LOVE BOMBS

Modern Love's Podcast is called Love Bombs. >Love Bombs is all about how to get and nurture a healthy relationship. The show is hosted by Cija Black a love, dating and relationship expert and her husband Dave. They are a 40 something married couple who met on OKCupid, eloped in Las Vegas and work every day to have a healthy relationship based on growth, love and support.. Visit http://www.modernloveguide.com to find out more about the book, class and blog! Or can email us at lovebombs@modernloveguide.com for questions or topic ideas. And please if you like what you hear, please share :)

Modern Love's Podcast is called Love Bombs. >Love Bombs is all about how to get and nurture a healthy relationship. The show is hosted by Cija Black a love, dating and relationship expert and her husband Dave. They are a 40 something married couple who met on OKCupid, eloped in Las Vegas and work every day to have a healthy relationship based on growth, love and support.. Visit http://www.modernloveguide.com to find out more about the book, class and blog! Or can email us at lovebombs@modernloveguide.com for questions or topic ideas. And please if you like what you hear, please share :)

Lacunas.  We all have them, some we are aware of, some not so much.  They are those thoughts, ideas and beliefs we carry around that are just outside of our line of site.  I know personally that I have a few that are holding me back and it's frustrating to know that I have something in me that holds me back yet it is just a bit out of reach.Today Dave and I talk about lacunas, the damage they can cause and what we can do to start identifying our own.  I for one know I would like to get out of my own way...how about you?

If you use the excuse that "this is how I am", this is the show for you.  We talk about those limited beliefs and ideas that we cling to that hold us back from positive change in our lives.Are there things you don't do because in your mind that is just not part of who you are?  Well just so you know you have the power to change that.If you are diving into dating after 40 this is another area where you may feel stuck in your ways.  Using the excuse that "this is just how I am" in order not to move forward.I invite you to listen to the podcast and also check out my book Modern Love: The Grownup's Guide to Relationships Online Dating and also a book I contributed to Dating Success After 40.  Both books can help you get out of your rut and design the type of love and life you want.

So maybe you have shared a moment...or two with someone. You are sure there is something more between you.  They feel otherwise.  In this episode we talk about the concept of thinking that attention equals love.  It is surely a part of love, but just because someone gives you the time of day doesn't mean they love you.  We also dig into the nastiness of keeping a relationship going even when you are only arguing and fighting and essentially giving each other bad attention.  You both deserve better.For the super clingy I invite you to check out my WinkWisely article: Are You Dating a Stage 5 Clinger? to find out if you have someone on your hands that can't take NO for an answer.Have you confused attention for love?

There are many things we are attracted to in relationships.  For me it's very important that the man I am with be strong.  I have a very dominant personality already and so I need to know that my partner can call me out on my crap when necessary and be strong in their own right.  In this podcast Dave and I talk about the many forms strength can take in a relationship.  So ask yourself do you want a relationship where they are the strong one, one where you dominate them our a partnership of equals?  We would love to hear your thoughts!

I know, I know it totally sounds like an old people thing to do, but puzzles are fun. Dave and I have started doing them in the evenings and we were surprised at how we took on particular roles with puzzling and how that translated into other aspects of how we work together as a couple.  Try a puzzle and see what it reveals about you and your partner! Oh and do it while you listen to our show!

I have a really guilty pleasure.  It's a show called Marriage Boot Camp: Bridezillas. They now have the whole season on Netflix. I can have all the drama without the messiness of actually having it directly in my life and oh yeah it was professional research! Win-win!The premise of the show is they take the self-proclaimed Bridezillas who are now married and help them with their (surprise, surprise) floundering marriages.  I expected a major train wreck but the coaches on the show seemed to really have some great tools to get at some significant relationship hurdles. I won't give away the ending though, you will have to watch for yourself.Dave and I talk about the show, what we got out of it and how even these sensationalized reality shows can give you a few nuggets of wisdom.

I will be the first to admit I wasn't at my best today.  And as always Dave handled it like a trooper.  I wanted take this opportunity thank him publicly for being awesome about it and also ask about what his techniques and strategies are for dealing with difficult people. Just to warn you I do use the term "pain in the ass" in case you have sensitive ears. To add to the excitement we decided to record this show on the go.  We were on the way to see our good friend Graham do an improv show and decided to record on the fly.  So if you hear sirens we swear the police are not after us.

Somehow along the way baggage is viewed as something only the people on Jerry Springer have.  We'll this week Dave and I explain that baggage can be that hot mess, but it can also be so much more. And guess what?  We all have it!  The trick is figuring out what you have packed and then keeping and tossing the right stuff.I created a whole class around this very topic if you want to really clear the way for an awesome relationship.  You can check it out at Udemy: Sorting Your Love Baggage

We've heard the complaints about online dating some more valid than others. Dave and I met online and I have a few ideas why it might not be working for you and how you can turn that around. And after you listen to the show check out my article on DatingAdvice.com for some more tips and ideas on how to be more successful at online dating. If you need a bit more help with online dating check out my book Modern Love: The Grownup's Guide to Relationships & Online Dating available on Amazon.com.

Dave surprises me with a pop-quiz on what makes a great first date.  And we talk about what dating was like for us before we met.

It's Valentines Day and we thought it would be a great time to talk about the idea of being a team in a relationship. We get bombarded with the idea that men and women somehow will never be able to see eye to eye and I contend it's tearing us apart. Listen to the show to find out why being on the same team can help your relationship grow.I also have some special love for you on this special day: 6 Ways to Get Free (or Deeply Discounted) Love! We love the IT Crowd...

Today is Dave's birthday so we thought it appropriate to talk about the idea being a gift or a lesson.  We discuss what being one or the other looks like.  Listen to the show to figure out where you fit.  I highly recommend at least striving to be a gift Are you a gift or a lesson throw pillows by ModernLoveGuide Browse Zazzle for a different pillow.

This week Dave and I discuss our first argument and how it evolved into a philosophy we like to call My Crap, Your Crap and how it has helped put all arguments since into a much better context.  We have some tips for how to you look at your disagreements in a new light. Buy this at zazzle.com