In this latest edition of the Fantoo Girls, we take a break (sort of) from asking, pleading, begging for votes and sneak back into the Fantoo Girls production studio to produce our new epic interpretation of ?Dumb and Dumber?. In this great and original work, the Philadelphia Eagles nurse Brian Westbrook back from a concussion for 3 weeks, only to lose him indefinitely to?wait for it?another concussion. The fuse on Westbrook?s career has officially been lit. Speaking of lighting it up, how does Stanford drop 55 points on USC? How do they beat USC 2 years in a row? How does Jim Harbaugh go for it on a 2-point conversion when his team is ahead by 27 points? What?s his deal anyway? Whatever it is, we love it when the intellectual powerhouse (David) beats the safety school (Goliath). What with the NCAA worrying about the stale BCS and Mark Mangino?s voracious appetite for destruction, this adds the right kind of spice to college football. The MLB proves that it?s a sexy ERA that makes a Cy Young pitcher and not wins. Go figure. The PGA proves that Tiger is not to be trifled with, or written about in a negative manner, just as Michelle Wie proves that she can win in the LPGA?and like it! Katy Perry would be proud. Jimmy Johnson will coast to yet a 4th NASCAR Cup victory. Congrats, man. Does anyone else find Jimmy Johnson?s 4-timing the least exciting story in NASCAR right now? Ranking maybe with the excitement level we experienced when I learned that there was now an option for men to use Vaseline. Strahan, have a sit-down with your agent. Everyone knows what guys do with Vaseline - do you really want to be a part of that? With Crosby and the Penguins twisting in the wind, other NHL teams have been streaking. Yet stats can be deceiving, especially when you consider that some teams have played 23 games and some have played 17. At any rate, there will be no more tanned Shanahan on the bench this season. Another pillar retires. At least he?s going out playing with a little less ?fire? that Theo Fleury. And, thank Gordie Howe, Ovechkin is back. All is right in the world of hockey? Over in the MBA, we WOULD mention the injuries, the Iverson move and the Nets? losing streak if it weren?t just simply so early in the season. The NFL offered us the opportunity to have an epic ?Mangini Sucks? segment this week. Monday Night Football saw no benefit from the putrid Browns-Ravens mess. Nor did Josh Cribbs. Nor did the tragic Browns fans. Nor did Terrell Suggs. Really, what does make this Cleveland team so awful? Is it because they took away The Flats? Is it bad recruiting? Or is it simply because Mangini sucks? And now Mangini?s mentor comes under fire. But honestly, if the Patriots had made 1st down on that 4th-and-2, wouldn?t we all be saying what a genius Belichick is? Boston Bill will be going the way of Dick Jauron NO TIME soon. But someone who does get to go places this season is Larry Johnson. And we predict he will be awesome. Winning is fun - and the Bengals are winning. Plus, they don?t seem to have an owner like Bud Adams. We wonder, do Bud Adams and Al Davis sit together at the owners meetings? Give each other tips on erratic, octogenarian behavior? It?s intriguing to think about. Finally, The Girls ponder how they can get their hands on some of the more than $98 Billion (with a ?B?) dollars that the government improperly paid out in 2009. So grab your rally cap, hide your food from Mangino and set up your Swiss bank account?it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...the man, the network, the Twitterer, the only one that seems to be having fun playing professional football these days...Ocho Cinco! Child, please. You play with flair, you play with passion, and you play to win. (Bribing the refs and sending the Ravens deodorant is pretty awesome, too.) All that and somehow not ticking off Roger Goodell with all your recent business endeavors? Dude. What do you have on the Commissioner? And can we get some? Whatever the case, Ocho Cinco has The Girls wanting more Bengals and less of the NFL that has become as serious as a deadly disease. Lighten up kids. No matter the job - heart surgeon, mine worker, elephant dung picker-upper, Green Beret - everyone else manages to have a little fun on the job. You football players can too. Fun can be rejuvenating! Just ask Sammy Sosa. Oh. Maybe not. Seems his little spa day turned into an episode of Scare Tactics! Yikes. Dude looks like a candidate for a wax museum. Hey, maybe Michael Jackson did fake his death. Just wondering. Also in this week's podcast we shed a small, salty tear (it's completely fake tho) for Jeremy Tyler who isn't loving his trip to Isreal, and we vow to become avid followers of high school sports after witnessing the brilliant bounce pass thrown by Brad Heap. Look out Wildcat! We pay homage to Bud Selig for an exciting World Series, but can't something be done about instant replay? One league that does it right is the NHL. But no need for instant replay when it comes to Sidney Crosby's recent performance. Who wants to see that again? Take comfort, Pens fans, it's not Crosby. It's the fact that he's pretty much playing alone these days, 'cept for those double teams. But if he wants to avoid a concussion perhaps he should sign up for the next season of "Battle of the Blades", the hit show that pairs figure skaters with NHL players and turns them into ice dancers. For real. It's classic. And it's Canadian. Another classic that won't be hitting the shelves anytime soon is Tim Donaghy's book, "Blowing the Whistle: The Culture of Fraud in the NBA. It's a paint-by-numbers of all the ways the NBA games have been 'influenced' by referees playing their own games. Somehow, in this land of free speech, the NBA and David Stern have been able to shelve this masterpiece. But, thanks to the boys at Deadspin, we can read some juicy excerpts here. The Saints and the Colts have yet to lose, but all those hungry patrons at Lucas Oil field are about to lose their lunch. Seems some rodents and unidentified toxic substances have been turning up in the kitchens. Little fecal matter with that hot dog? You betcha! Also on the gridiron, Vince Young is back, Larry Johnson is on a forced holiday, and Vince Lombardi is about to hit Broadway. And what would a Fantoo Girls podcast be without another installment of "Eric Mangini Sucks"? One laugh short of a podcast, that's what. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we tell you how strong the bond is between us Girls. So grab some fake blood, a mouse dropping or six and tell Shaq to keep it in his pants - we don't need to see his privates or his private love texts...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girl is coming to you live (because the other is flat on her back oinking...more about that in the podcast) from the Idea Pitching Center of ESPN's Outside the Lines, an 'investigative sports news program'. The pitches have been flying around the room like a bat at a Maverick's game, but the one that seems to have stuck was this little diddy: Bill Belichick Abuses Corpse! Allegedly! Look for it next week. Or listen in to get the real story on Belichick and Tom Cable. Then, after the dust has settled, we can hopefully return to just covering sports and all the nuttiness that comes when man and game collide. So off we go to the land of cable news, and the Colbert Report. They've stepped up big time to support the speed skating team of the US of A. Somebody's got to look out for our land's biggest thighs. But rather than dig deep in their own stuffed pockets, they do what everyone else does - ask the citizens (who have so much disposable income laying around it's hard to keep track) to fork over their dollars to support the team after their bank sponsor bailed. Banks, disappointing us again, and leaving us to fund their pet causes, too. A meet and greet with Appolo Ono, and The Fantoo Girls are behind you with serious coin. We not kid. Visit www.colbertnation.com to join in the fun. We run right by Brandon Spikes because we like to look at ourselves in the mirror, but we do pause long enough to cackle at the 'punishment' handed down by that meanie, Urban Meyer. Wow. A whole half a game. Shiver. That's brutal. And against Vanderbilt! Will the injustice never end??? Justice is being served in this year's World Series. And we can all actually call it a series as the big one goes to a game 6 for the first time in 5 years. Sweet. Baseball lovers are delighting in the play on both sides. From small ball to long ball to double plays to mound visits galore, there isn't much missing in this series except for a clear cut winner. But that will be known in mere days. In the meantime, rest assured that Cole Hamels is not a whiny baby, Kate Hudson is not the reason behind A-Rod's clutch performance, Jorge Posada and CC Sabathia are not lovers who can't bear to be apart more than a pitch or two, and the Yankees have more to lose, and thus their sphincters are a little more clenched as we approach the official end of baseball. May the mound visits be few, the ground balls many, and may the series go to 7 games. Our Rookie Look keeps us close to home as we shine our global spotlight on James Van Riemsdyk in this week's Fantoo Girls sports podcast. He's tallied his first three-point game, leads the league in rookie scoring, and still manages to get his dinner free at Applebees...when his Mom is with him. Dude looks like a youngster! Don't worry James, the league will age you. Just look at Sidney Crosby. Oh. Bad example. Ovie - he looks older since he joined. But he also looks happier. Must be all those blondes. Hopefully you'll get your fair share and keep the points coming. Maybe grow a 'stache. We cover some hits that hurt and leave you with a Forsberg sighting. It's been awhile, but he's still out there. Is that any way to treat a bat on Halloween? Manu Ginobli takes a bat out of thin air with his hand. One swat and one concussed bat lay stunned and motionless on the hard court. But he had to swat the bat with bare hands. We think a uniform adjustment is necessary. Manu picked up the bat and brought him to the sidelines to be disposed of. Didn't one person there get his first aid badge in Cub Scouts? You're supposed to save the bat so you can save yourself from rabbis shots! Poor Manu. Takes one for the team on the court and now he'll have to take 16 needles over the course of a month to make sure he doesn't go all vampire. Since Dirk Nowitski doesn't like sharing the spotlight he dropped 24 in the 4th quarter against the Jazz just to make sure the whole Manu's a Super Hero thing died down quickly. Bravo to both. Down in Memphis the blues have hit the Grizzlies. Guys, don't acquire Allen Iverson if you plan to make him angry. He doesn't fall for that reverse-psychology thing. Bring him off the bench and he'll start looking for ways to not even be on the bench to be brought off it. We wish he went to Spain. But the real concern is Delonte West of the Caveliers. So, he went for a ride on his 3-wheeler motorbike. And just in case a wild and rabid boar crossed his path he brought along his trusty handguns (loaded), a shotgun(also loaded) and a 8.5 inch knife. What's the big deal? Well, cops kind of frown on that stuff so he's dealing with charges from them, domestic abuse charges from his wife, and a little thing called bi-polar. Anybody think he ought to take a leave of absence before the law forces one on him? Dude's dangerous. And not in your typical NBA guard kind of way. Stay safe, Delonte. On the gridiron we dish on Favre and his groin, introduce our "Eric Mangini Sucks" segment, and marvel at the simplicity of the Saints success. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we define the words "election" and "purchase". So grab your lever, hit up a tailgate party and bring some dip...it's time to talk sports with The Girls! And don't forget to wash your hands!

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The Girls are coming to you live from inside the Dallas Cheerleaders? locker room. Carol, clearly abusing the privilege granted to her as a guest in the dark star, reveals a dark secret of her own: and it?s not Tony Romo?s favorite new receiver. But we can?t linger there - the mirrors and life-size Fat Heads of the cheerleaders are freaking us out. Onto November baseball! The Phillies will travel to the Bronx to kick off the World Series. We assess what motivates each team. Is it the team-oriented, wish-you-were-a-part-of-the-fraternity feel of the Phillies clubhouse? Or is it the gotta-give-the-taxpayers/PSL owners/sponsors/Kate Hudson-a-reason-to-stick-with-us? desperation of the Yankees? Pick a vibe. Either way, winning is fun. Really, the winner of this one is anyone?s guess right now?except for Jimmy Rollins. Phils in 5? Phils in 6 if they?re being ?generous?? We?ll see if that turns out to be bulletin-board material or just plain clairvoyance. All the Girls can say is that it must really chafe to be a Cleveland Indians fan: both of your Cy Young award-winning pitchers are leading off in Game 1. And your team is playing golf right now. Hot off the presses, Andre Agassi?s new book, ?Open?. We think he?s a little TOO open. He is definitely not publishing this thing for the kids. Also inked this week, a contract to obtain counseling for Steve Phillips and his problem. Though we?re not sure if the problem is a sex addiction, or an addiction to making bad choices. Speaking of bad choices, how do you spend $55 million (actually $59 million) over 12 years? Or break your kneecap on a routine jump? It?s all in our NBA discussion because, yes, ladies and gentlemen, the NBA season has started to compete with your TV viewing time. We are in the thick of football, but there are still a few teams wishing that the season would just end already. We completely understand Jeff Fisher, coach of the 0-6 Titans, wanting to feel like a winner in his P. Manning jersey. Is that so much to ask? It was just a joke, unlike Larry ?super-heterosexual? Johnson?s, foray into commentary on the season. Or the hiring of one Eric Mangini in Cleveland. Wait, did anyone even know the Patriots-Buccaneers game was in England? Why do we do this again? Can the Brits just not get enough of our worst matchup of the year? The change of venue for the average fan is about as exciting as watching Mark Sanchez eat a hot dog on the sidelines during the Jets 38-0 blowout of the Raiders. Unusual? Yes. Thrilling? No. This weekend will be one to remember with Vikings at Green Bay standing as the marquis rubber-necking opportunity. But there will also be an important Giants-Eagles game, in Philadelphia on Sunday?mere hours before Game 4 (or you could say mere hours after Game 3 Saturday night) of the Yankees-Phillies series. Also in Philadelphia. In the same 4-block quadrant. That is a loooooong tailgate. Last, we discuss why silence is not always golden - especially when you are 35,000 feet in the air. So grab your permanent marker, your November baseball hat with ear muffs and your pretzel snacks - it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!!

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oday the Girls are coming to you live from RIO! It?s a war zone out here and we?ll do our best to get to the synchronized swimming and beach volleyball events without being kidnapped, sold into slavery or otherwise caught in the crossfire. Seriously, since when does the IOC anoint ?one of the world?s most dangerous cities? as the host of the Olympic Games? I guess right after they have the Olympics hosted by ?one of the world?s most polluted cities? with ?one of the poorest records of human rights?? At least Rio will get to cut their teeth on crowd management and safety when the World Cup rolls into town in 2014. MLB playoffs have been amazing: improbable come-from-behind victories, playoff RBI records being broken, power surges, blowouts and tight victories. But nothing has been more stunning in these playoffs to date than the putrid refereeing. When you have the ?cream of the crop? in MLB?s reffing corps calling the games, don?t you expect just a little better than THIS? Or THIS? How about THIS? There were more bad calls while Manny was in the shower than the whole regular season alone. Ok, perhaps that?s an exaggeration, but it has been awful. The refs need a Pearl Vision moment and MLB needs to look in the mirror, or rather the TV set, and acknowledge what everyone else with cable already knows: that instant-replay will save rather than harm, their sport. The Girls give big kudos to A-Rod for his production and they razz Steve Phillips, ESPN?s philandering baseball analyst lothario, for his poor, poor taste in women. The blight of the male ?mind vs. matter? struggle is a never-ending story with time-tested results, but when it threatens to end a ?loveless marriage? we must discuss. Hey, the Broncos are 6-0. Who would have thought? They should write a book about it: ?A Tale of Two Protegees: How Josh McDaniels and Eric Manigini Left Bill Belicheck and the Patriots to Follow Similar Paths With Wildly Varying Results?. But don?t give McDaniels all the props: give that to the Broncos defense, the little train that could. Also last weekend, the Girls bore witness to an ugly Eagles defeat/Raiders win this week, in Oakland. But they did take true pleasure in seeing the long-suffering Raiders Nation fans savoring a victory. Raiders face the Jets next weekend, with Mark Sanchez giving them every reason to believe they might squeeze out another win. And you know Oakland is salivating for December 13 - when they play the Washington Redskins, punching bag of the NFC East and league at large. The Patriots take to Wembley Stadium to banger and mash the Buccaneers next weekend. Will the score mimic their gaudy 59-0 thrashing against the Titans? Or will the message of ?parity, grasshopper? even the playing field across the pond? Last, but not least, the Girls wonder when YOU said ?enough is enough? and turned off the TV.

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the site that has elevated golf to 'most dangerous sport' status. It's a little marshy here as we keep our eyes out for alligators. 'Cept those hungry little buggers can hide under water and know just when to move in, ruining your hole, your game and your arm. We'd rather ride a bull naked than play golf amongst those giant, vicious lizards. So we're off to the land of the virgins, also known as 'Gator Country'. This whole Tim Tebow virgin thing has us perplexed. See, we're pretty sure the guy can't fend off 10 chicks a week and not buckle. So we figure it has to be a little wordplay a la Bill Clinton. Then the light bulb went off. And we talk about it in this week's sports podcast. (Do you remember the first time you talked about it?) From the holy to the insane...Rush Limbaugh wants some headlines, so he decided to throw his name in a hat for the right to buy the St. Louis Rams. There's just one problem. Unless you are a listener of Limbaugh's program, you probably can't stand him. And clearly Roger Goodell doesn't listen. No room for you at the Inn, Rush, but perhaps you can join the UFL. It's got to hurt when Marc Anthony has more pull with the NFL than you, right Rushy? But who cares to discuss the impossible when we witnessed the beautiful on Monday Night Football. Marc Anthony and Ocho Cinco side-by-side, Fergie readying pen to sign the papers that makes her an owner too (Rush just stuck his head in his toilet looking for that which he flushed many moons ago.), and on the field the brilliant play of quarterbacks Chad Henne and Mark Sanchez. Favre may have the name, but these guys have the game. Fear not, Jets fans, as this loss will only serve to light a gargantuan fire under Rex Ryan's derriere. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of Bill Parcels condo. He's probably dancing to 'Jenny from the Block' till the wee hours, lighting candles whilst in child's pose in honor of his genius decision to stick with Ricky Williams. Our Rookie Look takes us to Denver, where Belichick left with his unkempt tail between his legs after losing to his young study. Does anyone think Denver is real yet? Well, we know Knowshon Moreno is real. As in a real college running back who can make an impact in his first year in the NFL. Dude is fearless. He just needs to get a veteran to give up the secret to hanging on to the ball, and he'll be helping the Broncos win the AFC West. Ought to be interesting to see him go up against LaDainian Tomlinson this weekend. It's nail-in-the-coffin time for San Diego. Over to the frozen diamond we applaud the sweeps, the decision by Bud Selig to not risk the wrath of Philadelphia and postpone game 3 in Denver, and the Zen-freshness and all-around cuddly nature of the Yankees as of late. Something's different. Hmmm...wonder what it is? Tune in to hear why A-Rod will NEVER break up with Kate Hudson. And finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, you can all cheer now. The recession is over. In Russia. How do we know? Let's just say a whale told us. So grab your leather, your ESPN the Mag BODY issue, and wish Charlie Davies a speedy and complete recovery...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the office of The Ordinance Enforcer, who states that partying like it's 1999 when it's under 24 hours away from post-season play versus the Yankees is a clear infraction. However, upending the Detroit Tigers with some incredible defense, mind-boggling plays, and the spirit of youth is spectacular. Consider it an off-set. But if you lose in 3 to the Yankees people will always wonder what could have been if the champagne remained corked and nobody whipped out their goggles. No matter...there's more games to be played and another raucous edition of the Fantoo Girls sports podcast to devour. We suggest an alternative for future Olympic bids, gush over the start to the NHL season (until we get to that part about the skate cutting the tendon and Carol gets all woozy), cheer Shaq and LeBron's first couple's victory, and bid adieu to that inspirational love affair between two people betrothed to two others that resulted in two divorces, a quicky marriage, no love nest and (oh, the horror!) a fairly straight-forward divorce #3. Ain't that how it always goes? At this stage, why marry? Only Greg Norman and Chris Evert can say. But the real love story happened between one entity in Bristol, Connecticut and one entity in Minnesota. A quarterback and his network...arm in arm...Wranglers on Wranglers...it was simply too much. To much Favre. Favre. Favre. Favre. And more Favre. But you can't overlook the gutsy performance he laid out there at such an advanced age. But enough with the Dad who dies (last we checked, everyone's Dad dies and everyone has to keep on working), the drug addiction, the farm, the Wranglers, the pretty wife who beat breast cancer...seriously...ENOUGH. We all know it's going to end badly, so let's soften the blow and pretend, just pretend, there are other quarterbacks in the NFL. 'Cept Tony Romo. Let's try and forget that Pro Bowler/Starlet Dater/Vacation-loving guy who is completely un-clutch. But do keep in mind those who are going out on a limb like the couple who christened the stall at Cowboys Stadium during the Panthers game. We bet he was clutch! So Rush Limbaugh might go NFL (better than going postal, and we think he's capable), Sherm Lewis returns to the NFL and parity is missing in the NFL. But at least we have the Curious Case of Eric Mangini - a mangenius turned maniacal madman who has made more mix-tapes than Madonna, traded off Braylon Edwards (probably not a bad idea), and is clearly in love with LeBron. Word is he's hot to have another child. LeBron Jack Mangini. Has a nice ring. Goes well with Zach Brett Mangini. Oh, the fun never ends. This stuff is so soap opera it barely whiffs of sports at all! And then there's baseball. How we can go up from a play-in game that went to 13 innings and featured moves we haven't seen in years is anybody's guess. It's nice to see the Yankees back in it, even though we still think they ripped off the taxpayers to a criminal extent...which is why they won't GO.ALL.THE.WAY. Can the Phillies repeat? The Girls love a parade! Or will the Angels show that God really does care about sports after all and take the crown? Maybe Miguel Cabrera has an answer. He certainly has plenty of time to think on up. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, Robin gets pigs...should she get a vaccine?So grab your rally cap, shake your tail feather and stock up on batteries...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Baldwinsville, NY, where 4th graders are forced to hide their team loyalty in order to please the teacher. Poor Nathan Johns was sent to the lavatory to strip himself of his Yankees jersey because his wittle teacher couldn't handle the sweep of his beloved Red Sox. We hope it was in jest, but if it wasn't we have a lesson for teacher. Something along the lines of standing on tacks and writing 'I really love those Yankees, especially that A-Rod. Yum" a thousand times on the blackboard. We have other adults behaving very badly. Take Urban Meyers. Please. 35 guys on his team need to fly on a different plane to the game, but they're well enough to play? Sorry, not buying it. And the evidence backs our up theory as Tim Tebow nurses a nasty concussion (thank Lombardi it wasn't worse) at home. Meyers says that he would have made a horrible mistake if he hadn't forced the sick players to suit up, because if they had lost the game he might have lost his job. Oh. Let's pause so we can shed a small, salty tear for Urban. Pity the man with the tough choices. 'Cept he took the easy way out. The Girls would have honored him forever if he had put the health of his players before his own selfish career needs and cancelled the game. See, Urb, if they get hurt their careers are over. You can still coach, but they have to actually go to class and forge a new path. Your decision was wrong. And the universe schooled you by letting you glimpse - if only for a few moments - what life would have been like had Tebow been knocked out of football for life. It's a shame that no one at Florida stood up for the players. Maybe Troy Aikman could lend a hand. It's bad enough that professional football players have been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer's disease at 19 times that of the average person, and at a much younger age, but to knowingly put athletes in harm's way when their reflexes are slowed by the flu is unforgivable. And that's where we stand. You, Urban Meyer, are not and will not be forgiven for so needlessly putting your players in danger for your own benefit. You said it yourself. We love the Florida Gators, just not the coaching staff, and for sure not the boosters. It's here we pause to honor a family that is mourning the death of their son and brother, Drew Swank. He suffered a serious head injury during a game, dying later at a hospital in Spokane, WA after his family was able to identify organ recipients so that Drew could live on in others. Perhaps this eloquent and brave family can talk some sense into those that have turned student-athletes into money machines. So President Obama went abroad to coax the Olympic committee into handing over the 2016 Games to Chicago. What's all the fuss about? He spent less than 24 hours trying to woo an economic machine to the States that would result in immediate job creation. George Bush went to the Games in Beijing...as a fan. Cash spent, not earned. Has the world gone mad? Over on the gridiron, seems like losing to the Lions is a job-killer. Jim Zorn's rear is toasty, meanwhile Eric Mangini's is just clenched. But the Lions have a well-deserved party to celebrate the knocked-off monkey that had taken up residence for far too long on the backs of the team and the fans. Kudos. We take you through Week 3, but we can't hep but look forward to Monday Night Football when QB/FB/TE Brett Favre takes on his forever nemesis (who would have thought we'd EVER say that) the Green Bay Packers. Whatever the outcome, we believe that someday the fences will be mended. Not. Wait till Aaron Rogers pulls out the Wildcat! Just be sure to listen to this week's Fan-Tutor so you don't sound as poorly informed as most analysts. Dudes. The Wildcat is not an 'offense'. K? Yea, yea. NY, NY, it's a hell of a town. The football teams are undefeated and the Bombers are back in post season business. Broadway's probably sold out too. Finally this quiet-as-a-church-mouse run up to the post-season has ended. The Phillies clinch - yay! - and the Tigers, which makes us smile for Leland. And the Rockies make the post-season fun, even if Clint Hurdle isn't at the helm. But nothing in the world of baseball was as exciting, thrilling, unbelievable, spectacular and amazing as Mike Blowers prediction and the subsequent call of Matt Tuiasosopo's first major league home run. We know The Fannies are a ways off, but it would be shocking if this didn't win a nice big Fannie. We'd like to send a check to the site that is hosting this audio because we've listened to it so much we're sure there's a bandwidth overcharge headed their way. No matter how glum we may be, no matter how many times we stew over Urban Meyer's idiot-ness, we know that we can always listen to this call and laugh till we cry. Happy tears, of course. Simply amazing. Mike Blowers is an honorary Fantoo Girl. And we know for sure he's way psyched about that. So grab your nearest warm body, an autumnal brew, and cuddle up...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...the mouths of babes. Robert Henson - ye of nary a regular season down in the NFL - propped his open wide and became The Fantoo Girls inaugural TWIDIOT, with his nonsensical rant about the booing Redskins fans. Our favorite part? "No I didn't play but I still made more than you in a year and you'd switch spots with me in a second." Um, no, we flat out wouldn't. Many in attendance at the Redskins game spend Henson's annual salary for their summer rentals on the Cape. And, unlike Henson, many have a set of skills that will allow them to earn for decades, hopefully with annual increases along the way. Some are smart enough to save for a rainy day instead of making it rain every day. Far as we can tell, the dude makes under $416,000 a year. Knock off 10% for his agent and he's in the high 300s. Not shabby. But when you factor in his questionable smarts, the opportunity to earn post-NFL plummets. See you at Wendy's buddy. (McDonalds wouldn't have you.) From babes we move to lockouts of the NBA variety. The refs are put in the corner in favor of less-demanding, and perhaps less qualified, D-league refs who are psyched for the shot at the big leagues. We'd make more noise about this if it weren't for the fact that we're sure the 'old' refs will be back on the court in time for meaningful games. See, if there's one thing we've learned during our Fantoo Girls sports podcast odyssey it's that basketball doesn't matter - to us, the players, the refs, the league-at-large, or even Khloe Kardashian for that matter - until February. So don't break a sweat about it. Or tweet your pretty little head off. We could talk about the Chase for the Cup, and we do, but it's football that has us under its spell this week. Astonishingly, we are able to talk about more than just Party Pass-gate. Stuff like Kurt Warner's amazing and record-breaking performance, the Miami Dolphins heartbreaker of a loss under the watchful eyes of their new, hyper-involved minority owner Mark Anthony, and the brilliance that is curvy Rex Ryan. When the players finally get up the nerve to dump Gatorade on him it's going to result in a tidal wave. But he deserves it for the voice mail message, the delivering on trash talk, and most importantly the embrace of the simplicity of the game of football. While other coaches are impressing themselves with late-night diagrams on napkins of glitzy takes on the Wildcat, Ryan and the Jets probably eat Cheetos, watch an 'adult film' and call it a night. Just like the good ol' days. Then they hit the field and focus on something really groundbreaking (especially at the collegiate level)...impenetrable red zone defense. Both the Patriots and the Texans have a sweet goose egg against the Jets in the red zone, and the Jets are still without their best pass rusher, Calvin Pace, who is serving a four-game suspension for violating the NFL's (chuckle here) substance abuse policy. Makes Mangini look a little 'off', don't you think? As in off-base, off-kilter and off the playoff radar. We'll take Buddy Ryan over Bill Belichick as our mentor any day. New York is also cheering the 'other' football team who took it to Dallas at the opening of their shiny bauble/death stadium. Word on the street is the brass call it the "Death Star"...they may want to change that nickname after the disastrous launch of that super-fun Party Pass idea that Jerry Jones came up with, probably after a few too many margaritas. 30,000 people without seats or sight-lines? All they can do is crane their neck to stare at a screen that hovers 90 feet above them while being sandwiched by drunks in the hot Dallas night? Our conclusion is that no one at Camp Cupcake dares to suggest to Jerry that any of his ideas are recipes for disaster. We're pretty sure the next target for those wishing to cause mass-destruction will be Cowboys Stadium. And it's likely Tony Romo will be relieved. As an aside - the Redskins lose this weekend, giving the Lions their first win. Count on it. And then Matthew Stafford can take Robert Henson out to the parking lot and show him his Maserati GranCabrio. From our mouths to Lombardi's ears. We cram in a Fan-Tutor thanks to the never-can-die Michael Crabtree story. Thanks for writing in Eliza of Dade County. And we feel for you given the new Marlins Stadium, which is being built on the tax-payer's back. How's this for a pitch? "You give us the cash to build this super cool new baseball stadium and we'll let you buy tickets to see the games!" Hmph. Something's not right. If you live in Miami please don't buy tickets to the Marlins games, don't buy merch, don't support the team in any way, because it is criminal for you to have to invest your dollars in a stadium with the promise of ZERO return. That sales pitch went out with the recession. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we actually feel bad for Plaxico Burress in light of the haphazard treatment of criminally insane convicted killers! So grab your mace, throw away those Marlins tickets and get ready for more Twittertwats...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from NFL Player Brain Donation Center (NFLPBDC), where the goo that oozes from the concussed brains of the donating players will be assessed for a study on sports-related brain injuries. Secretly, we think the NFL is going to find a way use the DNA of the studied brains to make stronger, smarter and faster athletes. We envision Goodell in a white lab coat raising his arms to the sky and shouting ?WE CAN REBUILD!!!? The US Open was rife with drama of the highest order. We had Serena going on a rampage inspired by ?Training Day?, Federer getting stunned into defeat by a hairy Argentinean and a mom winning the women?s final. Big congrats to Kim Clijsters and Juan Martin Del Potro. By the way, did we mention that a mom won the women?s title? Yes, it was a MOM - can you imagine? And she came back and won in her 3rd tournament - and first SLAM event back! - after becoming a MOM! Ok, had enough? So had we by, like, the 2nd round? We run the gamut of TV/web sports happenings from Erin Andrews and Shaq to Peter Mehlman and Michael Strahan?s ?Brothers?. But the real must-see TV is the upcoming Tennessee-Florida game this Saturday. Lane Kiffin could be choking on the Rocky Top anthem. The NFL started off with a bang. It had everything: heartbreak, comebacks, breakout performances, point-robbing and lawn vandalism. We especially like the poetic justice of the Jay Cutler/Chicago honeymoon lasting, oh, 15 minutes until he threw his first (of 4) picks. A career high! And Urlacher out for the season? Hey Lovie, time to head to Twin Anchors and drown your sorrows in a full slab and many, many beers. Josh McDaniels is counting his lucky stars that Kyle Orton came the way of the Broncos and they let Jay go to spread his misery somewhere else. And as the saying goes, ?One man?s trash is another man?s treasure? - and so the Eagles re-sign Jeff Garcia for another year. Cue the ?How many Eagles QBs does it take to win a football game?? jokes? We revel in the appearances of Brady Quinn and Mark Sanchez (neither disappointed). Thank you, NFL, for a weekend of entertainment. The MLB is down to the final 20 or so games. How do we know we?re getting to the wire? Bench-clearing brawls, mad pitching and pathetic last gasps. Washington Nationals, how do you get out of bed in the morning? Or you, Baltimore Orioles? Or you, Pitts?oh forget it. We are on pace (on paper of course) for a Yankees-Dodgers World Series. Could it be? The Girls sure hope so - unless the Phillies are there to represent in the NL. Last but not least, in this week?s It Has To Be Said, we discuss the pop culture snafu that has everyone tucking the Hennessey back into the limo before they step on the red carpet. So hold onto the mic, watch the pressure from the outside and protect your grey matter, it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live form the bowl - the toilet bowl that is. Yeah, that would be the one that ate the World Series Ring left behind by a Phillies marketing exec who was in too much of a rush to put it back on after taking care of business in the stall. The stall would be a regular ole? stall in Citizen?s Bank Park in Philadelphia. So many questions, but none more pressing than why a marketing exec is WEARING the diamond and ruby ring. Shouldn?t it be under lights somewhere, revolving on a platform? All of that toiling in the gem mines of Indonesia?for nothing. The US Open is upon us and we are taking in every grunt, top spin and broken racquet. It?s early, but there are already upsets to discuss and bad coaches to dis. At least Maria Sharapova did not disappoint with her dress ?inspired by the architecture of New York? and her headband ?inspired by Studio 54.? The look is just right for the crowd clubbing it up at Flushing Meadows. Oh, and (The Naked Chick) Erin Andrews will be going on Oprah to talk about her ordeal in front of tens of millions of viewers - so that she can put it all behind her. Robin thinks her intentions are pure, but Carol smells a publicity blitz with an inevitable re-breaking of the story. At least she?ll have more viewers than Shaq on ?Shaq VS.? Gotta wonder who green-lighted a one hour program with possibly the most uncharismatic athlete out there. He could learn a few things from TO. The head of the NHL PA was outed (no, not in that way!) by the 30 player reps. At 3:00am. The Girls say, never go to bed angry. Get ready to watch hockey ?classics? in 2011, because there might be no live action. But at least the never-ending trough of college football drama will keep is duly occupied. Over in the MLB, the pennant races are heating up, but it seems like the division leaders will march in uncontested. Could Joe Mauer help get the Twins in there for a wild card berth? Still a lot of time left. Now if only someone would tell the Dodgers that Jim Thome was playing in the AL. Was LA only looking for a pinch hitter? That?s like taking an option card in poker even when you know you have the winning hand. But if it helps a Dodgers/Yankees World Series (ahem, Joe Torre/Yankees World Series), we?re all for it - even if the Yankees are garnering some good karma by reducing ticket prices by up to 90% during the playoffs. What?s that we smell? Could it be desperation to sell those awesome ?Legends? seats??? NFL, oh NFL. Did ye know that Favre was coming back even in April, when you created the schedule pitting the Browns (Eric Mangini) against the Vikings (Brett Favre) in Week 1? Wouldn?t it be a shame if the game was - GASP! - blacked out in Cleveland due to poor attendance? Oh, right, who gives a crap about the hometown fans. Oh wait, who gives a crap about the Browns outside of Cleveland. Let?s all Twitter about it and then blog during the games. Oh wait? In this week?s It Had To Be Said, The Girls discuss the undergarment promising to give you back that ?high school fine? look. So grab your racquet and you PDA, it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live form the bowl - the toilet bowl that is. Yeah, that would be the one that ate the World Series Ring left behind by a Phillies marketing exec who was in too much of a rush to put it back on after taking care of business in the stall. The stall would be a regular ole? stall in Citizen?s Bank Park in Philadelphia. So many questions, but none more pressing than why a marketing exec is WEARING the diamond and ruby ring. Shouldn?t it be under lights somewhere, revolving on a platform? All of that toiling in the gem mines of Indonesia?for nothing. The US Open is upon us and we are taking in every grunt, top spin and broken racquet. It?s early, but there are already upsets to discuss and bad coaches to dis. At least Maria Sharapova did not disappoint with her dress ?inspired by the architecture of New York? and her headband ?inspired by Studio 54.? The look is just right for the crowd clubbing it up at Flushing Meadows. Oh, and (The Naked Chick) Erin Andrews will be going on Oprah to talk about her ordeal in front of tens of millions of viewers - so that she can put it all behind her. Robin thinks her intentions are pure, but Carol smells a publicity blitz with an inevitable re-breaking of the story. At least she?ll have more viewers than Shaq on ?Shaq VS.? Gotta wonder who green-lighted a one hour program with possibly the most uncharismatic athlete out there. He could learn a few things from TO. The head of the NHL PA was outed (no, not in that way!) by the 30 player reps. At 3:00am. The Girls say, never go to bed angry. Get ready to watch hockey ?classics? in 2011, because there might be no live action. But at least the never-ending trough of college football drama will keep is duly occupied. Over in the MLB, the pennant races are heating up, but it seems like the division leaders will march in uncontested. Could Joe Mauer help get the Twins in there for a wild card berth? Still a lot of time left. Now if only someone would tell the Dodgers that Jim Thome was playing in the AL. Was LA only looking for a pinch hitter? That?s like taking an option card in poker even when you know you have the winning hand. But if it helps a Dodgers/Yankees World Series (ahem, Joe Torre/Yankees World Series), we?re all for it - even if the Yankees are garnering some good karma by reducing ticket prices by up to 90% during the playoffs. What?s that we smell? Could it be desperation to sell those awesome ?Legends? seats??? NFL, oh NFL. Did ye know that Favre was coming back even in April, when you created the schedule pitting the Browns (Eric Mangini) against the Vikings (Brett Favre) in Week 1? Wouldn?t it be a shame if the game was - GASP! - blacked out in Cleveland due to poor attendance? Oh, right, who gives a crap about the hometown fans. Oh wait, who gives a crap about the Browns outside of Cleveland. Let?s all Twitter about it and then blog during the games. Oh wait? In this week?s It Had To Be Said, The Girls discuss the undergarment promising to give you back that ?high school fine? look. So grab your racquet and you PDA, it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Debates Without Outcomes...like Doctors Without Borders but waaaayyyyy different. Did the Eagles show that they care only about winning the Super Bowl (the attitude every Philadelphia fan has begged for them to honor) and not about the lives of dogs when they signed Michael Vick? Did Brad Childress show that he only wants to dismantle the Vikings and ensure he can retire early by lusting after, begging for and finally securing Brett's heart? Does anyone on the Eagles even have a dog? And what about the poor goat who was the real victim of Brett Favre? Doesn't anyone care about him? (Her?) And, honestly, if Brad isn't going to have a child and name him after Brett then why is Favre even coming back? A winning season can't trump having a human named after you, can it? Maybe Brett is shooting for OctoMom and wants to do the 'George Foreman', creating and then naming dozens of his own offspring after himself. Our brains are scrambled eggs with all this chatter. But now that the Fantoo Girls are back together as one, we need to set the record straight. It's simple, really. What Vick did was horrible, but he served his time, he sacrificed his career and cash, and he actually came to realize that what he did was horrific. Brett Favre committed emotionally abused the fans and his peers. He held them hostage while he luxuriated in the glow of attention, all the while knowing he was going to return after training camp. (Training camp is for those who haven't yet figured out how to get out of going...) He made more cash, got some swanky treatment and doesn't feel bad about anything. At all. And forever. The man is without fault, according to himself. Fans must keep in mind that the players already have come to understand the NFL is a business, and that goes both ways. Brett can say he had the right to string everyone along until the last moment and then sign, drastically changing the careers of those who are now behind him on the depth chart. Business, baby, business. Michael Vick can say that he served his time and the NFL reinstated him, so he has the right to return to the NFL and go about his life, and the Eagles have the right to sign an eligible player. That's business! Both the players are selfish and that trait manifested itself in two very different ways. We're sure Tavaris Jackson feels bad for the dogs that were part of Bad Newz Kennels, but you can bet right now he feels his own pain more, because his dream of being an NFL quarterback may have hit the wall thanks to a Wrangler-wearing drama queen who doesn't understand fan loyalty and doesn't know when to hang up the jock strap. Did that set the record straight? Likely not, as the debates are sure to rage on right up until the Super Bowl. We know one thing for sure: Tom Brady is super-psyched about the distractions. It's like he never came back. After Robin freaks out, thinking the entire world of sport waited until she went on holiday to heat up, we delve into Michael Beasley (a good pot story never gets by us) Shaq and his utterly boring show (blech), and Derrek Lee's brilliant idea for charity (theathletescloset.org). We take some liberties with the Rookie Look this week as Katie Reyes hits the game winner and gets the final out...in the Little League World Series. Loyal listeners know that we would be wagering bets on the amount of tush a pro would get after a performance like that, and try as we might we could not alter our M.O. Sorry Katie! We take some time to slam Michael Crabtree, because there is no reason not to, and then get to the good stuff: the video screen at that billion-dollar mecca also known as Cowboys Stadium. Land of the $60 pizza and $5 beer. Is that a football stadium where the action happens on the field or a Britney Spears concert where all you want to do is see if you can catch her screwing up the lip synching? We're all for stadium luxuries, but that screen has no place in a stadium that is too big for the game. Get off the cash bandwagon, fools. We won't let you turn football into WWE. On the diamond it all comes down to the Mets implosion. The final nail in the coffin, the loss of Johan Santana. The last rose thrown into the grave, the unassisted triple play by Eric Bruntlett. Of the Phillies. The Mets' nemesis. The book detailing their season from hell will be available by Christmas. In 3D, for sure. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we craft our own solution to America's health care crisis. So grab your sneaks, ditch the high fructose corn syrup, and focus on the squeeze...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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The Girls are investigating reports of zany behavior in 'sota, progress in Oakland, and the apparent feng shui-ing of Yankee Stadium. They'll be back next week with a laugh riot of a podcast for you. Get the corn out of your teeth and join us! To satisfy your Fantoo addiction Jay has crafted a Best of the Fantoo Girls!

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Today The Girl is coming to you live from the set of another Fantoo Girls production, "Everybody's Got a Network!" Which means you have another shot at a total lack of objective coverage of your beloved sports. The SEC has decided to go all Kim Jong-il on its fan base by restricting coverage of their sporting events. After inking a 2.25 billion-dollar deal with ESPN, and apparently having a conversation or six with their lawyers, the SEC has yanked up the drawbridge and waved its finger at those who wish to capture highlights, photos or simply the 'memories' of games and tweet or otherwise share said 'memories'. No more facebook posts for ye! It's just further evidence that when these cats call a meeting to establish ground rules, write up a contract or determine fine-able behavior, they do so with copious amounts of alcohol. How else to explain such absurd and controlling actions? The students of the SEC can teach the 'out-of-touch' leaders a thing or two about cultivating a loyal following. Shame, SEC, shame. And shame on Patrick Kane. Dude, .20 cents? Really? You couldn't tip the cabbie a buck-twenty for having to drive your drunk bum home at 4 AM from Buffalo's nightclub 'DISTRICT'? And since when does Buffalo have a district for nightclubs? A whole district? Wow. We can't decide what aspect of that story is more surprising, but we're leaning towards the revelation that Buffalo is more happening than most real cities. Going states now, we turn our sites towards New Jersey. The politicians have decided that it's had enough of teams taking the state for granted after the Nets removed 'New Jersey' from its road jerseys. Now the politicians are stomping mad and won't give the teams another dime of taxpayer cash until the uniforms reflect the state in which the teams play their home games. Um. Guys. Too. Late. You gave them all the coin they needed to build stadiums on the backs of the citizens of New Jersey already and now you throw a hissy fit? Why are we not surprised by the order of these events? Because politicians date after they are married, steal your cash after they are elected and get paid to do nothing after they are kicked out of office. For life. No surprise there. So, somebody stole Baron Davis' computer. Before the trail cooled off his 'representation' made darn sure that those who have the computer are aware that they will be prosecuted if they release any of the stored images, audio or personal files. Hmmmmm...they go on to say that "the photographs and videos depict, among other things, a variety of private images of our client and his associates and his colleagues." Here we go again. More sex tapes. Just what we need. What we have been watching non-stop since Tuesday is the video of Kevin Youkilis charging the mound after being pelted by Rick Porcello of the Detroit Tigers. Enough with the mob behavior, oh boys of summer. These hits and retaliation hits are only going to result in someone getting killed one day and then it's going to suck for everyone. It's all fun and games till somebody bites the dust, eats the dirt, collapses at home plate. As much as we appreciate Ozzie Guillen taking one for the team, we just don't need this nonsense. We'd prefer it if you would settle the battle on the diamond and then take it to Pay-Per-View so we can make a date out of it. But Kevin, no matter what anyone says, that was quite a charge. We were impressed. We even feared for the mound itself. And we understand why you're testy. It hurts to get hit by a fastball and it KILLS to get swept by the Yankees, especially with A-Rod hitting homers and blowing kisses. After dishing on Nick Swisher and his wardrobe, we marvel at the Yankees new-found childlike innocence. Shaving cream pies, Kangaroo Court, what's next? Crazy Hair Day? Opposites Day? Whatever it is, keep up the goofy factor cuz we need some Bronx drama in the post-season. Our Rookie Look is so deserved that it's sad to do it without Robin (who is scouting for the Nationals, tracking down terrorists bent on disrupting the Badminton World Championship and trying to find that perfect pair of Jimmy Choos to go clamming in) but we couldn't let this one get away. Australian big-leaguer, Trent Oeltjen, joined the Diamondbacks on August 6th, after toiling away for nine years in the minors. He's gone 12-24 with 3 homers in his first five games. Oh, and he's stolen two bases, probably carried some veterans' jock straps, walked a frail woman across the road and doused a forest fire. Or so we've heard. Sadly, he did not hit for the cycle on August 11th. It's a disappointment that will take years to get over, but we'll try and refrain from booing him. Trent, keep it up, don't frequent the same establishments as Josh Hamilton, lock your doors at night (chicks in the States are out 'o control), and beg Sports Illustrated to keep you off the cover. And if you need to add a little spice to your repertoire just spend some time watching Shane Victorino. It's not great to get ejected from the game for arguing balls and strikes...when you are in the outfield playing D...but he adds a certain flair that keeps the game light, which means the wins come a wee bit easier. For our take on Josh Hamilton you'll have to listen in to this week's sports podcast. Let's just say we don't think this is the first time post-sobriety that Josh has done the whole college-chick-whipped-cream-naked-on-the-bar thing. It's just that this time someone took a picture. Or twelve. And he posed for them! D.U.M.B. Also smack in the D.U.M.B. category are the state troopers who threw an Open House at the Shooting Range party for the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2006. Lt. Myra Taylor says the State Police often host community groups for firearm safety instruction. (Try. Please try and contain your laughter.) She also says that "this was a good faith gesture to ensure that they (Steelers) knew how to operate firearms." By the looks of this photo the class did not graduate. Pointing guns at the heads of other people in the 'class photo' does not get thee a gold star. And we wonder why athletes think they can get away with murder. (By the way, that was not a euphemism.) Please let us know when those in charge of the fire safety party have been terminated. We wish we had some great news regarding the upcoming start to the NFL season, but so far it's all about the injuries. Which has us wondering if the injuries are all about the "conditioning". (Now that IS a euphemism...for supplements.) The only bright spot is the continued holdout of Michael Crabtree. That is something to cheer about because it's going to force Roger Goodell to finally do something about the rookies, their agents, the ridiculous demands they make and their inability to negotiate anything conclusive before training camp. Crabtree is an ass, but he's also a catalyst for change. He'll sit out the year, get fat and open a rib shack. The NFL will negotiate a new CBA with a rookie salary scale and call it 'The Crabtree" and all will be happy. 'Cept Crabby. Here's a little advice for all rookies who haven't signed because your agents say they can't determine your value without other rookies signing their deals - DROP EM LIKE THEY HAVE SWINE FLU. Determine your fair value, keep their ten percent and get your tail into camp. You will have a much better chance at keeping your job, and therefor your paycheck. Honestly, it's not that difficult. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, Don't blame YouTube, Blame You! So grab a fire extinguisher, the neck of an agent and .20 cents - you never know when you're going to need it...it's time to talk sport with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...The Pact that we at the Fantoo Girls have with all of you! Wha? You don't remember agreeing to said Pact? Don't recall when it was formed? Not sure what's in it? Tthen consider yourselves on double-secret probation. Now we know exactly how Andy Reid feels. We go through all the trouble of crafting The Pact and then it's ignored. (flicks light on and off...off and on...) Even when you know it's for your own good! All we have to say is the Philadelphia sports page just got real interesting. You know there is zero shot that the little dust up won't play out in the "media". (Good thing podcasts are exempt from being the "media". Seems only bloggers get lumped in with that crowd.) Now that the Buick Open is no longer the Buick Open we've come up with a few suggestions of our own. Somehow Gas Mask Open didn't make the final cut, but it does seem apropos, no? We're thinking Radio Shack might want to continue to push it's "rebranding" and call it the Shack Open. Or how about Wack-A-Shack? Maybe we should just let Lance Armstrong and Team Shack keep all the glory, and defend that lawsuit you just know the Real Shaq is dreaming up. Especially if Lance refuses to ride with him. Which we STRONGLY urge him to do. Is Allen Iverson bound for Greece? Do we get Greek basketball on Comcast? Olympiakos Piraeus has quietly been building a team that could eventually become quite a ratings-grabber worldwide. We may not see it here, hence David Stern seemingly not nervous about the siphoning of his players, but lots of people in Europe have access to the full slate of European basketball games. Wonder if the whole "conquer the world" agenda has taken a backseat to "stop the hemmoraging"? Sure would be strange to see AI in Greece chowing down on some fried and stuffed grape leaves while waxing poetically on the European's fondness for less practice and more siestas. Dude, if you go we are so coming to see you play. And we're bringing our Fathead. The Girls congratulate Jeremy Roenick on his retirement. He played hard and retired like a gentleman. (Remind you of a certain NFL player? Nah, didn't think so.) We'll miss you on the ice, but we're certain you will be ironing that suit for pre and post-game analysis. Better yet, head straight to Entertainment Tonight. You'd kill it. NFL training camps are in full swing and the injuries are already mounting. Torn ACL's (shhhh...don't tell anyone), ruptured Achilles tendons, and bumps and bruises from all those punches thrown. From the looks of it, the Oakland Raiders are the smartest of the bunch so far, keeping their guys off the field and in the classroom. We have only one suggestion: while JaMarcus Russell is learning the game of football could you please put him on a treadmill? Dude needs to lay off the bags of Lays, mini-Snickers and sides of beef. At the very least he ought to go 'grass-fed'. Or maybe just eat grass himself. (Note: We didn't say smoke it, we said eat it.) Smoking grass seems to have caught up with the usually extraordinarily well-behaved Eagles this year. Juqua Parker was busted for having a small amount of pot on his person during a traffic stop. Great. Another reason for Andy Reid to be angry. It's not smart to fool Mother Nature, and it's not smart to mess with redheads. But given that the Eagles have bigger issues like saluting Jim Johnson, healing Shawn Andrew's ailing back, making sure Asante Samuel can survive a conditioning test (he'll work his way up to actually playing the game), and rebuilding the defense, Juqua will probably get lost in the shuffle. Good news for him, but the above is bad news for Eagles fans. Not as bad as the news that Plaxico Burress got from the Grand Jury. Plax will serve jail time, and by the time he gets out he will not likely have it in him to return to the field. Some mistakes are dumb, some are really dumb, and some land you in the joint. We hear he's trying to get some plastic surgery donated so he can look more like Al Sharpton than a handsome ex-NFL player. Good luck with that. Matt Leinart continues to live in a beer-funnel induced haze as Ken Wisenhunt tutors his replacement, Brian St. Pierre. We find it amazing that he doesn't think he has anything to worry about. Perhaps that fact sums it all up. Quarterbacks need to have sound judgement and clearly he does not...on so many levels. Over ont he diamond, Hank Aaron speaks what we all have been saying for months now: Release the list of names of those who tested positive for substances THAT WEREN'T BANNED AT THE TIME so we can all move on. The way this has played out it's like getting slightly stuck by a needle a thousand times until the doctor finally shoves it in for the delivery of the meds. Keeping the list 'confidential' is taxing, annoying and has no purpose. When, when, when will they learn? On a brighter note, Tim Lincecum is chipping away at a real record: 300 strikeouts in one season. The Girls are lighting the candles now. We would love to see this happen, but we sure won't be helping with any laser beams. We're hoping he gets it the old-fashioned way and then cuts his hair. Or at least takes those Power Ranger posters off his locker. We wrap baseball with a little chat about Prince Fielder. Dude can hit the deck when necessary, but getting up is a multi-stage process. Is plunking a ballplayer necessary or can they send a message another way? Like putting plastic wrap on the urinals? That's more our speed. At any rate, Prince hasn't moved that fast since it was 1999. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we get the proof that Disney sends secret messages to us. So grab your decoder ring, a Tony Luke's pork italiano, and some spiked lemonade to wash it all down...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from our happy place, a rare thing with the world of sport in recent days. We're perched on the brim of Mark Buehrle's hat watching batter after batter get nervous like a girl at her first dance as Mr. Perfect winds up and shuts 'em down. He couldn't have done it without DeWayne Wise who snatched perfection from the jaws of just another great outing with a killer over-the-wall grab. Yes, it's a team sport and a Mark needed his little buddy, DeWayne. (Somebody dial Alberto Contador into this concept, please.) From happy joy we get into the 'business' of sport. Did Roger Goodell kick Vick while he was down with his Tony Dungy-mentored reintroduction program? Will anyone sign him? And if the answer is yes, have they taken the time to look back at his last three years behind center? Sure, he's a Pro Bowl (AKA popular) QB, but in his six years in the league he's thrown 71 TDs and 52 INTs in 74 games. You can do the math. Not fabulous. Factor in some serious downtime and you've got yourself a real project. Is Belichick the man for the task? Only if Roger Goodell says so. Perhaps that whole Spygate thingy gave Roger a card to use when he so desires. A bad-guy-gone-good story is perfect for the NFL right about now. In other NFL legal news, Manhattan's DA, Robert Morganthau says he wants Plaxico Burress in jail. But Plax's attorney, Benjamin Brafman, is wondering if the whole unfortunate incident can be forgotten. That would be like saying Bernie Madoff should get a reduced sentence because he was good for the economy, until the economy tanked. Not his fault, right? Plax, start making yourself look a little less attractive cuz you're about to go to the house...and we don't mean the end zone. Fire up those iPods, kiddies! Ocho Conco is dropping a pass, um, CD and it features the single 'Child Please' with Lil Wayne. How does this man focus? A CD, a very active Twitter account, and his day job which could use a little attention if he plans on ever getting near another yellow jacket. Focus, man! We need TDs so we can see you fined some more. Breaking news...kinda...if it's for real...who are we kidding. Brett Favre says he's officially retired and won't join the Vikings. But then he tells Peter King that if a team calls him on November 1 he just might take the bait. As hard as this is for you to believe, The Girls are speechless. That is until we talk about the T.O. Show. Week 2 was a masterpiece. Lady Di and his maidens, Mo and Kit, have us rolling. And believe it or not we're not laughing at them. T.O. in footie PJs laying on a toddler bed at a B&B in Buffalo? We'd be psyched if he'd quit football and do this full-time. He's genius on camera. And the ladies are growing on us. Anyone who can call T.O. a large, red tampon immediately receives honorary Fantoo Girls status. Just like that. Shaq has officially worn out his welcome as king of the goofy, man of the badge, Kobe tormentor, and basketball player. He's jumped the mascot. Did he seriously think President Obama would just drop everything and sit down with the big doof and talk game? Shaq, you may think you are larger than life, that you are a man of many talents, that law and politics will be your court some day, but you are a wee bit NUTTY! Oh, and totally delusional. Please do not give this man a badge. The Emmy goes to T.O., not you. And we haven't even seen your show. As Carol dons full black mourning garb (with the requisite sponsor logos splashed on every inch), we mourn the end of the Tour de France, salute the Brits for an amazing showing, begrudgingly congratulate Alberto Contador and marvel at Lance Armstrong's incredible endurance. No wonder the chicks love him. (We hear through well-placed spies that the chicks love Phil Liggett...a tear slides slowly down Carol's cheek. She thought she was unique in her love of his fabulousness.) But we're psyched for next year as we will be one of the fans lining the countryside of France - or partying in some tavern - as the men of the Tour whizz by. And next year's Tour will be even more epic than 2009. With all that is going on in what is supposed to be the lazy season of sports, the diamond got the shaft on this week's sports podcast. We give you the scoop on the Mets, proving yet again that the dysfunction is in the front office and the guys breaking a sweat are doing the best they can. Four in a row isn't bad. We also throw props to a grand slam maestro and a switch-homer-hitting guy who clearly loves the caffeine. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we give you the inside scoop on Sarah Palin's post-Governor plans. So grab your sunscreen, a Fan's Guide to Good Behavior manual, and your best footie PJs...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Erin Andrews? hotel room. Why are we inside rather than creepily loitering outside with a camera trained on the peephole? Because we knocked. Seriously, the dude who made this little indie film has issues, and will have more coming once ESPN and Erin?s attorneys get a hold of him. But the additional perpetrator of this crime is?the New York Post. They decry the ?Peep Shocker? while publishing three explicit photos from the film - one on the cover!!! Does that make us all voyeurs, or just the editors at the Post? Shaq gets his own, shiny reality TV show and we wonder how long it will take for him to challenge LeBron. Best upcoming episode of ?Shaq Vs.? will be him against Mist May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh in volleyball. Just think of the outfit potential? There was golf played last weekend. While Stewart Cink and Tony Romo played well and broke hearts, it was Charles? Barkley?s swing that was the real story. Or was it the civil suit filed against Ben Roethlisberger by an employee of Harrah?s stemming from an incident last year at about this time? You?d actually never know if you watched ESPN? Breathless talk about Michael Vick amps up to a feverish pitch. Will there even be a market for him at this stage? Oakland? Al Davis? Are you there? Maybe the Bengals? But please let the talking/writing heads suspend the ?not deserving to get back into the NFL? argument for someone who really has not paid his debt to society - there are some of those in the NFL for sure. Let Goodell decide if he wants Vick as a representative of the league and then the let market decide if he has skills. ?The T.O. Show? is on. The girls have decided that T.O. in all his super-fantastic-body-elastic cheesy, hokey glory is as mesmerizing as Princess Di. What will he do next? (Seduce the real estate agent, check. Hit up the ex-finance to show her off, check. Get a date with Jessica Simpson...well, some things take time.) Is there a chance for reconciliation with his ex-fiance? (No) Will we see more of his famous workout bands? (Without question). Will he cry? (Does Bud Selig have a comb-over?) Complete summer froth. NASCAR is on ESPN for the next 6 races. How do we know? It?s suddenly relevant sporting information on the network?s updates! Just please let Tony Stewart win this year. Another Jimmie Johnson victory is, well, un-Disney. As un-Disney as Jeremy Mayfield?s ?independent? drug test (the one he passed 40 minutes before he failed the NASCAR one). The Tour de France has Alberto ?Lance was my idol, but dropping him today wasn?t important? Contador with a feel-good lead over Armstrong and the rest of the crew. They head into the final stages but there is a sneaking suspicion that it?s not over until it?s really over this year. Except if you?re Jens Voight, who slid face-first for 20 feet after crashing on the descent Tuesday. Then it is over. Speedy recover, sir. Becks is booooooooooed at home, but all is not lost in LA. The L.A. Angels give Los Angeleans a reason to be proud - in the lead for the AL West despite their power houses on the DL. Will they make any moves by the July 31 trade deadline? Is that really a deadline? We clear that up for Landis in our Fan Tutor. All you need to know is that Philly is kickin? it solid while Mets fans weep over their highly-paid and well-populated DL. And somehow, someway, the Yankees creep back to the top of the AL East. We wrap it up with a little reflection on the Apollo 11 landing on the moon moons ago. So grab your popcorn and masking tape (for the peep hole in your room) and toss away your ankle bracelet, it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from a new Fantoo Girls production, "Athletes Without Brains", where we hatch a new entrepreneurial venture to save the men from girls with too little life experience and one too many car payments. From married ballplayers asking out interns in the clubhouse to the murder of boxer Arturo Gatti to...hold onto your propellor hat...Donovan McNabb poolside with some 'actresses' who just couldn't refrain from snapping this photo. Kinda harmless, right? Until you take in the blingy 'F' and the bluetooth. We can handle topless chicks (his wife might have a different and totally justifiable opinion), but the late 90s bling and the perma-bluetooth? Out of place. Unforgivable. But it provides us with an opportunity to tell him that what appears harmless will take you down. So take heed and cover. Learn from those who have passed before ye, please. We have a sport to love and not a lot of players to lose. From there we rush on over to the Rutgers campus to see just what 5 million dollars buys you these days. Apparently just a recruiting lounge and welcome center. For 5 mil? We could build a mansion and a guest house for all those 'girlfriends' with that coin. Even if the world was flush with cash, 5 million is a little extravagant for a 'lounge' to recruit guys who would be psyched with pizza and some root beer. Did Tony Romo dump Jessica Simpson on the eve before her birthday to avoid having to buy her a present? Sounds plausible. Dallas Cowboys fans around the world celebrate. But beware...we hear Britney's been seen in Valley Ranch. Contracts are flying around like bugs to Joba's head these days. Terrell Suggs has 63 million reasons to live and Matt Cassel heads to the bank as well. Pedro Martinez will make Philadelphia his home, but his contract is a wee bit smaller. We'd rather be in his cleats. It's easy to out-perform 1 million dollars, and easy to disappoint when you make 120 times what the President of the United States earns. But he nailed that pitch, didn't he? K, not really, but he looked pretty suave trying. Albert Pujols can call the All-Star game a success; he saved the reputation of the leader of the free world. He went 0-3, but who's counting. The AL, that's who, as they rack up yet another All-Star victory. The losers in the mid-summer classic are the fans who forced themselves to watch three hours of meaningless home runs, only to have an obese vegetarian win. Because we are solutions-oriented, we devise a better plan. Most home runs in five minutes wins. Losers buy beer for the stadium. G'night folks. Party over in an hour. The crowd goes wild. We did leave the All-Star game feeling hopeful though. The MVP, Carl Crawford, took home the trophy because of defense. Not a home run, no, not a home run. Defense. That makes us feel all warm inside. But what's really got our blood flowing these days is the Tour de France. Lance is back, Alberto Contador is feisty and Phil Liggett looks like a teenager. What does that man do to defy the aging process? Mark Cavendish is enjoying his spotlight during stages meant for sprinters, but he knows even his 8th gear will take a back seat during the incredibly challenging stages set in the Alps. Team Astana is poised to shepherd it's leader to the Champs Elysees, but exactly who is that leader? That's a little detail that probably should have been hashed out back in Monaco. But for those who like a dash of drama with their climbs, time trials and sprints, this Tour is going to deliver, radio or no radio. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we urge you to know when to say 'don't'. So grab the bouquet, a pen to sign your name and a stuffed lion...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the new board game Clue-LESS, featuring Steve McNair and his 'girlfriend' Sahel Kazemi. Callous, you say? Guilty, says we, but not before we chastise the sporting world for branding McNair a saint while his wife and children pick up the shattered pieces of their life. Perhaps the most alarming dialogue surrounding this tragedy is the use of the word 'girlfriend' to describe a woman who was a mistress. Let's not sugar coat adultery, which is wrong and never leads to happily-ever-after. Forgive us if we choose not to celebrate a man who so selfishly threw away his own life and that of his family because he couldn't resist the temptation of a shiny bauble. Moving on to a man who is devoted to his wife and mother, both of whom are battling breast cancer. Phil Mickelson has put his career aside for his family during this most trying time. Now that's something we can applaud. Wishes for a swift and full recovery from The Girls to the Mickelson family. Also in this week's sports podcast we dish on Serena's booty (bum, tush, trunk) which Jason Whitlock suggests is keeping her from being a real winner. Wha? Wimbledon Singles and Doubles Champ - again and again - and she's not a winner? Jason, we love you, but you missed the target on this one. Perhaps it's just that you covet her booty? You wish your booty was as productive as her booty? You wish your bank account had all her booty? Or is that looty? Whatever, we can smell jealousy a mile away. The intrusion of Twitter on all things sacred in sports has begun. Ocho Cinco wants to tweet during the game, and you can bet he's not going to be extolling the virtues of Carson Palmer. What should the punishment be for in-game-tweeting? Suspend his account? Steal his blackberry? Hack it and send out pro-Bengals tweets? Force him to write 'I AM Chad Johnson' 500 times on the blackboard? Yet another reason to wait impatiently for football to begin. Here's your Superstars update: The show still blows. And neither TO nor Lisa Leslie could hit their stride on the basketball court. We can't imagine any athletes signing up for Season 2. To which we say, YAY! Vive Le Tour! The crashes are plentiful, Phil Liggett has already said the word diarrhea, and Team Astana won the first team time trial since 2005. Much to the chagrin of the Tour officials, Lance sits dangerously in second place. Seriously, how painful would it be for them to crown him the winner after all the bad blood between them? It's going to take a lot of Bordeaux to wash that one down. If you want to see how Twitter can actually be exciting just follow Lance. He's got the magic thumbs. And unlike Ocho, he can wait until he's off the clock to tweet. Perhaps that's why he's been late every morning. We stay in France for this week's Fan-Tutor which explains (or attempts to anyway) the point systems in the Tour. It isn't all about the time, kids. Not if you're into polka dots or the color green. And, yes, while all that is going on in the world of sports it is still the MONTH ON THE MOUND! Manny's back and more dislikable than ever. Which we assume means that he'll have even more fans wearing his Mannywood shirts. First he cheats, then he blows off buying dinner for his minor league teammates, and then he tosses his batting glove and gets himself tossed. In addition to Bud Selig, baseball needs a Den Mother who carries a big stick to keep these boys in line. As a matter of fact, each league should appoint one 75 year-old catholic mom of ten as Den Mother/Taskmaster. They'd get their acts together by the end of Day One. Um, has anyone seen Bartolo Colon? Kind of can't miss the guy. Ginormous stomach? Bum knee? Apparently athletic enough to pitch for the Cubs? If you run across him please put on a sticker that says, "Charlotte or Bust" and get him to his rehab assignment. And if his disappearance has anything to do with a 'girlfriend' we will throw up our hands in defeat. (It's our aim to save the male population from themselves.) One guy who probably wishes he could disappear is Ryan Dempster. That way his teammates couldn't mercilessly taunt him for breaking his big toe while...wait for it...walking out of the dugout. How do you do that? And with cleats on!? That's fragile. After we rip around the diamond we wrap with this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID where we find out just how 14,200 people could all simultaneously suck at their job. So grab your backpack, a chastity belt and ticket to Costa Rica...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from that part of the heart that few Americans knew they had...until it was broken by Brazil. The Confederations Cup was a real bright spot for American footie, even with the runner-up finish. Of course, the entire country of Spain detests us, but that's nothing new since the invasion of Iraq. The outcome in South Africa suggests that one year from now our country will be all a tizz. Why? Because we excel at weaving tournaments into our life as long as the bars are open and we can lie our way out of work. We're surprised the Olympics haven't haven't spawned drinking games...yet. But we're cool with it as long as they kill (or burn, blow up, drop in the ocean, vaporize) the vuvuzela. A constant sound of swarming locusts may provide feelings of comfort to some, but it is so outrageously annoying to most that the mute button will be depressed come World Cup time. Guaranteed. Unless the vuvuzelas are banned like they were in the past. (And The Girls want to thank (bow down, applaud, revere...revere is probably a bad choice of words) Jan in England for clearing up the locust issue.) South Africa was not under attack. We apologize for any mass hysteria we may have caused. Moving on to Lane Kiffin, or rather the 13 year-old who has committed to his program, Evan Berry. Is that a feather in the cap of the coach or simply a cute thing that kids will do? "I want to be just like Daddy when I grow up!" Which makes the following comment by Evan understandable: "It's the only college I know right now and my Daddy went there." Is there a better reason? Over in the land of TO we have many things to chew on, like his tweet about being in his first wedding. No one is surprised TO wasn't asked to be in a wedding until this past weekend. Quite frankly, we're jealous. By now most people with large circles of influence have had to suck up many a tux and taffeta dress, but not TO. We knew there was a method to his madness. Think of all the cash he's saved! Would it be enough to buy back his ego? Cuz he drowned it on the long jump challenge in Superstars. Robert Horry and Estella Warren bite the sand as the latest victims on the show, but who knows who will be back. The rules seems a little fluid (ratings-focused). To be fair, we've tried to like this show. Really. But the complete and total lack of creativity has us bored. Will we still watch? Yes. So you don't have to. The new super-league, the NBA, has captured our fancy right on the heels of the entertaining playoffs. You've got your draft and now you have free agency. But did you think Shaq would be moving to Cleveland? Maybe he can remake The Flats. He can call them The Shaqs! Somebody has to so the moths and birds will stay off the mound. Someone who may not come back to the court anytime soon is Yao. It pains us to think back to his draft...young Yao looking all scared and not understanding a word...so sad. He may be lost to the NBA but he can live on in infamy in China. As long as he stays away from the milk. And candy. And drywall. And protests. Well, you get the idea. The fact is that if a big man looks a bit off, he probably is. Guys that tall should walk slowly and carry a big stick. Not hustle it up a.nd down the court till their body breaks, which takes all of about three months. When will they learn? The Phil Liggett watch is officially here! The Tour de France, a staple of Fantoo Girls sports podcast coverage, kicks off this Saturday, and we couldn't be more psyched. Will Lance twitter himself into a mad frenzy? WIll he take a support role and help Contador don the maillot jaune? Will Phil Liggett call out Carol's name in a fit of emotion as the lead changes on a mad-killer descent from the Alps? One redhead can only hope. As she waits, she commits to tweet the Tour until her dreams come true. (Expect the tweeting to go on for some time.) Also in this weeks cast we say buy-bye to Jeremy Mayfield, cuz we assume meth and NASCAR do not mix. We applaud Roger Goodell as he vows to be tough on bad fashion (sweat pants at a NYC nightclub), bad gun-handling skills (a waistband is not appropriate for concealing a weapon), and bad judgment. We just wonder why PacIdiot got such a pass. The Girls want to give a massive and feisty welcome to Chris Pronger, who joins the Flyers in this off-season. Chris, we know we've hated on you in the past. It's simply because you shred the opposition. So forgive us. But, we have one request: don't drink the water. We've come to the conclusion that the water in Philadelphia is what strips winners of their desire to win when they arrive in our fair city. (Phillies, this does not apply to you as a whole, but it does apply to every big signing you've made hoping for the answer.) Hold on tight...we're only half way there. We've got your Wimbledon, your AT&T National (with Tiger saying Jim Brown who?), and...drum roll...the MONTH ON THE MOUND! Yes, ladies and gentledudes, it's the MONTH ON THE MOUND, where The Girls get all baseball on you when you most expect it. Tim Lincecum's mullet? On it. Albert Pujols' continuation of hitting domination? Over it like a fastball down the middle. Dutch Daulton on his drug use? Simply cracking up. That's all. Just laughing our asses off because he warrants it. Funny and doesn't know it - the best kind of funny. We Fan-Tutor you on the new restart rules in NASCAR and avoid all the chatter about a secret auction for NFL overtimes. Dumb. Dumb. So dumb we didn't even talk about it so click here if you need a giggle. (Yet another example of what can happen when you have a rules meeting and an open bar at the same time.) Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we conclude that it's not the cheat it's the hypocrisy. So grab your soul mate, then your spouse, and some ear plugs - it's bound to get testy in there...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Sidney Crosby's bed where we have to whisper because wittle Sidney is all cuddled up with The Cup, while his favorite stuffed animal begrudgingly sits in the cheap seats. We kid, we make fun, but in reality we're as jealous as ice is cold. We'd give up a lot to wine and dine that majestic silver bundle of hotness that is the Stanley Cup. And then when it comes time to touch his etchings you can bet our bedroom would look a lot more swanky than this: The Cup deserves more. We imagine Ovie would take him to the Four Seasons and order up some strawberries and dark chocolate. As would we. Also in the This and That, we're mesmerized at the speed of the tennis ball, we mourn Nadal's absence at Wimbledon, and we update you on Mr. Irrelevant. Have you heard the one about Tampax sponsoring the Jets? As in the NY Jets? We didn't think so. But it's not all that far-fetched. The NFL allows teams to sell sponsorships on their practice jerseys. Does that even work? Who sees that and for how long? Companies really know how to throw money away. And The Girls are here to catch it! Also in this week's sports podcast we marvel at the sentences our judicial system hands down with little rhyme or reason. Do they pull it out of a hat? We dish on Sean Avery's decision that Marc Sanchez' sloppy seconds ain't so sloppy, till you add shots of Petron, and we wonder just who will play Dwight Howard's foil in the new comedy "Switch"? Great idea...basically 'Freaky Friday' for the hard court...but the real question is, Who's going to play the pathetic white dude with no rhythm and no shot? We have a few ideas. There is someone who is 'with shot', but currently without a tattooed star on his body and we have it all figured out. Terrell Owens got booted from 'Superstars' on the first night in totally scripted fashion, culminating in his partner, Joanna Krupa showing her thespian skills by acting out the infamous Donovan McNabb VS. T.O. sideline slap-fest, while uttering the same two curse words over and over. Had about as much drama as a scene from The Hills. Lame. Also lame? Obstacle courses. Please. Who pays these people to recycle this crap? But, fear not, as T.O. will be back...as soon as his other reality show schedule permits. You did catch the shot of him dunking, right? Mmmm-hmmm. On the diamond, Donald Fehr steps off the mound as Obama steps on it, Zack Greinke tanks as the attention mounts, and the Phillies announcer, Chris Wheeler, makes Freud proud. But the news that got The Girls in a tizz was yet another revelation showing just how wicked smart Jose Canseco is with his announcement that he is filing a lawsuit against MLB. As with everything he has done, the man has a case. We're hoping it's a case of beer with our name on it. We know there's probably not much going on in Albuquerque, but to cheer Manny Ramirez like he's the second coming is only fuel for Canseco's fire. Jose, we'll be happy to fan the flames for you. And finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, Robin confirms that she is ready to run. So grab your ballot, your Cup and a time trial bike...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Michael Irvin power trip (Spike TV's '4th and Long') where nuggets of wisdom fly around like moths to Joba Chamberlain. "Now is the TIME!" has never been uttered with such self-importance. Michael has found his calling. But will the Cowboys find their 80th man? Sure. And then he'll get cut at camp. All we ask is that they do it again but with Michael Irvin and Brett Favre as dueling prophets. We would turn that into appointment television. Sadly, we must tear ourselves away to dish on the US Open which will bravely return to Bethpage Black for another round of "Who can yell 'You're the MAN' the loudest". Can you still call these fans patrons? New Yorkers know how to jazz anything up and plan on making the 2009 US Open the loudest on record. Except for when Phil Mickelson takes the stage. We are all respectful of the challenge that lays before him, and it's not on the course. Our best wishes for a swift and complete recovery to his wife, Amy. He's in. He's out. He's not here. He's got a deadline. He doesn't have a deadline. We'd rather listen to Artie Lange and Joe Buck than any more dribble about Brett and his shoulder, or Brett and his family, or Brett and his love for the game, or Brett and his Wranglers. Get in your Wranglers, put your family on your repaired shoulder and go elsewhere unless you can wow us with your play on the field. We thinks those days are over, but why doesn't Brad Childress? Donte Stallworth pleads guilty to DUI manslaughter 3 months after striking Mario Reyes as he crossed the street, killing him. Is a 30-day jail sentence, which is supported by the family of the victim, punishment enough? What message does that send to those who don't have the fame or fortune of Stallworth? The real question in all of this is, Why is Plaxico Burress' trial date pushed back? Stallworth killed a man, stayed at the scene of the crime, cooperated with police, plead guilty, wrote a fat check to the family and is paying his debt to society, all in three months time. Plax was dumber than a dead bird, shot his own thigh with his own gun in an enclosed space populated with innocent people who were clearly in danger, hid the crime, lied to the authorities, and wore sweats in a Manhattan nightclub. And he needs a trial extension because...? Martina Navratilova blows the lid off the screaming and grunting in women's tennis. It's cheatin' y'all! And she's spot on. You'll have to listen in to this week's sports podcast to find out why. Then stand in solidarity as we seek a ban on the practice. It's hard enough to watch women's tennis these days, but the shrieking makes it unbearable. The playoffs have come to an end, and all the way around both leagues can claim success. The players came to win, the drama was full-tilt, and the victors deserving.The only low-lights being the bad manners of Cindy Crosby and WeBwon James. The one-and-done of the NFL is awesome, but it does lack the juiciness of a playoff series. We're already looking forward to the first Pens V. Red WIngs game, but it's going to be nice to get to bed before the witching hour. These playoffs are exhausting! We take a few turns around the track to dish on Danica, the sad demise of Carlos Pardo and discuss the definition of 'expert' as understood by Jeremy Mayfield and his go-to guy, Harvey MacFenerstein. Then it's a Fan-Tutor that gives and takes and spanks! You can't go wrong with that. We also toss in a World Cup update now that the Confederations Cup is happening in South Africa, site of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Apparently all is a go for the massive event that takes place this time next year. Well, everything except that silly train. Who needs organized and motorized transportation when you have pride in your country. Walk to the match. Both ways. Uphill. NFL fans would! Now that the playoffs are over we can settle in to the beauty of nothing but baseball. We'll dig deep into the rookies who are making waves and the teams that are poised to make noise, but this week we focus on yet another bad rule, more Yankee drama, the best trivia question so far this season, which involves Prince Fielder. No, it's not how many small mammals he can eat in a sitting, but that's a good one. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we ponder why the need for world domination when a chaise lounge is so inviting. So grab a Landshark, your best mandarin collared shirt and a mascot - they need love too...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Atlantis Resort where the likes of Bode Miller (a Fantoo fav), Terrell Owens (another sweet spot for us), and Robert Horry (the Energizer Bunny) join a few other athletes and some completely unknown 'celebrities' like Paige Hemmis (huh? who? why do I care?) in the quest to become 'The Superstars Champion'. We will pause so that you can laugh yourself into a coma. As with the long ball, those in charge in tele-land will soon realize that we aren't all a bunch of lobotomized fools who can be persuaded to watch anything on TV as long as there's an athlete, some drama and some hot chicks. (The use of the word 'all' is key.) Laugh at that if you will, but there is no laughing over Jeremy Mayfield's alleged failed drug test due to methylamphetamine, or meth as it's known in most circles. Ugly drug with no place in sports or life. Dude, if this is true and it's not some chemical screw up, you ought to be banned. For life. Go get some help so you don't end up in a grave, or worse, walking around looking like this: Robin Soderling falls to Federer and Mine That Bird falls to Summer Bird, which seems so...seasonal. Also seasonal, another Brett Favre dust up as the Midway (to retirement) Motor Lodge puts aside 30 rooms for the Favre clan only to find out that drama lurks around the corner. Brett blew off the OTAs but the word is that he'd have to go all psycho for Childress to blow off Brett. See, Brett's Brad's saviour. King of like Angie. Perhaps Brad Childress should revisit the affect Brett had on the other coach he was supposed to save, Eric Mangini, who has been misbehaving in Cleveland ever since he arrived after being fired in NY. Thanks to a listener's prodding, The Girls exposed themselves to MMA by watching the brave and impressive battle between Urijah Faber and Mike Brown. Consider us hooked, and consider our husbands peeved that we have added another sport to the already long list of those we love to watch. Also keeping us from our wifely duties are the NBA and NHL playoffs. The Magic are on their way to making this a series against the Lakers. Rafer Alston steps up along with everyone on the Magic squad, and Kobe has a 31-point off-night. Is it the underbite? Or was he channeling his inner-muppet at the free throw line? Whatever the answer, expect the distractions to disappear by the time this one ends. Kobe's fire is burning and it's his time to do it without Shaq. In other NBA performance artist news, Yao agrees to be the voice of an animated character in a Chinese film, and Steve Nash is the NBA correspondent for the David Letterman show. Even though he speaks Canadian. Go figure. The Penguins, with the added muscle of two goalies, tie the series with the Red Wings setting up a beloved Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals. Nothing says sports nirvana like a Game 7. We can't imagine the Penguins pulling out a road victory in Game 7, but as Kevin Garnett says, anything is possible. Props to Rob Scuderi who saved the day with his brilliant and impromptu goaltending skills. We love to see a player battle it out and use his wits at the same time. Lord Stanley was promptly wrapped back up and carefully carried out to his limo, which we envision is packed with chicks. Cuz that's how The Cup rolls. Over on the diamond we tackle a Fan-Tutor that uncovers the loophole behind the Amatuer Draft and why that draft is no more. None of it matters to Scott Boras, however. He's too busy trying to cram a ludicrous contract down the throats of the too-eager-to-eat Washington Nationals. We suggest the Nationals keep in mind that no pitcher drafted after 1990 has had more than 100 wins and NO PITCHER chosen #1 has ever won a Cy Young award. Marlon Brando said it best - "The horror, the horror..." of being chosen first. Scott Boras is going to ruin baseball if he pulls off getting Strasberg more coin than Dice K, who had logged a decade in the bigs in Japan when he signed with the Red Sox. We suggest having AccuWeather negotiate all contracts to include the construction of new stadiums. They can't predict the end of a rain delay, but they sure can tell if the Yankees are lying about the dimensions of the completely unnecessary new ballpark. And tell they did. So we brought the story to you, because what would a Fantoo Girls sports podcast be without a little Yankee Stadium trashing? Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we give further proof that every meeting involving the crafting of rules and laws comes complete with an open bar. So grab your shot glass, your glass eye - cuz you need it! - and Lil' Dez...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...COMEDY CENTRAL...where Danica Patrick has failed her first class. It's a fine art to have humor translate from the page to the brain without the reader inferring that which is not there. Let's just say Danica has not learned that art. She can drive an open wheel car, is fearless, and looks smokin' hot in a bikini, but kidding about steroids needs to be left to the pros. Like Manny. She did get one thing right when speaking with Dan Patrick...NASCAR will be calling her. Fer shir. Moving on to the World of Sport, we tackle (figuratively, not literally) Quinn Ojinnaka's brush with the law - and his wife - after being a little too chummy on Facebook, the demise of yet another pigeon without a bat escort, Calvin Borel's guarantee, and the early exit from the French Open by our buddy, our pal, Robin's dream date, Rafa Nadal. And that's just in the first 15 minutes. This is a sports podcast to be savored. The NBA Playoffs beckon and we follow like they are the snake charmer and we the snake. This has been the most memorable set of games in years. Every team has a story, a star, a boy named King too soon, a true legend and one in the making. The right two teams have made it to the end, and the 7 game series will be epic. We can smell it. Before we digest the match-up of the Magic VS the Lakers, we spend a wee bit of time talking about wittle, whiny WeBwon. See, WeBwon's a winner, according to WeBwon. And we understand where the confusion lies; he didn't go to college. He must think being a winner in the playoffs is a feeling, not a stat. And normally we're all about feelings, but in this case we defer to the stat. WeBwon, you won none. Nothing. Nada. Which is cool, dude. Your time will come if you change your attitude. Please don't misinterpret this as a critique of your game. It's not. You are amazing with the potential to be one of the greatest to ever play the game. But you have to change your 'tude. Playing horse? You'd win, hands down. But by not showing respect to your opponent, your very own team and the game that has given you all that you have, you will not be a champion. It just won't happen. You need to walk that meet and greet line like everybody else. You are no different, better or more elite than anyone on your team. Your skills may be better, but you as a human being are just like everybody else. So we downgrade you to Prince. And to lose the whiny nickname you have to shape-up, WeBwon. BTW, the hearts say Orlando Magic, the brains say LA Lakers. Better to go with the heart. Our Fan-Tutor takes us to the NHL Finals, where Evgeni Malkin starts a fight with Henrik Zetterberg with 19 seconds left but receives no suspension. Is that like WeBwon receiving no immediate fine by David Stern for blowing off the post-game media session? NO! Robin will walk you through it...holding your hand the entire time so you don't get lost. Will the Pens take it to 7? If Gary Bettman can finagle it, you bet! How else do you explain 6 men on the ice for the Pens for 20 seconds with no call? But in the end it will be the Red WIngs hoisting Lord Stanley and then the real fun starts. Where will Stanley go? Who will he talk to? Will he finally find lasting love or forever be passed around from lover to lover? The Fantoo Girls will bring you the story of Stanley throughout the summer, so stay tuned. On the diamond we dish on the uptick in home runs across the league. If the players are getting off the juice, is the ball getting on it? More importantly, when will the league realize that small ball is the future and home runs are boring? We also take a rookie look at the beautifully named Antonio Bastardo, pitcher for the Phillies, and we give an honorable mention to Bryce Harper who is featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated this week. Let's hope the curse only applies to those of age. As we approach the Month on the Mound, we visit with Joba Chamberlain and his bugs, CC Sabathia's dark side and take a tour of the bathrooms at Yankee Stadium. Is there anything they didn't screw up? Let's just say you best watch out for the cup of 'beer' by your seat. Finally, in this week's IT HSA TO BE SAID, we marvel at the gonads of those responsible for selling us cage-free eggs. So grab a tightly wound ball, some bread for that yolk and a Tipsy Arnold Palmer to wash it all down...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the very next most logical step for any retired tennis pro, the concept underwear store. Why didn't we think of that? Because Bjorn Borg has done the unthinkable. Not that it's bad, it's just that who the hell would have thought of it? It's a one stop shop...underwear, dating service, place to get your swedish fish sugar fix. It's a must see. But we have other things to cram into this week's sports podcast so off we go to the site of one heck of a cry, the Brickyard. Helio Castreneves beats the field and a fed rap for tax evasion in mere days. Man, a guy narrowly escapes being a PYT for some lifer, wins a car race, drinks a little milk and can't hold it together? Danica must have been smirking over that one. And yet another man prone to emotional outbursts will go before the courts - Mark Cuban. We're certain he'll keep us all posted. Please beat the charges, Mark. We'd lose a third of our entertainment if you go away. We're taking over-unders on Gisele Bundchen's weight gain during her pregnancy. Robin says 70, Carol's leaning closer to a buck-ten. Whatever the grand total, many fans hope the second coming of Brady is enough of a distraction to keep the Patriots off kilter for another year. We really can't handle another savior story right now; hopefully the media will simply forget about it. Or Favre will reemerge from exile and the axis will tilt. How can we even think about football when the NBA playoffs have been gripping. Many may say they want a Lakers V. Cavs Finals, but deep down inside people are pulling for the underdogs. Those feisty, energetic, willful Magic Nuggets are capturing the hearts and imaginations of basketball fans...nationwide. And that's the problem. Globally, a Nuggets V. Magic series will have an impact similar to that of throwing a gnocchi off the Golden Gate Bridge. You think the officiating is interesting now? Wait till the deciding game in the both series. The silent wishes of the league will be seen, but obviously not heard. So before Stern has his say, enjoy the passionate play of Chris Anderson, Chauncy Billups, Dwight Howard, Courtney Lee and the rest of the merry men that make up the Nuggets and the Magic, who have to date proven to be the better teams. We have nothing but love for the Red Wings. We have no love for the Penguins. So at least we'll have someone to root for in the Stanley Cup Finals. Yay. Rematch. The team that emerged as one to watch in the seasons ahead is the Blackhawks. Young, fun, fearless, and we know for sure that if you run into them in Chicago you are going to have a killer time. We also now know, and aim to not forget, that Jonathan Toews name is pronounced 'Taves'. The diamond is about to get a visit from our Rookie Look, Matt Wieters, the switch-hitting catcher who will make his major league debut on Friday for the Orioles. He's got the mystique, the websites claiming many, um, facts about his prowess, and the wingspan of a Terradactyl. What's not to love? So he has a hard time getting up to warp speed on the bases. The dude is 6'5". 6'10 in heels, and you know those are coming during rookie hazing. Congrats, Matt. It's an honor to be honored by us. For the most part. Keep your eyes on Nolan Ryan and the retrained pitching staff of the Texans. What happens when you remove pitch counts from team rules? Listen in to find out. And get ready for other teams to catch on if these stats stay true throughout the year. Oh, gee, Yankee Stadium is on pace for 300 plus home runs this year. Right as the game leans towards small ball and the fans happily follow. Nothing than we like more than dropping a few hundred dollars to watch guys look over their heads while a dude jogs the bases and the pitcher stares at his feet. So. Fun. But not as fun as this week's ITHAS TO BE SAID which takes us to South Korea and the Bronx as we ponder the ferocious nature of a backyard hill and the need for kosher armored vehicle. So grab some bug spray, don't touch the trophy, and you bring the dip...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from a new case of premature brandulation; that of Mark Sanchez, who has made the "bold" decision to appear in GQ Magazine staring intently into nothingness, leaning in close to a bosom taped to appear large on an otherwise stick thin model, and deftly pulling up his white mesh henley top. All of it is perfect bulletin board material for the Patriots, Dolphins and Bills, but described as bold by his agent (which makes us immediately think his agent is a moron with zero fashion sense...but aren't they all). Which leads us to TO. Has an NFL player so perfected the pageant wave without every being in one? That is the question that haunts us after watching Terrell Owens sashay through the Buffalo airport. Just know this one thing: this is Phase One. Phase two involves planted stories. Phase Three focuses on the complete and total destruction of chemistry. Phase Four? Please. Spandex. Blacktop. But this time with an exercise ball. Swear. In This and That we also take on Tony Kornheiser, Shaq as the eternal student, the other Triple Crown and the one that spurned Obama...and we're not talking John McCain. Trust us, it's a fully packed sports podcast. We even dish on Michael Vick, but other more respected news organizations have us totally beat on that story. Then it's off to the NBA which has delivered on excitement, physical play, great match ups and the Muppets. Even the NBA Draft Lottery was overshadowed by this year's playoffs. Will the Nuggets be able to keep their emotions intact? Will Kobe get the last laugh and rap about it? Will Courtney Lee, our Rookie Look, make the difference for the Magic? Or will LeBron reduce Dwight Howard to a puddle since he's had 10 days to shine his crown? We give you the answers, all the while wondering what The Answer is doing with his free time. Then we take our skates to the ice and wonder if anyone can take down the Red WIngs. Sadly, not the Blackhawks, but they have an insane fanbase and a team you can fall in love with, so please do. The Hurricanes have a supremely talented goalie in Cam Ward, but they also have a Staahl brother who has won a Cup. That doesn't bode well when the Staahl parents must be wishing that Jordan can have his very own date with Stanley. When it comes to brothers playing each other in the playoffs, it's the parents with which we must empathize...or just be jealous of. Pick it. That all leads us to the MLB where Lord "I'm Delicious" Selig grants us the wish of having earlier start times to the World Series games. Bud, we'll find a way to biatch about that gift too. It's in our genes. But The Girls thank you profusely because the older we get the more important sleep becomes. Forget the kids, for whom all things are done, we want you focused on us. And only us. Of course, we forgive Joe Maddon his error, as did Andy Sonnanstine. Everyone has a hard time with numbers after a night of drinking Prisoner. We totally forgive you, as long as you don't overtake our beloved Phils. No worries with the Mets there! They are making up ways to Maverick early and often. If Mavericking is even possible at this point in time. Three balks in one game? We have a theory and it's medical. Missed base? That happens all the time to those who forget the basics of the game. In the other new and unnecessary stadium in NYC we have a rebirth, which is so Kabbalah. A-Rod, with Kate 'I only date guys who are finding themselves in their adult years' Hudson, has taken the Big Apple and batted it out of the park. Four homers in as many games. Sweet. We love a tainted come back as much as we love Tainted Love. Finally, in our effort to get you back to your life on time, our IT HAS TO BE SAID: The tabloids must die. Fureal. So grab your lineup, some popcorn and Bert and Ernie...it's time to talk sport with The GIrls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from... Why won't Major League Baseball come out and proactively dump the entire load of knowledge surrounding steroids. All of it - innuendo, fact, hearsay, truth - just put it out there and be done with it. We don't need nor want to be tortured by this slow leak which is, quite frankly, screwing with our ability to enjoy the season of baseball. We want to get back to who trips while running the bases, who steals home, and why small ball kills long ball any day. But we pause from our regularly scheduled shredding of the This and That of Sport to bring to you a Brett Favre moment: Brad, who? Man...my arm hurts. Jason Taylor tucks away the slim cut sateen pants in favor of some time in the sun with The Tuna. Can't you see it? A field of wildflowers, a soft breeze, and into the frame lumbers Bill Parcels. his jiggle so, um, flirty, running straight into the outstretched arms of Jason Taylor. But before he hits the red zone he runs straight into a water pump. He coughs up his Big Mac and falls into the daisies. Jason rushes to his aid but can't find him in the thick sherbet-colored field. Back at the facility they consider it a near-death experience and bond over the dotted line. In reality, Jason came crawling back clutching a notebook filled line-by-line with, 'I'm Never Gonna Dance Again, Coach'. Good luck at Landshark Stadium, Jason! Tiger Woods is getting the Lindsay Lohan treatment by the papp...uh, cameramen on the tour. Golf is entering a new chapter as the Links God, Tiger attempts to retake his position of power. And there, off in the distance, but super easy to see thanks to his neon argyle attire, is John Daly. Oh, let us dream, okay? Hey-ho, Buffalo! It's the T hO Show. You know the producer broke out in a sweat when that phone call came in. We'll have to wait till July to see the finished product, but we doubt we'll be in the dark for long. There's bound to be some public dust-up coming to a drive-in nearby. The Rockets' streak of four wins against the Lakers when Yao-less came to an end as the Lakers showed some teeth. Also showing teeth, and pointing fingers, were Mark Cuban and LaLa Vasquez. Both enigmas - she a cat-fighter extraordinaire and judge on the VH1 show 'Charm School', and he a nerdy, kinda athletic, frat-like, yet super successful uber fan/owner. While they snap Denver loses a chance to sweep, but the series gains some 'must-see' status. The Magic melts against the Celtics, but the loss is easier to take then the postgame presser-trashing of coach and team. Keep it together kids, and if you're going to go out, please do so with class. Well, Game 7 has come and gone since the recording of this sports podcast, and the results weren't pretty. The Pens tallied 6 and the Caps squeezed out two. Thud. A total disappointment. And not because of the Capitals' loss, although we were pulling for Ovie, but because the game was a blowout. Should've saved an overtime for this one, boys. Now our hopes rest with the Blackhawks, as the youthful tandem of Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews lead them past the Canucks. Kane scored the first hat trick of his career in Game 6. Congrats, Kane. We bet the chicks are lining up. But can he steal four bases in a single game? Taking home in a single (or twenty) bound(s)? Jason Werth can, and good thing he did because the Phils got spanked by the Dodgers on Wednesday, 9-2. Stealing home is so 'take that'. While the ball is being lobbed back to the pitcher's mound, Jason speeds towards home. Run scored and the batter is still at the plate. That is a strike-blocker. Let's hope our Rookie Look, Donnie Veal practices for that one, cuz he's sure been blind-sided a lot by the age of 24. The Pirates' relief pitcher is content with the Hello Kitty backpack, thrilled with his big league opportunity, humbled by the grief in his life, and is gaining back some control on the mound. We hope for smoother seas ahead for Donnie Veal. We await the many nicknames sure to come. And since he came via the Rule 5 draft we give it the Fan-Tutor treatment. A little knowledge goes a long way, but please don't think we guarantee the gaining of knowledge via listening to this podcast. MLB was so appalled by Bobby Jenks' behind-the-batter pitch they fined him big time. A whole $750USD. Step off. Mean it. That's like one-eighth of what he earned to throw that pitch. Snap. Also on the mound, we throw in a revisit to the ambidextrous pitcher, Pat Venditte and a meet and greet with the new resident of Belvedere of Westlake Assisted Living Facility Josh Faiola, he of the Lake Erie Crushers fame. They of the Independent Frontier League. C'mon keep up. Or just listen in. So grab your teeth, if you need to, an aversion to all things LaLa, and somebody's hand...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...a secret place that only our super secret sources, whom we can't reveal, could disclose. These same sources have also confessed to us that Sidney Crosby loves Mario Lemieux a wee bit too much, Brett Favre wears a shimmer thong, and Ovechkin had his teeth removed on purpose to up his sexy-factor. All legit, just like the newly minted 'Land Shark Stadium' for the Miami Dolphins. Oh wait, that is legit. The Kentucky Derby (that other 2 minutes of heaven) was won by the 50-1 long shot Mine That Bird. Carol smells conspiracy, but Robin doesn't think it should be held against the horse that NetJets sponsored it and that the announcer could not grasp the name until he was 3 lengths ahead down the stretch and that every horse moved out of its way like the parting of the Red Sea as it rode the rail. No, not a conspiracy, just a simple Tour de Force by a horse that even its jockey, let alone announcer Tom Durkin, did not believe in. Now that that's settled, we wonder how the new attitude of the ladies at ESPN will respond to a John Daly comeback? As giddily as Carol? Never. Unless they are put together on a tiny Jennifer Convertible love seat with another totally random famous person and asked to conduct a serious interview. It might go something like this. The NFL rears its head and we have Brett Favre (Carol, so right and so under appreciated - by Robin) hiring a trainer and making his pledge, whatever that means from him, to play only for the Vikings. We knew he'd find his way back to Childress. It's like Prince Charles finally finding happiness with Camilla in his own set of sunset years. Ah, love. So complicated. But, oh, as of '6 minutes ago' the Japan Times reported that Favre told Childress he wants to stay retired. The Japan Times? Really? Already a media circus. The NFL has other pressing issues, Vick coming out of jail, half of the 49ers lineup flirting with incarceration and Jerry Jones considering if anyone will go to the slammer after the 'Boys practice bubble (which did not pass inspection, according to some of those same 'sources' we mentioned earlier) collapsed in a stiff breeze. The NBA has provided us with milk before we decided to buy the cow. The Celtics-Bulls series got ratings that might lessen our collective commitments to watch later. But there's always the Kobe-LeBron duel in the future... David Stern can dream. Speaking of LeBron, he snags the MVP award and chooses to receive it in his old high school. We love the old-school flavor of it all. The Girls wonder at the wisdom (or luck) of Stephon Marbury, walking away from the Garden where he was paid to sit, straight into the playoffs - but is he scared? There has to be something in the water at MSG. Hockey is captivating us with the Pens/Caps showdown. Mo' Ovechkin, mo' better. Let's just hope the Caps' playoff past doesn't repeat itself. Let's also hope the refereeing from the Red Wings/Ducks series doesn't decide the series because that would suck. In our 'Where is He Now?' segment, we've located Ray Emery and he might be headed to the city of brotherly love (again, our sources, they can't be tamed). Please make it so! Our only lingering NHL question is this: what will the Montreal Canadiens become if Celine Dion buys them? Will there be a Vegas-themed, or perhaps Moroccan inspired, arena? Will she sing every anthem with Rene Angelil waiting in the wings to give her roses? If so, how long will the anthem take? Questions.... MLB has its moment as The Girls weigh in on the beauty of the talkative Zack Geinke, Yankee karma and the Dodgers (before the Manny Tornado pulled into town). Finally, in the week's It Has To Be Said, we discuss why it shouldn't be so hard to make nice to the people who buy your product. So put a paw on your summer ale, set the TV to record the playoffs and let your dollars do the talking: it's time to talk sports with the Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from The Fantoo Girls Factional Dictionary where we define the word contract...using the word contract. And the word bro. A big thanks to Sheldon Brown for helping us with the definition because we were clearly in need of some higher education there. As is typical, we soon got distracted by Mel Kiper's hair. We firmly believe he was a gladiator in a past life, hence the head helmet. We are now on our knees thanking Lombardi we don't have to run our fingers through THAT. What's a class trip without a little weed to pass the time? Percy Harvin and Brandon Tate must not have read the memo describing the full battery of tests administered at the Combine. It doesn't end with the Wonderlic, boys. Rest assured, if you're talented enough, the NFL can overlook almost anything. So grab those mini Snickers, and make sure Ricky Williams isn't on speed dial. The NFL draft can be dissected numerous ways. Who will trade up? Who will trade down? And who will take Pat White? We would...if we had a pick. The Girls are about substance over flash any day, and in this week's sports podcast we urge the Detroit Lions, who can now see, to take Pat White and let the underdog lead them to the promised land. Or at least out of the cellar. Terrell Owens is coming to the small screen with not one, but two reality shows this summer. The Buffalo Bills must be SO excited to know that their 'superstar' has in fact been officially dubbed a superstar by none other than the show "Superstars", which will air on ABC. A show that contains not one, but NONE superstars. Confused? Doesn't TO always have that affect on you? At least we know we'll have stuff to laugh at as the days get longer and the nights get hotter. We say cancelled after the third episode. Yay! Robin's got the whole polo pony poisoning thing figured out. It's the mob. No one else kills horses but the mob. Get a bunch of mobsters and ponies in the same room and there's no option but death. Or the owner of the polo pony squad was hard up for cash. At any rate, don't kill the horses. Those 21 ponies are going to come back as girls. Really ticked off girls. And because we can catalogue offenses in our brain and carry them through many reincarnations, expect retribution. NASCAR gets all green on us with the introduction of the Hybrid Camry. That Camry - it can do anything! But can it explain the rules for double-super-secret probation? Not even NASCAR can explain what happens when one of its drivers is put on probation. That's like telling your three-year old that he's going to get in BIG trouble if he does 'that' again. Big trouble, baby. Big. And then you ignore him while he teepees your entire kitchen...with the gas stove on. Let the boys bump. We fans dig it. As is expected, the NHL Playoffs are a testy exercise of endurance, patience and boundary-pushing. But we thought the crease was one boundary that was off limits. We tackle that in this week's Fan-Tutor and take you through the playoffs in style. Ovechkin is the new James Bond, Jonas Hiller is both a Perez Hilton lookalike and a rock-solid rookie net-minder for the Ducks, and the Montreal Canadiens' fans are about ready to blow. Happy 100th y'all! Before we leave the ice we suggest a particular style of birth control, just for hockey players. The hard court beckons as the NBA s l o w l y plays out the first round. We decide to detour through Istanbul, by donkey, as it's all but certain we will conclude our pilgrimage before Round 2 begins, even with the ocean crossing. Two-plus weeks for round one so that the networks can maximize the weekend games? When will the world figure out that the networks and their 'appointment viewing' mean absolutely nothing to sports fans, unless you're talking football. Business is always the last to know what the consumer wants. Pretty soon, Round 1 will be available only on Twitter with Ashton Kutcher as your host. We'll be living in Peru when that happens. But the play has been fun, except for the disappointing end to Dikembe Motumbo's career. A gentleman, a gentle man, a philanthropist, a great defender and finger-waver. He has it all. But the knees have called it a day, with a little help from Grandpa Greg Oden. Must be uncool to know that you singlehandedly ended a guy's career. We feel bad for Greg. But we feel worse for Dikembe. We'll miss you, and the answer is, Us! We can't help it, we crumble when a man is wounded. The baseball world is seeing an uptick in ticket sales with the $38,000 it bagged from the eBay auction of Bernie Madoff's Mets tickets. But who's going to buy the thousands of empty seats in the new and unimproved Yankee Stadium? You know, those cute little seats within the plexiglass dividers that make it clear who's a 'have' and who's a 'have not'? Let's just hope the Yankees don't ask for a tax abatement on the lost real estate in center field. Can somebody sage Kerwin Danley? We're waiting for the third cleat to drop. Will it be bat, ball or mineral? Just make sure the dude is rolled up in bubble wrap before you trot him behind home plate again. If he's even willing to go. In addition to all that we have this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID - don't ask the question if you aren't willing to accept an honest answer. So grab the neck of the most overhyped gossip blogger, note the dimensions of the crease and be in awe of karma's power...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from The Fantoo Girls Factional Dictionary where we define the word contract...using the word contract. And the word bro. A big thanks to Sheldon Brown for helping us with the definition because we were clearly in need of some higher education there. As is typical, we soon got distracted by Mel Kiper's hair. We firmly believe he was a gladiator in a past life, hence the head helmet. We are now on our knees thanking Lombardi we don't have to run our fingers through THAT. What's a class trip without a little weed to pass the time? Percy Harvin and Brandon Tate must not have read the memo describing the full battery of tests administered at the Combine. It doesn't end with the Wonderlic, boys. Rest assured, if you're talented enough, the NFL can overlook almost anything. So grab those mini Snickers, and make sure Ricky Williams isn't on speed dial. The NFL draft can be dissected numerous ways. Who will trade up? Who will trade down? And who will take Pat White? We would...if we had a pick. The Girls are about substance over flash any day, and in this week's sports podcast we urge the Detroit Lions, who can now see, to take Pat White and let the underdog lead them to the promised land. Or at least out of the cellar. Terrell Owens is coming to the small screen with not one, but two reality shows this summer. The Buffalo Bills must be SO excited to know that their 'superstar' has in fact been officially dubbed a superstar by none other than the show "Superstars", which will air on ABC. A show that contains not one, but NONE superstars. Confused? Doesn't TO always have that affect on you? At least we know we'll have stuff to laugh at as the days get longer and the nights get hotter. We say cancelled after the third episode. Yay! Robin's got the whole polo pony poisoning thing figured out. It's the mob. No one else kills horses but the mob. Get a bunch of mobsters and ponies in the same room and there's no option but death. Or the owner of the polo pony squad was hard up for cash. At any rate, don't kill the horses. Those 21 ponies are going to come back as girls. Really ticked off girls. And because we can catalogue offenses in our brain and carry them through many reincarnations, expect retribution. NASCAR gets all green on us with the introduction of the Hybrid Camry. That Camry - it can do anything! But can it explain the rules for double-super-secret probation? Not even NASCAR can explain what happens when one of its drivers is put on probation. That's like telling your three-year old that he's going to get in BIG trouble if he does 'that' again. Big trouble, baby. Big. And then you ignore him while he teepees your entire kitchen...with the gas stove on. Let the boys bump. We fans dig it. As is expected, the NHL Playoffs are a testy exercise of endurance, patience and boundary-pushing. But we thought the crease was one boundary that was off limits. We tackle that in this week's Fan-Tutor and take you through the playoffs in style. Ovechkin is the new James Bond, Jonas Hiller is both a Perez Hilton lookalike and a rock-solid rookie net-minder for the Ducks, and the Montreal Canadiens' fans are about ready to blow. Happy 100th y'all! Before we leave the ice we suggest a particular style of birth control, just for hockey players. The hard court beckons as the NBA s l o w l y plays out the first round. We decide to detour through Istanbul, by donkey, as it's all but certain we will conclude our pilgrimage before Round 2 begins, even with the ocean crossing. Two-plus weeks for round one so that the networks can maximize the weekend games? When will the world figure out that the networks and their 'appointment viewing' mean absolutely nothing to sports fans, unless you're talking football. Business is always the last to know what the consumer wants. Pretty soon, Round 1 will be available only on Twitter with Ashton Kutcher as your host. We'll be living in Peru when that happens. But the play has been fun, except for the disappointing end to Dikembe Motumbo's career. A gentleman, a gentle man, a philanthropist, a great defender and finger-waver. He has it all. But the knees have called it a day, with a little help from Grandpa Greg Oden. Must be uncool to know that you singlehandedly ended a guy's career. We feel bad for Greg. But we feel worse for Dikembe. We'll miss you, and the answer is, Us! We can't help it, we crumble when a man is wounded. The baseball world is seeing an uptick in ticket sales with the $38,000 it bagged from the eBay auction of Bernie Madoff's Mets tickets. But who's going to buy the thousands of empty seats in the new and unimproved Yankee Stadium? You know, those cute little seats within the plexiglass dividers that make it clear who's a 'have' and who's a 'have not'? Let's just hope the Yankees don't ask for a tax abatement on the lost real estate in center field. Can somebody sage Kerwin Danley? We're waiting for the third cleat to drop. Will it be bat, ball or mineral? Just make sure the dude is rolled up in bubble wrap before you trot him behind home plate again. If he's even willing to go. In addition to all that we have this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID - don't ask the question if you aren't willing to accept an honest answer. So grab the neck of the most overhyped gossip blogger, note the dimensions of the crease and be in awe of karma's power...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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After being away too long, The Girls have penetrated the inner sanctum of Man Cave and found a new inhabitant ? the Fantasy Baseball Arbitrageur. Seems that the debates that rage before, during and after the season sometimes cannot be simply set aside. Not anymore. Bad feelings arise, tension flares and the Arbitration committee is called in. Thank God, because we almost thought that this was just a hobby and people were not devoting enough time to fantasy leagues.... Angel Cabrera wins the Masters and Tiger stalks off the course, terse in his defeat. But the real drama? Phil Mickelson was, gasp!, smiling after he lost. Oh NO!!!! Armageddon! How dare he, player of an individual sport, SMILE when he loses? How dare he lose? How dare he smile? How dare he be happy? HOW DARE HE!!??? (Seriously, how much money was there on Mickelson? Haven?t y?all learned by now that he will leave you high and dry just as surely as the contractor will rip the roof off your kitchen in the rainy season and then leave on vacation?) The Girls pay their respect to The One and Only Harry Kalas and nod their hear to Shane Victorino, Ryan Howard and the Phillies organization for showing their respect in different, multiple and thoughtful ways. Just hope those were tobacco ?heaters?... Kalas, you will be sorely missed. Isaiah Thomas has been hired again ? by the top-notch basketball program of Florida International University. He?s donating his salary to the school and just trying to get back to game. But we think something still isn?t right. FIU co-eds, keep your distance. Over in NASCAR, Joey Logano, teen sensation (did he just get his driver?s license?) wins his 2nd career victory in Nashville. Dale Jr., where are you? We explain the illegal substitution rule in the NHL, express love/hate for Sean Avery and reflect on some of the last-minute coaching changes in the NHL. The playoff picture is set and the most grueling playoffs in sports has commenced. Get ready for hate-fests between the Canadiens and Bruins as well as the Flyers and Penguins. We thrill in the last-minute sneak-in of the Ducks as it gives us more time to peruse the ultra-hip Chris Pronger website . It is simply not to be missed. The NBA has also clarified its playoff picture. Too bad for the Hawks, having to withstand the force that is Dwyane Wade in the first round. Maybe it will be quick and painless. Unlike the path the Celtics will have to take to advance. Possibly without Garnett for the post-season, they are rudder-less. Action starts Saturday. Finally, MLB. The Kansas City Royals went all-out for the fan in their RENOVATION of Kaufman Stadium. Amusement park, interactive games, KC Royals history area, player interaction, batting cages, mingling/bar areas in the outfield where you can also watch the game, etc etc etc. Hear that? Renovation. For less than $500K. Now, check this, the Yankees built a brand new stadium for 1.5 Billion (heard of it?) that has ?amenities? listed as a ballroom, wider halls, more suites and conference rooms. Fun!!!!!!! Thanks, Yankees. Speaking of the Yankees, they just cannot seem to catch a break from fate as she rains down bad karma from on high. Will they be the next Cubs? Will the Mets be the next Cubs? It?s not looking good for either team. It?s going to be a strange season, starting with the passing of Harry Kalas, Nick Adenhar and Mark Fidrych. At least we?ll always have Nick Swisher. We close with sage advise that is always true and gives us all the more reason to want relocate to the land of leis, pineapples and Don Ho. So pour your Scorpion in coconut shell and clear your calendar for the playoffs ? it?s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Costa Rica where the paparazzi get the East LA treatment, Central American Style. See, Giselle and Tom got married...again. So the paps had to come and get their lenses out, which meant the duo's bodyguards had to shoot to kill. Wouldn't have it any other way. Kinda makes us think of this...When shots are fired we typically head for the hills, and in this case, the world of sport. The Masters offers up lots of drama to go along with the kelly green. Will Tiger and his glass knee take back the throne, or will Phil Mickelson cackle with glee as he sends Tiger back to rehab? The real pressing question is whether Phil wear a red shirt on Sunday to mess with Tiger's mojo. All to be answered come Sunday, or Monday as one Girl wishes in this week's sports podcast. On the gridiron we have Jay Cutler and his runny nose heading to the Windy City. The Girls give you the hardcore analysis and here's a preview: it's either going to go well or not so well. You heard it here first. Jeff Garcia to the Raiders means only one thing - Al Davis must be taking his meds. That's the only way Garcia would commit, or did Carmela push him into it so she can tell people she lives in California. At least there's a reason to watch the Raiders - Jeff Garcia is a good guy and that is a refreshing change for them. Poor Romo. Not even Eminem gives him props. Check it out here. And look at how small his hands are! Hey, whatever happened to that whole March Madness thing? Did they ever play the final game? Or did the pervasive use of sneaker squeaks throughout the game make the players ears bleed so they had to call it? Carol wouldn't know...she had to turn it off after 5 minutes. Now we know why they had to elevate the floor four feet. They needed to fit these guys under there! Awful game, please don't have it in a football stadium ever again, and go from Elite Eight to Final Four to the Championship game in one week, not two. Other than that it was perfect! We'll be sure to give you plenty of notice so you can reserve the date for the worldwide release of Carol's song parody as she fulfills the bracket bet loss to Robin. (Who probably cheated.) Who can be bothered with NCAA blowouts when the NHL is so utterly entertaining. First Alex Ovechkin decides to make a commercial and then the Thrashers decide to rip on it. We don't know which one we love more! You decide. All we know is that some how, some way Ovechkin manages to charm us with this little jingle. And it's completely clear it would not sound half as good if he had all his teeth. And then there's Shavery giving a little love tap to a goalie. But not his goalie...no...he smacked the helmet of Tim Thomas of the Bruins. Cuz that's what you do during a commercial break. Happens all the time. Shavery needs to don a little (couture) devil costume and Ovechkin can wear an angel costume. Shrink 'em down and stick 'em on Gary Bettman's shoulders. Bam. Reality show smash. We'd much rather watch those guys than TO. So while the Sharks get mighty, everyone is wondering if the Bruins are the team to beat in the post season. They've got scorers, Cup winners and Charo Chara! The Pterodactyl, or 'Winged Finger' as we now call him, has quite the reach! He may crush the Stanley Cup just by merely hugging it! Speaking of Lord Stanley...here's a Stanley Cup moment for you: Anyway, the dude is large. 7 footer in skates. 7'3" in Jimmy Choos. But we doubt he wears those on the ice. If he hoists the Cup it'll need oxygen! Okay, okay...we'll stop there. Do you think Claude Julien needs a sherpa to talk with Chara? Sorry! The Bruins are solid, but so are the Sharks, the Caps, the Red Wings...at the end of the day it all comes down to health and goaltending. Let the playoffs begin. On the hard court we welcome Blake Griffin to the NBA - no European league for that cat! He's going to be a fun guy to watch but not dangerous till he improves his shooting. Still, we wouldn't kick him out of our locker room. Of course, Blake's stolen the spotlight from Tyler Hansbrough. That's what you get for staying in school kid! Before we even get to ponder the level of fixing in the draft, we get to take in the battle for best record in the league between the Lakers and the Cavaliers. It's the dream you've all dreamed of - the showdown between Kobe and LeBron. A preview for the Championship game, perhaps? Crazier things have happened. What might be the craziest thing is the absence of the Spurs in the playoffs. Manu is out, heads are hanging, and those chasing the Spurs are close enough to nip at their size 16 shoes. As we've said before, the NBA playoffs will be spectacular. And on the diamond we have Joba figuring out a way to convince the New York Yankees fans he was just joshin', CC Sabathia considering the reinsertion of those pesky periods to rid himself of the bad juju, and the Phillies wondering if it's all gonna change once they get their rings. Take it from The Girls, the ring changes nothing. It's just another thing you can lose. So start winning! Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, Robin rediscovers just how uncool she is. So grab a green jacket, your favorite Eminem CD and shred that bracket...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Mohegan Sun Sports Bar where the fine line between gambling and the Yankees has become simply a pane of glass between the tenant and the team. What's next? Slots in the bathrooms? Or how about seats with obstructed views? Oh. Darn. They already have that. We remember when we designed a stadium for the first time. The only thing the Yankees are doing is yanking the chain of the fan with this nonsense. Another slash in the karma column. Let's just hope Derek Jeter escapes with his integrity intact. We turn our eyes towards Detroit where the final touches (elevator lifts for players checking in, ambulances on standby for the inevitable face plant off the court) are being lavished upon Ford Field as we await the arrival of the Final Four. Carol hangs her head in shame in this week's sports podcast as she faces the music and prepares to sing. It's sad when your bracket is shot before the final weekend's first game, but at least you have a smokin' hot song parody to look forward to. And, perhaps, a thrilling Villanova upset. That's not far-fetched when you consider Larry Brown's Bobcats upset the Lakers...again. And he's going to be in Detroit for the weekend, and he LOVES Jay Wright, even more than his alma mater, UNC...who just happen to be playing 'Nova in Detroit. Seriously, with all that evidence we say 'Nova. Hands down. We know the Final Four will capture your fancy all weekend, but don't forget that the NBA and the NHL are winding down with single digit games remaining. Fold in the Masters and the Opening DayNight of MLB, the Frozen Four (for you hardcore hockey fans) and the continuous chatter surrounding the NFL during its rambunctious off-season and you have yourself a bona fide sports souffle. One more criminal charge and that sucker is falling faster than a LeBron three-pointer. April 6th is Opening Day! for MLB, following the April 5th Opening Night! Why not just call it Opening 24! We're just psyched the actual games are starting (and not in March) so we can get a reprieve from what has been a very intense offseason for the sport. The shame of it is, the steroid nonsense will not die. It's like admitting to an affair in fits and starts. First it was just hand-holding, then a kiss. Then, after more spousal prodding, it was just sleeping together but no sex. Finally you find out it's been an all-out affair that spanned three continents and two decades with a whole secret family living in a farm house in Spokane. Just puke it all up and let's get on with it. Starting with Scott Boras. Dude, smoke crack much? Stephen "Sidd Finch" Strasburg has done nothing to warrant 50 million bucks. Boras must be realizing that he's going to take a hit on his other clients so he wants to stock the fridge with Strasburg. Scotty...if Nationals President Stan Kasten asks you to take the double decker bus from the remote lot for your pitch meeting do as told. Nice knowing ya. Agents. Blech. We're getting ready to usher in what may be the most exciting NBA finals in a decade. The West is always exciting, but now we have the Cavaliers with the best record in the league and a super-oming LeBron shining brighter than ever in the East. It's looking like it might finally happen for Cleveland, which rocks. Meanwhile, Boston tries to hide their bloodshot eyes as they insist Kevin Garnett is only going to miss four more games. Hey, anything is poooossssiiiibbbbbllllleeeee, but we think it's going to be impossible for the Celtics to repeat. Which is cool - spread the love boys. We're taking the Lakers all the way, followed by a resigning of Shaq and a repeat next year, capped off by a big Kobe/Shaq make-out session. You laugh. Just wait. We all know that hockey is a dangerous sport, but people may want to think twice about taking the ice at Scope Arena in Norfolk, VA, home of the Tampa Bay Lightning's AHL affiliate. Thankfully, everyone is going to recover physically. Mentally, maybe not. Pretty hard to watch anyone, even a ref (we kid, we kid), go down to the ice screaming with blood shooting out of his neck. Then, to make sure you are sufficiently freaked out, Ryan Oulahen snaps his femur, which makes its out-of-body debut. Good thing hockey fans tend to have a love of the macabre and an innate ability to keep from hurling. Best wishes for a speedy recovery to all involved. The Girls welcome Christian Hanson, son of Dave, to the Toronto Maple Leafs. We hope there will be a Slap Shot cameo in his future and many Dave sightings in Toronto. He and TO can take in some games. TO has to be a hockey fan, for sure. And you know he's brushing up on his Canadian, natch. Finally, The Girls need to brush up on their geography for this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, especially if they plan on banking 500k and a sweet tan. So grab your airline tickets, some binoculars and your super-scratched Don Henley CD...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...the real reason why Robin went to Vail: to find A-Rod. Cuz that's what she does when on vacation. She made a few phone calls, got bounced around to a few different brothels and came up empty-handed. Thank goodness! So she headed home to join her partner in crime once again for an award-winning Fantoo Girls sports podcast. And just like the old days, we start off with a little TO, a splash of Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson...and what's that mystery ingredient? It's FAVRE! He's baaaaccckkkkk! Sort of. Because Eric Mangini loves him so, he has invited Favre to the Browns' training camp to provide guidance and structure to the quarterbacks as they duke it out for the starting job. Hmmm...structure and guidance from a guy who got all game-ready in an undisclosed location, didn't mix with the 'regular folk' (they would be his teammates), and eschewed process and procedure. Hey, they didn't call him the Gunslinger for nothing. And about how long do you think it will be before he throws them both to the ground and steals their jerseys so he, and only he, can run out of the tunnel for that first game? As long as it takes to pull on your Wranglers. Bet on it. And bet on the return of Lance Armstrong, because a little collar bone fracture is not going to take him down, much to France's dismay. The superhuman dude will heal from surgery in record time, get two nurses pregnant without penetration and come out of the hospital looking younger, fitter and more fabulous. The Olsen Twins are jealous. We're just praying to Phil Ligget that he'll be ready for the Tour. While March Madness has The Girls fully entertained, the obscene language spilling forth from coaches' mouths (Thad Matta, you've been warned.) has got to stop. It's so not sexy, and it definitely doesn't accomplish the mission. Clean it up. And we mean the language and the NCAA rules violations! Seriously. 1,565 calls and texts is more than a rules violation, UCONN. It's called stalking, and it affects the psyche of the student/athlete. So nobody should be surprised when the entitled student/athlete assaults a female and then violates the restraining order against him within minutes after it was issued. Somebody bring the adults-on-duty back to earth before they ruin the minds of our future slackers leaders. As an aside, if you polled 100 people and asked them where Siena College is located, how many would know? That's what we thought. Anyway, while everyone rips on Duke (and we thought baseball was our national pastime) we salute Gerald Henderson. The guy is fearless, a leader and a darn good golfer. Duke's on a tear, but the 'Nova Wildcats are hoping to claw their very familiar eyes out starting somewhere around 10:00PM EST on Thursday night. Yay. Watch it go quadruple overtime so the gross domestic product (whatever the heck that is) tanks again. Another collegiate baller to keep an eye on is DeJuan Blair who believes what his coach told him: "Son, there's a million dollars stuffed in that ball. You get it and it's yours." If he makes it to the NBA the guaranteed contract will kill that desire, but right now he is motivated by the pretend-coin and averaging 12 rebounds per game. Way to work the glass, DeJuan. Hey! Curt Schilling retired! Apparently Brett Favre was not amused. We won't miss him on the mound, but we love the fact that he'll have more free time to entertain us with his musings. Curt is one of those guys The Girls would LOVE to have beers and 'dish' with. (Call us...) We also reiterate some suggestions for the World Baseball Classic. Bud, we hope you're listening. Reduce the carbon footprint, beef up the roster and move the whole shebang to just before the All-Star game, for starters. That said, a big congrats to the repeaters, Japan, and Dice-K for his repeating MVP honors. That rocks. Yes, the races in the NBA are exciting, and perhaps supremely disappointing for one Sir Shaq-A-Licious. But it's the NHL that has us all a-tizz this week. We'd sell our houses to fund a smack-down between Don Cherry and Alex Ovechkin. The plaid and polka dots would FLY! Sean Avery could referee. Jeremy Roenick would be a great color guy, and we'd throw in Ron Duguay for a little ringside analysis, because when dreaming you pull out all the stops. It would be genius. The Cherry-Ovechkin bout would be as big as the Winter Classic. Bigger!We've said it once, twice...a thousand times...the NHL needs us. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we marvel at the creativity of a budding artist who looked beyond the obvious to find his canvas. So grab your scrub brush, a can of Boddington's and a ticket to Ford Field...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girl (Carol) is coming to you live from the pages of Details magazine, where A-Rod shows us exactly why the sponsors have not come a calling. Again, we ask ourselves why Alex Rodriguez makes such bad decisions. The mattress looks like it's seen too many naked bodies (honestly, it look foul), the mirror paneling is forced and filthy, and the...tire? Who directed this disaster of a photo shoot? A-Rod himself? And what was the goal? Now Reggie Bush and his girl, Kim Kardashian, show us how it's done. Kim in any photo shoot makes it a better shoot, but there's a story line there. Granted, it may only have one chapter titled, "I'm hot and rich and so is my girlfriend.", but it's better than nothing. Story line aside, the revelation that A-Rod needed a few shots of Patron to loosen up is surely insightful. First off, this is not a nude pictorial. The dude is clothed. And he didn't reach into his thespian bag of tricks to pull out some persona that needed a bit of liquor to be encouraged to perform. He downed some tequila because he wanted to show another side of himself. One that sits quite nicely next to the other feature story in the magazine on twins who, um, share a lot. We'll stick with GQ and the Kardashian/Bush feature, thank you. But we'll continue to be amused by A-Rod and thankful that he isn't on our team...or is he? Yes, I fly solo as Robin does her best lodge bunny impersonation in Colorado. If it wasn't for my Allen Iverson Fathead I don't know how I could have gotten through the podcast. But the sports podcast must go on. With or without my smarter, funnier, blonder co-host. So off we go to the insta-classic that is the World Baseball Classic. Shane Victorino and his tuchus made quite a showing in USA's upset over Puerto Rico. You know the guys back home are going to tease him to tears (of laughter) over his little dance move that deflected the ball just enough so that he could advance to third, setting up David Wright's two-run single. We're glad he has a background in Hula. But with Dustin Pedroia, Chipper Jones and Ryan Braun going down with rib cage injuries, we suggest a format change for the WBC. Go Team USA! Martin Brodeur took safety scissors to the net as he marked his 552nd victory, one more than Patrick Roy. The torch has been passed. Too bad someone couldn't pass Brodeur a hedge trimmer. Might have sped up the process. Firing the coach can be just what the team needs, especially if you ask a Penguin. The Pens have gone on a tear since the firing of Coach Therrien, who has been replaced by Dan Bylsma. But can the Malkin-Crosby Show carry them deep into the playoffs? The regular season is about to fade into NHL Madness...and now we have our first Lord Stanley Moment of the season: We can't forget the NBA as we bury our noses in our brackets. Will the Lakers' bench kiss and makeup? Will they remember to use their 'foul-to-give' at a key moment late in the 4th to stop a game-winning three? And what of Shaq's new-found youth? Store bought? (Anyone see Shaq at a GNC lately?) Or is it the "Nash Diet" which basically allows Shaq water and fish? When he faints, look out. As if Twitter isn't already everywhere, we have the first halftime Twitt-transgresion. Charlie Villanueva wastes 23 characters, a rookie Twit move if there ever was one, by telling those he was twitting that he was twitting them. Smooth. Wonder what the NY Jets brass would do if one of the players posted an update on Huddle at the half? And who was the recipient of Donte Stallworth's first text after hitting and killing a pedestrian early Saturday morning. Sure doesn't look like he's going to the beach in the video we found. More like a vampire with a day pass. What a tragic and completely avoidable situation. The NFL Players Association welcomes DeMaurice Smith as their new Chief. We wonder if he's fully prepared for the impact the halted economy will have on the NFL. Sure, fans will still buy tickets or gather elsewhere for the game. But without sponsors, with their large (like crazy-huge) chunks of cash, the NFL will find itself operating in unchartered financial waters, even with their guaranteed TV coin. The NFLPA is the one with the uphill battle however, and the shift of power will certainly make for one big soap opera in the coming months. Now the NCAA moment you've all been waiting for - The Fantoo Girls Brackets! Robin got her tips from snowboarders, so keep those song suggestions coming as it's all but certain she will be singing a song parody for your enjoyment at the conclusion of March Madness. If all goes according to plan you can listen to her walk of shame when she tanked last year just after this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID: Sometimes the most politically incorrect suggestions are the right ones. You decide. So grab your bracket, some sleep when you can, and maybe a shower...it's time to talk sports with The Girl(s)!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Mother of all Guarantees - Courtney Paris' offer to return her scholarship cash if she doesn't bring home the NCAA Women's title for the Sooners. No athlete has put their prunes on the line quite like this. We hear the guarantee of victory but never the willingness to accept real consequences for defeat. As a matter of fact, wanting to accept only that which you have earned is the antithesis of what typically goes on in today's world. Guaranteed cash for promised performance is more the rule. We believe this trend will shift, and when it does we're building a big shrine to Courtney, a woman with the prunes necessary to back up her guarantee. The rest of the world of sport did not take a breather this past week. We marvel at the genius of the TO/Jerry Jones break-up diagram and wonder if Jay Cutler and Josh McDaniels need a babysitter. And we take up the cause of recently terminated employee/ lifelong Philadelphia Eagles fan, Dan Leone, as he pleads for his job after demonstrating why us grown-ups have a lot to learn about 'Facebook Etiquette for the Employee Who Wishes to Remain Employed.' Our Fan-Tutor takes us to Selection Sunday (which happens to coincide with the US Pole Dancing competition) where we get all Nostradamus on you and predict lots of backlash with the at-large bids. The World Baseball Classic does not disappoint in the early rounds as team Netherlands puts the shame to the Dominican Republic and Fidel Castro takes to blogging and does his best Shaq impersonation with each zinger. Meanwhile, A-Rod goes into the witness protection program, or under the knife, whichever. Sure takes the pressure off opening day at the completely unnecessary, totally new Yankee Stadium, financed with taxpayer dollars, no? (They should call it 'Your Stadium'.) The Mets are starting their implosion early this year with the releasing of Duaner Sanchez. Hey, Omar, probably would have been a good move to let Jerry Manuel know that you were pulling the plug on Sanchez in advance. Even a status update on Facebook would have been better than nothing. Jimmy Rollins is upping the ante on his guarantee, for sure. The NBA is like Dancing with the Stars; as the season progresses the performances become more effective and more entertaining, although the train-wreck performances in the first few weeks of DWTS are priceless, and thereby entertaining as well. Not so in the NBA. But lately, Dwyane Wade has been throwing his famous all-night parties beginning at tip-off. Maybe it's not sex, but for basketball fans, seeing Wade steal the ball and sink a buzzer-beating game winner is the next best thing. Do we have the makings for some mavericking with the Lakers' inability to beat the Portland Trailblazers on the road? We'll keep an eye on the Lakers as they ponder the karmic payback of losing a few to avoid the top seed and a possible round one showdown with their Nemesis to the North. Also in this week's sports podcast we dish on Sir Charles and his private tent, Shaq's need for attitude-adjustment, and the insta-fighting in the NHL. And what would a podcast be without a little Ovechkin-Crosby tete-e-tete update followed by Shavery? Not a Fantoo Girls podcast. That's what. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we urge men to spray not bake. So grab your fire extinguisher, some wings from the Anchor Bar and your wooden shoes...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from ACME Breastection Company where protecting breasts is their mission. Sadly, Sarah Blewden won't need their products because the Amateur Boxing Association of England told her she would be unable to get in the ring with her purchased 'girls'. Reason being, she might get injured. Maybe we just don't get boxing. We thought injuring the opponent was the gig. Maybe we just don't get England. Perhaps someone should send us there for the Olympics so we can study up. In the mean time, we're off to study up on a sport of a different nature: pole dancing! It's been our lifelong dream, you know. It may be a wee bit late for us to learn the ropes, but at least we can watch the competition unfold when the US Pole Dance-off commences on March 15th. But chances are we'll be entirely too busy wondering what the selection committee has in store for our brackets and following the World Baseball Classic to remember to get our pasties. There's always next year. Back to the world of sport we go, and it's sad this week. The tragedy involving Marquis Cooper, Corey Smith, William Bleakley and Nick Schuyler has weighed heavily on our hearts. Sometimes Mother Nature is bigger and badder than the toughest NFL player. We still hope for miracles, and are thankful that Nick was rescued. While nothing compares to the loss of life, Philadelphia is in mourning as well with the departure of Weapon X, Brian Dawkins. The Man, The Myth, The Legend will now play with the Denver Broncos. Where do you draw the line between fielding a winning team and loyalty to those who bring intangibles to the gridiron that aren't measured in stats alone? No GPS can tell you the answer to that one. Matt Cassel hits KC, John Kitna goes where no sane man should and puts on the star, and Kurt Warner tries to keep the dream (and Matt Leinart's nightmare) alive by offering to foot some of the bill for Anquan Boldin if the Cardinals sign him up. The NFL is a buzz with free agency, but the money's not flowing so much, unless you count Haynesworth. Is it a cyst? Dead bone? An abscess? Madonna? Who knows these days with A-Rod. We half expect him to take a swing and have his arm beat the ball over the wall. Really, when will the side effects start to show? Good thing they're cleaning up the game because flying body parts would be kind of hard to explain to the kids. And it's all about the kids. Also in this week's sports podcast we get revved for the World Baseball Classic, wonder what network would be silly enough to greenlight the Jose Canseco 'reality show' and scold the Dodgers for bowing to the pressures of Manny. Blech. On the hard court we Fan-Tutor you in the illegal screen, give you a little Mark Cuban love, and spank Carmelo Anthony for being such a transvestite, oops, we man for his in-game transgression. Sometimes the language gets away from us. Sir Marbury is holding his own (and his head) in Boston, LeBron and Wade dazzle us with Mo Williams being the tipping point in a Cavs V. Heat showdown, and Greg "I am NOT Benjamin Button" Oden fails to convince us that he is ever going to be a productive NBA player. Which is sad, because we genuinely like the dude. But there's something there that is a touch 'off'. Our rookie look takes us to the Garden State as we honor Brook Lopez who is becoming a beacon of hope for the Nets. Even Yao doesn't scare him. The trade deadline in the NHL will have passed as of this recording, and if the past is any indicator, expect some serious action. The NHL is on the rise and The Girls have predicted its ascension since the first WInter Classic. It's time for the country to realize what our good friends to the North have always known: hockey is high drama (Avery), high action (Ovechkin) and unpredictable. Martin Broduer is inching closer to Patrick Roy's record of 551 wins and Alexander Semin slams an 80 foot shot into the net to help the Caps defeat the Bruins in OT. Then you have the Nashville Predators beating the Red Wings 8-0. Nothing beats hockey in March except hockey, the NCAA tournament, the World Baseball Classic and the US Pole Dancing competition ALL happening in March. Seriously, who has time to work. But never fear, The Girls are here to keep you dialed in. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, the McVictim is a McIdiot. So grab your mullet, a copy of Spinal Tap and some cornstarch for that pole...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the side of the tomb, where the breathless anticipation of the crowd reaches shattering proportions as Tiger emerges. What in the name of God will the PGA do when he decides to retire? Fold up shop? Get John Daly into Celebrity Rehab in the nick of time? We hope the powers that be in the PGA are quietly at work on Golf A.T. or things are going to get mighty interesting on the green when Tiger starts missing the coos of Charlie and bolts for Elin's arms. And who would blame him? Not us, for sure. We leave TIger and his loaves and fishes for the ultra-exciting world of the NFL Combine where great minds are at work delving into the psyche of future NFL players. Since when did the noun 'product' become okay to use when describing a person? We find it disturbing, but not as disturbing as thinking that the following question would help one accurately predict the success of said product: 'When you die, would you want to come back as a cat or a dog?' Cross our hearts, that was a real question posed to the 'product' of some university that hopes to make it in the NFL. If he doesn't, we suggest he take Interviewing 101 and come back as the lead 'Personality Assessor Product' and teach a thing or two to the experts. Guys, just know you're people to us. Products are things we use, athletes are people who entertain. And no one was more entertaining than Emmett Smith. That smile could smooth over every 'You cannot change the stripes of a leopard' and 'sharp as a whistle', but could not appease Bristol. Someone, somewhere will realize the potential this man has and keep him in the public eye. He can laugh at himself, and clearly so can we. We'll miss you, Emmitt. LenDale White pulls off his belt in an altercation and swings it, taking out the entire population of Denver. Not true. Just some guy who got into a fender-bender with LenDale, who has been dieting in order to get fit before training camp. And we all know how grumpy you can get when someone takes away your cans of mac and cheese. Good thing the guy didn't have a large and very fake syringe and was wearing a sort-of-super-hero costume or he would have been really in trouble. Just ask the guy who charged Lance Armstrong during the Tour of California. Leave it to the creative genius of some American to tread where only Europeans should go. Dude, streak or move on. If you're not showing skin and climbing the Pyrenees mountains we're not interested. Neither was Lance. Not only are his sperm the only life form prepared to survive a nuclear attack, but he can one arm a fat guy with a Super Soaker and still stay up on his bike. There is nothing this man can't do except date a girl his own age. We also give you a small preview of our world famous NCAA bracket bet in this week's sports podcast, and we believe that we have outdone ourselves. Or each other. Not even Nostradamus could predict this year's Final Four seeing as no one wants the top spot. All of that is great for the fans. This is going to be an epic March Madness and The Girls will be holding your hand (or their beer) the entire time. Listen in and see what this year's bet is and how you can participate. Before we leave the collegiate hard court we have to dish on Coach Calhoun going all Mike Gundy on some blogger reporter who dared question the Coach's compensation. While Calhoun got his panties in a knot we were thinking that this is the tip of a very dangerous iceberg. As people's fortunes shrink and those who play games for a living see theirs remain steady or rise, expect some push back from the media (they're not exactly on solid footing so understand their testiness) and the fans. First Calhoun...then Selig...girls can dream. Oh, but the World Baseball Classic makes us realize that there is a baseball world outside Bud Selig's bizarre fantasy land and we LOVE it for many reasons. Well designed competition, players are into it, the WBC organization easily adopts the Olympic testing guidelines for performance enhancing drugs (players don't mind, tests work, everyone's happy...much to Donald Fehr's chagrin), and they have single-elimination play which takes baseball to to place it has never gone before. Don't get us wrong, we love the emotional, physical and psychological battle of a 7 game series, but win-or-go-home is a real treat in baseball. We'll Fan-Tutor you in the testing of the athletes and then give to you our first 'Predictive Rookie Look' coming to you from the diamond, and his name is Matt LaPorta. He's got a swing like Tiger (only parallel to the ground) and is able to navigate intense emotional situations with the disposition of a very mature man - take heed Alex Rodriguez, ye of crocodile tears. The Girls predict a swift rise to the majors for him this year. So, Sir Charles is going to jail. Please. That's like punishing Paris Hilton by sending her to a college dorm. He's going to be King Charles for the whole duration. We have other ideas, none of which are legal, although waterboarding wasn't one of them. The sad thing is that jail time will probably do nothing to alter Charles Barkley's outlook on life, which is basically, "I rule, you don't, and I'm bigger." But there's bigger news in basketball! Every man's dream was both squashed and given new life as Adriana Lima married Marco Jarik in a small, intimate (meaning no Bridezilla here) affair on...wait for it...Valentine's Day. Marco, we have to admit to making fun, just a little, of your close-set eyes, but we also are dead certain that you are absolutely hilarious and great in bed, so let's call it a wash. Best wishes! And on the ice we zero in on the riotous-ness that is Ovechkin. The NHL missed the big kahuna when they anointed Crosby their 'boy'...or did they? Cuz this little rivalry that has been boiling over for some time now is GREAT for hockey. Ovechkin doing the chicken penguin dance? Priceless. Ticked that he wasn't the face of the NHL? Probably positively impacting his game every night. (Well, except when they play the Flyers.) Ovechkin is what hockey is. There is no room for bee-stung lips on the ice. By the way, Chris Cooley should be encouraged to attend every Caps game from now till the end of the season. Please. Pretty please. Finally, in this birthday podcast (Carol got another year younger and 5 years hotter) we deliver the shocking news about school raffles. So grab your putter, your WBC guide and anything your heart desires from GNC...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another fully-funded Fantoo Girls blockbuster production, 'The Purloined Pedal Pusher', starring Lance Armstrong and his one-of-a-kind-totally-stolen-time-trial bike. (Whew, dashed out.) Selling this thing would be like trying to pawn the Hope Diamond in Detroit. Somebody's gonna pick up on the fact that it's not your average everyday bike. As a public service, The Girls are pleased to offer you a picture: Should you come across it please get yourself to the coast of Cali post haste before the Tour of California concludes, or the entire state washes away in the ever-present rains. Lance needs his bike, and he definitely needs his horn. We're off to the mountains as Mt. Everest makes a long overdue podcast appearance with the news that the world's highest cricket match is to be played in the Dead Zone. Or base camp. It's Everest...does it matter where? If they aren't overcome by lack of oxygen or lose their footing and slide off a cliff, they will certainly be a bit out of breath which could make for an exhilarating cricket match. Gridiron-addicts Alert: The NFL Combine-a-thon starts up this week. Now's your chance to create a drinking game to end all drinking games! Maybe the phrase is, "Look at his vertical!", or "My what a fabulous forty he has!", or "If only he brought his #2 pencil." If your intention is to evaluate talent for this year's draft then we at Fantoo suggest you conduct a vetting process that is more in line with what you expect these guys to do on Sundays. You know, like scrimmage. Doesn't take a genius, but we're here if you need us. Would you let a Super Bowl end in the 3rd quarter? We didn't think so. NASCAR, be brave. Even Bud Selig could do it and he's really not down with decisions on the fly. Either move the start time up, resume the race the next day, or never let them start their engines. If this is your Super Bowl then it was a bust. And not the kind A-Rod likes to stare at when he's so distraught and forlorn. Man, we tried. We gaff taped our mouths but the name still escaped. At this stage A-Rod is the least interesting character in the group. We'd like to spend a bit of time with his completely inept PR group. We're certain A-Rod wouldn't have wanted to tell the truth (Why start now?), but a good PR team would have beat him into submission (or had Madonna do it) so that he came clean. Had that happened, case closed. Now we're all going to be subjected to another Bonds-esque circus. Unless he quits the game. As he should, because he clearly has no respect for it. 'Nuff said. Oh, except that we think all the kids have been saved by now. (Funny thing...no kid with a brain would want to be saved by a dude who shoots stuff in his rear when he has no idea what it is or what it does. Kids are waaaayyyy smarter than that. Even those that don't go to college.) Our Fan-Tutor this week dispels the myths surrounding the use of instant replay in MLB. We wrap baseball with a welcome back to the boys of summer. Spring Training is the light at the end of the tunnel and we fully embrace it. Yes, we venture back to enjoy the NBA All-Star game...and then we are immediately engulfed by the nightmare that is the return of Charles Barkley. The Sir returns tonight and we desperately hope that he is not sitting behind a desk. It is a doubleheader, you know, and we're just not certain what's going on behind those TV desks. Our Rookie Look highlights the determination of one OJ Mayo who leads all rooks in scoring and minutes. As we've said before, you need not look far for a basketball player who is turning up the heat these days. Oh, and finally, the Oklahoma City Thunder Miami Heats have revealed their mascot. He's a Bison...cuz that's intimidating. Don't they just stand there and graze? We could have devoted an entire podcast to this news: 'Slap Shot' is being remade. Yes, it's true. Except it's going to be about lacrosse. KIDDING! But we have recently come to learn that the fights in lacrosse are EPIC and worthy of big screen treatment. We'll be following this story like A-Roid follows veiny, gristle-y, man-girls. (Sorry for making you sick there.) And finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we discuss rash economic sacrifices. So grab your mullet, your bike and let it flow...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today, The Girls are coming to you live from the super-secret, undisclosed location of our new hero: Scott Van Pelt of ESPN. Seems honesty doesn't get you much these days as Scott was put in the corner for speaking openly and accurately about Bud Selig. We challange anyone to argue with a single statement made by Scott when he described his shock and awe at the size of Bud's package. We, too, are puzzled by the fact that the Commish of the MLB not only gets paid a gaudy amount of cash, but also seems to escape any real scrutiny given his likely role in the steroid-madness that was/is baseball. The integrity of the game disappeared like a Bonds' grand slam into the bay at night under his gaffe-riddled reign; the game he was entrusted to protect and preserve, not just help prosper. Attendance is soaring but morality has crashed and burned. Bud, you ruined baseball. You're heartsick? Now you made us throw up. But we had our gem-encrusted pimp cup handy so all's cool. While we discuss many things other than steroids in this week's sports podcast, it seems we keep coming back to illicit behavior by celebrated athletes who then say they are sorry, sort of. And as taught in P.R. 101, they then immediately talk about wanting to come clean for the kids. Let us get this straight...kids during the time period of 2001-2007 weren't important enough to motivate an athlete to behave in a proper, respectful and legal manner from the get-go and not just when they got caught? Stop using kids as integrity shields. It's so unflattering. But our real question is, how did you all have the time to party so hardy while playing so many freaking games? Two margaritas and we need a week's vacation. Perhaps a new Hall of Fame is needed for those like Darryl Strawberry, who could multi-task like you wouldn't believe! Our second real question is, where do they find these girls? The whole thing is so deliciously nuts we could devote a whole episode to what would eventually be the title to our new book: The Loosey-Goosey, Mad-roidy, Cash-Infested, Hazey Nights of Baseball's Debauchery Ball: All you want to know about the boys and their girls, the syringes and their plungers, the guest list, the bottle list, the VIP lounge, who gets in, who gets taken home, who gets positive results, who lies, and lastly, Bud Selig - the man who ruined baseball. Alas, there are some fun things going on in the world of sports. The Golden State Warriors beat the NY Knicks 144-127. Did they think they were playing the All-Star game? Cuz that's this weekend, and The Girls are psyched for the inaugural H-O-R-S-E game. We're expecting trick shots and blacktop moves, and we explain it all in this week's Fan-Tutor. After listening, take in Joe Johnson, OJ Mayo and Kevin Durant as they lay out the sizzle on Saturday night. News Flash: Sean Avery, AKA Shavery, makes his way into yet another episode of the Fantoo Girls. He's back, he's in Hartford, and he doesn't have a thing to wear, but he might soon be in a Blueshirt on Broadway. Talk about sloppy seconds! We're supremely happy about this outcome. Also on ice, we dish about Robin's 'run-in' with Riley Cote of the Philadelphia Flyers. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we cheer for the state of music. So grab your i-Pod, buck the Establishment, and please don't go to one of Dwyane Wade's parties...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Bongology 101, where the recent conduct of one blinged-out individual begs the question, Does anyone guide sports superstars in party etiquette these days? Class! If you learn nothing else in this semester may it be that camera phones are everywhere and people love busting celebrities. Not too hard a concept to grasp. But there are a few safe havens as "Professor Weir" points out. We don't need these lessons so we get down to business with the rest of the world of sport. But it's a tad more crowded in the elaborate recording studio this week. Lights, camera and action all around. Our friends to the north, ESPN, have dropped in to hang with The Girls. As we're prone to do, we all blabbed about a million things, and truth be told, we have no idea what's going to make it to your ears this week. Rest assured that we are all over TO's new reality show. The reveal, we believe, is going to be something even he doesn't expect. One reality show in Dysfunctional Ranch is enough. Two? Something is going to go very wrong. Michael Irvin hosts one and TO is the star of the other? Armafreakinggeddon. The TV screen itself has provided much fodder this week as the crawler makes an appearance and an 'offbeat' version of bad-funny-really bad swingers movie just can't be kept down. And that was just the fringe entertainment during one of the better, if not top five, Super Bowls. But going too deep into the big game after the fact is like a Fluffernutter sandwich with Hershey's chocolate syrup and gummy bears, and we gave that up long ago. We can't help but take a little taste though. The Yankees are getting an early taste of karma with the release of Joe Torre's book about his years in the Bronx. We've decided that the only way the Yankees can appease the karmic ache is to release CC Sabathia's actual weight. In pounds. That and give back all the cash taken from taxpayers to fund a stadium that is unnecessary. On second thought, even that won't do it. News flash! Barry Bonds took steroids and Roger Clemens' DNA was found on syringes currently in possession of government. Yawn... But Mark McGwuire's brother, Jay, is spiking the punch bowl with his admission that his brother did, in fact, take steroids. Doesn't something seem just not right about that? Your own brother confessing for you and saying he's doing it out of love? If we did that our brothers would show their affection for us with a knuckle sandwich. And a hair pull for old-time's sake. Dude, didn't you learn that whole glass houses/rock thing when you found Jesus? But we guess there wouldn't be much of a book to be written without that little golden nugget. The Girls jump on the Kobe-LeBron debate in this week's sports podcast and there's a shocking revelation. It seems a certain someone has warmed up to a certain bas relief sculpture. In this day and age when a person looks in the mirror and admits that success comes with hard work and then actually reports for duty, it has to be praised. And so it will be. Also in the paint, Ben Wallace tickles our fancy with his linguistic ability, we send get well wishes to several fallen ballers, and we suggest one leaves the court for the grass. (No, not that kind of grass.) Shavery is meditating. Why did all the air just get sucked out of the room? Wow. All this personal spa-ing just for saying something that would be offensive to, um, no one but the girl referenced? Then pretty much every guy should be in the midst of a cranial massage and pedicure. C'mon Dallas Stars and the rest of the NHL, fess up. What did he really do? Our imaginations are running wild! What do you think Sean Avery did that got him black-pucked? But the big news in the NHL this week is the action on the ice at the Wachovia Center as Robin goes toe-to-toe with her new BFF, Riley Cote. They tussle, they twirl. Typical post-game stuff for the men in sweaters. You'll get to see the action in late March on ESPN, but if you tune in next week Robin will give the blow-by-blow. Poor, poor Riley. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we condemn Jessica Simpson's jeans but marvel at her figure. So burn the high-waisteds, BBQ some Fluffernutters and settle in for the first Fantoo Girls filmed in HD!

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The spectacular is here! The Girls folded all your responses and some of our own insights into a podcast of unprecedented glitz and glamour. We reflect on 2008 and highlight the winners of the Fannies just as you knew we would. From 'Good Guy Gone Bad' to the 'Fan Czar' award - there were great responses and well-thought-out arguments as to who the winners should be. We had the difficult task of narrowing it down and presenting the winners. We hope you're satisfied. A big thanks to all who voted and to Jay for adding glitz to the glamour. We'll be back next week with a podcast that is sure to include the unreal glut of reality TV coming your way via the Cowboys, the Cain and Abel of MLB and any other story that meets the strict Fantoo code of inclusion. In the meantime, don your tiara, gown and/or tux and get ready to party like it's 2008 with the Fantoo Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from within the little (or not so) black book belonging to Dwyane Wade, whose wife is wanting the world to see that he's not all that. At least not on the court, because we all know he is all that there. But if that little black book isn't all that little maybe he's all that there, too. Whatever the case may be, he's going to have some splainin' to do once those names are leaked. Especially if one of them is Star Jones. Ouch. But real sports are happening all around us, to include Australia where the Aussie Open is on, Oklahoma where even the local paper doesn't know the name of the local NBA team, and Providence, Rhode Island where puffy jackets don't immediately send off signals that the dude on the court hasn't checked in. It doesn't end there! NASCAR wants more slapping, the X Games have a real rivalry at last, and the Yankees somehow wrangle more cash from the taxpayers who are already strapped. Is it the actual playing of a sport you seek? We have you covered in this week's sports podcast where we delve into the upcoming Super Bowl matchup that has two sophomore head coaches, one veteran quarterback and one hyper-concussed one, a human helicopter, and a secondary scared silly of his blades. It's not the big market ratings guarantee that the media was looking for, but for the fan it will be an interesting battle. The real question is whether or not it was Ken Wisenhunt who left love notes burned into Donovan McNabb's front lawn. Cuz that would by hysterical. But diesel fuel? Really? And how do you not take with you that which you brought, especially if it has your name and address on it? Doy. Couldn't have been Ken, because he is simply not that dumb. Before leaving the NFL for almost the last time this season, The Girls imagine Ray Lewis with a star on his helmet standing in a half-empty stadium because there's just no way Jerryville can sell out each week, send best wishes for some level of success to Spags as he wears the crown in St. Louis, and cautions Rex Ryan about professing any desire for Brett Favre back behind center. Step away, Rex, step away. From Brett and the buffet line. The NBA is experiencing a renaissance...could it be the Obama effect? Or perhaps it's because the East is back, the Lakers are putting on a show, Greg Oden turned 21 (snicker...snicker), and Tim Donaughy is in jail. It's all rosey for David Stern, with the exception of that little thorn Stephon. Hey, no league can be perfect but we have to agree with Sports Illustrated - basketball is smokin' hot this year and it's not even the All-Star break yet. But it is in the NHL! Montreal is the site for this year's fete. We'll be watching the skills challenge and so should you. Another must-see is our Rookie Look, Steve Mason, goalie for the Columbus Blue Jackets. Nothing like a shut out goalie to lift your franchise, and that's just what Steve is doing. Our hope is that he keeps playing lights out and goes a little lighter on the hair gel. Look, we're chicks. Stuff like that gets to us. Hair gel - bad. 1.91 GAA, six shut outs and a .932 save percentage - good. Congrats, dude. A welcome back to our favorite instigator, Claude Lemieux, who has landed on the hottest team in the NHL, the San Jose Sharks. If he hoists the Stanley Cup in June we'll run naked through the press box. Oh, darn. Someone beat us to that dare. Not to be outdone, Brendan Shanahan joins the Devils...because it's really close to Bungalow 8 and he way likes it there. Too bad he can't play goalie though, because the Islanders are looking for one, and then he would have been equidistant between the Hamptons and Manhattan. Just think of the night club options! And tanning salons! Kids, the NBA isn't the only league that is hotter than before...the NHL is shaping up to give us fans a screaming second half, so stay tuned. Finally, in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we wonder what ever happened to Oprah. So grab your commemorative coin, a taser for those pesky family members that won't leave you alone whilst you work, and someone warm as the mercury plummets...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from CLASS...where we marvel at the sheer genius of PacMan Jones and his newly created alphabet. Yes, the letters B and J are still there, but the letter T is mysteriously absent. Maybe he's a minimalist, or maybe he's just not as smart as Myron Rolle, but who is? Well, not Charles Barkley. He's home licking his, um, wounds. Sir, the first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is making sure that if you drop $1800 on liquor you get a driver. We understand there are lots of things you can do in the back of a limo. Just ask Eddy Curry! Thankfully, we have the minor leagues to distract us from such bush league behavior. In our sports podcast quest to bring you every great promotion the minors trot out, we alert you to the name game of the Brooklyn Cyclones who have seen fit to hop on the coattails of Barak Obama. For one day only, June 23rd, they will be known as the Baracklyn Cyclones. The Phantoms, not to be outdone, are cozying up to another American hero, Andy Reid. He'll drop the puck at a Phantoms' game this Friday. How can he pull of such a move when his team needs him in Arizona? Hey, no request is too small for the minors. That, and it's just some dude named Andy Reid. The gridiron gets hot this weekend with the AFC and NFC championship games. Be ready to get statified to death as the hyper-analysis begins. If you'd prefer a more plausible analysis of the game then stick with The Fantoo Girls. Growing beards as a sign of solidarity is good, putting out bounties on the opposition is bad. Having a rookie QB that's hot (as in playing well) is good. Having him shave his unibrow is bad. Getting benched and coming back lit on fire like a car after a first round playoff win (Habs fans we're talking 'bout you!) is good. Allowing Deion Sanders to puff his chest and spew nonsense that has no place being spewed is bad. Coming back after the third concussion in as many years is...bad for your health, Ben. But we salute your warrior-ness. There are many reasons to root for every team that made it this far in the NFL Playoffs, but you know The Girls root for only one. We'll keep our favorite a secret for now. We bid adieu to Tony Dungy who bowed out this week after a tremendous career in the NFL. His grace in victory and adversity is to be emulated. We'd try, but we're not nearly as capable as Mr. Dungy. While the new coach, Jim Caldwell, isn't new to the Colts, the vibe next year will be different without the fatherly leadership of one of the most respected men ever in the NFL. News Flash: Brett Favre is miffed that Dungy stole his thunder. He was going to announce his retirement on Monday as well. Or is that just wishful thinking on our part? Our Rookie Look zeroes in on a corner back who plays like a veteran and picks off QBs like they're rookies! Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, we bust on your for the chick name, but we bow to you for your achievements this year. For a bean pole you are one valiant dude. With eyes like a hawk no less. And one kidney? You know other players are going to think that's your competitive advantage. They'll be removing their kidneys like models take out ribs. Whatever the secret sauce keep eating it because you rock, except for that whole record label thing. That's so 90s. On the hard court we cheer on Shaq-ovic as he embraces his inner High School Musical and sinks himself some free throws. To the tune of near 70 percent accuracy. Now there's a sign of the End of Days. We're also super psyched he got that muscle in his rear firing again. We bet his mates are equally as relieved. On ice Robin goes coast-to-coast and scores, and we're not talking NY to LA with some dumb boy toy. You can't possibly ask for more than that. We do promise more NHL as the NFL goes on hiatus, cuz the world needs our Sean Avery updates as much as we do. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we investigate how plans can go so terribly wrong. So grab your pup tent, a cigar and your favorite bird...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the HOT MESS that is the Boston Celtics. They're mavericking before mavericking is even an option! Dropping 5 of the last 7 games is no way to repeat, boys. But maybe the addition of Stephon Marbury will be just what the doctor ordered, because that works. Perhaps they're just getting it out of their system before crunch time. But what is that saying? Oh, yeah, losing is contagious. We say just play D. Not D for dumb, but D for DEFENSE. Sir Charles, ever heard of TMI? You think sharing with the cops is going to get you out of trouble? Dude. Have you not learned anything from your boy-ees? We'd suggest you spend some time with The Girls, if we would have you, which we wouldn't, so we won't suggest it. We do wish we could have spent some time with Mark Ingram, former NY Giants receiver, before he went all vanish on the feds to watch his son play football. Not exactly setting a good example, but we appreciate his parental dedication. Sort of. Sad. Sad. What's not at all sad is the NFL Playoffs. The Wild Card weekend did not disappoint, unless of course your team lost. We feel your pain, 'cept not this year! Not yet, anyway. But the play on the gridiron was exciting, especially the acrobatics of Larry Fitzgerald, the jack rabbit speed of Darren Sproles, and the ageless defense of the Baltimore Ravens. While the Philadelphia Eagles played well enough to advance, we're still smarting from Donovan McNabb's Shirley Temple dance moves. Westbrook? Now that man can dance...through defender after defender. The Eagles may have been a hot mess in November, but they are the team with steam right now. Which leads us to the divisional round. Steve Spagnuolo is interviewing for a new job (omen?), Jeff Lurie is preparing a new high five move (look out Christina!), Kerry Collins is perplexed (how did I get here?), Ben Roethlisberger is concussed (how did I get here?), and Vincent Jackson is wishing he had called a car service. Sproles said he would have driven Jackson's car...if he could have reached the peddles. Yuk-yuk. The Girls give our predictions in this week's sports podcast, and being the objective cats we are, we picked the Eagles to go. all. the. way. Over on the hard court we school you in the fine art of the crab dribble, a LeBron fav until it got all illegal. But isn't traveling like a misdemeanor these days anyway? Everybody's doing it, doing it, doing it. Somebody's not doing it for the Chicago Bulls. Joakim Noah needs a good talking to. He hasn't been able to shed the BMOC sash and fall in line with team rules in Bullsville. Kids these days...Somebody send him to the Larry Brown Etiquette school before he has to manage a rib joint and wear a hair net, like someone else we know. Can you send a hockey player to Larry Brown's school too? Because Jarkko Ruutu needs some disciplining. Biting the Sabres' Andrew Peters' thumb? That's more pre-K than pre-K itself. Seriously, dude, that's what three year-olds' do. Cut it out. Slap. Slap. ALERT: Sean Avery update! His girl, Kelly Klein, dumped him and he ended up at Bungalow 8...with his brother, crying into his perfectly folded hanky. Sources tell us that once his tears were dry he asked the server to hand wash it in cold with just a touch of Woolite. Another Winter Classic has come and gone and those that attended left happy...and a little cold. It was a great site to see a rink laid out in all its frostyness in the midst of such a classic baseball stadium. We commit before you to attend next year's Winter Classic no matter the location...but if the NHL could see fit to make sure the bar scene and shopping are up to our lofty standards we would very much appreciate it. Here's a teeny tiny hot stove-ette update for you: Pat Burrell has landed with the Rays, named after some guy named Ray. We will miss you. You are our hero. Not for hitting the series-clinching double in game 5.2 in this year's World Series, but for snagging such a sweet gig - DH, sunshine, ocean, hot chicks, Joe Maddon, red wine after every practice, good music, Joe Maddon, a repeat trip to the World Series, red wine after every practice. You have done well, young man. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID we beg for her to just get over Obama! Everybody eats when their heart is broken, but sometimes you just have to throw away the chips and move on. So grab your dark chocolate, some cozy blankets and throw another log on the fire...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Recession Central where the NFL has decided to cut costs and nix the annual free trip to Hawaii beginning in 2010. First they have the pro bowl voting occur before the regular season shifts into high gear, negating all the performances that delight us in December, and now they cram the pro bowl into Super Bowl week? Yay! We've said it before and now we're taking our message right to the big man: Banquet. (Can anyone sneak us into the NFL offices?) Speaking of bowl games, not even the players care about them anymore. Just ask the seven starters from University of Maryland benched for most of the Humanitarian Bowl for breaking curfew. Drinks and chicks were more important than 4 quarters of football. You wouldn't see that in the FInal Four! Also in the world of sport we get into the 'crank' side of soccer, the taste buds of Jeff Gordon, Tom Brady's lame effort at floral arranging, and Lance Armstrong's super sperm. Ladies, beware of his gaze because we think it's loaded. Did someone say loaded? Sir Charles, is that you? NFL's Week 17 delighted the world with improbable losses, impeccable victories and one ginormous implosion. Everyone who's not human in the Dallas Cowboys' organization should be very worried. Perhaps Jerry Jones is referring to himself? If not, our next best guess is that impish elf Tony Romo who ate grass yet again. Maybe that's the non-human change to which Jonesy refers. Sure it was ugly, but does TO really deserve to be shot as a result, and by Chris Carter of all people? That's a wee bit harsh, no? Perhaps Carter should dial it back a touch. The only thing TO needs is a nice hot stone massage and somebody's shoulder to cry on. That and a lesson on positive reinforcement. On the other hand Romo ought to be publicly flagged for his nonchalant attitude post-game. So he gets to go home to that multi-dimensional muse of his, but he should really be bunking with a quarterbacks coach so he doesn't go down in NFL history as a total bust, of the non-human variety. Also in this week's award-winning sports podcast we go to the coaches for our Rookie Look. Yes, Mr. Tony Sparano, this is your shining moment. The Dolphins turnaround was not exclusively a Parcells production. It takes a village to integrate 40 new players into the club, to include the quarterback who has since been named Comeback Player of the Year. Take that, Favre! And congrats to Chad Pennington! On the other side of the sunshine state we have Chucky Gruden still banging his head against the wall trying to knock himself into a concussed state after allowing the Oakland Raiders to come from behind and send them home for the year. Eagles fans everywhere sing your praises. Seriously. We now love you. But for all the wrong reasons as far as you're concerned. While the NFL occupies much of our brain, that which is left is devoted to the NBA and the NHL. The tide will turn come the new year, but we can't not mention the signing of Dikembe Mutumbo, the Celtics 1-3 road trip (Oden? Really? Against Kevin "anything is possible' Garnett?) and the mavericky come back by the Mavs themselves against the Timberwolves. And consider this our gift to you this holiday season: Stephon Marbury now blogs for the New York Post. We. Love. This. A member of the Knicks and a member of the media at the same time? Apparently Kevin Garnett was right - anything is possible. The Winter Classic is upon us! Wrigley gets all pucked up with a New Year's Day game. We should have planned to live blog this. Darn. Next year, cuz we're going! Also on ice is Sean Avery who has found that the Rose Bar at tres deco Delano Hotel is the right place to watch the clock tick as he waits out the economic slump in the hopes of landing a job at Marc Jacobs. He should have been smart and gone to St. Barts where all the other fashionistas are catching some rays. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we urge you all to embrace frugality and hold onto your cash until your needs have been met. And if you're anything like us, The Jonas Bros DO NOT meet our needs. So grab your skinny jeans (and burn them), your Romo bobblehead (cuz that will be a collector's item one day...soon) and some champagne...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from a place where many are dead...the sporting graveyard. We meander amongst the tomb stones that honor those who have passed. Some on time, some before their time. Will the Arena Football League come back? Will they wait till the NFL gets exposed and take over the throne? And what about Sean Avery? The Girls wonder what fashion house will snap him up. And way up on the hill we find the NBA coaches, all 6 of them who have been terminated before they season even registered for anyone outside of Boston or LA. A shame, that is. Really, who's to blame? We'll keep digging for answers on that one, but it's time to move on to the world of sport, which is very much ALIVE! Sir Charles Barkley may have a fatal flaw, and it's his mouth. Or is it his brain? Whatever the diagnosis, he needs to stop throwing the spotlight on those who don't wish to be illuminated, white, black or otherwise. We doubt Turner Gill is psyched that Sir Charles may have blown his cover by suggesting that he should have gotten the job. Did Buffalo know he was interviewing? Did he even accept an interview? Regardless of the answers, those in Buffalo now think he was looking elsewhere, and we all know how the collegiate world responds to coaches interviewing, saying they are staying for the long haul, and then leaving in the middle of the night with nary a sound. Chaz, tick-a-lock, k? Oh, that illustrious season known as Bowl Season. The time when every college football team plays and it's all supposed to mean something. What, you ask? We have no freakin' clue. We just know that the GMAC Bowl, Capitol One Bowl and the Eaglebank Bowl are probably not going to have lots of bells and whistles, nor much of a shelf life in this current economy. Rest assured that we will soon be back to a more humane number of bowl games. Like 20. Cuz 34 is just a bit gluttonous, don't you think? But there is one bowl game we will be watching, the Rose Bowl featuring USC with Pete Carroll at the helm and Penn State with newly extended Joe Paterno. His contract has been extended, and hopefully not beyond the life expectancy of the man himself. We have heard from reliable sources his contract states that, should he die, he is no longer allowed to coach the team. You heard it here first. Also in this week's Fantoo Girls sports podcast we dish on the Hot Stove league and marvel at the hubris of the New York Yankees breakin' the law, breakin' the law. Does that make CC Sabathia's an accomplice? We wish we could inflate the value of our property by 1000 percent and get us some tax free bonds and stuff. Then it's off to the gridiron where Robin states her case as to the sanctity of all that which is the NFL. This part-time ref thing has us a little perplexed. Shouldn't that be regulated or something? Seriously, millions of dollars are bet each weekend and those who insure the integrity of the game are no different than the rent-a-cops that used to hang out at our high school dances. Really? And that's okay with everyone? Well, it's not okay with us. Alas, we watch anyway because we can't help ourselves. Although what we're watching is akin to something we vowed to never watch - a soap opera. The NFC East is so daytime it makes our heads spin. (Not a good look.) The Giants have Plaxico (Dude, it's a charity coat drive...um...that usually means bring a coat.), the Redskins have Jim Zorn and Clinton Portis and the Cowboys have that cute little threesome known as Romo, TO and their pal Whitten. Which makes us wonder where the Eagles were when 'they' handed out dysfunction at the start of the season. Everybody else got some, how come not them? And exactly what do the Steelers have on Roger Goodell? Seems some pretty controversial calls have helped them out big time this year and now they stand on the threshold of the playoffs with some serious momentum to go along with their home field advantage and first round bye. Also firing on all cylinders as of late are the Indianapolis Colts with a nice seven victory run. We hear the Mannings are looking into having more children. They could create a small country of over-achievers if they can still procreate! Kudos to Peyton and Eli for their Pro Bowl nominations. Now, quick! Find a reason not to play because the Pro Bowl is SCARY. This week's Fan-Tutor takes you to the line of scrimmage at the snap and beyond. Just what are the refs supposed to be doing? We clue you in and then remind you that they may be distracted. Don't blame them. Probably something happening back at the office. You know, at their real job. NBA firings aside, others are firing off some serious baskets like the Lakers and the Celtics. Stephon Marbury is firing off some zingers too, of the verbal variety. We're hoping he finds it in his heart, or wallet, to pay us to do nothing but stay in shape. We'd be great at that. The Knicks should let him go, snatch up Patrick Ewing Jr. and ease on down the road. Keeping him around-but-not-really is an energy zapper they can't afford when things are finally looking brighter for the franchise. MEDIA ALERT: The NHL Winter Classic is bearing down upon us all. The Blackhawks (who creamed, then whipped, then filleted the Oilers) take on the Red Wings in an outdoor hockey game, and The Girls can't wait. January 1 at 12:00 PM the boys take the field at Wrigley for some pond hockey. The only thing that would make this better is if the refs were given the day off. Now THAT would be real hockey. Finally, after this week's marathon podcast, we throw at you our IT HAS TO BE SAID. You better duck! So grab your shoes, some candy canes and the latest issue of Vogue...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the furiously active voting center for the NFL Pro Bowl. Oh, you didn't know there was another election needing your attention? Don't fret. The Pro Bowl is meaningless and dangerous, so The Girls request a banquet. A simple little soiree that doesn't hurt anyone and is way more entertaining than a game that is pointless and unwatched. Floral centerpieces, covered chairs, waitresses in team colors, video highlights, alchohol...it would be magical. As with many of our ideas, this too will eventually be poached, but remember where you heard it first - The Fantoo Girls sports podcast. To the world of sport we go where we have Michelle Wie finally securing her tour card and the Cubs being excluded from the Tribune Company's bankruptcy proceedings, along with a Hot Stove league that seemed to take forever to get to simmering. The Yankees could afford CC Sabathia, but can anyone afford to buy a baseball team? The Cubs cannot go the way of the Arena Football League, which appears to be on hiatus for 2009. Yes, the economy has caught up with the world of sport, and thank goodness it did. Could any of us stomach its exclusion from the troubles we all face? (No offense to the AFL who puts on quite a show for a totally affordable price.) The NFL is not immune, even though it has long enjoyed a fruitful existence. Having laid off 150 people while simultaneously going on a fining-frenzy, the league is clearly looking to shore up itself in anticipation of some slow ticket and merch sales. Perhaps if the league had the gonads to tell the players' union that salaries are capped at 2 million dollars - play or get a job elsewhere - they wouldn't have to put non-athletes on the unemployment line. We're here to tell you to get a grip. The times? They are a changin'. No one deserves to be overpaid. Not even rock stars, athletes or hookers. While those in charge shoot themselves in the thigh, we rehash Week 14. Write it down: The Week That Exposed The Giants Fatal Flaw. Plaxico Burress' absence has an affect on the Giants' offense. Period. And it ain't a good one. While we aren't Giants fans, we are mad that his immaturity may result in the Giants failing to repeat. Of all the teams that had the chance (Patriots, Patriots, Patriots) they are the team we would have supported because of Tom Coughlin's willingness to change and Eli Manning's strength of character. We want to see those things rewarded. Word to Joey Porter: You may think that Plaxico deserves the right to carry a weapon to protect himself against those who wish to steal from him or cause him harm, but we think it's criminal to be so casual with a weapon that could have killed anyone that night, including Antonio Pierce. Use some common sense, Joey. Plaxico does not have the right to carry a weapon if he's not willing to follow the law. Period. And to carry it like an actor on TV, tucked in the band of his sweat pants, is a sure sign of idiocy. The bright side? We bet NFL players are applying for gun licenses and receiving the appropriate training right now. Oh, Romo, where for art thou undergarments, Romo? We can rehash the game, the turnovers, Marion Barber's pinky toe...but all we're left with is your need to be all macho and go sleeveless in Pittsburgh in December. Sorry dude, but that was dumb. You aren't a 350-pound lineman. Jessica Simpson's breasts are bigger than your biceps. Wear some Under Armour and stop screwing around with the fate of the franchise! You may laugh, but there is no way we will believe that your frigid arm wasn't a contributing factor in the Cowboys' loss to Pittsburgh. By the way, in case you were distracted by things like bankruptcy and layoffs, the Detroit Lions are still winless. BUT...we got to see 'The Shiancoe'! 'The Johnson' is supremely ticked off because now 'The Sciancoe' has replaced it in the 'Dictionary for Names for Our Privates'. We're just psyched that Sciancoe is such a perfect name for IT! Love that! (Production note: Robin is threatening a work stoppage if Carol uses 'Schiancoe' as often as she used 'en fuego'. Fans, please speak up!) On the hard court, The Girls crack the hoax that had Stephon Marbury going to Real Madrid. How do people 'with people' get duped by this stuff? We don't believe anyone unless they slice their arm open for no good reason, which is why we believe Derrick Rose. Okay, we don't. We know he cut his arm trying to make a pot pipe out of an apple because NBA players don't cut apples in bed for no good reason. (For legal purposes, we don't, for a fact, know that he was making a pot pipe, but we're not idiots. Cute, but not idiots.) Also a huge Fantoo Clap (not the disease kind) for Jerry Sloan who has outlasted hundreds and now celebrates 20 years with the Utah Jazz. That rocks. Make sure you take care of Kyle Korver...we appreciate his commitment to his craft. Our Rookie Look takes us to the ice as we profile Blake Wheeler from the refreshed and reinvigorated Boston Bruins. He's not wasting any time in making an impact on the ice. And with the Bruins going 9-1-0 in their last ten games, this rook might actually see some serious post-season play in his first year post-draft. A rarity for the NHL. And kudos to the NHL for living within their means as they are the only professional sporting league to avert downsizing so far. We love us some hockey, but honestly, should Sean Avery be ousted from the league for saying the words 'sloppy seconds'? C'mon. We know the real reason, and we dish it out here. It's not his language that has him on the outs. It's his 'style'. This week's Fan-Tutor covers the time-out rules in the NHL. We bet ALL the players understand this rule...unlike another sports leagues. Lastly, IT HAS TO BE SAID: We swear, we hate getting all political on you, but when stuff like this happens WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED! To the citizens of Illinois: We cannot imagine the level of your disgust. But we are here to tell you that tequila and The Girls are often a good lubricant for ousting anger. So grab your salt-rimmed glass, your 'Schianco' (couldn't resist!) and an elephant's memory so that you can vote out all these corrupt losers come the next election...it's time to laugh your butts off and talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from...HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 4 - NHL Edition! Brought to you courtesy of that Renaissance Man himself, Sean Avery. He's an agitator, skate-dancer, fashionista and now a linguist beyond reproach. You may not like his choice of words, but if you like the NHL then you, like us, want to kick Gary Bettman's rear end. When you have a gem as brilliant as Sean Avery you do not keep him locked up. You wear him proud. Hockey could have drawn a whole new fan club, and we are always in support of that. But Sean, your delivery was so static that we respectfully ask you not to star in the movie based on your life. Thanks, dude. The world of sport catches our fancy as Lance Armstrong announces that he'll deal with all the hassles to compete in the Tour de France. We expect to carry forth with the Lanterne Rouge but are hoping Lance is sheathed in yellow. Sports Illustrated has named Michael Phelps Sportsman of the Year and except for that little afternoon swim with Anderson Cooper, we wholeheartedly agree. It was a great year for Michael Phelps, a great year for the Olympics, and apparently a great afternoon for Anderson Cooper. What's not great is the fact that parents are paying to have the DNA of their children analyzed by Atlas Sports Genetics to determine the one sport little Tom or LeBron or Jennie should play. Seems they can tell this from genetic testing that only costs $149. It's clear they are also good at sales. But we're not buying. However, we might take that genetic testing seriously if they can determine if our kids are going to be mascots, because that is a dangerous and demanding activity. Should your child grow up to be Mayor of New York City he or she can count on great - and free - seats to every Yankee's game and free food to boot. Except technically it's not free. Nope. NYC overpaid by about 1 million dollars. But silly, that's the tax payers' money...so the Gov's wallet is still fat and happy. Shoot for the stars, kid. Just don't hit your thigh. Which is exactly what happened to Plaxico Burress if you dismiss that tall tale about getting shot at an Applebee's. C'mon. Has anyone ever seen Plaxico Burress in an Applebee's? We hear that Plax did go to hand gun school, but when they got to the part about the 'safety' he nodded off. He's a wide receiver in the NFL. He knows a thing or two about safeties. We'll revisit this story again and again, cuz it's hilarious, but we have one thing to say: If you need to have a gun with you in order to feel safe in a night club, you are going to the wrong night club. It's that simple. Also on the subject of the NFL, but this time focusing on the play as this is a sports podcast, we nosh on the Thanksgiving Day blowouts (47-10, 48-20, 34-9) and wonder if gluttony knows no boundaries. Perhaps the Detroit Lions should be excused next year. Or maybe they should play all three games...alone...bound to win one of those. Or maybe they should just play Tony Kornheiser. That's one way to get him off the MNF broadcast. (Just trying to be solutions-oriented here.) Our Rookie Look goes Mile High and trots out Peyton Hillis, he of the cowboy boots and camo Under Armour. And let it be stated for fact: The Girls love cowboy boots. Period. As long as they aren't worn with sweat pants. Hillis, fullback for the Broncos, was part of the puzzle the Jets tried so desperately to solve but couldn't. He had a great game and showed that Darren McFadden isn't the only solid running back out of Arkansas. On the hard court Sir Charles is at it again (make him stop!), the Lakers learned that it's time to go all Belichick on their opponents (sadly, the first victim might be our very own 76ers), and Brandon Jennings learns something in Italy (we hear it has nothing to do with gondolas). And the NCAA has learned a little from the NBA, which is why we head to the collegiate court for this week's Fan-Tutor. In this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls urge you to keep your eyes peeled. So grab some sloppy seconds (we can't help ourselves), a pair of heather gray sweats with the ankle elastics and a nicely muddled mojito...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from that hot new club, VIVA! Viagra, where athletes needing to compete above sea level do so with a little help from the little blue pill. Or so leagues think, which is why they have decided to conduct a RIGOROUS study of the affects of Viagra on...wait for it...adolescent boys. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Oakland Raiders...nice job on getting the upset in Denver! Which is way above sea level. And you guys are pretty bad. Hey, wait a minute. Did you...All of you??? Moving on to other super important sports news, the Notre Dame fanstudents pelted their very own football team with snowballs after a pathetic showing against Syracuse. We think even the Big Man himself threw one. And we're not talking Charlie Weiss, although he certainly fits the bill. So, we respectfully request that all Philadelphia fans are forever off the hook. Thank you, fanstudents. As if that's not enough to perk you up for the holidays, John Daly is either ready to win or ready to implode again. Either way, the PGA is stoked. Back to Australia and the scene of the crime (Which one? Who cares.) he goes, looking for a Hooters around every corner, scratching his face till it bleeds, smoking a ciggy, pinching girls' bums, crushing oil cans against his temple...God, we missed him. And above all, we hope he wins, because when John is playing well the world is watching. Also in this week's sports podcast we salute the runner up to Dancing with the Stars' 2008 Champion Brooke Burke. Mr. Warren "Big and Light" Sapp stole the show. The man's toes are extraordinary. Honestly, Brooke should be able to dance. She's a chick, she has a dancer's body (with the exception of the add-ons) and she's easy to toss around. None of the above can be said about Warren, yet he moved so light across that floor we half expected him to be on a dolly. He did wear a lot of very long jackets. Like Fessick storming the castle in the Princess Bride, perhaps his feet never touched the ground. Mr. Sapp, you are our Champion. Our Rookie Look this week is a slight departure, but you'll understand why we featured Myron Rolle of Florida State. Our hope is that he bypasses the NFL and heads straight for Oxford. Myron, just think "work stoppage". Say it with us: WORK STOPPAGE. Now get thee to London. The NBA roared out of the gate, now didn't it? Trades, firings, Yao and Artest making out (k- we made that up), Marbury going all grade-school-chick on D'Antoni, with good reason. And all this leading up to the big free agent year, 2010, which is going to be built up like the Storm of the Century, only to have everybody stay put. We can smell this stuff. Basketball the Soap is back. Basketball the Game should return around January 20th, with the exception of LA. Because Kobe's on a mission. As an aside, somebody tell the Oakland Thunder that Seattle fans called and they don't want their team back. Ah, Week 12 in the NFL...arrests are down, games are fun, no superstars lost as of late...why not announce 3D NFL! Roger, Roger, Roger. We urge you to take a look south to NASCAR. 'Nuff said. So we turn our attention to Eli Manning and the uber impressive Giants. Their success should be a wake up call to all men who shiver when someone suggests they change. We know, it's hard, but the results are so worth it. Kudos to Tom Coughlin for shedding the angry ferret image and finding common ground with his players. From Eli all the way to Domenik Hixon, bypassing Plaxico Burress because he's a brat, The Girls salute the most balanced and dangerous team in football. On the opposite end of the spectrum (We don't count the Lions, but they did win the first quarter versus the Bucs!) we have the Philadelphia Eagles. Bench him, start him, let the janitor call the plays, it doesn't matter. All we have to say is, GO PHILS! And what to make of Terrell Owens and his couture American Eagle shirt? He's just flirting. Cuz that's what he does. But the dude can sure shake off tackles, no? Speaking of spectacular performances, Michael Turner has arrived. Four touchdowns? What's next? Five? We're so psyched for the Atlanta Falcons fans we might just jump ship for the remainder of the year. That is a fun football team to watch. Before we leave the gridiron we congratulate the Jets. Man, every time we think we have what it takes to remain in opposition to Brett Favre he reels us in like a 3-pound bass. We fight, but eventually we succumb. The scar tissue from the continual hooking is starting to mess with our beauty. Speaking of scar tissue, we dabble in the NHL, but promise much more as the weather turns colder and the fights get spicier. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we say Happy Thanksgiving! And bon voyage to the turkeys in Alaska. Maybe Russia is safer. We hear it's not that far away. So grab your electric knife, a deep fryer and some 3D glasses...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Land of Confusion, otherwise known as the NFL! Where else could a score that is admittedly erroneous be entered into the history books and a veteran quarterback not know the rules of the game he is paid over 100 million dollars to play? Seriously, we're confused. We thought the NFL was a professional organization, but it seems to us the spoils of success have resulted in the bigwigs and players alike taking their eye off the ball. We tell it like it is in this week's sports podcast. The NFL has to tighten up the ship. Also on the gridiron we salivate at the upcoming showdown between the Titans and the Jets. According to one of their own, the Titans will topple, but will it be The Gunslinger that does the dethroning? Will Favre and Mangini miraculously, and to the disgust of every Packer fan, march right to the Super Bowl ripping off the AFC crown from the 'new-look' Patriots? How Disney. And not at all far-fetched. As a farewell to the 2008 baseball season, The Girls get into it over the 2008 MVP Awards handed out to the deserving Duston Pedroia and Albert Pujols. It's not over who won but how they won. Should sports writers be voters and what is the criteria they are using in order to cast their votes? And how does a blogger get this gig? Did you hear the one about the girl who's 16, throws a mean knuckleball, and gets drafted by a pro-level Japanese baseball team comprised of men? Some say she might only be 14 (kidding), but she did retire eight batters without allowing a hit in her try-out. Keep an eye out for Eri Yoshida. On the hard court, Shaqtastic is at it again. Maybe there should be separate rules for him too. How can Shaq commit anything but a hard foul? We predict he'll start being gentle when he and Kobe kiss and make up. But that would require them to admit that they hate each other, which would be wussy. We say Shaq caves first. Now we know why the Cubs organization was so emphatic about Mark Cuban never owning the team. A little SEC investigation will usually turn off prospective business partners. We just want to know why he cares more about losing $750,000 dollars more than he does about preserving his reputation? So many times we are disappointed by those we look up to. And Cubester, you will be one of those people if you are found guilty. Blech. It's not sexy to cheat. Our Rookie Look takes us to the Windy City, where Derrick Rose is smelling mighty fine. He begged the Bulls to take him and is now officially taking advantage of his opportunity. It's refreshing to see a #1 draft pick act like a seasoned player, in we mean that in a good way. On ice, we wave farewell to the man, the mullet, the former coach of the Tampa Bay Lightening, Mr. Barry Melrose. He didn't even make it to the quarter-season mark before being cut loose. If ever there was a guy that could shift back to Bristol with ease it would be Barry. New show: The Barry and Cherry Hour. Melrose and Don give it to us for an hour. We smell Emmy. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, we blame Jerry Bruckheimer. So grab your eye patch, the rule book and Lions fan (they need the love)...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Land of Change. Borrowing from the wildly popular and successful theme of the victorious presidential campaign, we see change abrew as the economy and the world of sports collide. Yet, with business deals slipping through team owners? fingers like sand through the hourglass, the Yankees remain partially made of Teflon. Well, at least their stadium technology is obsolescence-proof. Funny thing, that technology ? always going and becoming obsolete at the worst possible moment. But don?t worry about that, Yankees fans, go and enjoy the ?artness? of your audio-visual experience at the new Yankee Stadium, if you can afford a ticket. And try not to forget that there?s an actual game going on. Though The Girls are still basking in the glow of a Phillies World Series victory, they are slowing down on the champagne (Yuengling) intake long enough to recognize the phenom that is SF Giants? pitcher, Tim Lincecum. Snagging his first of many Cy Young Awards, this time for the National League. Given his new status, he might be reaching down for something else than the frickin? dollar at the end of his delivery. But then again, he might be reaching for more dollars than ever... Over in the world of college football, LSU and ?Bama prove that their fan base needs barely a trigger to escalate school pride into homicide. Maybe someone will write a song about that. Or maybe they?ll write a song about the continuing struggle of the colleges to protect their ?student athletes? by prohibiting a football playoff format. Um, excuse us as we choke on that statement like a piece of gristle. Oh hey, the final NASCAR race is this weekend in Miami. It?s for all the beans. There is such excitement in the air as we all wonder who will come away with the prize. Okay, all right, we are really waiting for the season, a foregone Jimmie Johnson extravaganza, to conclude so we can get right to the banquet. Our loyal listeners know that we will not deprive them of a full rundown of that night?s festivities. The biggest question in NASCAR right now is not who will win, but which car manufacturers will still be in the game by next year?s Daytona 500. Here we go, we?re just going to say it so we can get blasted later: The Lakers Are Winning The NBA championship. There, it?s done. Let the chips fall where they may. Although, LeBron?s mysterious 41-point gaming is an enigma to everyone ? does it have a higher meaning? Big kudos to Shaun Livingston for proving that not only can you tear everything in your leg without it actually falling off your body ? you can also play professional ball again (yes, we know he?s playing 3rd string with the Heat, but still). Some pants prunes on him for even surviving the rehab. In the NFL, where do we start? With Roger Goodell and his merry band of fine-flingers?With the new ?Tuck Rule?? With employment packages and conditions for the refs? With gift ideas for your favorite football fan? With Kerry Collins as the only unbeaten QB? With Brady experiencing acute stiffness upon his return to Foxboro? With McNabb experiencing acute out-of-breathness after running 17 yards? We?ll just let you listen in. Speaking of acute afflictions, the Rangers ? suffering from acute tight-wadness, try to exact a compensatory pick for the deceased Alexei Cherepanov, claiming that he would be technically eligible to be drafted next year. Um, in what capacity? From bad behavior to good ? the St. Louis Blues have some interesting AHL-like promos to get butts in the seats and tackle the economy. Our It Has To Be Said for the week tackles the delicate subject of a living spouse dying soon after the other passes away. Make sure everything is tied down tight in this time of tumultuous change and get ready to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today the Girls are still nursing hangovers due to the non-stop celebrating they have done since the Phils won the World Series... The World #!@*$# Series!!! Robin has been watching the Chase Utley speech on a never ending loop since Friday. Carol is still standing on Broad Street in her jersey pounding two pots together screaming "Hamels for President!!". I'll try my hardest to get them back to reality for next week's show. For now, enjoy some sports clips from the past couple weeks. Thanks, Jay

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from Uncle Bud's Excellent Adventure where storms send him fleeing to his home (Or is it the Philadelphia fans?), drink in hand, along with a freshly printed copy of the Major League Baseball Rules, to ride out the unprecedented World Series suspension. Cuz that's what you do when you continually make bad decisions. You run, you drink, and you rely on printed matter to speak for you. Bud Selig should be in politics. He's be right at home there. But the World Series will go on and without interference from Mother Nature, we hope. After ripping Selig, which we have become experts at, we high tail it over to the Portland Trailblazers where one trail has yet to be trodden upon. Yes, Pops Oden has done it again. It's a shame that his NBA career has been mired so, as The Girls think he is just the type of guy the league needs. Only the league needs him after he matures in college. Or at least plays one full season in college. The rush to get him in the spotlight may mean that his final curtain call is sooner than we had hoped. Heal up, big guy! But first, quick, what's your birthday? Can you tell the difference between a teen girl and a 47 year old man? Most people can, which makes Isaiah Thomas' lie about his daughter being the one that needed medical attention so ridiculous. And a very serious sign that this man is a nut case. Meanwhile the Knicks are happily toiling away under the direction of the speed game mastermind, Mike D'Antoni. Well, not everyone is happy. See, some players dislike the media, but what they really hate is when a member of the media knows something about them, like, say, the fact that someone who expects to be in the starting lineup isn't, before the coach has told the player. Ouch. That burns. But it's also a real turnaround from last year when the Knicks organization treated the NY media like they were one massive staph infection. BTW, with staph infections on the rise everywhere, we at Fantoo can't help but wonder how the Garden escaped the infestation. We've seen that place from the inside. Scary. Also in this week's sports podcast, The Girls take a ride over to the world of NASCAR, where we assume Kyle Busch left it all out on the track, about 20 races too soon. Perhaps he should curtail the race-every-day routine in favor for focusing on the Chase, which is where the hardware is won. So Jimmy Johnson wraps it up...with three races to go...YAY! SO exciting! Quick, get ye to Amazon where you can order up what is sure to be an Oprah book selection, penned by that illustrious literary mistress, or pole dancer, Crystal Magnum. Her tell-all details the night of the non-assault at an off-campus house at Duke University. We just want to know who would actually put down coin for that. Actually, we don't. We just think the title's funny: "The Last Dance for Grace: The Crystal Magnum Story". Grace? How 'bout "The Last Chance At Cash"? Nice ring. Tom Brady has a staph infection, Peyton Manning had one...that's it...we're going as staph infections for Halloween. The Girls salute Anquan Bolden for putting the past behind him and pulling in 2 touchdowns in the Cardinals V. Panthers game. Takes some guts (and some nuts) to walk the line again. Also on the gridiron...Kerry Collins! 7-0! Beat the Colts! Again, Kerry Collins! We need say no more. Just a shake of the head and a shrug of the shoulders is all that conversation needs. So, you thought steroids were bad? They've got nothing on water pills! Yes, you heard us correctly. In a sport where hydration is key, some players who must have a slim couture suit in which to fit their mammoth bodies waiting in the closet, have been busted for taking water pills. We've seen Deuce McAllister, and he needs water pills like Lindsay Lohan needs to go on a bender. Silly us, we thought it was important to remain hydrated when playing football. We dumb. But we're not dumb enough to believe that there isn't more to this story than a desire to shed a few pounds. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, the UK wants your digits. But only for a little while. So grab your pots and pans, a wooden spoon and a rally towel...it's time to talk sports with The Girls

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from inside the mind of Wilbur Hackett, where he apparently experiences flashbacks when facing down quarterbacks just trying to do their job. Inadvertent? Not so much. He lowers his shoulder and levels South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia. That's got to be weird. The Girls think Roger Goodell should fine him, too. Seriously, there's nothing inadvertent about this. Perhaps Wilbur's been taking a little too much HGH? If so, he ought to talk to Jose Canseco, who's so apologetic about revealing the names of those who juiced now that he has a new TV show to promote. We just want to know if it's really that important to increase the size of his jewels now that years of steroid abuse has shrunk them to the size of, um, edamame. We haven't seen them, so that's just a guess. Also in this week's sports podcast we ponder the whole 'open container' thing in Joba Chamberlain's DUI bust. He's a pitcher. Couldn't he have tossed it? Jeez. Big ouch for Kobe Bryant. Just the words hyper-extended knee make us hyperventilate. That will hurt, you betcha! But his pain fades for us when we think of the amazing match up for this year's World Series. Okay, so the DH rule is lame, and giving World Series rings to both teams seems so grade school, but for the first time in many years this series has the makings of a battle. Both teams have strong histories of stinking up the joint (not that joint, Ricky), each manager has his own endearing qualities (although we're totally swayed by any guy who can talk wine with us), and the guys that take the field are truly respectable from top to bottom. There's lots to love as the Phillies take on the Gamma Rays, but you all know for whom The Girls' hearts beat. GO PHILLIES! By the way, has anyone seen a two foot statue of William Penn? Comcast called and they want it back. That and a rubber duckie will get you far in the City of Brotherly Love. (For the record, The Girls will hurl with every mention of the following: jail for unruly fans, snowballs thrown at Santa, and booing Sarah Palin off the ice. Give. It. Up. And stop mailing it in, Media Kids. It's starting to make us think you're lazy. Notice in our award-winning podcast we don't mention any of that, which is why we're so fun.) Here's our World Series primer: If the ball sticks you must acquit, whoops, we mean take two bases, if you see a cowbell shoot it, if Joe Maddon's head is bobbing he's listening to Springsteen, and when Brad Lidge comes in consider it a done deal, but you'll have no fingernails left by the time he vacates the mound. All The Girls ask for is NO SWEEP. Not even for the Phillies. If either team sweeps Bud Selig won't have enough money for a new suit, and he desperately needs one. As the Boys of Summer take their final bows we wander on over to the NFL and pray to Lombardi that we don't get fined. It seems breathing can land you a tariff these days. Somebody get Roger Goodell a girlfriend, please. Let's pause to reflect on this...Kerry Collins is the only unbeaten quarterback in the NFL. We now resume our regularly scheduled programming. Kellen Winslow of the Cleveland Browns has been suspended one game (that means taking a hit in the wallet to the tune of almost a quarter mil) for telling the media that he had a staph infection. Kellen, anyone who might need to visit the Cleveland Clinic thanks you for your honesty. Why would the Browns want to hide the fact that they've had 6 staph infections diagnosed in the past 3 years? Um, because that's a completely horrific statistic! Staph infections are potentially deadly, and if six people in your 60 person office came down with one over a 36 month period of time and then your boss tells you not to disclose your diagnosis to anyone, you'd be beyond tweaked. You'd think you were being written into a Stephen King novel. The Girls hijacked the Fan-Tutor this week to rant about the absolute stupidity of the NFL rule regarding the challenging of a field goal by a coach. Are these guys drinking when they make this stuff up? Because not being able to challenge a kick when the ball rises higher than the uprights seems totally arse-backwards to us. Oh, the Cowboys. This is where a little real world experience comes into play. Anyone who thought they were going all the way this year forgot about Jerry Jones, Wade Phillips, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, and PacIdiot Jones. We can't think of one organization that is SO dysfunctional ultimately winning it all. Let us know if you can. Seriously, even Joe Banner of the Philadelphia Eagles can see what a messed up organization it is. Trouble is, he has an organization of his own that may not be dysfunctional, but is certainly not functioning optimally. Favre. You've got to let go. The Packers are still under your skin, meanwhile you're less of a man to them. Stop behaving like a woman scorned. It's so unbecoming it even makes your Wranglers look bad. Actually, they looked pretty bad to start. Not your fault though. And in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls commiserate with a lonely man about the bad economy. Get his car detailed? Please, he only has a bike and an urge. So grab some quarters, put your name on a cup and cuddle up to your favorite mascot...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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Today The Girls are coming to you live from that trippy world where grown men do unexplainable things...we think it's called Earth. Chalk one up for Eric Mangini who really honored the family tree with the birth of his son Zach Brett. As women, we want to go on record to state that we would duct tape our husbands up and lock them in a crawl space if they attempted to do something like this. Thank Lombardi they are smarter than that. Let's just hope the Brett Favre doesn't turn out to be a major bust or poor Zach Brett may find himself in the doghouse before he can crawl. The this and that of sport hasn't slowed down one bit since the recording of this fine sports podcast, so let's just say that you will be entertained, appalled, and probably confused. Which is a near perfect state of being. Just ask us. PacIdiot, move along. You don't deserve to have the privilege of playing in the NFL. Jerry Jones, you are slipping dude. You think Roy Williams is worth that much? Richard Collier, our best for a solid state of mind as you begin recovery. Stay low, think positive. And somebody tell Kevin Harvick and Carl Edwards to beg NASCAR for a chance at Friday Night Fights. It would be the best thing for NASCAR since NASCAR was exciting! The gridiron beckons and The Girls don't know exactly what to think. While this season has been kind of crazy in a Britney-shaves-her-head sort of way, we're starting to tire of the unpredictability of it all. Now we want clean, precise, excellent play. It's one thing to drop a letdown game, but it's entirely different to cream a 'great' team one week and cough up a fur ball the next. It means that no one is that great or that horrible. Oh, crap. That's what parity means! We don't like it one bit. As stated below, parity just means bad football. And apparently bad rule-making and officiating, as evidenced by this week's Fan-Tutor. Ah, but on the diamond we have had anything but bad baseball. It's been exciting to watch four compelling teams duke it out, none as magnificent as the Tampa Bay Rays. They should have mavericked, but they persevere. They should have looked in the mirror and realized that going to the World Series was a goal for 2010 and not today. What they have done is shown that parity need not mean mediocrity. Kudos to the Rays for assembling a talented roster that must really dig being around each other, because it takes team work to take it to the limit. And apparently a heinous house. The Phils and Dodgers are making it interesting as well. The Girls love seeing Joe Torre alive in the playoffs for a team who cares enough to be there. And now, without further ado since it took about four weeks to figure out exactly who Manny Ramirez looks like, we announce our nickname for the hottest bat we've witnessed this year: Mandussa. So it is written, so it will be. Another 'award' of sorts has been bestowed upon Matt Stairs of the Phillies. You'll need to listen in for the 'Funniest Unintentional Gay Statement Ever' award. We love this guy for more than just the fact that he is completely unaware of what his words actually convey. We love him because we had no idea who he was until he hit the scene with such impact! and in this week's IT HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls let you in on a little earmark. Well, maybe not so little. So, grab your ball and tuck it in tight, a dark colored rally towel because white makes the ball disappear and the last little bit of summer love...it's time to talk sports with The Girls!

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