Zen Habits Radio | Leo Babauta - The Zen Habits Audio Blog and Podcast - Take Your Zen to Go

The Biggest Reason We Don’t Stay on a Regular Exercise Habit BY LEO BABAUTA There are so many benefits to exercise, from cancer prevention to brain health, from heart health to better weight management, from stronger bones to less stress and more happiness … so why is it so hard for most people to stick […]

The Get Fit For Summer Exercise Challenge BY LEO BABAUTA I’m a big fan of exercise challenges. I’ve used challenges to change my health and fitness habits, including: Pushup challenges with my wife & kids Burpee challenge with a friend Online group exercise challenges Workout and diet challenges with my wife (we got rewards if […]

The Face Everything Technique: Why Avoiding Difficulties Doesn’t Work BY LEO BABAUTA We are, all of us, amazing at avoiding things. Our minds are less “thinking machines” than they are “avoiding machines.” And the incredible thing is that we aren’t even usually aware that we’re avoiding thinking about something. I’ll give you a few examples: […]

This Moment is Enough BY LEO BABAUTA I was in a plane descending into Portland for a quick stopover, and I gazed upon a brilliant pink sunrise over blue and purple mountains, and my heart ached. Instinctively, I looked over to Eva to share this breath-taking moment, but she was sleeping. I felt incomplete, not being […]

Relationship Salve: The Practice of Intentional Dialogues BY LEO BABAUTA A couple months ago, I started a daily practice with my wife Eva called the Intentional Dialogue process, aimed at helping us become better at talking about difficult issues. Now, Eva and I have a great marriage, and we love each other deeply. But like any […]

‘All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.’ ~Blaise Pascal By Leo Babauta A surprising number of people fear being alone. Maybe just about all of us do to some extent. We fear being without a partner, or friends and family. We fear traveling alone in strange places, lost without anyone to ask for help. We fear taking on life without help, for fear of failure. This is natural, this fear of being alone. We’ve all felt it, deep within us, though we try desperately to avoid this fear. And this is the cause of our misery: to avoid this fear of being alone, we will socialize endlessly, including on social networks and email. To avoid being alone, we’ll end up with someone who isn’t really good for us, just to have someone to cling to, someone to rely on. We’ll eat junk food or shop to comfort ourselves, because these things are replacements for love. But here’s the secret: being alone is empowering. The quiet of being alone is joyful. We tend to see aloneness as bleak, depressing, scary. But it can be seen as freeing, as an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to get to know yourself. This is something I’ve been learning the hard way. I had the fear of aloneness for many years, but learning emotional self-sufficiency is one of the best things I’ve done. Sit quietly for a minute, now, and turn inward. Who are you? What are you capable of? What do you think about? Can you accept yourself, when you look closely at yourself? Can you see the beauty in yourself, as you learn something new? As you contemplate life? This is nothing to fear, but to celebrate. Aloneness is beauty. Traveling Through Life Alone But isn’t it scary to travel the world alone? To go through life alone if you feel unprepared? Yes, it can be scary. That’s the reason to learn to do it. Don’t know how to find your way in a strange city? Start with the place you live — get lost and find your way back. Learn to use Google Maps, then learn to find visual landmarks. Now branch out into nearby cities. Now take a trip armed with your new skills. Ask for directions. Learn to be OK with getting lost. Don’t know how to pay bills and manage your life? Start with one bill. Teach yourself life management skills one at a time. Become self-sufficient. It’s better to learn to stand on your own two feet than to have to rely on someone else. If you can be self-sufficient, then relying on someone else is an act of strength, not of weakness. Don’t know how to protect yourself? Learn to avoid bad situations. Learn to be aware of your surroundings. Learn how to get away. Learn how to defend yourself, at least enough to call for help. You’ll feel more confident in going places alone. Traveling through life alone is a learning process, but you become stronger as you go. It’s like a child who can’t find his way home alone — doing it the first time is scary, but he’s safer and better off having learned the way. Relationships and Aloneness Does learning to be OK with being alone mean you can’t be in a relationship? Not at all — but if you aren’t OK with being alone, then being in a relationship is going to be fundamentally flawed. Why? Because you become dependent. You need the other person, not only to pay bills and help you manage, not only to protect you and provide for you, but for emotional needs. You need the other person to pay attention to you, to give you validation and comfort and love. Now, all of those things are nice, but needing someone else for them means you become needy, desperate, and those aren’t attractive qualities. Who wants to be in a relationship with a needy, desperate person? Much more attractive is confidence. And self-sufficiency. And strength. So learn to be OK with being alone. Learn to provide for all of your emotional needs. Learn that you are OK, just as you are, without anyone else to “complete you”. What if you’re already in a relationship?

By Leo Babauta Yesterday I got a van from my carshare service to drive the family to a friend’s house. I drove down a busy street with a smile on my face, and a peaceful feeling in my body. Now, this isn’t a normal thing for me. All my life, driving has been something stressful, where I tighten up and get anxious about people around me driving the wrong way, being inconsiderate, being too aggressive or driving too slow in the fast lane. It’s frustrating and can make you angry. But as I drove yesterday, I took a different approach. I loosened up my approach, and didn’t feel I needed to rush anywhere. I let people drive the way they wanted to drive, and just flowed with traffic. This can be an approach to all of life. When we are anxious, it’s because we want to be somewhere at a certain time (if we’re driving), or want something to happen the way we want it to happen (in the rest of life). But this deadline, this goal, this need … it’sentirely self created. We create the need to be somewhere at a certain time. We create the need for things to turn out the way we want them to turn out. We create the desire for other people to act (or drive) the way we want them to act or drive. We create our own anxiety. And so we have the keys to solve our own problems. Let go of wanting to rush somewhere. Let go of wanting things to turn out exactly as you’d like them to turn out. Let go of wanting people to act a certain way. And then loosen your body, loosen the tightening of your mind, and flow. Let things happen, and make your way through that flow of life, the flow of what others are doing. You can still retain your values and principles during this flow — it’s not an abandoning of all your beliefs. You can be kind and compassionate and passionate and care about your family and your health and all those other good things … while letting things flow, and flowing with them. Be the calm center in the raging flow of life. Notice when you’re tightening up. Recognize this tightness stems from your desire for things to be a certain way. Loosen up on this desire and be happy with how things are. And then flow. Life becomes a calm, beautiful path that you can enjoy with each step.

By Leo Babauta Many sites have created lists of things “every man should own”, coincidentally around the holiday shopping season. A reader suggested I create a Zen Habits version of this list. This list is definitive. Pen and notebook. For jotting down life lessons, and starting a novel. A library card. To read the Tao Te Ching, Anna Karenina, and Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind. A phone for calling friends, so you can spend time together. Email works too, and this can be done for free via the library internet computer. A set of clothes, plus another set to change into. Second set is optional. A tea cup. You can use any cup. Goodwill has some if you don’t own a cup. Soap. Hygiene is important. A gym membership, so you can have the satisfaction of canceling it when you decide to work out outside, doing bodyweight exercises, and going for hikes and runs with the abovementioned friends. Actually, the gym membership is optional. As an aside, I think every woman should own these too. Free Things Every Man Should Do In addition, I have recommendations for things you should do without needing to own something: Meditate. You don’t need to own a cushion to do this. You can use a chair or couch, or do it outside for free. Learn self sufficiency. Stand on your own two feet, be content with yourself, know yourself. This will help when you get involved in a relationship with someone. Exercise or do something active outside. Practice compassion. Learn to cook simple, whole vegan food. Read often. Create every day. Learn something new. Practice often. Practice letting go of the ego.

By Leo Babauta This is the time of year when many families come together, for extended gatherings or just a get-together or three. And as wonderful as that may be, it can be a trying time for many, for lots of reasons: old conflicts coming up, painful emotional patterns, people criticizing you, lots of people coming together to make for stressful chaos, loss of control of your daily routine, party planning and preparations adding stress, and more. How do you deal with this? Recently a reader asked me to write about “dealing with the emotional difficulties/potential conflict of joining family at the holidays and keeping your energy sustained, positive, without ‘faking it’.” Here’s what I suggest: use family gatherings for mindfulness training. It might seem like the best training ground for mindfulness is a peaceful Zen temple … and in many ways, it is. But just like target practice isn’t the same as actual combat, the zazen cushion is not the same as being in the middle of crazy family gatherings. It takes practice to a whole new level. What and how can you practice? Try one of these practices at a time, when Uncle Rob is telling one of his boring stories: Check in with your body and breath: In the middle of things happening, take a few seconds to turn your attention to your posture, how your body is feeling, whether you’ve been sitting too long, etc. And follow your breath a couple of times. This is a centering practice that brings you back to the present. Notice your self-centeredness. When people frustrate or irritate us, it’s often because we are focused on what we want, how we think we should be treated, how we want everyone else to act, how the world should be. It’s important to notice this, when these feelings arise. Notice that you’re focused on yourself and your wants. Ask: What does this person need? Instead of thinking about what you want, practice asking what the other person needs. See how you can help. Put yourself in their shoes. Feel their pain, without judgment. Just listen. Sometimes what people need is for you to just listen. This is something we don’t often do with 100% attention. Practice listening without judgment, without thinking about what you’re going to say next. Empathize with the person, imagine what it’s like to be them, feel what they’re trying to communicate. Watch your thoughts arise. Be an impartial observer, watching your thoughts come up from some hidden well. Did you really expect that thought? Can you predict the next one? What thoughts are coming up? Are these thoughts you, or just things that come up, like a passing cloud? Let go of control. Stress often comes because we want to control how things go. Of course, we don’t really have control — we just think we do, or want to have control. Practice letting go and letting things happen. Practice not resisting what happens. Practice being happy no matter what happens. Make this task your universe. When you’re pouring your coffee, make this action and this moment everything. The entire universe. There is nothing else but this. Now do it when you are talking with someone. When you’re eating that fruit. When you’re walking up the stairs. When you’re kissing your honey. Practice appreciation. Things are stressful because we wish they were different. But things are pretty amazing just as they are, without being different. We just need to turn our attention to how things are, notice what’s there, see the beauty in that, appreciate it. This takes constant practice. You can’t do these all at once, but take one of the practices and work with it for a little bit, then try another. One practice at a time, one moment at a time, you’ll become better at mindfulness in the midst of chaotic family gatherings. And then you’ll see the beauty that was there all the time.

By Leo Babauta Recently an 18-year-old who is finishing school wrote to me, asking for advice on choosing a career without enough life and work experience to make an intelligent decision. He said, “Should I take the road less traveled, which may be risky and fearful, or choose a college course that interests me to some degree and see where that leads to. I suppose I don’t want to end up as the typical everyday-joe at the office from 9-5. I want to be different from the masses, to make an impact on this world, to be fulfilled. How do I get the best start into adulthood?” It’s such a great question. And what I love is that he’s asking the question in the first place — most 18-year-olds just take the safe route. Here’s what I’d say: take the career path less traveled. If you don’t want to be the typical Everyday Joe, in a 9-to-5 office job, don’t go the route that everybody else takes. If you want to be different than the masses, you have to take a different path. I took the safe path when I was 18, and got a job and went to college, and it didn’t screw me up … but it also took me nearly 20 years before I finally found what I loved to do. It was a struggle, being on the road that’s well traveled, because I was consigned to a career I didn’t really like. Yes, the career path less traveled is scarier. There are no guarantees. You are sticking your neck out, taking risks, being different, probably to the scorn of others. This is lonely. But the loneliness is temporary. Soon you’ll find others who are doing things different, and you’ll connect with them in a way you’d never have connected with the people taking the safe path. You’ll be inspired by them, and inspire them in turn. And the scariness is a lesson worth learning — if you can overcome a bit of fear, you can do anything. You’re not limited to the world of comfort and safety. So what do you do on this scary, lonely, exciting path? That’s totally up to you — you are empowered to figure things out on your own. But here are some ideas: Learn about who you are. Meditate, and blog. Those are the best two tools for learning about yourself. Teach yourself stuff. The Internet has anything you want to learn, from writing to 3D animation to programming to carpentry to guitar. Never stop learning. Find out how to motivate yourself. There will be times when you don’t feel like doing anything. This is a good problem to have, because you’ll have to figure out how to solve it or else go get a boring job where someone motivates you. Solve it. You’ll be much better prepared for the road. Figure out what you’re passionate about. This isn’t easy, because it takes a lot of trial and error. Try a lot of things. When you get good at something, by the way, you’ll like it much more. You’ll suck at everything at first. Help others. When someone doesn’t know how to do something, teach them. When they need a hand, lend it. When they’re stuck, offer yourself up. Seek ways to help. It will teach you a lot, including who you are and what you’re passionate about. It’s also good motivation. Connect with others. Find people who love what you love, who are doing weird things, who travel, who make their own path. They are awesome and fun to hang out with. Learn to need little. If you need very little, you don’t need to make much. This frees you up to learn and explore more. Explore the world. You can travel very cheaply if you need little. Meet new people. Learn languages. Work odd jobs. Get really good at something. Practice, read more, watch others who are good, steal ideas and make them your own, work on projects that excite you and learn as you work on them, practice more. Teach something valuable. If you learn to program, teach a beginner. If you learn poker or guitar or martial arts, teach that. People will thank you. Get paid as a freelancer. When you’ve learned a skill, hire yourself out online. You don’t have to be awesome yet,

By Leo Babauta Despite the insipid title of this post, work-life balance is a bit of a myth. Sure, we work too much, don’t have time for all the other things we want to do, are always tired, eat convenience food or comfort food rather than nutritious or nourishing food, never have time for solitude … but that’s the life we want, right? OK, maybe it needs a bit of readjusting. Work and life and learning and relationships and health are all really the same thing, and so “balance” is perhaps the wrong word, but adjusting our lives to our aspired priorities is not a bad thing. A friend recently asked me how I balance my personal lives and all my projects, and it made me pause and think. And that pause, and the thinking, is really the key to it all, I discovered. So here’s the method I use. Pause regularly. In our lives, we are so busy and caught up in what we’re doing that we have no space for thinking. I build regular pauses into my life, so that I have some space for thought. What kind of pauses? I use morning meditation, drinking coffee in the morning with my notebook, my morning shower, a walk alone, tea or a run or other meeting with my wife or a friend, as space for thinking about my life. Pause regularly to create space. Zoom out. When you take a pause, zoom out from the close-up view, so you can look at the big picture. What are you doing with your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Are you making decisions in the aggregate? What are your priorities? And are you living those priorities? You don’t need to think about all of these things during each pause, but use the pauses for this kind of thinking. Readjust. When you notice that you’ve been spending too much time on the computer, and too little with your kids or other loved ones, make a note of it. When you notice that some important projects are being neglected, or you don’t have time for exercise, or your diet has gone to hell and settled in there, make a note. Think about what adjustments you can make. Now actually block off time. Making a note and mental adjustment is great, but it’s meaningless without action. What kind of action can you take to adjust how you actually spend your time? Make a commitment, on your calendar. Not one that you’ll skip when the time comes and you’re browsing your favorite sites. A commitment you’ll keep. For example, if you want to work out more, make a regular date with a friend to go for a run or do a bodyweight workout in the park or go to yoga class or go to the gym you signed up for 11 months ago and never use. Make a regular date. If you want to work on a project, make an appointment to go to a tea house or library for 3-4 hours just to work on that project. Or commit to a whole week of working on your novel. Tell somebody about it, and better yet commit to getting them the work by the end of the week (or whatever period you choose). Make the time, solidly. That’s the method. Four steps, done regularly. Life is a constant readjustment. It’s whether you readjust consciously that makes all the difference.

‘It always seems impossible until it’s done.’~Nelson Mandela By Leo Babauta On Saturday, I did what I thought I couldn’t do. I ran a 50-mile ultramarathon. Now, I’m certainly not the first to run a race like this — thousands of other stronger, ...

By Leo Babauta Today I’m announcing the relaunch of my Simple Fitness Habit program, with two big things I’m excited about: The SFH Holiday Challenge, and My new ebook on sticking to habits: Discipline, Solved I’ll go into more details of both new things below, but first I should tell you what Simple Fitness Habit is about. It’s a program I launched earlier this year with a group of awesome fitness experts, that includes: Articles & videos from me & these experts on losing weight, gaining muscle, running half marathons, and staying healthy as you age. The Mindful Diet program, with recipes A section on changing habits Accountability forums Bonus ebooks and courses The program is $15/month. We recently relaunched the forums, started a new monthly podcast, added a Links of the Week email, and added an All Questions Answered feature on the forum where you can ask any question of me or one of our guest experts every two weeks. I think it’s ideal for anyone trying to create healthy habits or reach a fitness goal. The SFH Holiday Challenge We recently announced our holiday challenge to SFH members, and today I’m sharing it with you guys too. What’s the challenge about? Basically, sticking to rules you create to stay healthy during the holidays — not gaining all that holiday weight, and maybe getting leaner and healthier in the process. How does it work? Choose an eating habit. We have several suggestions, from No White Foods to our Mindful Diet to a vegan diet, but what you choose is up to you. Choose an exercise challenge. Again, it’s up to you, though we have a couple of suggestions here. Make a big public commitment. Announce it big time. Stay accountable. Check in daily or as often as you have time for. This will help you stick to the challenge. Sound good? Read more here. Discipline, Solved: An Ebook on Sticking to Habits I just finished an ebook about sticking to habits and finding motivation for exercise and diet changes: Discipline, Solved. It’s a free bonus if you sign up for Simple Fitness Habit. The book is short, easy to read, and contains everything I’ve learned about sticking to habits despite all kinds of obstacles. It should also help you stick to the Holiday Challenge. I hope you’ll join us in this challenge. It should be fun. My 50-Mile Race Speaking of challenges, I’m running the 50-mile North Face Endurance Challenge tomorrow (Sat. Dec. 7) with my friend Scott. I’ve never run a 50-miler before, so I have no idea if I’ll finish, but I hope to have a good time either way. I won’t be running fast — just enjoying the views and conversations. My main motivations: To show my kids that you don’t have to be afraid of scary, difficult challenges. To learn more about meditating as you move. To serve as inspiration for you, my reader, as others have inspired me. So I’ll be thinking of all of you tomorrow. With a smile on my face.    

Appreciate the moment helps you loosen your grip on whatever you're holding onto.    

And a New Month Without Refined Carbs By Leo Babauta In my 5th month in the Year of Living Without, I tried going without computers or Internet in the morning. It was more of a struggle than I’d anticipated. My thinking with this month was that I’d be able to get more writing and reading done, and maybe more stretching and other physical activity, if I banned myself from the Internet before noon. This is actually true, and when I stuck to the ban I got a lot of good writing and reading done. My problem was that I needed to do certain tasks on the Internet before noon, for work and also personal tasks like planning a trip with the family in the morning (looking up routes on Google Maps, for example). At first I would just write down the work task to be done later in the afternoon, and that worked fine for the first week or so. But later I made exceptions because I really wanted to get stuff done before I had other things to do in the afternoon. Another problem was that, if I was out with the family all afternoon (which I often was), and I couldn’t use the Internet in the morning, that meant I couldn’t do a lot of my work until the evening. By then I was tired from a long day, so I didn’t do everything I needed to do. Then the next morning I’d wake up with lots of unfinished work, and no Internet access. So that wasn’t sustainable. I learned that I should have been more precise with my exceptions, and that a blanket ban isn’t ideal for my work life. I never wanted to use the Internet for social media or news or anything, just legitimate work and life tasks. Anyway, I made some exceptions then made more, and slid down the slippery slope. I’ll share my lessons below, then talk about December, a month of no refined carbs for me. Lessons from My Morning Internet Fast Some things I learned in the past month: I really rely on the Internet for a lot of things. From work to email to looking things up and planning to learning and finances and more. Giving it up, even for half a day, feels like being handcuffed. I think a shorter ban would be more useful — say, until 9 a.m. That would give me some good writing time, but allow me to get other work done in the late morning. Perhaps a more surgical ban would be better. For example, ban most sites except a few that I need for work. An email ban would be useful for a few hours, but not the entire morning. Making exceptions to a ban is dangerous. If you make an exception, your brain starts to think it’s OK to make another, then another, and soon you’re not doing it. If you make an exception, be very guarded against making it a trend. Once you open a browser, it’s super automatic to be able to go to other sites to check on things you normally check on. Muscle memory. This needs to be guarded against as well. It’s really easy to lose sight of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, once you get distracted. Not having Internet is really good for writing. And reading. I want to make it a regular part of what I do — I just need to give more thought to how to do that. A Month of No Refined Carbs For December, I’m going without refined carbs. The exception will be three days — Dec. 6-8. Why? Because I’m attempting my first 50-mile race on Dec. 7 and want to be able to fuel myself with refined carbs. Anything I want to eat. That includes the night before the race, and some recovery eating on the day after. Other than those days, I’ll skip the refined carbs in December. Yes, that means no holiday binging. What are refined carbs as I define them? Sugar or other sweeteners besides pure fruit White flour White potatoes White rice So no pizza, white bread or rolls or pasta, French fries, desserts, sushi with white rice. What is allowable? Whole grains (Ezekiel bread and cereal for example), brown rice, sweet potatoes, fruit, flours made from almonds or spelt or something like that. I’m allowing myself wine,