HEALTHY FAMILY CONNECTIONS

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to know if giving allowance to her 12 and 14 year olds should be tied to whether or not they do their chores. She’s heard that they shouldn’t be tied together, but is concerned that offering allowance when her kids are not being responsible or respectful is sending a wrong message and it makes her feel taken advantage of. Neil takes a higher-level look at kids participating in home responsibilities and having their own money, and offers this Mom a path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is supporting her daughter with Anxiety Disorder financially and emotionally. Mom is wondering how best to help her develop her independence and if it makes sense of her daughter to come home, push reset, and start over again. Neil shows Mom how to take herself out of the helper position and how doing less will actually be doing more to help. Neil challenges parents and therapists to pay attention to the parent / young-adult relationship as a place that must be addressed for any therapy to be successful. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has a well functioning 15 year old son, but goes into a rage when his parents say “NO”. Dad and Mom have been following “good parenting” models and avoided getting angry. Now they can’t establish effective limits. Neil explains the difference between destructive parental anger and healthy parental anger. He explains the potential negative consequences of this going on any farther and offers this Dad, a script to get his son on a healthy developmental path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

: In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who was involved in threats and counter threats with her 16 year old daughter. Now her daughter is out of the house and Mom is needing help knowing how to move forward. Neil explains how law enforcement can support parental authority and the difference between youth who act out with emotional issues and youth who have not yet internalized a value system. He offers this mother a strategy for ending the Control Battle, and getting her family the right kind of therapy. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a man who’s wondering if the advice to validate your partner, applies if your partner is disordered and highly unreasonable. Neil explains that validation is not agreeing and explains and demonstrates how validation and limit setting go together and how to do both the right way. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from Mary who’s husband makes special deals with the kids and tells them not to tell their mother. She’s extremely frustrated and wondering if she should end the marriage. Neil speaks to circumstances that would warrant ending a marriage, but challenges Mary to bring her best self to her marriage as well as the counseling she’s frustrated with. It’s only when we aren’t participating in the problem, that we’ll know if things can get better or if we need to “pull the plug.” Neil offers Mary a plan to bring to her next counseling appointment. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom who can’t get the phone away from her 14 year old daughter. Mom is wondering how families are managing life with cell phones. Neil offers essential wisdom for teens and cell phone use, and shows this Mom that her daughter is struggling with loneliness and feeling disconnected in her family and gives Mom some powerful tools to turn things around. Neil invites listeners to look for the hidden message behind negative behaviors and address the problem rather than punish the behavior. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a therapist wanting to know the formula for raising confident, resilient kids. The therapist offers her list of 10 parenting strategies and Neil offers one more that he feels is critical. Neil speaks to the inhumane treatment and child abuse of minors at the hand of the US government and how profoundly destructive parental separation and neglect is to their development and challenges listeners to work to make the world a better place for ALL children to grow up with self-confidence and resilience. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know how to talk with her 9-yr-old son when he absolutely refuses to go with the family on a scheduled event. The family has been struggling with his violent behavior and she reports he is extremely strong willed and has too much power in the family. Neil demonstrates a way to respond to refusal while staying aligned with a child’s goals. He also helps Mom have a better way to think about the problem and offers some resources for her son in addition to the family therapy they are receiving. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a man who wants to know how to deal with his wife’s constant criticisms. He is afraid the tension is heading them for divorce. Neil explains how defending against criticisms or requests is similar to fighting over the right of way with cars. When someone is in the intersection, they have the right-of-way and if we fight it, it will cause an accident; it’s the same with relationships. When someone brings something up, we need to help them through the intersection and that means helping them feel heard and supported. Neil helps this gentleman see how his way of thinking is taking him in the wrong direction and Neil gives him a healthy path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom dealing with her 14 yr. old son who accuses his parents of wanting to control him and enjoying taking away his privileges. Neil introduces a tool for parents to help teenagers understand that their behavior communicates their readiness for independence and privileges. He uses a role-play to demonstrate how to introduce it to your youth. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a woman who is at a loss about what to do to get her husband to engage. He won’t initiate conversation, no longer sleeps in the bedroom, and will follow instructions, but that is unsatisfying. Neil goes back in time to imagine how the relationship began and how it became so disengaged. Neil anticipates that this is causing serious emotional problems for this woman and advises her to focus on her own mental health prior to trying to understand and make sense of the marriage. Neil challenges listeners to see how their attempts to solve relationship problems can often be part and parcel to the problem itself. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a woman who is at a loss about what to do to get her husband to engage. He won’t initiate conversation, no longer sleeps in the bedroom, and will follow instructions, but that is unsatisfying. Neil goes back in time to imagine how the relationship began and how it became so disengaged. Neil anticipates that this is causing serious emotional problems for this woman and advises her to focus on her own mental health prior to trying to understand and make sense of the marriage. Neil challenges listeners to see how their attempts to solve relationship problems can often be part and parcel to the problem itself. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who in dealing with his ADHD 14 year old son is being labeled by his wife, his mother, and his sister as being rigid. Dad thinks they are enabling his son and wants to know if he is being clear or rigid and how to deal with the woman in his life. Neil speaks to special needs teen development, best ways to work with them, how to be clear without being rigid and how to collaborate with his wife, mother and sister. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who, after reading many books on parenting strategies, realizes that the real struggle is with his own behavior. He wants to know how to “keep his cool” when his kids don’t listen. Neil helps Dad by explaining the difference between unhealthy and healthy expectations and goals. Neil invites Dad to embrace the opportunities for personal growth offered by being a parent and demonstrates how to talk with kids to successfully set up change in the parent-child relationship. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit