Messy Parenting: Catholic conversations on marriage and family

“All it requires is that you be a man, a real man, which means a man of courage, perseverance, and integrity. You were made a man for a reason. You were made a man to be strong, long husband and father. So listen to your instincts and do what’s right. Be a hero.” – Dr. Meg Meeker Fatherhood is devalued, under appreciated, and desperately needed in our society. Why is fatherhood so important? Why is it so hard for men to be good fathers? In this podcast we discuss how our relationship with God the Father is the key to embracing who we are as parents. In addition, every man has a role as priest, prophet and king and his family. Let’s talk about what that means so every man can come to a deeper understanding of his role as a father. Show Notes: * Dr. Meg Meeker – What only a dad can give * Great short film from David Henrie — well worth watching Catch

I love playing with preschoolers. They make me feel so powerful! Family game night is quickly becoming lost in our technological age, but it is an extremely valuable pastime for families with many benefits. Not only can games bring people together, but they also exercise our brains and people skills while having fun! Listen in as we discuss why we play games with our family, the types of games to play, and some obstacles we have encountered with our kids. What are your top three family games when you were growing up or now?

“There are no such thing as stupid questions – only stupid people” (but not your questions!) All of you out there have helped to make this a lot of fun for us and we love to hear from you! We have gotten lots of encouraging comments from our listeners, but also some really great questions. In this episode we decided to take some time to answer some of the insightful questions we have gotten from all of you out there, so this is a very eclectic podcast! Some of the topics we cover include: sleeping situations, dealing with kids who don’t want to ask forgiveness, reading suggestions for newly married couples, family routines, and more. Thank you for all who sent in questions – keep them coming so we can address them in future podcasts! Referenced Links: * Exceptional Marriages (Dr. Greg Popcak — resources and radio show) * 5 Love Languages * Family Meals * Sibling Conflict * Theology of the Body for Teens * Preparing for Adolescence (preparation and rites of passage) * Family Prayer (special link: Book  and Ceremony for Enthronement of the Sacred Heart)

Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits. Changes in technology happen rapidly and kids are usually way ahead of their parents on the newest app, social media, or website. It is hard, or even impossible, for parents to keep up! Some choose to keep their children away from all screens, and though sometimes we envy these people, this is not the route that we have chosen. The reality is that these things are here to stay, and as parents we need to prepare our children to become responsible adults who can function in this world with self-control and discernment. There is no easy answer, but we can offer some encouragement and perspective!

Sometimes we try to love someone in a language they don’t understand. We all know that our mission is to love our spouses and our children, but how do we communicate that love to them? How do we speak so that others can understand what we are saying? Gary Campbell has written a book that we have referred to often called The Five Love Languages and it is a great way to figure out how to speak in the way that our family can understand our love. * The 5 Love Languages (website and resources) * 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman  

“The ability of a child to do a chore is inversely proportionate to their desire to do it.” ~said Frustrated Mother Chores are a part of every family’s life, or at least they should be. Sometimes parents find it easier to just do things themselves, but this does not teach responsibility nor the essential life skills every person needs. So why are chores valuable? More importantly, how can we get our kids to do them? Show Notes: * Maria Montessori’s Philosophy on children’s work * Age-appropriate chores from Focus on the Family * Happy Housewife chores based on age

“Wives be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the Church, his body and himself his Savior” Eph 5:22 People hear this reading in the pews and start squirming! Why is that? This is an integral passage to understand not only the relationship between husbands and wives, but in understanding how we can image God to each other. We have found that often this passage is misinterpreted and misunderstood. After years of thinking about this and living it out in our marriage we offer a different perspective in this podcast. The heart of what we talk about is how God wants to love each husband and each wife through their spouse. Marital love is a powerful thing because God wants to use it to show us His powerful awesome love. Listen in as we offer our perspective on this compelling passage of God’s word. Show Notes: * Fr. John Riccardo podcast on Biblical Vision for Marriage * This Inspired Life (Interview with Alicia on Ephesians 5) * Old article Alicia wrote on Submission ( from 1998!)

“…the happiness you are seeking, the happiness you have the right to enjoy, has a face and a name. It is Jesus of Nazareth, hidden in the Eucharist” – Pope Benedict XVI The only way our faith as Catholics makes any sense is when we see our lives as a journey to deepen our relationship with Jesus. If our lives aren’t about Him- what is the point? In this podcast, Mike and Alicia interview Alicia’s parents, John and Michele Doman who are the parents of 10 and grandparents to over 40 young Catholics! Amazingly, and by God’s grace, all of the Doman children are living lives as dynamic Catholics – married and in the priesthood. John and Michele discuss their own faith journey and how they guided their children into a relationship with Christ over the years. There is much wisdom in their words, as well as humor and honesty. What a wonderful resource to hear from a couple so in love with the Lord and with such great experience!

 All great change in America begins at the dinner table. ~Ronald Reagan Those of us who grew up with family dinners and who continue that tradition with our kids may not realize how counter-cultural we are becoming! Having dinner as a family is one thing you can do for your children to help keep them healthy, emotionally stable, and academically successful. It’s a simple thing, but why doesn’t every family have dinner together? In this podcast we discuss why family dinners are an important part of our parenting, why they can be challenging, and some ideas to make your mealtime even better than it is now! Listen in and join the conversation. Show Notes: * Grace Before Meals with Fr. Leo * Family Dinner Games * Once a Month Cooking or get their cook book * Once a month meals * Family Dinner Project

Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal faithfully are His delight. Prov 12:22 One of the trickiest situations to deal with in parenting is when a child is lying.  Do you punish them?  If you do that, won’t they keep lying to avoid punishment in the future?  How do you know they are lying?  What if you think they are lying and they are actually telling the truth?  In this podcast we will share with you what we did in our family when we had kids who were in the habit of lying in our household.  There is not a “one size fits all” approach to this issue, but we can give you some ideas and suggestions as we share our experiences with you.

“You get in the biggest fights with those you care about most because those are the relationships worth fighting for” “A happy marriage is a union of two forgivers” – Ruth Bell Graham The only person in the world you will always agree with is yourself. Especially in marriage, people are going to disagree and this can lead to heated arguments between two people who really love each other. This is normal and healthy! We have to fight to work out our differences and come to a greater unity in our marriage. The goal of an argument should not be to be right, but to be unified. Even if you disagree, arguments should lead to greater clarity and understanding. In this podcast, we talk about why to argue, principles for good arguing, and some basic ground rules.

“For unflagging interest and enjoyment, a household of children, if things go reasonably well, certainly makes all other forms of success and achievement lose their importance by comparison.” – Teddy Roosevelt Being blessed with a large family is something that some couples long for and something that some couples don’t even expect! Having 10 children we have a pretty realistic perspective on having more than 5 kids (which seems medium-sized to us!) There are considerations to being open to having more kids that are deeper than “why not?” There are challenges that parents need to think about because we are co-creators with God and that is not a responsibility to be taken lightly. We know many people who have had an amazing experience growing up in a big family, but there are some people who were deeply scarred because their parents weren’t ready for what was coming. Parents can never forget that they have a responsibility to not just give life, but also educate that life as well. We would like to share our experience with you to encourage you to be intentional about planning for what lies ahead if God blesses you with a bunch of kids! Show Notes: * Familiaris Consortio #28 (or buy it at Amazon) * Pope Francis to Family Associations (Feast of the Holy Family 2014) * Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan * NFP info from USCCB * NFP info from CCL   “I guess the reasons against having more children always seemed uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life … each one of them has been a pump of light into my shriveled black heart.” – Jim Gaffigan

“The family that prays together, stays together” Family prayer should be the center of our lives as Catholics, but often parents find it challenging. Praying consistently with our kids is not our strength, so of course that’s why we wanted to address it! You need to find a type of prayer that works for you, and don’t worry about how “well” you pray. The Lord just wants to hear from you and your children need to see your example (especially you dads!). Our entire lives need to be submitted to the Lord, knowing that all we have is from Him. Show Notes   * Study shows importance of fathers in passing on faith – Great Article * The Sacred Heart Devotion * 33 Days to Morning Glory * Jesus Christ: The Holy One of God * Familiaris Consortio

You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you are drowning and then someone hands you a baby. ~ Jim Gaffigan We believe the most challenging years of parenting are not related to how many kids you have, but rather how close in age they are. Young families say to us all the time, ”We shouldn’t complain because we only have three kids and you have ten.” This is not true! The period of time when your family consists of kids who are all in car seats, can’t tie their own shoes, and are barely potty trained is an extremely difficult time. Be encouraged! This is a phase that doesn’t last forever (though it feels like an eternity at the time). Just think- if you can survive this, you can survive anything! Mentioned in this episode:  Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan, 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

“Do you know why God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac when he was 12? Because if he asked him when he was 14 it wouldn’t have been a sacrifice!” The changes that happens in adolescence – physically, emotionally, mentally – are very similar to the changes that happen during the toddler years. In both stages your child is developing in leaps and bounds and you are the one God has tasked to guide them. In this podcast, we share some of our ideas and what we have done with our children to create rites of passage, give information when they need it, and helping them solidify their gender identity. This is a crucial time in the lives of our children and its important to be intentional and have a plan of how you are going to help them and love them during this time. This is geared especially for parents with kids in the “tween” and early teen years, 11-14. We discuss these resources in our podcast today: * Why Gender Matters * Preparing for Adolescence * Wild at Heart * Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters * Bring up Boys * Passport 2 Purity (from a listener) If you have gone down this road before what has helped you? Any resources you would recommend?