What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood

Some experts say we’re drowning today’s kids under nightly tsunamis of homework. Others disagree— but one thing’s for sure: our kids have more homework than we did at their age. And more stress. And more “projects,” a word sure to strike terror in any mother’s heart. In this episode, we take on homework, and discuss * whether kindergarteners should have it in the first place * how to avoid the nightly wailing and gnashing of teeth by setting your household’s “reasonable limits” * whether we’re supposed to help our middle-schoolers with their assignments * whether we are smarter than third graders (spoiler alert: sometimes) Here’s links to some of the research discussed in this episode: The National PTA recommends ten minutes of homework per grade: in other words, ten minutes a night for a first grader, an hour for a sixth grader. We heartily agree. Karl Taro Greenfeld, writing for The Atlantic on what happened when he tried to do his middle-school-aged daughter’s homework for a week. The University of Michigan’s study finding that the average time spent weekly on homework increased from two hours and 38 minutes in 1981 to three hours and 58 minutes in 2004. The Brookings Institute study on homework in America, arguing that the homework load has not actually gotten larger at all— except for nine-year-olds. and finally, the Texas teacher hailed across the nation after announcing she would be assigning exactly zero homework to her young students this year. Does homework cause nightly struggles in your home? Do you wonder whether you’re supposed to do that “project” with your kids, or for your kids, or blithely ignore it? Let us know in the comments…

This week’s episode is all about screen time. Given: Unlimited screen time is bad. But how much is okay? How much is too much? How do you handle the nightly battles of “But PLEASE, Mom! Just one more level!” when it’s time to unplug? Most importantly: is it ever okay to let our kids’ brains melt just long enough to get dinner finished? In this episode, we talk about how to limit screen time for each age group– toddlers to teens– while acknowledging that screens are an increasing part of our children’s lives, both inside the classroom and out. Since we recorded this episode the American Academy of Pediatrics has lifted its draconian “no screens under two” rule, which we heartily agree with. Encourage parents to make good choices; don’t treat us like idiots who are incapable of exercising judgment. Really, don’t. You wouldn’t like us when we’re angry. Here’s links to other writing and products mentioned in this episode: Resources for when you’re ready to go hard-core * screenfree.org * unpluggedchallenge.com * sabbathmanifesto.org (National Day of Unplugging) * Time Timer Good writing that has something to say on the subject: * Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies (not at all *about* screen time, but a great read which mentions the importance of frequent and casual conversation with your kids) * Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport (in case you need to be reminded why unlimited screen time is bad) * Louis CK Hates Cell Phones  

This week’s episode is all about screen time. Given: Unlimited screen time is bad. But how much is okay? How much is too much? How do you handle the nightly battles of “But PLEASE, Mom! Just one more level!” when it’s time to unplug? Most importantly: is it ever okay to let our kids’ brains melt just long enough to get dinner finished? In this episode, we talk about how to limit screen time for each age group– toddlers to teens– while acknowledging that screens are an increasing part of our children’s lives, both inside the classroom and out. Since we recorded this episode the American Academy of Pediatrics has lifted its draconian “no screens under two” rule, which we heartily agree with. Encourage parents to make good choices; don’t treat us like idiots who are incapable of exercising judgment. Really, don’t. You wouldn’t like us when we’re angry. Here’s links to other writing and products mentioned in this episode: Resources for when you’re ready to go hard-core * screenfree.org * unpluggedchallenge.com * sabbathmanifesto.org (National Day of Unplugging) * Time Timer Good writing that has something to say on the subject: * Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies (not at all *about* screen time, but a great read which mentions the importance of frequent and casual conversation with your kids) * Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport (in case you need to be reminded why unlimited screen time is bad) * Louis CK Hates Cell Phones  

You just brought your kid’s forgotten lunch to school. Again. Is that helping or helicoptering? You know overparenting when you see it— in other people. Sometimes it’s harder to gauge in yourself. As moms go, Margaret tends toward the laissez-faire, and Amy towards the shall-we-say particularly attentive. In this episode we tease out * our own worst bad calls on this topic * the best question to ask yourself when you’re not sure if you’re hovering or just helping * why you need to start letting your kids fail now Perhaps it’s best to just keep in mind Margaret’s solemn words of advice: When in doubt, let your children be more miserable. Here’s a few of the books and articles we mention in this episode: Little Failure– hilarious and mega-prizewinning memoir by Gary Shteyngart- what happens to a guy whose parents never, EVER told him he was special. In this case, he becomes a genius and prize-winning author. So there you go. How To Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims When Parents Are Too Connected (Toronto Star) What Is It About 20-Somethings? – NYTimes.com   photo courtesy of Principal Steve Straessle of the Catholic High School for Boys, Little Rock, AR:  Principal’s Problem-Solving Rule for Parents Goes Viral

Welcome to the podcast! Whether you call it “picky eating,” “restricted eating,” or as some pediatricians like to call it, “avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder” (ARFID)— if you’ve got more than one kid, chances are you’ve got a kid whose acceptable foodstuffs can be counted on one hand. We’ve each dealt with a picky eater at home. Amy’s teenager has pretty much outgrown it; Margaret’s still in the thick of it with her grade schooler. So we know from picky eating, and in this episode, we discuss * why picky eaters are NOT the result of bad parenting * why almost every kid suddenly becomes a picky eater at about the age of two * why picky eating can eventually get better on its own… but why we say you still gotta force the issue a little * how to get the daily dinnertime battle for control under control * how getting the picky eater motivated to solve the problem may be the quickest path to progress   If you have a picky eater, it’s not your fault. Leave the guilt behind and get to work! It takes time, it takes baby steps— but in this episode you’ll hear lots of ways to get started. Here’s some of the studies and other links we reference in the episode: * from NPR: Could Your Child’s Picky Eating Be a Sign of Depression?     (the short answer- not exactly, although they often accompany each other) * a study in the journal Pediatrics suggesting a link between picky eating and other emotional issues, like anxiety and depression. Their results suggest that if your child’s picky eating is moderate or worse, intervention is important: * from The New York Times, an article explaining the genetic origins of picky eating, also known as “neophobia”: * for an entertaining (and comforting) read for us moms with picky eaters, check out Wendy Wisner @wendywisner on Scary Mommy: Unless You Have A Picky Eater, Please Don’t Give Me Advice About Feeding My Kids * and the Kick in the Rear award for this week goes to Rachael Ray, who says,“Parents ask me all the time: ‘How do you fix a picky eater?’ Start with yourself.”    Thanks for nothing, Rach!  

You just brought your kid’s forgotten lunch to school. Again. Is that helping or helicoptering? You know overparenting when you see it— in other people. Sometimes it’s harder to gauge in yourself. As moms go, Margaret tends toward the laissez-faire, and Amy towards the shall-we-say particularly attentive. In this episode we tease out * our own worst bad calls on this topic * the best question to ask yourself when you’re not sure if you’re hovering or just helping * why you need to start letting your kids fail now Perhaps it’s best to just keep in mind Margaret’s solemn words of advice: When in doubt, let your children be more miserable. Here’s a few of the books and articles we mention in this episode: Little Failure– hilarious and mega-prizewinning memoir by Gary Shteyngart- what happens to a guy whose parents never, EVER told him he was special. In this case, he becomes a genius and prize-winning author. So there you go. How To Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims When Parents Are Too Connected (Toronto Star) What Is It About 20-Somethings? – NYTimes.com   photo courtesy of Principal Steve Straessle of the Catholic High School for Boys, Little Rock, AR:  Principal’s Problem-Solving Rule for Parents Goes Viral

Welcome to the podcast! Whether you call it “picky eating,” “restricted eating,” or as some pediatricians like to call it, “avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder” (ARFID)— if you’ve got more than one kid, chances are you’ve got a kid whose acceptable foodstuffs can be counted on one hand. We’ve each dealt with a picky eater at home. Amy’s teenager has pretty much outgrown it; Margaret’s still in the thick of it with her grade schooler. So we know from picky eating, and in this episode, we discuss * why picky eaters are NOT the result of bad parenting * why almost every kid suddenly becomes a picky eater at about the age of two * why picky eating can eventually get better on its own… but why we say you still gotta force the issue a little * how to get the daily dinnertime battle for control under control * how getting the picky eater motivated to solve the problem may be the quickest path to progress   If you have a picky eater, it’s not your fault. Leave the guilt behind and get to work! It takes time, it takes baby steps— but in this episode you’ll hear lots of ways to get started. Here’s some of the studies and other links we reference in the episode: * from NPR: Could Your Child’s Picky Eating Be a Sign of Depression?     (the short answer- not exactly, although they often accompany each other) * a study in the journal Pediatrics suggesting a link between picky eating and other emotional issues, like anxiety and depression. Their results suggest that if your child’s picky eating is moderate or worse, intervention is important: * from The New York Times, an article explaining the genetic origins of picky eating, also known as “neophobia”: * for an entertaining (and comforting) read for us moms with picky eaters, check out Wendy Wisner @wendywisner on Scary Mommy: Unless You Have A Picky Eater, Please Don’t Give Me Advice About Feeding My Kids * and the Kick in the Rear award for this week goes to Rachael Ray, who says,“Parents ask me all the time: ‘How do you fix a picky eater?’ Start with yourself.”    Thanks for nothing, Rach!