Hole in My Heart Podcast

Today is question and answer time with Matt and Laurie! We cover a lot including these questions: How did we first meet Steve? How do we handle Pride Month? How do we plan to address our mixed-orientation marriage with our kids? How can straight, single guys and girls be friends without the relationship getting weird? If we, as a married couple, invite a single person into our home how can we prevent it from becoming a situation where one of us falls in love with the single person? How can I care for my bisexual friend without compromising my beliefs or pushing my beliefs on her? How can I be committed to a worldview that has caused so much pain and depression for so many LGBTQ+ people? How do we grieve well—whether for trivial things or deep, human loss? Let's go, fam. | Highlights: | “It always has to be this recognition of what is good about Pride Month—about people being able to be open and not hidden. But there is also this sorrow: … the unity that comes from Pride Month is not oriented toward your relationship with God, it’s about something completely different.” —Matt “Ya’ll, we got to repent for the last x decades of idolatry of marriage, idolatry of sex in marriage, and really? Not honoring this thing that we have eye-rollingly said is ‘Every man’s battle, every woman’s battle,’ and ‘Oh, just hurry up and get hitched and put a ring on your lust.’” —Laurie “Yes, it costs LGBT+ people something to follow Jesus, but the gospel should cost all of us our lives. And if it is not, are we actually following Jesus?” —Laurie | Do the Next Thing: | Watch this conversation on Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/428642123 That BOGO deal for our Journey Well Study? (We will send you two for the price of one!)It's here: https://lauriekrieg.com/product/journey-well-study-explore-your-deepest-needs-and-how-to-meet-them/ We mention "Safe Place Prayer with Matt" podcast episode. It's here: https://soundcloud.com/laurie-krieg/bonus-safe-place-prayer-with-matt Follow us on the IG: https://www.instagram.com/laurie_krieg/

**FIRST: We have VIDEO!! WATCH this episode here: https://vimeo.com/426335066 ** In the midst of national and global suffering, it seems almost wrong to put the word "hope" near it. However, pastor and author Sam Collier, alongside his wife and ministry leader, Toni Collier, know how to carry both hurt and hope in each hand. How can we do that, too? Just ... listen. <3 | Highlights: | “It’s impossible to pursue justice without hope.” --Sam  “The gospel compels us to be one. I don’t think we get the luxury as believers to forfeit the fight of racism or anything that is keeping us apart. It is a gospel mandate. People say, ‘Just preach the gospel.’ This is the gospel.” —Sam “We all need to get into our brains the if we are to demand equality, fairness, and love for our own sphere of influence in the world, we dang sure better be willing to demand it and stand for it for everybody else.” —Toni | Do the Next Thing: | GO and preorder Sam's book! Find it here: https://www.samcollier.tv Broken Crayons Still Color page that Toni founded? Here: http://brkncrayons.com Follow them on the socials here and here: https://www.instagram.com/samcollier/ https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/ That Journey Well Study we mention? Find it here: https://lauriekrieg.com/journey-well-study/

How would you respond if you found pornography on your kid's phone? (Listeners without kids but who are equally valuable disciple-makers: How would you recommend your friend respond to their kids if they found this?) Author and speaker, Lee Neinhuis, had to deal with this exact situation, and it taught her, her son, and her family a lot about grace and truth. But how do we engage not only this specific satiation, but how do we cultivate deep roots in our kids/friend's kids/youth group kids when they are growing up in this extremely challenging cultural context? Let's dive in. | Highlights: | "I know my own battle, I know my junk. I know what I think in my head ... They do not give you blinders when you head down the altar ... I notice all the same men the day before I got married, and I still feel attracted to them.  I still have to tell myself 'no' every day ... So, I'm just not surprised. I think if a parent doesn't spend some time exploring, 'What are you tempted toward?' and 'Where are you broken?' then this is going to catch them at a totally different level." --Lee Neinhuis "He has a testimony that involves [pornography]. I never would have wanted that, but I am so grateful that we fell in that pit, and we walked out as a family stronger." --Lee Neinhuis  | Do the Next Thing: | Find all of Lee's beautiful work here: http://LeeNienhuis.com Her book? Here: http://CounterculturalParenting.com Find that Mom's in Prayer Podcast and more here: http://momsinprayer.org Follow us and all of our own parenting/marriage madness on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/laurie_krieg/

Do you know anyone processing past trauma while muddling through this pandemic trauma? Maybe it is you? Maybe it is a friend? Maybe it will be someone you meet tomorrow? How can we hear and love them well? How can we care for ourselves if we have gone through pain in our past and things have resurfaced in the pandemic? How can we process how this season has been challenging for everyone--whether or not we have gone through another traumatic event? How can we process our pain? Speaker and author of "We Too," Mary DeMuth, has some tender, encouraging words for us today. | Highlights: | "Things that stay inside don't do well ... An untold story never heals." --Mary DeMuth "This is hard. Whether you have had trauma or not, this is hard.  But just because everyone is experiencing it doesn't mean it's not real to you." --Mary DeMuth "Err on the side of belief ... it's not up to you to try to dissect and try to figure out if it's true or not. If it isn't true it will come out in the end, but wouldn't you want your first response to be empathetic? Wouldn't that be Jesus' first response: empathy?" --Mary DeMuth "I try to look at [the healing journey] like an adventure because healing is difficult. If I look at healing like climbing Mount Rainier in Washington State, it seems a lot more interesting to me ... It's not going to be easy, it will be very difficult, but it's an adventure. Instead of dreading this fact that you had this flash of a memory, see it as a healing adventure." --Mary DeMuth | Do the Next Thing: | Explore more of Mary's resources related to "We Too" here: https://www.wetoo.org Find Mary's book, "We Too" here: https://www.amazon.com/We-Too-Church-Respond-Redemptively-ebook/dp/B07SSFSKYD/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=we+too&qid=1590153170&sr=8-2 Sign up to stay in touch with what is happening at: https://lauriekrieg.com

This conversation feels like sitting down with a dear friend over tea. I can envision us starting out with a sigh, a sip of Earl Grey, and saying: "So, this pandemic has been hard. I haven't *only* been running to Jesus. I've made some mistakes. Can you help think through what is going on in my heart?" Bestselling author and speaker, Dee Brestin, hears our words, gently translates them into heart idols (power/control, comfort, or approval), and offers us some really practical next steps. This conversation is what our ragged souls need. | Highlights: | "God has given us these needs that he promises to meet...but if we do not trust him to comfort us, if we do not believe he really loves us, if we do not like the way He is doing things, then we will substitute something else." --Dee Brestin "Idols pretend to be our friends, and then they turn around and cut us to pieces... Play the whole tape out and see where this is going to end." --Dee Brestin "Sing to your soul. Sing the truth about Me to your soul...and I will come to you if you just wait. You will feel so good in a little while." --Dee Brestin | Do the Next Thing: | Find Dee's Idol Lies book here: https://www.amazon.com/Idol-Lies-Dee-Brestin/dp/1617953679 A bunch more resources can be found on our podcast episode page here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/what-do-we-do-with-our-idols-with-dee-brestin/

It's time. We finally brought in some Enneagram experts. Beth and Jeff McCord are definitely Enneagram experts, and are definitely not weird about it. Their approach is focused on the gospel, takes in mind Core Longings (!!), childhood woundings, and even though we  invited them to talk marriage and the Enneagram, the conversation (as always) was applicable to all humans--no matter their marital status. We also asked how each Enneagram type might be responding to the pandemic. (It. Was. Fascinating!) We can't stop thinking about this episode or their book. Get it, fam. Highlights: "The Enneagram is an X-ray. It clearly shows you what is broken and what is not broken, but it does not do the healing (like X-rays don't). The gospel is the healing power in our lives." --Beth McCord "What the Enneagram really prepared us for ... rather than for us to miss each other and spin out in anxiety, anxiety and conflict become an opportunity for us to connect with one another at deeper levels than we could have ever done without a pandemic like this." --Jeff McCord Do the Next Thing: Take an Enneagram assessment from Beth and Jeff here: https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/dont-know-your-type Find more resources here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/the-enneagram-and-marriage-with-beth-and-jeff-mccord/

So. Has God called you to singleness or marriage? How did you discern that? If you are called to singleness, is it temporary or for life? How did you discern that? If you are called to lifelong singleness ("vocational singleness," as our guest today calls it), is there a creative way to not be lonely in the midst of it? Why not start a modern-day monastery? That's what today's guest, Pieter Valk, did, and the conversation about the modern-day monastery's origins and daily life (including how it has changed in the pandemic) was fascinating.  We also explore how to hear the voice of God, and why we identify differently. (Pieter identifies as gay and I (Laurie) don't--but we also don't fight about it.) This was a fun one. Highlights: “About three years ago, I felt God was calling me to vocational singleness, but I had no idea how to do that well or, in particular, I didn’t know how I would find family in that.” —Pieter Valk "‘You still need family,' [my pastor said]. 'Could I challenge you to create it? … I think you should start a monastery.’ … The rest was history.” --Pieter Valk "Married people know...you can't keep smiling anymore. You can't do fifty years with this person who is annoying... You're just going to say it... If you're a single person but you're not in a living arrangement where you're stuck with people in a good way (in a healthy environment), you're never going to get to that point where you're really honest with people and iron starts sharpening iron." --Pieter Valk Do the Next Thing: Learn more about the Nashville Family of Brothers here: http://familyofbrothers.org Find more resources here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/single-but-not-solitary-with-pieter-valk/

In the circles we run, there is one common answer to the question: What will be the next thing when it comes to sexuality? Their answer? Polyamorous relationships. What do you know about them? (Other than that they are a romantic, sexual relationship between three or more people?) Did you know that 24% of church-going people think that consensual non-monogamous relationships are morally acceptable? Or that as many as 1 in 5 Americans have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship, and 5% are currently in one? (That’s about as many people who identify as LGBTQ+.) How can we biblically respond to people exploring polyamorous relationships with outrageous love and winsome truth? Dr. Branson Parler is back to walk us through it. Highlights: “Start with listening. Start with understanding. Start by asking, ‘What does [polyamory] mean to them’?” —Branson Parler “If someone says to me, ‘This was allowed in the Old Testament, why can’t it be allowed today?’ I would say, ’It’s because of confusion about what time it is.’ Jesus has come. The new creation has been inaugurated … God regulates and allows a number of things that are a less-than-ideal reality [in the Old Testament]. But when Jesus comes and the Spirit is poured out, you see this new creation reality that connects up with God’s original intention in creation.” —Branson Parler “What our culture doesn’t believe is that anybody is ever faithful … They see that in relationships, their parents’ marriage … Why even go down that route?  The only solution to that is to stop looking at faithless people and start looking at the faithful Savior. Only that—only looking at our faithful Savior—will give us the ability to truly be faithful to another person.” —Branson Parler Do the Next Thing: Check out Branson's site here: https://www.bransonparler.com/ Find Branson's pastoral paper on polyamory here: https://www.centerforfaith.com/resources Find more resources here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/the-problems-with-polyamory-with-dr-branson-parler/

But what about the kids? We recorded this episode pre-quarantine, and once again, God provided the content we needed for this unforeseen moment. I know our own kids (Matt and Laurie's) are wrestling with their emotional balance in this quarantine life. Are the kids or young adults in your life struggling at all? Let's help them, yeah? (Whether they are wrestling with anxiety, depression, have been walking a journey on the autism spectrum, or have experienced sexual trauma as kids.) The person who is going to help us to help them is Dr. Matthew Stanford, CEO of the Hope and Healing Center & Institute in Houston, and adjunct professor of psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and the Houston Methodist Hospital Institute for Academic Medicine and author of Grace for the Children. He's legit qualified. Let's walk with the littles (and teens), friends. Do the Next Thing: Find Grace for the Children: Finding Hope in the Midst of Child and Adolescent Mental Illness: https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Children-Finding-Adolescent-Illness/dp/0830845763 His book for adults? Grace for the Afflicted: And his book for adults? Grace for the Afflicted Check out Matthew Stanford's organization, The Hope and Healing Center: https://hopeandhealingcenter.org/about-us/meet-our-staff/matthew-stanford/ Listen to more episodes for parents here: https://lauriekrieg.com/category/help-for-parents/ Find us on the IG to answer the Question of the Week and more: https://www.instagram.com/laurie_krieg/

This is the therapy sesh we all need right now.  Counselor, author, and teacher, Dr. Alison Cook, co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul has a word for us about what to do with our overwhelming thoughts and emotions. (Anyone got some of those these days?) But, what can we do with them? We can turn them into our allies. "Emotions are not your enemy, they are queues," she said. "Learn about them, pay attention to them, don’t let them rule you, but get to know them. Let them be an aid to you  on your journey to wholeness."  How do we do that? Alison does a beautiful job of helping us take not just the next right step, but a few down the road to peace. Highlights: “Awareness ... that’s the hardest step … That’s the very first step.” --Alison Cook “That’s what we mean about turning your emotions into allies: You can see them as queues to pay attention to as opposed to enemies to fight.” --Alison Cook “You are more capable than the anxious part of you understands.” --Alison Cook Do the Next Thing: Find that book Boundaries for Your Soul here: https://www.alisoncookphd.com/boundaries-for-your-soul-book/#preorder-book Her site? Here: https://alisoncookphd.com Our coaching sessions I mention? Find them here: https://lauriekrieg.com/shop/ Through the end of April, if you become a supporter of the ministry at $20 or more per month, we will send you a free Journey Well book. Thanks so much!!: https://lauriekrieg.com/partner/

Again. God, in His mercy, knew that we would need this episode today when we recorded it over one month ago. Today, Matt and I (Laurie) introduce you to our for-real small group. These are people who are a huge part of our lives and are truly the reason Matt and I are still married. In an age where large-group churches cannot meet and small groups are meeting online, this group has become even more of our lifeline. Now, we don't just meet every-other week for a couple of hours hours, we meet online every week, have started a daily online Bible reading together, and are texting and praying for each other frequently. Praise God. We are so honored to share these precious friends with you. But, we didn't just win the small group lottery. How did we not just become a group of people who go kinda deep every once in a while, but became each other's family? Listen in and we will share how you--Lord willing--may be able to replicate the gift God gave us with the people around you. Yes, even online. Do the Next Thing: Find that HIMH Podcast FB page here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/himhpodcast/ My Laurie Krieg author page to join some of our FB Live convos? Find it here: https://www.facebook.com/lauriekkrieg More Impossible Marriage Workshop info? Save the date! October 23 and 24! Find out more and to sign up for updates here: https://lauriekrieg.com/impossible-marriage/ Are you stressed/anxious and live in MI? Hit Matt up for a free 20-minute consultation to find out if Caring Well Counseling could come alongside you. Find him here: http://www.caringwell.net Interested in supporting the podcast (and the Kriegs!) in this tough financial season? Partner here: https://lauriekrieg.com/partner/ See a pic of the small group here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/our-world-good-small-groups-dont-just-happen-with-our-for-real-small-group/

In this home-centered, pandemic-laden world we are in, God, in his kindness, had Matt and I (Laurie) record a mini-series last month where we opened up our real world to you. Today, we are sharing it. In episode two of three of the "Our World" series, we invited our friend, Stephanie Thole, to help us learn how to have a conversation bridging the gap between sexuality and race conversations. Are these conversations so similar? Are they so different? Is it really true that if you are pro- "Black Lives Matter" you also must be pro- "Love is Love"? Hang out with us and our real-life friends today on the pod, and perhaps learn how to better engage both of these challenging topics with grace, truth, and love. Highlights: “We were one of the few black families. I remember always being so attracted to all of these white boys. In my mind, I was like, ‘I gotta get rid of this…’ I understood at a very early age that that was not allowed.” —Stephanie Thole “I was very much aware at how different I was. That I was 'other.'” —Stephanie Thole “A lot of us have made mistakes, have had hard conversations, have offended the wrong person, and it’s been a painful, awkward experience. Don’t let that stop you. Keep walking.” —Stephanie Thole Do the Next Thing: Are you stressed/anxious and live in MI? Hit Matt up for a free 20-minute consultation to find out if Caring Well Counseling could come alongside you. Find him here: https://caringwell.net Interested in supporting the podcast (and the Kriegs!) in this tough financial season? Partner here: https://lauriekrieg.com/partner/ Find more great stuff here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/our-world-tough-conversations-with-friends-with-stephanie-thole-2/

As many of us hunker down into our homes, Matt and I (Laurie) open up our real lives to you. In this "Our World" mini series, will cover the following topics: 1. When I walked with someone for months and it seemed like a failure, 2. The sticky intersection between the race and LGBT+ conversations, 3. How God encouraged us to form a small group that has changed our lives. Today: When discipleship "fails." I walked away from a discipleship relationship with Kara Martin several years ago feeling hopeful but doubtful. I was hopeful she would follow Jesus, but I wasn't sure I did anything to help her move in that direction. What happened after we stopped meeting?  How can God still use us when we feel like we completely failed at walking well with others? What is a good way to walk alongside someone who is wavering on their path of Christlikeness? We cover these questions and more today on a challenging but critical conversation straight from "our world." Highlights: “Walking away enabled me to get my heart in the right place to actually want to figure this out on my own—and not to have Cornerstone or Laurie telling me ‘This is what it should look like.’” --Kara Martin "I wanted to pursue dating girls. More than that? I wanted to pursue God’s plan for my life… That [latter] motivation was not my own.” --Kara Martin "You can tell people what you believe all you want, but that’s not what’s going to change their hearts. What’s going to change their hearts is when God gets in there.” --Kara Martin Do the Next Thing: Connect with Kara, see her favorite resources, and discover more here: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/our-world-when-discipleship-fails-with-kara-martin/

This is timely. In the midst of a global pandemic, one of the stock market's worst weeks, and fear invading many corners of our hearts, bestselling author, John Eldredge, brings a critical message to the podcast table this week. “Your soul is never meant to carry all of this," he said. "The human soul is not designed for these conditions.” It isn't. We are not meant to carry the insanity of a broken world. So how do we engage it with maturity? Learn with us as we talk through a message that literally changed (and is changing) our lives. Highlights: “The world that we live in gets everybody spun up … emotionally, physically and spiritually. We want relief. The quick relief is to reach for the bag of cookies or the bottle of scotch or binge watch your favorite show. But relief is very different from restoration. When you’re done [with relief] you don’t actually feel any better.” —John Eldredge “Maturity is not an option because of the gnarly hour that we live in. Union with God—cultivating it as a life goal—is the invitation.” —John Eldredge  “We have neglected our souls … The rescue for me has been to love Jesus in the midst of my suffering.” --John Eldredge Do the Next Thing: John's book Get Your Life Back is here: https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Life-Back-Practices/dp/1400208661/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=get+your+life+back&qid=1581347787&sr=8-1 That Pause App that is wrecking us? Find it here: https://www.pauseapp.com For More: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/maturity-is-not-an-option-with-john-eldredge/

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us," the writer of Hebrews tells us (Heb. 12:1). But what does that mean, exactly? Where are we going? To death? To the New Heavens and New Earth? To more suffering? And how do we run this race without being legalistic about it: Just keep swimming. Just keep going. Just do it. That's what Christians do. Author and teacher, Trillia Newbell, helps us understand more of this race running in a compelling conversation that we hope will inspire you to take the next right step. Highlights:  “What legalism is is you’re trying to walk the walk--but not because you love Jesus … it’s because you feel that the only way to approach God is to do these [certain] things … This is sometimes why people give up on the Christian faith: Because they are working real hard and life still sinks.” --Trillia Newbell “Part of the reason we are not gritty is we are trying to do it ourselves, so, we give up.” —Trillia Newbell “We cannot endure as Christians if we don’t know the One who sustains us.” —Trillia Newbell  Do the Next Thing: Trillia's book? Here: http://www.trillianewbell.com/sacred-endurance/ Trillia's site? Here: http://www.trillianewbell.com For More: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/enduring-well-with-trillia-newbell/