ROBOTS BONING NINJAS

“God I’m amazing, I can’t believe the queen gave me all that money and booze. I’m the best captain ever *burp*… I wanna shit all over the people when we get where we’re going. I don’t even care I’m just gonna shit on ’em. All. Over.” Christopher Columbus, translated from a old English. I think […]

My secret is that I like to be tied up, so fetch me a new pair of pants because if this trick goes right I will certainly need them. Harry Houdini whispered that to a reporter just two months before he died. That quote made me realize that he truly was just a regular man like any of us. […]

The future is a scary place because you don’t know what to expect in it Franklin Roosevelt said that I believe. The words ring true and sound just as intelligent today as they were back before he stopped being president and lost all of his credibility. I know it may not be a popular opinion, but […]

The future is a scary place because you don’t know what to expect in it Franklin D. Roosevelt said that I believe. The words ring true and sound just as intelligent today as they were back before he stopped being president and lost all of his credibility. I know it may not be a popular opinion, but when Franky D. didn’t make it through his fourth term as president to run for a fifth I lost some respect for the man. He should have tried harder. This isn’t about presidents though, this is about the future. You see I moved into a new apartment just a few months ago and like any good tenant I decided to do some digging beneath the floorboards. Now it wasn’t all my idea, I have a cat who started to pull up the carpeting and at a certain point a man just needs to take charge. So I sprayed him with a squirt bottle and started pulling up the rest myself. That’s my job asshole. After that was done I grabbed my trusty house mattock, colloquially known as a house pickaxe, and took it to the floor. I don’t know how but I knew something was waiting for me down below, and boy howdy all mighty was I right. Underneath the wood and dirt and spider-kings (basically a rat king (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_king_%28folklore%29)but with spiders) I finally found what I was looking for. Wrapped in cloth and bound in silvery and futuristic looking leather was a journal. I gasped audibly. It was trippy. I pulled myself out of the hole after that, threw the carpet back in place, and started to read. I didn’t know what to expect but there was nothing that could have prepared me for what lay between the pages of this book, except maybe what was written on the cover. In all capital letters scrawled across the front were three simple words- ROBOTS BONING NINJAS It was only after seeing the first page that I realized this book was in fact a journal. I read the first entry and was astounded, it told the tale of a future where a man must fight against all odds to save the world from hyper-intelligent sex robots of our own creation. I don’t know how this book came to be below my apartment in eastern Washington, but I know that it’s my job to share it with the rest of the world. So I thought why not a podcast? Every week I will read a new entry from this future-man’s diary and share it with the rest of the world. I refuse to read ahead because that wouldn’t be fair to the rest of humanity so at the end of each episode I may offer my opinion of what could happen next time, but I’d take it for a grain of salt. I’m not psychic you guys. Now on to the diary. The first two minutes are mostly an intro/ recap for people who haven’t read this blog post, so feel free to skip to the 2:00 mark if you like and that’ll get you just about to the start of the journal entry. Also I haven’t read tons of things aloud so you may notice that I trip over a few words. I tried my best but after reading through the entry 10 times I just had to accept that it happens. Hope it’s not too bad! Here is Robots Boning Ninjas – Entry #1: My Apocalypse. Download This Episode (http://media.blubrry.com/robots_boning_ninjas/content.blubrry.com/robots_boning_ninjas/Robots_Boning_Ninjas_-_My_Apocalypse.mp3) (http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/comments/robotsboningninjas.wordpress.com/34/) (http://pixel.wp.com/b.gif?host=robotsboningninjas.com&blog=82534377&post=34&subd=robotsboningninjas&ref=&feed=1)