenants. Jim decides their best course of action is to go in disguise. He hides Bart and then whistles to the two Klansman. "Hey, boys. Lookee what I got here?" Bart immediately asks, "Hey, where are the white women at?" This makes the Klansman chase the two behind the rock where the are pummeled by Bart and Jim. They don the Klan robes and get in line.

The episode begins with the first in line having said "rape" twice. He says he likes rape. He is deputized and then the next is asked to step forward. As he is giving his qualifications, it is obvious he is chewing gum. Hedley says, "I hope you brought enough for everybody." The man says he didn't know there would be so many. Hedley immediately shoots him dead. We cut to The Waco Kid and Sheriff Bart. The Kid says, "Boy is he strict." Bart wants to get closer. Seeing the two Klansman, Jim has an idea.

The dolly shot continues down the lines of bad guys all lined up for Hedley's Army. We see bandits and cowboys followed by German WWII soldiers and an aviator who looks like Mel Brooks. There are other desperadoes mixed in with biker gang members, moonshine runners, plantation owners and Arabian fighters on camel-back. The line wraps up with a pair of Klansman. Behind a boulder, Bart and Jim look over the villainous line of thugs and criminals.

The episode opens with Bart reading the notice Hedley Lamarr is circulating to recruit his army. Bart asks them to give him 24 hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save the town. They all say, "No!" Bart then says, "You'd do it for Randolph Scott." A hush travels through the townspeople. They whisper his name aloud. Suddenly, an unseen choir sings out the name of Randolph Scott as the townsfolk rise up in reverence. Olson Johnson gives the nod to Howard, who tells Bart he's got 24 hours.

Hedley decides to raise an army of the worst dregs the West has ever seen. He asks Taggart to take down a list. He wants: rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists. Taggart finally finds a paper and pencil and asks, "Could you repeat that?"

We open the episode with Taggart and his men doing their best to applaud The Waco Kid. We immediately cut to Lily von Shtupp's dressing room. She is tied to the pot-belly stove while Taggart and Hedley are deciding what to do next. Lily says Bart is too much of a man for Hedley. She says he will need an army to defeat Bart and begins to sing a song. He slaps her and begins to pace, Taggart by his side. Suddenly it dawns on him. He says, "Wait a minute, she said army."

The episode begins with Taggart finishing his lament about seeing sheriff that's blacker than any indian. Lyle leans over and wonders if shooting the sheriff dead might help? Taggart believes it might. Lyle commands the men to draw their weapons but Jim warns them not to. As Lyle's countdown gets to three, Jim flinches and every gun is shot out of the hands of the bad guys. Bart pulls out a gun, cocks it and says, "How 'bout a little applause for The Waco Kid?"

As the rest of the railroad workers surround Bart, Charlie does his best to keep their hands off of him. There is some discussion about keeping hands off of Bart's vines. Then Taggart, Lyle and company come riding up to the crowd. Taggart recognizes Bart and demands to know why he's wearing a tin star, calling him, "boy!" Bart immediately responds with, "Watch that boy, sh*t, redneck. You're talking to the sheriff of Rock Ridge." Taggart laments about having slaughtered every last Indian, but for what?

We open with Charlie thinking he's seeing a mirage. Charlie throws water into his face to make sure he is not dreaming. It's Bart riding into camp. He immediately runs to meet him, shouting words of excitement and disbelief. He says to Bart, "They said you was hung." Bart replies, "And they was right!" Bart explains he is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge. Charlie becomes serious as he reveals the railroad is heading that way. Bart and Jim exchange glances as the rest of the railroad crew realizes Bart is back.

Something Mongo said yesterday about the choo-choo makes Bart pause. He asks Mongo if he knows why Hedley cares about the where the choo-choo is going? Mongo replies with a deeply philisophical, "Don't know. Mongo only pawn in game of life." Bart is convinced that he and Jim need to head out the railroad and do a little snooping. We transition to the site of the rail line being built. As the camera moves, Charlie comes into frame and heads to what looks like a large oak barrel.

We continue today with Bart reviewing the writ sent by Hedley Lamarr for Mongo's release. He determines it's legal and goes to wake him up. He comments how those schnitzengrubers can really wipe you out. He then throws a bucket of water at Mongo, waking him. Mongo yawns, breaking all of the chains holding him in place. Bart tells Mongo he is a free man but Mongo won't go. The Waco Kid says it looks like Mongo has taking a liking to Bart. Mongo looks sheepish and then declares, "Mongo straight!"

As Bart leaves Lili, he looks back over his shoulder. He puts on a seductive voice and says, "Auf Weidersehen, baby." He closes the door and she falls against it. She says aloud that Bart is such a nice guy. We dissolve to the interior of the sheriff's office where Bart barely makes his way through the door. The Waco Kid smiles and says, "Oh, deary, dear. Look what the cat dragged in." Bart asks, "What's happening in the clean world?" Jim says he received a writ from Hedley Lamarr for the release of Mongo.

The minute opens with a loud unzipping sound followed by Lili exclaiming it's twue! We dissolve to the next morning where she offers Sheriff Bart another schnitzengruber. Bart says, "Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruber." She then whispers something in his ear. He looks incredulous, exclaiming he is not from Havana. Deparate, she begins to cling to Bart, begging him to stay. Bart pauses at the door to look over his shoulder. He says, "Please..." but then the minute comes to an end.

Lili von Shtupp disappears behind a curtain. She actually is not ripping off her clothes, but opening and closing the curtain. When she comes back, she is dressed similar to a Playboy bunny. As she sits next to Bart, there is a knock at the door. She makes her way to it and it's Hedley who wants to know how it is going? She says the sheriff is like wet sauerkraut in my hands. Hedley tries to cop a quick feel but she slams the door. She returns to Bart, asking if it's true that his people are "gifted"?

Bart finishes reading the note handed to him at the table, causing the Waco Kid to do a spit-take. It appears Lili von Shtupp wants to see the sheriff in her dwessing woom. Bart enters with a single red rose. Lili takes it, saying, "A wed wose, how womantic." She suggest Bart take a seat and then asks if she can slip into something a little bit more comfortable? Bart tells her, "Pitter, baby." This gets a reaction out of Lili, close to a blush. She then disappears behind her changing screen.