The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

We find value in the shared experiences, wisdom, and support expressed in Al-Anon meetings. Sharing in meetings plays a crucial role in bolstering recovery, assisting in healing, and fostering a sense of community among attendees. However, we may hear instructions and conventions that seem challenging to adhere to at times. Why do we share? Sharing in an Al-Anon meeting invokes an atmosphere of sincerity, openness, and compassion. Speakers such as Heather and Spencer cherish the meeting as a platform to express their feelings, share their experiences, invite the shared experience of others, and most importantly, aid their path to recovery. Al-Anon’s third tradition suggests that we “[gather] together for mutual aid,” allowing us to learn from others' experiences. How do we share? Heather was challenged by her sponsor to try speaking from the heart during meetings. She was told that she should not aim to present a meticulously crafted speech but rather express her authentic feelings and experiences. Despite being a vital recovery tool, sharing can bring about certain challenges. One of these is the common issue of oversharing. Heather highlights this by narrating an instance where she was challenged by another person's extensive sharing. Creating a Safe Space Creating a safe and trusting environment is crucial for effective sharing. Many meetings ask members to not “crosstalk”, where one person's sharing draws an immediate response from someone else. This helps to maintain this safe space. It’s essential for each of us to keep the focus on ourselves. This way, all attendees can openly share their feelings and experiences without feeling judged or interrupted. Cultivating humility Heather's reflection on this concept is insightful – our recovery journey is ours and ours alone. No share is more valuable or insightful than the other, and no member should dominate others with their contribution. Al-Anon's Tradition 8 (Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional…) reminds us that every attendee is seen as equal, each carrying their own experiences, strength, and hope. Conclusion Sharing in meetings is a pivotal practice in Al-Anon – one that encourages honesty, openness and cultivates a supportive community. With each share, we walk further from our pain and closer to serenity, helping us internalize the power of Al-Anon's founding principles. Readings and Links Heather read from Courage to Change, Nov 3 (p. 308) We also mentioned these books: Reaching for Personal Freedom, Hope for Today, and Paths to Recovery. Upcoming topics I am planning a series of episodes on the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Kelsea Ballerini – Overshare Rita Ora – Keep Talking Jennifer Nettles – You Will Be Found

In February, 2023, Spencer gave a talk at the 71st Greeley AA Stampede. This is that talk. Readings and Links The Greeley AA Stampede is an annual AA conference with Al-Anon participation. Find out more at their website. A listener asked about finding “speaker tapes” online. Two sources are XA Speakers and Recovery Radio Network. A couple listeners have asked about the “adult child” oriented podcasts I've been listening to. They are Fragmented to Whole and Adult Child Podcast. Music from the Show Coldplay – Fix You Sarah McLachlan – Sweet Surrender Kimberly suggested this next song. INXS – Don't Change

Listen to the experience, strength and hope, questions, and fears of 30-ish listeners of The Recovery Show. Hear from members on topics such as these: * Coping with the effects of addiction * The recovery process * Working the Al Anon program * Sponsorship in recovery * Understanding self-centered behavior * Acceptance of powerlessness * Reflections on past recovery experiences Here are few moments that you might connect with: Sue wrote, “While listening to Debra C. share on your podcast, I realized she was telling my story. I took away many things, but mainly that ‘hands off, pays off’ is my new mantra.” Mike said, “If someone is trapped and has no resources or outside help, and has been through this before, they may fawn. That is, they may become compliant or even take the side of the oppressor to soothe, distract, or somehow deflect or minimize the harm that is coming their way.” From another Sue, “[Your podcast] has helped me find a path into the spiritual side of the program. This is something I never expected to be possible for me.” Mary said, “Al Anon taught me that his alcoholism is about him, not me, and also that I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. But I sure can contribute to it. And I did do that by reacting in a way that was not helpful to him or me or the situation.” Louise is “so grateful for the tools of recovery that have given me the ability to navigate the halls of alcoholism.” There are many more moments such as these in the full episode. Episode links These episodes were mentioned by contributors: * 402 Gossip * 401 What is my Motive? * 322 Deborah C – Hands Off Pays Off * 132 Living with Lies * 381 Acceptance as a Gift of Recovery * 394 People of Color in Recovery – Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging * 403 Inaction and Reaction: Navigating the Path to Meaningful Action * 9 Step 2 * 296 Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences * 358 Al-Anon after Divorce * 354 Making Decisions Music Lean on Me – Bill Withers

The 12 steps are indispensable in the journey towards healing. They can spark enlightenment, foster growth, and propel personal transformation. In this episode, Spencer, Karen, and other contributors explore several approaches to working the 12 steps. Acknowledging Variety and Personalizing the Process 12-step recovery does not have a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. Members apply the steps to their own lives in differing ways. The Al-Anon literature includes several guides to the steps, and sponsors may suggest yet other approaches. Some members may need to start with a deep exploration of their powerlessness, while others may need “emotional detox” before they can even start looking at the Steps.   The Importance of Sponsors in the Recovery Journey Assistance from sponsors, mentors, or “fellow travelers” can be instrumental in easing the 12-step process. Whether helping with the complex aspects of the journey or offering insights for self-development, the value offered by mentors can be immeasurable. Often, sponsors can help people identify the steps they need to apply the most, thereby confronting the challenge head-on. Working the Steps: Different Approaches, Same Journey  In the realm of recovery, three popular tools to work the steps in Al-Anon are the books Paths to Recovery, Blueprint for Progress, and Reaching for Personal Freedom.. Paths to Recovery offers a comprehensive guide through the 12 steps, with some questions that help focus thoughts and inspire deep reflection. It may present a long journey, sometimes up to two years per complete cycle, but with patience and perseverance, progress can be made. Blueprint for Progress, another workbook, provides a detailed walk through Step four, conducting a deep dive into one's inventory, listing shortcomings and assets alike. Reaching for Personal Freedom is a newer book. It guides an examination of the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts, focusing on how these can be applied to our personal lives. The common thread with these books is their focus on applying the 12 steps to daily life, transforming not only habits but an entire inner worldview.  Overcoming Challenges: The Essence of Step Four  Step Four, involving a ‘Fearless and searching moral inventory,' can be challenging. It is during the process of Step Four that the strength and support of a sponsor becomes critical. Often, a sponsor will suggest a particular practice of working Step 4, usually because it is the way they have worked that step in their own recovery.  Some have found the “4 column” approach described in the book Alcoholics Anonymous to be useful. As a sponsor, however, we should also be sensitive to whether the proposed approach is working well for the person we are guiding. An Ongoing Learning Process Working the steps is an ongoing learning process, finding new layers of understanding and inner growth at every step. Some of us have found that we can apply the 12 Steps to particular incidents or actions in our lives, whether alcohol is involved or not. Sometimes a quick run through the steps can lead us to “promptly admitting” our faults, as suggested by Step 10. For most of us, working the steps is not “one and done” but is a lifelong process of personal growth. It is truly about a journey,

Did you attend the 2023 Al-Anon International Convention? If you didn't, have you wondered what it was like? In this episode, Heather, Racheal, and Spencer share our expectations of the convention, what happened at the convention, what we learned, and what we are bringing home. Contact the show You can leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show The Beatles – All You Need is Love

In our lives, we often find ourselves faced with situations that require us to make decisions. We have a choice to either react impulsively or take a moment to consider our actions. This interplay between inaction and reaction can shed light on how we navigate life's complexities. Let's delve deeper into the concepts of inaction, reaction, and the transformative power of taking meaningful action. The Dance of Inaction and Reaction Our primitive “lizard brain” responds when faced with unexpected or challenging situations. Our initial response can be inaction, an attempt to freeze and hope the problem goes away. We struggle with discomfort and uncertainty, hoping it's not real. However, when it becomes clear that inaction is not viable, our lizard brain's second response can be to run away. Recovery introduces a new way of dealing with these situations. We learn to create a period of inner waiting and preparation before deciding on an appropriate course of action. We move away from immediate reactions and step into a space of awareness, acceptance, and ultimately, meaningful action. Seeking Guidance Spencer and Eric look at tools and strategies for dealing with inaction and reaction. One powerful tool is seeking guidance from our higher power, a sponsor or a trusted person. Prayer and meditation can reveal our higher power's will for us. By reaching out to others, we gain different perspectives and can find the courage to move forward. Taking Time for Self-reflection Another valuable tool is the practice of self-reflection. Whether through journaling, physical activity, or prayer and meditation, taking time to calm the mind can help us navigate our emotions and make more informed decisions. By becoming aware of our motives and feelings, we can avoid falling into the trap of impulsive reactions and find a more balanced approach. The Power of Choosing Our Attitude A quote from Victor Frankl suggests that in the time between a stimulus and our response, there lies a space where we have the power to choose our attitude. Even in challenging circumstances, we have the freedom to choose how we respond. By embracing this perspective, we can transform our reactions and inactions into actions that align with our values. Supporting a Loved One's Challenges We (Eric and Spencer) share our experience of supporting loved ones dealing with mental health challenges. We found we could maintain a balance between support and enabling, allowing our loved ones to navigate their difficulties, while providing a non-judgmental presence.  Conclusion As we explore the dance between inaction and reaction, one thing becomes clear: the choices we make in these moments shape the trajectory of our lives. By cultivating awareness, seeking guidance, and choosing our attitudes, we empower ourselves to break free from impulsive reactions and embrace meaningful action. We hope that sharing our own experience, strength, and hope will enable you to  gain valuable insights into how to navigate life's challenges with grace and purpose. So, next time we find ourselves at the crossroads of inaction and reaction, let's remember to pause, reflect, and choose our response wisely. By doing so, we can embark on a path of personal growth, empowered decision-making, and the fulfillment that comes from living a life aligned with our values. Readings and Links We opened with a reading from Hope for Today October 15, and included the reading for August 14 later in our conve...

What is gossip? How is it harmful to my recovery? Spencer and Laurel discuss gossip and how it can hinder our path to recovery. We share our personal experiences, elaborating on how we used to perceive gossip and how this perception has changed. We lay emphasis on the power of silence, restraining oneself from engaging in gossip, and talk about relevant situations from our work lives. We conclude by acknowledging that refraining from gossip can be a lifelong struggle but a resultant increase in authenticity in relationships makes it worth it. In our conversation, these three things emerge: Harmful effects of gossip: Gossip can be harmful, both to individuals and to relationships. Damage is caused by spreading rumors, engaging in speculation, and talking about others without their presence. We highlight the importance of being mindful of the information we share and the impact it can have on others. The importance of boundaries: We must set boundaries when it comes to gossip. We can recognize when conversations are turning towards gossip and actively choose not to engage in or perpetuate such discussions. Tools we can use to avoid gossip are silence and self-restraint. The value of personal reflection and growth: We express the personal growth and self-reflection that can occur through practicing the tools and principles of the Al-Anon program. We can learn to navigate gossip and gossip-like situations by reflecting on our own behavior, practicing empathy and compassion, and focusing on personal responsibility rather than blaming others. We are constantly learning from our experiences and striving to improve our interactions with others. Readings and Links Laurel chose readings from Courage to Change, January 25 and October 26. She also pulled in the concept of “hotwiring intimacy” using gossip from Brené Brown's book Braving the Wilderness. Spencer was inspired and deeply affected by a couple of podcast episodes: * Fragmented to Whole, episode 229, “Why I Think of Gossip as an Anti-Intimacy Campaign” * This American Life, episode 809, “The Call“ Veronica suggested Where'd You Go , Bernadette as another book with Al-Anon themes (referencing episode 399, “Finding Al-Anon Lessons in Classic Novels”) Nancy was inspired by the book Incurable Hope by Lisa Gennosa, and by hearing her speak. (Note: I earn a small amount from qualified purchases through links to Amazon. I earn nothing from links to the Al-Anon book store.) Feedback Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Adele – Rumor Has It Jill Scott – Hate on Me The Go-Go's – Our Lips Are Sealed

At a recent meeting, the topic was Step 11. I most often share about my difficulties in creating a regular program of prayer and meditation. But at this meeting, I picked the second part of the step “Praying only for knowledge of God’s will…” The question that I face when I consider that phrase is, “how do I know if something is God’s will or just mine?” Apparently, I last talked about this question in Episode 61 “Intuition or God’s Will?” One tool that I try to remember to use when faced with this question is to ask myself “What is my motive?” I was guided to this question by a program friend some years ago. An acquaintance had had a horrible experience, and I was thinking about calling them to let them know I cared. But, I also had enough Al-Anon experience to know that I really ought to check this out with someone else, first. So I called a program friend, and described what I was considering. This friend then asked me “What is your motive?” That made me stop and think. What was my motive? Did I really think that I could provide support? Or was I just trying to make myself feel better about not being able to actually do anything about the situation? Was I close enough to my acquaintance to even talk to them about their experience?  In the end, I decided that this idea came from my will, with the motive of making myself feel better, and did not call. Years later, I still think that was the right decision. There are other situations in which I ask myself, “what is my motive?” Listen to hear about them. * Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, January 18. Feedback? What is your experience using the question, “What is my motive?” Please send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or call our voice mail line at 734-707-8795.

Reaching and recognizing significant milestones is an integral part of the recovery process. Celebrating these moments of progress might include acknowledging the ability to set personal boundaries, letting go of blame, or embracing presence in the current moment. These victories, regardless of how small, contribute significantly to personal growth and healing, reinforcing the transformative power of recovery. What is a milestone? One dictionary definition says “A point in a chain of events at which an important change (as in one's fortunes) occurs.” Eric tells us about “waypoints”, which are a way of navigating a boat from one port to another. Waypoints are places along the route where you can measure your progress, and navigate from each one to the next. In a 12-step program, one set of waypoints would be the steps themselves, as they mark our journal of recovery. We navigate from each step to the next, as they build on each other. This episode has contributions from many listeners, who chose to share experiences such as these: * Experiencing an Emotional Breakthrough * Letting Yourself Off the Hook, * Surrender and Relapse, * Recognizing a Spiritual Awakening, * Finding Guidance Through a Cancer Diagnosis, * Gratitude for Recovery and Intervention Success, * Detaching with Love and Personal Growth, * The Benefits of Volunteering, * Finding a Relationship with a Higher Power, * Navigating Life with an Active Drinker, * Setting Boundaries and Seeking Help, * Finding the Right Sponsor, * Learning to Detach and Set Boundaries Readings and Resources We read from Courage to Change, June 24. Eric talked about a personal breakthrough and the song that was connected to it, “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath. If you want to hear more about it, listen to Episode 380, Awareness and Acceptance, at about the 15 minute mark. A listener mentioned episode 387, Co-Crazy as an inspiration for her milestone. I used DALL-E to generate the image of “400 with wings” for this episode. Upcoming topics Did you attend the Al-Anon International Convention? We'd love to hear about your experience. You can send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or you can call and leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795. Music from the Show Brandon Heath – Give Me Your Eyes Fleetwood Mac – Landslide

I noticed how different people in the story respond to the drinking in different ways. It leapt off the page to me, not only because I recognized stories that I could have heard in the rooms, but also my own perception of their reactions. – Frances Step into the pages of classic literature and discover a hidden world of connection and understanding. In this podcast episode, we explore the what Frances uncovers as she dives into the timeless tales of ‘Adam Bede' and ‘A Tree Grows in Brooklyn'. As she delves deeper into these stories, she realizes they hold a mirror to her own experiences in the Al-Anon community. The characters' struggles with problem drinking resonate with her on a profound level, unveiling a new layer of relatability and guidance. This episode promises to leave you eager to explore the unexpected connections between literary gems and your own journey. Frances was searching for solace during the lockdown, finding comfort in the pages of classic literature. She dove into the world of Little Women, among others, but it was two particular stories that painted a vivid picture for her – Adam Bede by George Eliot and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. The familiar theme of problem drinking among key characters leapt off the page, stirring within her a deep-seated recognition from her own experiences. Her perception had shifted since her involvement with Al-Anon. She no longer saw the characters' reactions to substance abuse as simply plot points, but as tangible, relatable experiences. She saw the anger, resentment, martyrdom and enabling, all familiar from her own life and from the stories she'd heard in the meeting rooms. It was fascinating to see such parallels in these classic tales, highlighting that the struggle with addiction and the impact on loved ones is not a new societal issue, but one that has echoed throughout time. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, pp. 35-36 (“Opening Up”), and p. 85 about forgiveness and compassion. Frances also mentioned a reading from Courage to Change, May 1, which had the phrase “If only _____ would happen…” The books we discussed are available from many sources, including your public library. If you wish to purchase copies, here are links to buy them on Amazon. (Note: The Recovery Show receives a small commission for qualified sales from these links.) Adam Bede by George Eliot. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. What's next? Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle, Higher Power or spiritual awakening moment? Record a voice memo and email it to feedback@therecovery.show. Send us an email. Or, call our voicemail at 734-707-8795. Music from the Show

What valuable lesson did you learn in 2022? Our answers include: * Don't rush in at try to fix it! * How practicing these principles at work can lead to unexpected, great outcomes. * It begins with me! * Understanding my limitations and living within them. Upcoming topics Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle, Higher Power or spiritual awakening moment? Record a voice memo and email it to feedback@therecovery.show. Send us an email. Or, call our voicemail at 734-707-8795. Music from the Show Listener Renee recommended this rendition of the “St. Francis Prayer”. Olivia Newton John – Instrument of Peace

Misti's journey of self-discovery and forgiveness takes her through the depths of her family's addiction and abuse. Just as she begins to find inner peace, a shocking revelation forces her to confront the past and leaves her questioning everything she thought she knew. Will she find the courage to continue her journey towards healing and forgiveness? In order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. – Mark Nepo The Book of Awakening My special guest is Misti B. Misti is a dedicated member of the recovery community who has experienced the healing power of forgiveness in her life. After navigating through her own family's addiction and abuse issues, Misti gained valuable insights that have allowed her to cultivate inner peace and let go of resentment. With a strong connection to the power of storytelling, she has been able to share her journey with others, providing hope and inspiration for those struggling with similar challenges. Misti's story The healing process was not an easy one for Misti B, but in time she discovered the power of true forgiveness. She learned that she didn't have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive. Through her journey in Al-anon, she found the strength to face her pain and take responsibility for her own happiness. When she called her mother to apologize and offer forgiveness, her mother's denial of the abuse only solidified Misti's resolve to let go of the resentment and continue on her path to healing. By embracing forgiveness, she was able to find her identity and inner strength, and ultimately transform her life. In this episode, you will be able to: * Delve into the necessity of confronting pain and trauma for true healing and growth. * Embrace the transformative power of forgiveness for personal freedom and peace. * Recognize the essential role of vulnerability and acceptance in the act of forgiveness. * Understand how self-care and boundaries fit into a healthy and sustainable recovery process. Resources in this episode * Read Mark Nepo's book, The Book of Awakening, for daily inspiration. Misti read the entry titled “About Forgiveness”, for September 28, on p. 317 in the 20th anniversary edition. * Attend Al-anon meetings to find support and begin the journey of recovery. * Consider engulfing oneself in recovery to heal from painful experiences. * Seek therapy to process and work through trauma. * Explore forgiveness as a way to exchange resentment for inner freedom. * Validate your own experiences and pain from the center out. * Let go of ledgers of injustice and retribution to regain feeling in your heart. * Imagine how the holy pieces of broken relationships can go together through love. * Consider requiring loved ones to be in recovery before reestablishing a relationship. Upcoming topics Our 400th episode is coming! Eric B suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle,

It's been a while since we talked about boundaries. Barb N brings her own perspective and experience to this conversation. Barb hit a co-dependent bottom at the age of 52, although at that time she had never heard of the word co-dependent! She was trying to help out a homeless man, and invited him to stay for a little while in her home during a snowstorm, and then for another reason, and, as she says “by a few months later, he was practically living with me and I felt trapped in my home.” She clearly had no boundaries. She started going to CODA (co-dependents anonymous). She was visiting a friend, and they couldn't find a CODA meeting, so her friend suggested ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). At that meeting, she heard the “laundry list” for the first time — the 14 characteristics of an adult child. She immediately identified with 7 of those, and “was blown away.” She now says, “I actually have 13 of those. I was in such denial.” Barb has a podcast, titled “Fragmented to Whole”, because, she says, “for me, the process of recovery … has been the integration of all of those fragments into one coherent whole.” And being whole, she now has solid boundaries — which really was not possible when her life was so fragmented. She distinguishes two types of boundaries, which she calls boundaries of self-containment, and boundaries of self-protection. A boundary of self containment is something that you need to contain or stop doing. And what I've figured out over time is that there's two kinds of boundaries of self containment. Many of boundaries of self containment only affect me. Nobody else ever even needs to know about them. For example, when I put a boundary of self containment around my negative self-talk, nobody else needs to know that's happening. It's a boundary for me. But then there are other boundaries of self containment that affect me and other people. Gossiping is a good example. That was one of my worst defects of character, which I was shocked to learn. Setting a boundary of self-containment on gossiping does need to be communicated to others. They need to know that I am no longer engaging in that behavior. Even though I am setting the boundary on my own behavior, it still affects the others around me. Boundaries of self-protection … are the things that I need to protect myself from the outside world, often other people, but it could also be environments like, going into toxic environments or situations. [I like this] Chinese proverb, “It's easier to put slippers on your feet than to carpet the world.” What that means is the world has sharp, jagged edges and wouldn't it be nice to carpet the entire world so that I could walk around on a nice cushy earth? Well, that's ridiculous, right? So instead, it's a lot easier to just get slippers and put them on my feet? [A] boundary of self protection is, what is it that you need to do to cushion yourself from the world? … I think the number one myth I hear from people about boundaries is they think, when I get boundaries, I'm gonna be able to control other people. I'm gonna be able to get people to stop doing the things they're doing that I don't want them to do. That's a thing that doesn't happen. There's a lot more in the episode, including Barb's 3 tools of recovery: 4 ways of keeping the focus on herself; reaching out; and pausing. Readings and Links Barb read “the solution” from the

How is the relationship between a mother and her son affected by alcholism and addiction? Join us as Amy shares her experience, strength, and hope (and particularly hope), as we explore how her relationship with her son was affected by his alcoholism and addiction. She says “I do wanna clarify, you know, I'm gonna use mother, son cuz that's my experience. But, this can be a parent of a child. It could be a dad and a daughter. It could be a parent of a teen or a young adult or even, you know, an adult child. So it's just the relationship I wanted to focus on. Cause it's unique and the way the disease affects this relationship is unique.” She says, of the generational nature of the disease, “It can go way, way back, and I think that's common and certainly, I am no exception to that. I am a great-granddaughter, probably beyond, granddaughter of the disease. I'm a daughter of the disease. I married the disease and I gave birth to the disease.” And, “about a year ago, I was asking my higher power. When is this gonna be over? I've got 32 years in Al-Anon and ACA, I kind of did them side by side in my recovery work. All my family's in recovery, which is a beautiful gift. When are we gonna be done? I got a really loud and very clear answer, that you will never be done. There will always be the presence of this disease in your life. And right in that moment, I went into acceptance and surrendered, Step one and two. … I guess my my choice is how do I respond to that reality? So that's why I've been in the program for all these years, and it will be a lifelong partnership for me.” She came into Al-Anon because of her husband's alcoholism, and when she realized her then 10-year old son might be affected, “And I got completely overwhelmed by fear. This fear rooted in me that I'd walk back through that door as a mother, having to deal with my son, that I was gonna come back in having to deal with his addictions.” And then, “that happened. Okay. It manifested. But, you know what I found out was I was walking back through that door as a different person. I had everything I needed to face that horrendous challenge. … Now, I didn't know it'd be 25 years of it.” There were years when she didn't know where he was or what he was doing. “I was so worn down and I didn't know if my son was dead or alive. he did move out of the area, which was a blessing. And I believe he was protecting us from watching him in this self-destructive, lifestyle. And I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. It was one less thing that I had to face.” She was feeling hopeless. “A minister at a church I was attending at the time offered counseling. And so I went and I told him this story and I said, I don't sit in toxic, negative stuff very long. I wanna do something about this. and he gave me a really neat suggestion that I'd like to share. He said, when you think of your son, don't think of a drug addict, Shooting up and toothless and all that. He said, think of him full of light, thriving, healthy in recovery, living his best life. He said, if you can't do that right now, he said, go home and find a picture of him when he was a little boy before the active addiction, because that's who he truly is under the disease. That's the light. That's the person who's under that disease. And I said, okay. Cause I do good on homework. I go home, . I found the picture and it opened that crack in the door to rebuild the hope and invite it back to my heart just to crack. And it was enough to get me started. Amy shared something that she would do when she found herself looping down into obsessive thinking.

Mary is an Al-Anon member who is Korean. She brings her experience as a person of color in the rooms of recovery to the podcast. Our conversation touches on all the points below, plus more. * How diverse is my group? * How can we bring the message of recovery to a greater number of people of all backgrounds, ages, and genders? (From page 382 of Many Voices, One Journey.) * Step 12 * Carry this message to others. * Membership survey * Anonymity * Or lack thereof * Searching for People of Color meetings * Traditions 10 * The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy. * How the tradition is used. * My experience of doing service at a conference * WSO * Safety * Tradition 3 * The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al‑Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. * This tradition is used in the service manual as a reason why “all Al‑Anon groups welcome anyone.” * Tradition 4 * Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole. * Concept 5 * The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change page 61, March 1st, and from Many Voices, One Journey, Al-Anon's story of growth and recovery as experienced by individual members and the fellowship as a whole over Al-Anon’s first 60 years. Feedback Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show It's Quiet Uptown – from Hamilton Rihanna – Lift Me Up