Stay Happily Married

Does your relationship have what it takes to deal with a medical illness? Relationships can be tricky; they require communication, honesty, and love to keep it alive and healthy. You recognize what each other need and want out of the relationship and out of each other. You begin to share life lessons with one another. You learn to provide emotional support, validation, and compliments. You start sharing goals and dreams that resonate with both of you. You discover the value of compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. But, what happens when the relationship you’ve worked so hard to keep healthy is threatened by a medical illness and it’s consequences? Earning his doctorate in Medical Family Therapy from East Carolina University, Dr. Dan Marlowe is the Director of Behavioral Health for Campbell University’s School of Osteopathic Medicine where he is in charge of the psychosocial health of the medical and graduate student body. Dr. Marlowe’s studies focused on the integration of mental and behavioral health in medical settings, as well as the treatment of families and couples dealing with acute and chronic illness. His doctoral residency was spend at Duke Cancer Institute’s Cancer Patient Support program where he helped launch their research program as well as helped to expand their collaborative care program the provides counseling services to patients and their families at no cost. Dr. Marlowe is the president-elect for the North Carolina Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. To find out more about Dr. Marlowe and his practice, Campbell University School of Osteopathic Medicine, you can call (910) 893-1560 for an appointment.  

SMART Resolutions: Do you have what it takes to better your relationship for the New Year? The New Year is a time for resolutions to create better habits for the upcoming year. After all the holiday feasting we resolve to better our physical well-being with a promise to eat better, exercise more, and cut out the sweets and soda. We start to kick the bad habits by deciding to quit smoking, drink less alcohol, and stop biting our nails. To improve ourselves we resolve to become more organized, reduce stress, and be more independent. These are all resolutions we decide to do to better ourselves, but what can we do to better the relationship we have with our loved one for the New Year? Earning her doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy from Texas Tech, Dr. Laura Bryan is the Clinic Director of Pfeiffer Institute Reach. She has over 10 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families facing a wide range of issues, from depression and anger to divorce and parenting. Dr. Bryan is an Assistant Professor in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Pfeiffer University in Raleigh. She is also the Director of the Capital Chapter of the North Carolina Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. To find out more about Dr. Bryan and her practice, Pfeiffer Institute Reach, you can visit their website or call (919) 941-2900 for an appointment.

Does your relationship have what it takes to survive depression? As a society we are becoming more and more aware of mental health issues and its effects on our lifestyle. We now have Mental Health Awareness Month every May to build awareness for people with mental health issues, such as depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. While we are becoming more receptive and knowledgeable to the external and internal effects of mental health conditions, like depression, what can be done when depression begins to affect our families, and even our spouse? Can anything be done to help loved ones coping with the after effects? Earning her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center, Dr. Anna Brandon practices at the UNC Center for Women’s Mood Disorders. Dr. Brandon has an extensive background in the healthcare profession having worked as an attending psychologist at the first perinatal psychiatric inpatient unit in the nation, conducting research in North Carolina and Texas for couples using partner-assisted interpersonal psychotherapy, as well as helping many women struggling with distress in the context of infertility, pregnancy, and chronic illness. To find out more about Dr. Anna Brandon and her practice, UNC Center for Women’s Mood Disorders, you can visit their website or call (919) 966-5217 for an appointment.

Do you have what it takes to survive the holidays with your step-family and in-laws? The holiday season is a fun filled time for families to celebrate being together and sharing traditions with one another. The Christmas lights, carolers and smell of ham cooking in the kitchen is enough to send anyone into a blissful holiday euphoria. Watching children open their presents while cookies bake in the oven is a scene set for happiness and joy.  With family packed around the table, we can see all of our wonderful blessings right in front of us. However, sometimes those wonderful blessings may not be getting along with each other as well as you had hoped. Introducing family members to each other for the first time is always stressful. Throw in the holiday season and you have a recipe for disaster. Managing to keep everyone happy and stress-free could results in a full on meltdown for the happy host. Are you equipped to navigate sharing the holidays with parents, in-laws, and step-families, turning the chaotic holiday gathering into the loving family picture you had hoped for? Dr. Katrina Kuzyszyn-Jones is owner of KKJ Forensic and Psychological Services in Durham, North Carolina. Katrina has worked with many families during the separation and divorce process and understands the many challenges facing committed couples. She has worked with individuals and couples dealing with issues of infidelity, retirement, and even becoming new parents. Dr. Jones has experience in private practice, community mental health and the criminal justice system. To find out more about Dr. Katrina Kuzyszyn-Jones and her practice, KKJ Forensic and Psychological Services, you can visit their website or call (919) 493-1975 for an appointment.

Is your marriage strong enough to survive holiday stress? In a perfect world, the holiday season is a time of celebration, family togetherness, and making memories that will last a lifetime. However, back in the real world, the “holiday season” is a two-month marathon testing the emotional, physical, and mental endurance of a marriage. Between the various family gatherings, dealing with in-laws, and trying to find the perfect gift for the ones you love, stress is available in abundance during the holidays. Even though the list of priorities keeps getting longer, the days are getting shorter and it’s only a matter of time before the perfect storm that’s been brewing is finally unleashed. Is your relationship strong enough to weather the holiday storm or will it fall to pieces under the weight of all that holiday stress? Dr. Theresa Lewis is a licensed Psychologist with Lewis Consulting Services in Raleigh, North Carolina. Dr. Lewis earned her doctorate in Counseling Psychology from the University of Florida. Dr. Lewis is a Parenting Coordinator, conducting parenting classes for separated and divorced parents, as well as assisting separated parents to develop effective co-parenting skills and parenting plans. To find out more about Dr. Theresa Lewis and her practice, Lewis Consulting Services, you can visit their website or call (919) 622-1303 for an appointment.

Does your spouse have what it takes to fulfill your every wish and desire? While some things in life are considered essential, like food, water and shelter. Are you able to separate relationship wants v needs? As human beings, our unwavering desire for ‘more’ transforms what we need to survive into all the things we want to have instead. Is your partner able to identify and provide those items you consider essential to your relationship survival?  What about the extra benefits you crave? Can an ambitious appetite for all the luxuries that come with love overwhelm the basics deemed essential to the success of a relationship? Rachel Payne Blair is a licensed clinical social worker with Greenlee Psychological and Support Services in Durham, North Carolina where she provides therapy for families, couples, and individuals and also provides clinical supervision for Master Level students. Earning both a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Social Work, Rachel has applied her skills in the field of foster care, school counseling, as well as volunteering her time to assist in local homeless youth programs. Rachel has extensive training and experience in a wide range of areas, including coping with separation and attachment loss, repairing and reconnecting relationships, as well as couples counseling. To find out more about Rachel Payne Blair and her practice, Greenlee Psychological and Support Services, you can visit their website  or call (919) 764-6402 for an appointment.

How can your commitment to health affect your commitment to the one you love? Summertime is meant for lounging by the beach, enjoying the sun, and trying to avoid showing the entire world your every physical insecurity. Come autumn, the temperature drops, the leaves change, and everyone’s best friend, the over-sized sweater, makes its triumphant return from the depths of the closet. Just because the temperature is dropping, that doesn't mean that your waistline will too. With the colder temperatures come the hectic, sleepless schedule filled with holiday parties and filling holiday meals with their seemingly limitless supply of every artery clogging treat your struggling heart can handle. While many resolve to make up for their holiday splurging with a promise to do better “next year”, it may not only be your body that’s paying the price for your poor physical health. While your gym membership and a full 8 hours of sleep may have been a top priority when you were unattached - a committed relationship, work, or even kids, can have a way of taking time from things that were once considered essential. The black coffee in your hand and soaring 3-digits on the scale don’t lie! As those numbers get higher, so do your chances of marital dissatisfaction. How can a commitment to get physical lead to better marital health? Dr. Kristen Wynns is a child and adolescent psychologist who owns a specialty private practice in Cary, North Carolina called Wynns Family Psychology.  She earned her Ph.D. and Master’s in Clinical Psychology from UNC-Greensboro. Dr. Wynns has been frequently sought out as local expert on child psychology and parenting issues for radio shows, magazines like Carolina Parent, as well as TV shows like My Carolina Today and Daytime. Dr. Wynns has also founded the parenting website, No Wimpy Parenting, providing services for parents struggling with behavior and discipline problems. Married for 15 years with two young children of her own, Dr. Wynns likes to say she is “doubly qualified” to offer parenting and marriage advice. To find out more about Dr. Kristen Wynns and her practice, Wynns Family Psychology, you can visit their website Wynns Family Psychology or call (919) 467-7777 for an appointment. For information regarding the services available to help parents struggling with behavior or discipline problems at home, you can visit Dr. Wynns other site, No Wimpy Parenting.

Movies are made for our entertainment, but are they the key to a real life Hollywood romance? Authors like Jane Austen were setting unrealistic expectations of romance and breaking hearts all over the globe as early as the 18th century. Should it come as a surprise that present day romantic comedies are continuing the standard? Movies offer an escape from the daily routine and drama of life and feed our imagination with whimsical images and romantic tales. The glamorous illusion that Hollywood creates can be shattered all too quickly when we check back in to reality. Life isn't always like it is in the movies, but wouldn't it be great if it could be? Whether it’s a Say Anything boom box by your window or a surprise visit at work a la An Officer and a Gentleman; movies not only hold a high standard for romance and romantic gestures, it can serve itself up as an instruction guide to navigating love in the real world. Professor of Family Medicine at UNC School of Medicine, as well as Director of Behavioral Medicine at Carolina Medical Center; Dr. Matthew Alexander is a psychologist and Founder of Alexander Therapy in Charlotte, North Carolina. Dr. Alexander specializes in clinical, health and family psychology giving him a strong background in family systems, psychodynamic and interpersonal approaches to mental health. Dr. Alexander has been published in multiple journals and is the lead editor and author of Cinemeducation detailing use of cinema as a teaching tool. Dr. Alexander primarily treats couples in his private practice and is also available for public presentations on a variety of topics related to relationships. To find out more about Dr. Matthew Alexander and his practice, Alexander Therapy, or call (704) 371-3070 for an appointment.

Conflict is a part of life; do you and your spouse know how to handle the stress? Stress is all around us, all the time. Family responsibilities, hectic schedules, and a never-ending to-do list make it difficult for couples to slow down and take a breath. When stressful situations arise how do you keep your cool? When we add stress on top of stress it compounds and festers until it’s dealt with. Couples often lose sight of themselves and focus on the various distractions and priorities that consume their lives. When we can’t take time out for ourselves and we can’t dedicate time to our relationship, our mental health suffers. Go ahead, put yourself and your relationship first and de-stress from the chaos in life with these five simple steps. Founder of Cognitive Psychiatry of Chapel Hill, Dr. Jennie Byrne is a board-certified psychiatrist specializing in adult cognitive issues like dementia, attention deficit and anxiety disorders. Dr. Byrne works with individuals and couples to optimize mood and thinking patterns that promote self-improvement and goal achievement. Earning her doctorate in neurophysiology from NYU’s School of Medicine, Dr. Byrne completed her residency at the prestigious Mt. Sinai School of Medicine. To find out more about Dr. Jennie Byrne and her practice,you can visit their website  Cognitive Psychiatry of Chapel Hill,  or call (919) 636-5240 for an appointment.

Do you have what it takes to be in a relationship? When we’re unhappy, unsatisfied, or unfulfilled in a relationship it’s the never-ending fight. Like a game of tag, the blame keeps getting thrown back and forth from one spouse to the other. Angry outbursts are sparked by seemingly unrelated events. The topic of debate is slightly altered with each passing round, but the core issue of conflict never seems to get resolved. As children we learned how to tie our shoes, as teenagers we learned how to drive a car, but as adults, who teaches us how to be in a relationship? There is no class in school that teaches us how to behave or what to do to make a relationship successful. When it comes to acting on feelings of the heart, how do we know what we’re doing is right? If divorce rates are any indicator of our relationship proficiency, it may be fair to say that we could all use a little helpful guidance in the love department. Taking preventative measures to teach couples how to develop a mindful attitude and lifestyle; Dr. Nina Solanki created The Mindful Relationship and Lifestyle Program, a mindfulness-based relationship enhancement program for couples. Earning her Doctoral and Master’s degrees in Clinical Psychology Dr. Nina Solanki has and expansive background in the healthcare profession ranging from private practice to crisis centers and everything in between. These days, Dr. Solanki is a therapist with Lepage Associates in Durham, North Carolina incorporating her work and knowledge of mindfulness and its benefits in relationships into both individual and couples therapy. To find out more about Dr. Nina Solanki or her program, The Mindful Relationship and Lifestyle Program, you can visit Lepage Associates online at or call (919) 572-0000 for an appointment.

How do you let go of the baggage from your past to make your second marriage a success? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Love isn’t always something that happens at “first sight”. The hopeless romantics of the world often have to take two, three and even four glances before they find their Mr. or Ms. Right. Once you’ve found the one that you’re ready to take that second walk down the aisle with, how can you ensure that the baggage and pitfalls that unravelled your previous relationship aren’t lingering and waiting to attack your second marriage? Is it possible for couples to ensure the success of their union when far more challenges stand in their way? How do you successfully integrate children and exes into this modern day nuclear family? Author of Successful Second Marriages, Patricia Bubash has worked with couples from all over the U.S. to educate them on how to make their marriage the one that lasts. With a Masters Degree in Education with an emphasis on counselling, Patricia is a licensed professional counsellor in Missouri. It’s hard to imagine how Patricia found the time to write a book when you discover her active involvement in not only her volunteer work, but in St. Louis marriage counselling community. Having been remarried before, Patricia says “third time is the charm!” as she celebrates twenty five blissful years with her husband. To find out more about Patricia Bubash, or order your copy of her book, Successful Second Marriages, you can visit her online.  Be sure to keep an eye out for Patricia's upcoming release, Marriage Blisters: Spousal Behaviors that Rub you Wrong (or Raw).

How can you make quality time for your relationship when you can’t even make time for yourself? “I wish there were more hours in the day.” Every single one of us has uttered this phrase at least once in our lives. Between family, work and children competing for our attention and time, it’s easy to see how we often are unable to carve out time for ourselves, let alone our better half. All too often our relationships get pushed to the side while we focus on what’s directly in front of us. But how long can a relationship sit waiting in the sidelines before it runs out of gas completely? When a night on the town or a movie date on the couch have become distant memories it’s time to take a hard look at your priorities as a couple and take back the quality time. Dr. Gabriella Johr is a licensed clinical psychologist with Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC. Over the last 10 years Gabriella has found herself working with people in various hospital, school and private practice settings. Specializing in child and family therapy, Gabriella has had a great deal of experience working with couples to manage their family and priorities while still finding time for their marriage. To find out more about Dr. Gabriella Johr and Orenstein Solutions, you can visit them online at  or call 919-428-2766 for an appointment.

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? The modern day world of employment is a far more competitive place then it was only a decade ago. The 9-to-5 workday has seemingly disappeared, and with it the typical business commute. Today, it’s not uncommon to see married couples engrossed in the demanding nature of their jobs and saying “goodnight”, or perhaps it’s “good morning”, to each other from opposite ends of the globe, trying to keep their long distance love afloat. Planes, trains and automobiles make the world a much smaller place; a beneficial feature that many companies take advantage of. With the physical distance between spouses growing, how can a relationship survive the absence? Exactly how distance is too much? When does absence stop making the heart grow fonder and start tearing apart a relationship? Earning her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Regent University, Dr. Janet Savia has an expansive background in the healthcare profession. She’s worked in medical laboratories, as a high school teacher, in a Fortune 50 corporation’s health care division, and as a health care consultant. These days, Dr. Savia is a therapist working with individuals and couples at Sage Psychology Group in Durham, North Carolina. To find out more about Dr. Janet Savia and her practice, Sage Psychology Group, you can visit them online at Sage Psychology Group or call 919-472-0637 for an appointment.

Can you try to make them stay, when “bye” is what they really want to say? What do you do when your other half wants to leave but you can’t believe that it’s over? Perhaps the romance is waning or it could be that the fights are escalating. Is there anything that can be done to help save your relationship when your spouse wants out?  

With the growing rate of divorce in North America and the ease with which we see people using the term “separate”, it can sometimes feel like a battle to try and stay together amongst a crowd of those who don’t. Can a couple really save the life that they have built together when an issue as threatening of this looms overhead? Liam Naden is the director of Growing in Love for Life, a New Zealand based practice which provides 21st century tools and coaching methods to assist individuals and couples in saving their marriages and improving their relationship. With 25 books and counting, Liam is author of the Amazon Kindle bestsellers, “The Sexless Marriage Cure: How to Get Your Spouse (or You) Interested in Sex Again”, as well as “Stay or Go: How to Know if Your Marriage is the Right One for You”. Liam is the host of his own fortnightly relationship podcast series, "Growing in Love for Life: Save and Strengthen Your Marriage." To find out more about Liam Naden and his practice you can visit Growing in Love for Life online. You can also download a copy of Liam’s Amazon Kindle bestseller, “How to Save Your Marriage  When Your Spouse Doesn't Want to.”

When tensions are high, do you get to the source or avoid the conversation altogether? It’s not called the art of conversation for nothing. Some things in life come easily, but conversation isn't always one of them. When issues arise, communication tends to take a backseat in an attempt to avoid a potential debate match. A life spent employing your best avoidance tactics can make it difficult to tackle tough issues and topics with your partner. Avoiding topics because they are difficult to discuss can have a poisonous effect on a relationship. How do you get to the root of an issue when it’s such a fine line to navigate the road between interrogation and conversation? Our guest today is here to help us answer that very question. Specializing in couples and relationship issues for the past 15 years Dr. Susan Orenstein is the director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC. Receiving her doctorate in Counseling Psychology from Temple University, she has pursued advanced training in couples counselling and family mediation. Susan has been happily married (to the same man) for the past 24 years. To find out more about Susan Orenstein and her practice, Orenstein Solutions, you can visit their website or call 919-428-2766 for an appointment.