Messy Parenting: Catholic conversations on marriage and family

Don’t throw away your friendship with your teenager over behavior that has no great moral significance. There will be plenty of real issues that require you to stand like a rock. Save your big guns for those crucial confrontations. ~Dr. James Dobson There are few tasks in parenting that can be as rewarding but also as challenging as disciplining sons and daughters who are moving from childhood to adulthood – otherwise known as teenagers. This is an important time of transition for them, and it is a time of transition for parents as well. Old ways of communicating and protecting them will not be as effective as they were. Some families breeze through this time, while it takes a heavy toll on others. In this podcast, we would like to give some foundational principles that we have found very helpful in discipling, not just disciplining, children who are going through this amazing and critical transformation in their lives. This podcast had so much information in it, that we decided to break it up into 2 parts. The second part will be out next week.

“Father Mike Scanlan was a priest of the New Evangelization before there was a New Evangelization,” ~ George Weigel Father Michael Scanlan, TOR, impacted many lives with the saving message of Jesus Christ. He was a friar, priest, preacher, teacher, healer, president, but to us he was our spiritual father. In this podcast we take some time to reflect on the lessons that we have learned from this man that we would like to share and continue to make real in our lives. We know you will benefit in hearing about this great man because he taught us both how to love Jesus, in a deep, real, intimate way. We hope we can honor his legacy by continuing to proclaim the gospel in the best way we know how- by sharing these stories with you. The debt we owe him is beyond all measure. Thank you Jesus for this gift, this privilege, this humble friar who has changed our life for all eternity.  #FatherMike For more information, videos and more on Fr. Mike: www.franciscan.edu/FatherMike/  

“Human beings look separate because you see them walking about separately. But then we are so made that we can see only the present moment. If we could see the past, then of course it would look different. For there was a time when every man was part of his mother, and (earlier still) part of his father as well, and when they were part of his grandparents. If you could see humanity spread out in time, as God sees it, it would look like one single growing thing–rather like a very complicated tree. Every individual would appear connected with every other.” ― C.S. Lewis We all come from somewhere. We are part of the human family, but also we are part of a particular family with a history. So many of us, especially Americans, have lost the appreciation for our family tree that we should have. It’s important that we know where we come from, so we can pass that on to our children and to future generations. In this podcast we talk not only about ancestry and the importance of knowing it, but also of keeping connections with extended family and keeping our own family history through videos, keepsakes, and photos. All of these things are important in keeping us grounded in our place in history. Catholic tangent from show: I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts!

“In children we have a great charge committed to us. Let us bestow great care upon them…Form the soul of thy son aright, and all the rest will be added hereafter.” —St. John Chrysostom We are so grateful for all the people who have emailed us encouraging words and stories of how these podcasts have touched their lives. We are MOST grateful for those people who email us questions, because we can use them as topics for our podcasts! Thank you for trusting us enough to ask for our help. In this episode we take some time to answer questions and give encouragement to those who have asked us about issues like teaching gratefulness, getting kids to sleep, and tithing. Keep those questions coming!

“Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” Unforgiveness destroys marriages, relationships, families, and communities, but forgiveness is the most powerful weapon we have as Christians. When we forgive, with the grace of God, we are free from the power that any person and their actions have over us. Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible, and if it is dependent on us, then it would be, but we are not alone. Listen in as we talk about what it means to forgive and how to do it.

The birth of Jesus brings us the good news that we are loved immensely and uniquely by God – Pope Francis The Advent season is more than just a countdown to Christmas. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ –  His coming at Christmas and His second coming. The Church gives us many beautiful traditions to help us lead our children to focus on more than just presents and treats, but instead on the true celebration of the gift of Jesus! In this podcast we share some ideas and inspiration on what we do for Advent and how to inspire your family in this journey to Bethlehem. Previous podcasts of interest: * MP 036 : Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws * MP 021 : Visiting Family

“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.” ~ Jim Gaffigan, Dad Is Fat Babies are a joy. People will tell you that no one can describe what its like to be a parent and they are right! Parenthood is something that has to be experienced because you can’t explain it. God has this amazing way of combining an experience that is exciting, frustrating, amazing, and discouraging all at once. He does all this to form us into who He wants us to be which is the best version of ourselves. In this podcast we offer some encouragement, a dose of realism, and of course, practical advice in navigating the transition of being a married couple, to being parents.

Warning! Political Talk Ahead! “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing” ~ Edmund Burke This election is a difficult one for many reasons. What is a good Catholic to do? Over the years, Mike has been involved in politics on the local, state, and federal level. He has had time to think and pray about some principles that apply to this election in America, but also to elections in other countries and at other times. We think you will find this advice practical and helpful as we navigate these muddy waters in our election this year.

…do good, be rich in good deeds, and be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. 1 Timothy 6:18-19 Where we spend our money is a very personal decision. The fruits of our labors are important and where our money goes reflects our values. Giving money away is where the rubber hits the road in our relationship with God. How much to we recognize that we are dependent on Him? Do we really give Him all we have? Using part of our hard earned money to serve the Lord is a reflection of our lives that are given to Him. Listen in to hear our philosophy, but also some practical advice on how to discern what God is calling you to in giving some of our resources to the service of His Kingdom.

I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle; I just wish He didn’t trust me so much. The common answer when people ask “How are you doing?” is often, “I am so busy!” Sometimes being busy is good, but when you feel as if you are riding the crest of a wave, but you trip and the wave crashes over you, something has to give. There are many things about being a parent that are overwhelming, because much of what we are dealing with is new to us! When you are overwhelmed, parents need to stop and reevaluate. Listen in to this podcast – our first in a few weeks! – where we give some sympathy, empathy, but also some good ideas of how to deal with the common experience of being overwhelmed.

“To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Many cry that marriage is under attack, but often the attack is actually more like a cancer that creeps into our relationship with the person that we should feel totally safe with – our spouse. For our marriages to grow, we need to reveal ourselves to the other and this involves risk. For many men, the risk is seeming weak. For women, the risk is getting hurt. But there really is no option! In the married relationship you are either growing or dying. We need to all learn how to honestly share our inmost thoughts and feelings in the context of marriage if our marriage is truly going to bring us life. In this podcast, we talk about what holds us back, why we should go forward, and what the fruit of vulnerability is in our marriage.

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. – Romans 13:1 Every day it seems like we hear of another act of violence by police or against police. Where is the respect for authority in our culture? How can we teach respect to our children? Actually, the more important question is why should we teach that to our children? In this podcast we talk about the importance of respect for authority because authority ultimately comes from God. Our culture right now has a disrespect for authority. We need to change that and it starts with our own family.

I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people brothers or sisters. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood or brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. – Maya Angelou Growing up all we remember was fighting with our siblings. Now, they are our best friends, an integral part of our identity. Creating an environment in which siblings can form sisterhood and brotherhood should be an essential part of your parenting playbook. Your children’s relationships need to survive distance, conflict and the test of time long after you are gone. How do you do that now? How do you make that a priority in your family? Listen in as we share our experiences as siblings and as parents of a large Catholic family.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:26-27 Parents worry about so many things. When you have kids its like part of your heart is walking around outside of you! What is worth the mental and emotional energy of concern on your part and what is not? In this podcast we discuss the things that parents worry about and the Catholic response to worry.

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer Our faith celebrates and values children and openness to life, so having one child or no children can be particularly painful for Catholic couples who long for a big family. To discuss this topic on a personal level we interviewed Brad and Jessica Sheguit, Alicia’s sister and brother-in-law who have carried this burden for over 7 years. In this podcast, Brad and Jessica share their struggles and give advice on how to support couples who carry this hidden cross. * Church’s teaching on fertility treatments: USCCB & another doc * Additional Catholic information: www.catholicinfertility.org/ * NaPro technology: www.fertilitycare.org