Heroine

Earlier in this season we talked about fairy tales. Queens, specifically…. and waifs. The waif is a passive figure, like the stereotypical vision of Rapunzel. She sits, in a tower, waiting for someone to come and rescue her. (Quick note: This episode is from the archive and available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also stream it live from any browser on spreaker.com/heroine).As the writer and cultural critic Gloria Anzaldúa once said, “Nobody’s going to save you. No one’s going to cut you down, cut the thorns thick around you. No one’s going to storm the castle walls nor kiss awake your birth, climb down your hair, nor mount you onto the white steed. There is no one who will feed the yearning. Face it. You will have to do, do it yourself.”Some women seem to understand this inherently, and live their lives accordingly. Some of us struggle a bit more to accept this.American Photojournalist and New York Times Best Selling Author Lynsey Addario falls into that first camp. She’s a war photographer who works in conflict zones all over the world. Throughout her entire career, Lynsey has been willing to risk her life, her safety, and her creature comforts to pursue what makes her feel alive. She’s photographed women under the Taliban, documented misogyny in the Congo and been kidnapped in Libya. And she has also found love and become a mother. Lynsey’s story reminds me to choose to do what is meaningful …. To feed the yearning, as Gloria Anzaldúa says.Also, heroine, today’s episode wraps up the Spring season, though keep your ear open for a bonus episode or two dropping this summer. And don’t worry, we’ll pick back up in the Fall. Also, this episode happens to be the 100th episode of the podcast. Can you believe it? I write about my top ten learnings since I started the show three years ago on my blog and Instagram – tips that will help you, in starting to share your voice and becoming more visible. So make sure to check that out on my blog (majo.co – MAJO.co) AND on my instagram @majo.heroine. Remember that Majo is spelled with a “j” that Spanish “j’ as in José! A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

Earlier in this season we talked about fairy tales. Queens, specifically…. and waifs. The waif is a passive figure, like the stereotypical vision of Rapunzel. She sits, in a tower, waiting for someone to come and rescue her. (Quick note: This episode is from the archive and available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also stream it live from any browser on spreaker.com/heroine).As the writer and cultural critic Gloria Anzaldúa once said, “Nobody’s going to save you. No one’s going to cut you down, cut the thorns thick around you. No one’s going to storm the castle walls nor kiss awake your birth, climb down your hair, nor mount you onto the white steed. There is no one who will feed the yearning. Face it. You will have to do, do it yourself.”Some women seem to understand this inherently, and live their lives accordingly. Some of us struggle a bit more to accept this.American Photojournalist and New York Times Best Selling Author Lynsey Addario falls into that first camp. She’s a war photographer who works in conflict zones all over the world. Throughout her entire career, Lynsey has been willing to risk her life, her safety, and her creature comforts to pursue what makes her feel alive. She’s photographed women under the Taliban, documented misogyny in the Congo and been kidnapped in Libya. And she has also found love and become a mother. Lynsey’s story reminds me to choose to do what is meaningful …. To feed the yearning, as Gloria Anzaldúa says.Also, heroine, today’s episode wraps up the Spring season, though keep your ear open for a bonus episode or two dropping this summer. And don’t worry, we’ll pick back up in the Fall. Also, this episode happens to be the 100th episode of the podcast. Can you believe it? I write about my top ten learnings since I started the show three years ago on my blog and Instagram – tips that will help you, in starting to share your voice and becoming more visible. So make sure to check that out on my blog (majo.co – MAJO.co) AND on my instagram @majo.heroine. Remember that Majo is spelled with a “j” that Spanish “j’ as in José! A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

Eileen Fisher is more than a strong, female leader. Eileen Fisher is an icon. Her clothes - and her signature style - soft, elegant, warm - are an entire way of life. But unlike many famous leaders, and especially many famous FASHION leaders, Eileen is not driven by ego. She is humble. Midwestern. The Devil Wears Prada...she is decidedly, NOT. Throughout our interview, I wondered, how can such a strong leader speak with such a down to earth realness? Perhaps it’s because Eileen is an example of how to succeed well. As her brand continues to grow, she continues to reinvent. Instead of defining her business by how much money it makes, her company’s new parameter of success…. is sustainability. Her new mantra is do the most good instead of make the most money.In a world where our political leaders deny climate change...and other painful truths such as a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body...all to hold on to power...I think we can all take something from Eileen’s example.Live your values, show up, try. And remember that integrity is the only real currency we have in this world. Alright, on to the show.A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

Eileen Fisher is more than a strong, female leader. Eileen Fisher is an icon. Her clothes - and her signature style - soft, elegant, warm - are an entire way of life. But unlike many famous leaders, and especially many famous FASHION leaders, Eileen is not driven by ego. She is humble. Midwestern. The Devil Wears Prada...she is decidedly, NOT. Throughout our interview, I wondered, how can such a strong leader speak with such a down to earth realness? Perhaps it’s because Eileen is an example of how to succeed well. As her brand continues to grow, she continues to reinvent. Instead of defining her business by how much money it makes, her company’s new parameter of success…. is sustainability. Her new mantra is do the most good instead of make the most money.In a world where our political leaders deny climate change...and other painful truths such as a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body...all to hold on to power...I think we can all take something from Eileen’s example.Live your values, show up, try. And remember that integrity is the only real currency we have in this world. Alright, on to the show.A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

What happens when you marry someone who becomes rich and famous? Perhaps you find yourself becoming a bit blonder, a bit more stylish, and less, well, you - to fit into his life. I think we’ve all done this to a certain extent. Changed ourselves to fit the needs of someone we wanted to fit with. (Quick note: This episode is from the archive and available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also stream it live from any browser on spreaker.com/heroine).But let’s say this all happens in the public eye. You and this man start a family. And after all this stretching and shifting, tragedy strikes. Nothing can insulate us from that. And then, he breaks up with you. And quickly takes up with someone new.That’s what happened to Justine Musk. She’s a writer, speaker and soul-blogger. She is also the ex-wife of tech billionaire and provocateur Elon Musk. When I interviewed Justine, I was reminded of why I do this podcast. Justine experienced something in the Heroine’s journey called the descent. In crude terms, Justine was kind of a starter wife. She herself has said this in an article she wrote for Marie Claire. But as we’ve seen with our examination of archetypes in fairy tales at the beginning of the season, this one is woefully inadequate. It’s an oversimplification as they do little to reveal the soul of the person. And the origins of Justine’s story don’t define her. It’s what she chose to do with her story...that does.And it’s the descent - the darkness in her life that revealed the light of who she is. Which I think...is the truth for all great heroines. As the Sufi mystic Rumi once said, be patient where you sit in the dark, the dawn is coming. References: Check out Justine's blog at http://justinemusk.com/A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Brigid Cabry Nelson leads Lettershop, an award-winning creative studio that serves a wide range of clients—from boutique retailers to large corporations—approaching each and every project with vigor and enthusiasm. Learn more about Brigid and her work here. Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

What happens when you marry someone who becomes rich and famous? Perhaps you find yourself becoming a bit blonder, a bit more stylish, and less, well, you - to fit into his life. I think we’ve all done this to a certain extent. Changed ourselves to fit the needs of someone we wanted to fit with. (Quick note: This episode is from the archive and available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also stream it live from any browser on spreaker.com/heroine).But let’s say this all happens in the public eye. You and this man start a family. And after all this stretching and shifting, tragedy strikes. Nothing can insulate us from that. And then, he breaks up with you. And quickly takes up with someone new.That’s what happened to Justine Musk. She’s a writer, speaker and soul-blogger. She is also the ex-wife of tech billionaire and provocateur Elon Musk. When I interviewed Justine, I was reminded of why I do this podcast. Justine experienced something in the Heroine’s journey called the descent. In crude terms, Justine was kind of a starter wife. She herself has said this in an article she wrote for Marie Claire. But as we’ve seen with our examination of archetypes in fairy tales at the beginning of the season, this one is woefully inadequate. It’s an oversimplification as they do little to reveal the soul of the person. And the origins of Justine’s story don’t define her. It’s what she chose to do with her story...that does.And it’s the descent - the darkness in her life that revealed the light of who she is. Which I think...is the truth for all great heroines. As the Sufi mystic Rumi once said, be patient where you sit in the dark, the dawn is coming. References: Check out Justine's blog at http://justinemusk.com/A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Brigid Cabry Nelson leads Lettershop, an award-winning creative studio that serves a wide range of clients—from boutique retailers to large corporations—approaching each and every project with vigor and enthusiasm. Learn more about Brigid and her work here. Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

I can’t believe it’s been about three years since I first aired this episode with Roz Savage, the first woman to row solo across three oceans. Honestly, I remember feeling so nervous, not so much during the conversation, but more so in sharing the interview, as it was the first show that launched the podcast. Today, my editor, Anne, recut this so it’s lively, fresh and even more revelatory. (Quick note: This episode is from the archive and available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also stream it live from any browser on spreaker.com/heroine). Give yourself a second to really think about the fact that Roz rows across oceans alone. She sits in a small boat, day after day, with little besides the cold waves for company and the sea mist hitting her face. This is a woman who is comfortable with solitude….and freedom.But when Roz started rowing, she was, in her words, “just a management consultant” from the UK. So...how did she get to that wide, open ocean? What drives someone to leave everything they’ve known for so long to achieve a distant goal? In a way, that’s really the central question of this podcast. How do we stop being good girls and start being the heroines we’re meant to be? How do we write our own stories, create our own myths? How do we activate our own potential - even when it goes against all of our social conditioning?Roz ended up leaving her ordinary life because she sat down one day and wrote herself two obituaries. It sounds morbid, but for Roz it was clarifying. In one version, she had lived life as a business woman, in control and with fancy clothes. In the other, well, I won’t give too much away. Let’s just say, in the other obituary, her clothes didn’t matter. References:Roz Savage’s book, "Rowing the Atlantic: Lessons Learned on the Open Ocean." Roz Savage’s website, http://www.rozsavage.com/A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Brigid Cabry Nelson leads Lettershop, an award-winning creative studio that serves a wide range of clients—from boutique retailers to large corporations—approaching each and every project with vigor and enthusiasm. Learn more about Brigid and her work here. Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

I can’t believe it’s been about three years since I first aired this episode with Roz Savage, the first woman to row solo across three oceans. Honestly, I remember feeling so nervous, not so much during the conversation, but more so in sharing the interview, as it was the first show that launched the podcast. Today, my editor, Anne, recut this so it’s lively, fresh and even more revelatory. (Quick note: This episode is from the archive and available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also stream it live from any browser on spreaker.com/heroine). Give yourself a second to really think about the fact that Roz rows across oceans alone. She sits in a small boat, day after day, with little besides the cold waves for company and the sea mist hitting her face. This is a woman who is comfortable with solitude….and freedom.But when Roz started rowing, she was, in her words, “just a management consultant” from the UK. So...how did she get to that wide, open ocean? What drives someone to leave everything they’ve known for so long to achieve a distant goal? In a way, that’s really the central question of this podcast. How do we stop being good girls and start being the heroines we’re meant to be? How do we write our own stories, create our own myths? How do we activate our own potential - even when it goes against all of our social conditioning?Roz ended up leaving her ordinary life because she sat down one day and wrote herself two obituaries. It sounds morbid, but for Roz it was clarifying. In one version, she had lived life as a business woman, in control and with fancy clothes. In the other, well, I won’t give too much away. Let’s just say, in the other obituary, her clothes didn’t matter. References:Roz Savage’s book, "Rowing the Atlantic: Lessons Learned on the Open Ocean." Roz Savage’s website, http://www.rozsavage.com/A BIG THANK YOU & SHOUT OUT TO OUR BADASS PATRONS ESPECIALLY: Brigid Cabry Nelson leads Lettershop, an award-winning creative studio that serves a wide range of clients—from boutique retailers to large corporations—approaching each and every project with vigor and enthusiasm. Learn more about Brigid and her work here. Bianca Wendt, an award-winning art director and graphic designer based in San Francisco and London. Learn more about Bianca and her work here.Pssst....don't forget to follow me on Instagram @majo.heroine for more goodies, inspiration, and updates when episodes drop – yay!Want to support women's voices? Go to patreon.com/heroinefm & become a bigger part of the Heroine community. Check out our rewards for supporters.MUSIC:Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

Today, we’re going to sink deeper into the waif archetype to understand the true essence of the powerful fairytale and heroine Rapunzel. This episode is available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine (or wherever you get your podcasts). You can also stream it live from any browser here. Let’s bring back Kate Forsyth – an incredible novelist and fairy tale connoisseur – from the last episode. Kate argues the motifs we believe are passive in the tale, or that look passive at first glance, really aren’t. Here’s our convo.Majo: Yeah, I mean on the one hand her hair is kind of passive because it's dropping off the side of the building and it's being climbed on or it's being used but on the other hand –Kate: See I don't think that is a symbol of passivity, her own hair is the only form of ingress to her, it's the only way that people can reach her in her isolated state and in the end try and think of it more her hair is actually a symbol of her own strength that is being used against her. And once she's freed from that that is when she comes into her true power. It's not necessarily a symbol of passivity, in fact Rapunzel is not a passive figure, she sings with all of her strength and that draws the prince to her, she allows herself, she takes control of her life even though she is trapped against her will in this confined space. It's a misunderstanding of the fairy tale to use her as an example of female passivity.Majo: Yeah, that's really helpful, I love what you wrote, "Rapunzel's no passive maiden awaiting rescue. She was an active agent in events, an empowering figure. Though later versions increasingly drain the tale of it's subversive power."Kate: I mean that is exactly right, so the earliest versions are when she's at her most active. So what happened? Turns out the Grimm brothers, who were telling these tales in a very religious society, received a ton of backlash for the Rapunzel story. The story of lovers having sex in a tower was too racy (especially for children), so they stripped away the eroticism, darkness, and violence out of the original story. As Kate shares, The Grimm's were trying to make their stories more suitable for children but Rapunzel was never meant for children, it was always meant for young women on the verge of their own sexual lives. Because the truth is Rapunzel was proactive, clever, and resourceful. She was not waiting around. In one older version of the tale by Italian folk collector Giambattista Basile, Rapunzel is even more fierce, as she finds three acorns from the witch she then uses against her. Each acorn becomes an animal ally of sorts – first a dog, then a lion, and finally a wolf that devours and kills the witch. I was super into this version, and was going to go with it and be like, “See Rapunzel’s a warrior!” until I met Kate, who brought way more refinement to the conversation. Kate was attracted to the version written by 18th Century French, female writer Charlotte Rose De La Force. Because in that version, it is Rapunzel who heals the prince with her tears. The more I reflect on both versions, I do love what De La Force did to the tale...Rapunzel’s tears are not a sign of weakness, but of power. This got me thinking about something a friend once told me, “healing doesn’t happen through force, or action, it happens through relaxation, opening…release.” Tears are a form of release, sacred tears are the release that, like the rain, allow for new growth to happen. For centuries, we’ve been shamed for having tears, for being emotional, we’re called hysterical, when our feelings are a source of our intelligence as women, and I think that’s what Rapunzel is truly all about. Feelings, sadness, grief, and tears, allow us to release and move on, allow us and others to heal. Tears are a sign of compassion. In fairy tales, we’re so used to good...

Today, we’re going to sink deeper into the waif archetype to understand the true essence of the powerful fairytale and heroine Rapunzel. This episode is available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine (or wherever you get your podcasts). You can also stream it live from any browser here. Let’s bring back Kate Forsyth – an incredible novelist and fairy tale connoisseur – from the last episode. Kate argues the motifs we believe are passive in the tale, or that look passive at first glance, really aren’t. Here’s our convo.Majo: Yeah, I mean on the one hand her hair is kind of passive because it's dropping off the side of the building and it's being climbed on or it's being used but on the other hand –Kate: See I don't think that is a symbol of passivity, her own hair is the only form of ingress to her, it's the only way that people can reach her in her isolated state and in the end try and think of it more her hair is actually a symbol of her own strength that is being used against her. And once she's freed from that that is when she comes into her true power. It's not necessarily a symbol of passivity, in fact Rapunzel is not a passive figure, she sings with all of her strength and that draws the prince to her, she allows herself, she takes control of her life even though she is trapped against her will in this confined space. It's a misunderstanding of the fairy tale to use her as an example of female passivity.Majo: Yeah, that's really helpful, I love what you wrote, "Rapunzel's no passive maiden awaiting rescue. She was an active agent in events, an empowering figure. Though later versions increasingly drain the tale of it's subversive power."Kate: I mean that is exactly right, so the earliest versions are when she's at her most active. So what happened? Turns out the Grimm brothers, who were telling these tales in a very religious society, received a ton of backlash for the Rapunzel story. The story of lovers having sex in a tower was too racy (especially for children), so they stripped away the eroticism, darkness, and violence out of the original story. As Kate shares, The Grimm's were trying to make their stories more suitable for children but Rapunzel was never meant for children, it was always meant for young women on the verge of their own sexual lives. Because the truth is Rapunzel was proactive, clever, and resourceful. She was not waiting around. In one older version of the tale by Italian folk collector Giambattista Basile, Rapunzel is even more fierce, as she finds three acorns from the witch she then uses against her. Each acorn becomes an animal ally of sorts – first a dog, then a lion, and finally a wolf that devours and kills the witch. I was super into this version, and was going to go with it and be like, “See Rapunzel’s a warrior!” until I met Kate, who brought way more refinement to the conversation. Kate was attracted to the version written by 18th Century French, female writer Charlotte Rose De La Force. Because in that version, it is Rapunzel who heals the prince with her tears. The more I reflect on both versions, I do love what De La Force did to the tale...Rapunzel’s tears are not a sign of weakness, but of power. This got me thinking about something a friend once told me, “healing doesn’t happen through force, or action, it happens through relaxation, opening…release.” Tears are a form of release, sacred tears are the release that, like the rain, allow for new growth to happen. For centuries, we’ve been shamed for having tears, for being emotional, we’re called hysterical, when our feelings are a source of our intelligence as women, and I think that’s what Rapunzel is truly all about. Feelings, sadness, grief, and tears, allow us to release and move on, allow us and others to heal. Tears are a sign of compassion. In fairy tales, we’re so used to good...

Today, we’re kicking off the first part of exploring the waif archetype, also know as the very passive maiden in the tower, the princess waiting to be rescued, and the good girl – an archetype I’ve long been fascinated with and am even writing a whole book about (coming out next year, still can’t believe it!). Today’s episode is available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine (or wherever you get your podcasts). You can also stream it live from any browser here. Some of you may be wondering why I’m focusing on fairy tales, when most of us haven’t thought about them since we were children. What do they have to do with you now? To help me answer this question, I invited Australian author Kate Forsyth onto the show. Kate has retold many fairy tales through her novels, including Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, and Rapunzel. I asked Kate if she thinks that reading fairy tales as little girls actually affects us as adult women. Kate says that yes, fairy tales help prepare us for what’s to come:I mean in a way the witches and the dragons and the ogres, these are metaphors that allow us to examine things like fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved, fear of failure, fear of death, fear of harm. And because they're generally told in a safe place in a circle of light around a fire, in the comfort of a mothers lap, while tucked up in bed, because the person listening to the story is safe, it enables them to for a while in their imagination do battle with these witches and these monsters and triumph over them. Now we know, neurologically speaking, that anything that we experience in our imagination acts in the brain as if it has actually happened. So when we feel that thrill of triumph at having outwitted the witch well our brain processes it as if we had actually done it.So these stories help us learn emotional resilience and intelligence, and if we were fed wonky stories, or if we didn’t fully integrate them as little girls, that will affect how we live and lead down the road. A few years ago, Kate completed her PhD on reimagining the Rapunzel archetype, which is why I specifically reached out to her. I thought she could better help me understand this maiden in the tower. In this episode, we go over the Rapunzel tale together, which is super important because some of you may remember it differently (I was shocked by the ending, which I had no memory of whatsoever). In her more reduced interpretation (as a trope for female passivity), Rapunzel represents this idea of feeling trapped, which is symbolized by the tower in the tale, as Kate shares:I mean fairy tales work at this kind of metaphorical or archetypal level and it's a rare human that does not find themselves trapped and disempowered by their circumstances in some way. And so in Rapunzel the tower stands in for anything that is tying back the human spirit, it might be fear, it might be an unhappy relationship, it might be ones own parents, it might be the school that you are forced to go to against your will, it might be a job that is making you deeply unhappy. It's a metaphorical tower and so for that reason it is the most memorable motif in the fairy tale.So what’s your tower right now? It could be internal or external. That’s my question to you. Or let me put it this way: what is the story you’re telling yourself, about how you’re trapped, and you have no choice to be doing this or that. Remember, an uncomfortable situation and relationship can be bizarrely comfortable because it’s familiar, so we forget amidst that cozy comfort, that we still have choice. Every day, every second, we are making choices. The first step to getting out of your tower is taking back your agency by seeing that you have choice. Rapunzel made choices. She was far more proactive than we think. I’m only scratching the surface of our conversation in this post, as...

Today, we’re kicking off the first part of exploring the waif archetype, also know as the very passive maiden in the tower, the princess waiting to be rescued, and the good girl – an archetype I’ve long been fascinated with and am even writing a whole book about (coming out next year, still can’t believe it!). Today’s episode is available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine (or wherever you get your podcasts). You can also stream it live from any browser here. Some of you may be wondering why I’m focusing on fairy tales, when most of us haven’t thought about them since we were children. What do they have to do with you now? To help me answer this question, I invited Australian author Kate Forsyth onto the show. Kate has retold many fairy tales through her novels, including Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, and Rapunzel. I asked Kate if she thinks that reading fairy tales as little girls actually affects us as adult women. Kate says that yes, fairy tales help prepare us for what’s to come:I mean in a way the witches and the dragons and the ogres, these are metaphors that allow us to examine things like fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved, fear of failure, fear of death, fear of harm. And because they're generally told in a safe place in a circle of light around a fire, in the comfort of a mothers lap, while tucked up in bed, because the person listening to the story is safe, it enables them to for a while in their imagination do battle with these witches and these monsters and triumph over them. Now we know, neurologically speaking, that anything that we experience in our imagination acts in the brain as if it has actually happened. So when we feel that thrill of triumph at having outwitted the witch well our brain processes it as if we had actually done it.So these stories help us learn emotional resilience and intelligence, and if we were fed wonky stories, or if we didn’t fully integrate them as little girls, that will affect how we live and lead down the road. A few years ago, Kate completed her PhD on reimagining the Rapunzel archetype, which is why I specifically reached out to her. I thought she could better help me understand this maiden in the tower. In this episode, we go over the Rapunzel tale together, which is super important because some of you may remember it differently (I was shocked by the ending, which I had no memory of whatsoever). In her more reduced interpretation (as a trope for female passivity), Rapunzel represents this idea of feeling trapped, which is symbolized by the tower in the tale, as Kate shares:I mean fairy tales work at this kind of metaphorical or archetypal level and it's a rare human that does not find themselves trapped and disempowered by their circumstances in some way. And so in Rapunzel the tower stands in for anything that is tying back the human spirit, it might be fear, it might be an unhappy relationship, it might be ones own parents, it might be the school that you are forced to go to against your will, it might be a job that is making you deeply unhappy. It's a metaphorical tower and so for that reason it is the most memorable motif in the fairy tale.So what’s your tower right now? It could be internal or external. That’s my question to you. Or let me put it this way: what is the story you’re telling yourself, about how you’re trapped, and you have no choice to be doing this or that. Remember, an uncomfortable situation and relationship can be bizarrely comfortable because it’s familiar, so we forget amidst that cozy comfort, that we still have choice. Every day, every second, we are making choices. The first step to getting out of your tower is taking back your agency by seeing that you have choice. Rapunzel made choices. She was far more proactive than we think. I’m only scratching the surface of our conversation in this post, as...

For the first four episodes of this season, we’re exploring the female archetypes (and stereotypes!) in old fairy and folk tales. First up – the Queen. To quickly recap – in the last episode, we learned about the sequel to Sleeping Beauty’s “happily ever after” in which she has to deal with her mother-in-law –  the evil Queen Mother – an ogre and wants to eat her twin babies. If you haven’t listened to that episode, go back and do so, otherwise this second part won’t make sense. Today, we’re going to sink deeper into this archetype to understand what’s going really going on – and in the process, learn more about ourselves.  Episodes are available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine (or wherever you get your podcasts). You can also stream it live from any browser here. So, I came across a 17th Century version of Sleeping Beauty called Sun, Moon, and Talia, and oh heroine, did this really put the Queen in perspective for me. It helped me see her in a completely different light. In this other version, the evil Queen isn’t the King’s mother, but get this, she’s the King’s wife. Yes, Sleeping Beauty– or Talia – is actually the “third” woman in this tale. That’s right, our homeboy King is a player. He already had a wife before he met Sleeping Beauty – it’s the part Disney doesn’t mention. He’s just doing what Kings did back then, sleep with whoever they wanted.So we begin to see that there’s a complicated relationship between the King and the Queen. At one point in the tale, when The Queen thinks he’s eating one of his own kids (the kids he would have had with another woman), she tells him, and I quote “"Eat away! for you eat what is your own." What the King replies is fascinating, and I quote “"Ay, I know well enough that what I eat is my own, for you brought nothing to the house." Oh snap. That’s a rude response. The tale writes, “And at last getting up in a rage, he went off to a villa at a little distance to cool his anger.”In other words, the King is annoyed that the Queen isn’t contributing “bread” to the table. This line could be interpreted many ways. Either he’s mad she hasn’t brought home the bacon or he could be shaming her for coming with a small dowry. But what options does a Queen have, locked in a Kingdom, in a patriarchal society, to go out and bring something to the house? Very little. In fact, in most of these fairy tales, the King is always quite mobile of course, traversing stretches of land, while the Princesses and Queens are confined within walls, or being ordered around to go from place A to B. It’s clear that the Queen is powerless in the patriarchy with her lead patriarch, very literally the King. At one point, when she confronts Talia who we know as Sleeping Beauty – the woman her husband is having an affair with –  she says, “Are you the weed that has caught my husband’s eye and given me all this trouble? So so, you are come at last to purgatory, where I'll make you pay for all the ill you have done me." Obviously, Talia’s not the problem – the King is the main issue here, lest this becomes an episode of Jerry Springer. Both Talia and the Queen are powerless in different ways.So, it’s obvious and quite justified – one of the ways the Queen has responded to betrayal, hurt, and feelings of powerlessness is to become a total Queen. Duh. In other words, she claims control because she’s been badly hurt. She’s wounded! When we see the full context of the Queen, we can see how she’s very connected to the inner victim...underneath Queen behavior is a feeling (and perhaps even a reality) of victimhood. Ok, now it’s our time to turn it to you. How have you felt out of control in your life, and how has that made you double down on becoming more controlling? For some of us, we grow up in chaotic households, so we turn to controlling what we eat. In my case, I grew up moving around a lot, not having...

For the first four episodes of this season, we’re exploring the female archetypes (and stereotypes!) in old fairy and folk tales. First up – the Queen. To quickly recap – in the last episode, we learned about the sequel to Sleeping Beauty’s “happily ever after” in which she has to deal with her mother-in-law –  the evil Queen Mother – an ogre and wants to eat her twin babies. If you haven’t listened to that episode, go back and do so, otherwise this second part won’t make sense. Today, we’re going to sink deeper into this archetype to understand what’s going really going on – and in the process, learn more about ourselves.  Episodes are available when you subscribe to the podcast on ApplePodcasts.com/Heroine (or wherever you get your podcasts). You can also stream it live from any browser here. So, I came across a 17th Century version of Sleeping Beauty called Sun, Moon, and Talia, and oh heroine, did this really put the Queen in perspective for me. It helped me see her in a completely different light. In this other version, the evil Queen isn’t the King’s mother, but get this, she’s the King’s wife. Yes, Sleeping Beauty– or Talia – is actually the “third” woman in this tale. That’s right, our homeboy King is a player. He already had a wife before he met Sleeping Beauty – it’s the part Disney doesn’t mention. He’s just doing what Kings did back then, sleep with whoever they wanted.So we begin to see that there’s a complicated relationship between the King and the Queen. At one point in the tale, when The Queen thinks he’s eating one of his own kids (the kids he would have had with another woman), she tells him, and I quote “"Eat away! for you eat what is your own." What the King replies is fascinating, and I quote “"Ay, I know well enough that what I eat is my own, for you brought nothing to the house." Oh snap. That’s a rude response. The tale writes, “And at last getting up in a rage, he went off to a villa at a little distance to cool his anger.”In other words, the King is annoyed that the Queen isn’t contributing “bread” to the table. This line could be interpreted many ways. Either he’s mad she hasn’t brought home the bacon or he could be shaming her for coming with a small dowry. But what options does a Queen have, locked in a Kingdom, in a patriarchal society, to go out and bring something to the house? Very little. In fact, in most of these fairy tales, the King is always quite mobile of course, traversing stretches of land, while the Princesses and Queens are confined within walls, or being ordered around to go from place A to B. It’s clear that the Queen is powerless in the patriarchy with her lead patriarch, very literally the King. At one point, when she confronts Talia who we know as Sleeping Beauty – the woman her husband is having an affair with –  she says, “Are you the weed that has caught my husband’s eye and given me all this trouble? So so, you are come at last to purgatory, where I'll make you pay for all the ill you have done me." Obviously, Talia’s not the problem – the King is the main issue here, lest this becomes an episode of Jerry Springer. Both Talia and the Queen are powerless in different ways.So, it’s obvious and quite justified – one of the ways the Queen has responded to betrayal, hurt, and feelings of powerlessness is to become a total Queen. Duh. In other words, she claims control because she’s been badly hurt. She’s wounded! When we see the full context of the Queen, we can see how she’s very connected to the inner victim...underneath Queen behavior is a feeling (and perhaps even a reality) of victimhood. Ok, now it’s our time to turn it to you. How have you felt out of control in your life, and how has that made you double down on becoming more controlling? For some of us, we grow up in chaotic households, so we turn to controlling what we eat. In my case, I grew up moving around a lot, not having...

For the next four episodes on Heroine, we’re exploring the female archetypes (and stereotypes!) in old fairy and folk tales. The first archetype we’re going to explore is one of my favorites – the Queen.Obviously the “evil” Queen is a common storytelling trope. But like all tropes, they’re simultaneously false and real. They’re real in that by learning and growing up around these characters, we internalize some of them. They’re false in that they’re still tropes, which means nobody is all Queen, or all Princess, all of the time – that’s a sweet oversimplification. We’re going to first explore how there’s some reality in this Queen archetype. If we think of these characters as part of our own psyche, who is the reckless Queen out to control and maintain power? Is this a part of you that’s loud in your life, or quiet? I was curious about the Queen archetype in the women in my life – so I thought I’d interview a mutual friend.Meet Dionna.Dionna: My name is Dionna McPhatter. I'm the co-founder of Nacci (naccidigital.com). We do data driven storytelling that harnesses the power of data, data science, narrative and storytelling and design thinking to bring solutions to businesses.Majo: Do you feel like others perceive you to be like queenly or have this energy?Dionna: Yeah, I think so. I think there's plenty more to me, but yeah, I think that this wouldn't be hard for them to ... I mean, I have people that call me Queen D. So I think that has come out early and I never asked for that as a title.Majo: Do you have example from your own life where you were like, oh dang, maybe I was too much, maybe I was too powerful in this situation or too assertive or too queenly and I should've peeled back or that got me in trouble.Dionna: Trouble, no. I see it all as learning. I haven't felt in trouble in a long time, but I think the ... I've had times where I'm leading a team or I'm just on the team. So it was all of my peers and so, I didn't see myself as higher than them. But I just have a certain way that I communicate. And I got feedback that because I communicate with such clarity, that made people feel like I wasn't open to their ideas, right? There's plenty of times when I choose not to speak, so you know I don't really care that much or I'm in listening mode or whatever. But when I choose to speak about something, I am passionate, so that can deter other people sometimes. And then, when they're speaking, they can think that I'm not listening.I can really relate to Dionna, because I have a lot of the Queen archetype within me. And it manifests in a variety of ways – I want things done, when I want them, efficiently, and on my own time. I like to delegate, I actually have no problem with it at all. And being a Queen feels great most of the time, but I did notice that there’s a downside to it – people often don’t feel my warmth, or feel cared for, when I’m acting like a Queen. One time I was queening out, and dissatisfied by someone I hired to help handle my social media. I found myself getting irritated, and angry, and snappy at her. You know since my Queen is a total perfectionist, one who wants it perfect or not at all. And then she quit! I felt relieved, but also kind of embarrassed. I realized when I’m being a Queen, people obviously don’t want to collaborate. The impact of that of course, is that Queens end up lonely and isolated in their glass or ice palaces. They shut themselves off from the world. It’s hard for me to admit tell you about the times I Queen because she’s not a part of myself I’m proud of. Even now, I can feel how uncomfortable it is to share with you, because it’s an ugly dark part of myself (the shadow!) I sometimes wish would go away, especially when she’s acting out. So how about you? What is your relationship to this trait? Does it help you get things done? Do you...