Finding You: An Evoke Therapy Podcast

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses the Myths of Being Right, Chapter 9 of The Journey of the Heroic Parent. He talks about how the defense we set up is to protect us from being alone or abandoned. Dr. Reedy explains how being right is a counterfeit form of being who you are, being a self, being a vulnerable human being. He explains how parents can become more human and model this to their children by doing their work and discovering their authentic self.

Dr. Brad Reedy talks about what to do when communication skills don't work. He also talks about when to negotiate boundaries and when to stay firm.

Dr. Reedy talks about how when we support our children, we must avoid trying to control them even when we think our motives are pure or will prevent them from making big mistakes. He explains how children are not capable of holding their parents’ feelings without suffering some great cost, primarily the loss of the authentic self.

Dr. Reedy destroys myths surrounding guilt and shame. discuss how guilt and shame are not effective tools in parenting and moral development. He explains how we have to tolerate feelings of guilt in order to do the right thing.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from audience members and talks on themes of when to share your feelings with your child and how to be support a sibling returning home from treatment.

Dr. Reedy discuss a central theme in his book, distinguishing control from levels of structure and strictness. He talks about how controlling parenting is toxic and involves the use of emotional coercion (shame, fear, guilt, debate, lecturing). He talks about how boundaries come from a place of self-care and demonstrate healthy psychological boundaries. He explains that permissive parents tend to be controlling because they use emotions to manipulate children and to ask children to take care of parents' emotions—he explains how this dynamic leads to a lack of a sense of self in the child.

Dr. Brad Reedy takes live questions from the audience on parenting. He talks about how our wounds and the symptoms created to protect us can hurt those close to us. The tittle of this broadcast is taken from Dr. JD GIll's book. "The Letters of Juliet to the Knight in Rusty Armor."

Dr. Brad Reedy welcomes Michael Mclean and Jeff Mclean to the podcast. Michael, the father, is a renowned L.D.S. songwriter, playwright, author, and filmmaker. His son Jeff is an accomplished artist, singer, voice teacher, and actor in his own right. This podcast is as preview for a book the three are writing of navigating the landscape from a conservative, small-town, religious community to a father and son finding each other after the son comes out gay. We talk about faith, God, love, and what it means to find each other when the dominant messages in our culture drive us away from each other.

Dr. Brad Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He talks about making parenting decisions from a place of willingness and capacity rather than from a place of should or should not.

Dr. Reedy continues to review chapters from his first book, “The Journey of the Heroic Parent.” In Chapter 5, Tools for Encourage Change in Your Children, Dr. Reedy explains behavioral theory and how, for it to be most effective, it must be built on a foundation of self-awareness. He explains, “Before trying to change our child’s behavior, we would be wise to listen to what that behavior is trying to tell us.”

Dr. Brad Reedy welcomes Meredith Bluestine to the broadcast. Meredith talks about her journey dealing with a child struggling with mental health issues and how it turned her towards looking inward and doing her own work. She talks about a mother’s guilt and shame. She talks about the need to talk with other parents, devoid of judgment, to find healing. She shares a mantra from the poet Maggie Nelson, “It is idle to fault a net for having holes.” We discuss what “doing your own work is” and how it makes a difference.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Sanford Shapiro back to the podcast. Sanford talks about "twice exceptional" clients and why it matters. He talks about seeing children and how in our understanding them, we must embrace complexity and mystery. Sanford is Evoke's Learning Specialist and Executive Consultant. He is also the author of "A Light Within" and "A Light Within My Dyslexia."

When to Draw the Line with Your Child - Ep 390 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Brad Reedy goes beyond the basics of communication by exploring the foundations of connection with our children. After reviewing the “I Feel Statement” and “Reflective Listening” skills, Dr. Reedy examines how these tools help us to become more aware of the internal landscapes ad the motives that are driving our behaviors.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience and explains how to help children move through difficult and painful emotions. He explains that by allowing children feel and not getting attached to them getting over their feelings or encouraging resolution, we help them to integrate and resolve difficult feelings. We "hold" them with love and patience and they are able to naturally move through feelings towards a sense of wholeness.