A four-day opium binge

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My pee hole rips you a new one.

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Butt out weekend

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How many preemies does it take to beat a regular?

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This is what happens when George Kalman comes over to make a movie.

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That's a pore excuse for a butthole

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I swear I'm not cryin' I just got something sad in my eye.

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My genetics summer, 2009

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Pain is a subjective state

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Is a cherry a berry?

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I need a prophylactic psychotropic

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Verne Troyer is such a cute little pinky toe

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Ryan's radishy ingrown toenail

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A nipple in the butt

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Exes are like Wonder Woman Pez...

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Rectal probe electrostimulation and artificial chimp vaginas.

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Just a quick note for the true believers

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Girlfriends are like giant squid

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Vagina cement.

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Investigating the legend

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A public beach and Plan B.

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A buttery little cup of soupy tea

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Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church are coming to Albany!

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Visit the Ask Soccergirl website for more information. Or just SUBSCRIBE: Regular format works on ipods, streams Large format works well on large screens including Apple TV What is the difference between robots and aliens? Today’s question is from Eliza in MA. Enter the Ask Soccergirl logo contest and see your design get world famous! SUBMIT A QUESTION! Please use my [...]

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Download here Visit the Ask Soccergirl website for more information. New feed to subscribe to, coming soon! Why do women have such a hard time making decisions? Is being a soccergirl like being a ninja? What kind of movies do soccergirls like? Today’s questions come from Brandon in Oklahoma, Sarah B. in California and Jason in [...]

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Download Even the most extreme humans are still lame by animal standards. So Christian Bale went crazy. So sue me. Ryan’s statistics test. Transvaginal nephtrectomy and/or natural orifice surgery (out the vagina). The difference between serials and periodicals. The Central Law Journal. American Lumberman. Titanoboa! If you had a snake that big… you could ride it! [...]

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Ask a hot chick the kinds of things you're too afraid to ask hot chicks. And definitely call her a chick. She loves that.

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Welcome to pickle time!

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Boost your self esteem by getting proactive

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Download A gingerbread Ryan I made. Welcome to the show! The Limited Edition Fall Series of Miller High Life Light: “enjoy after the adventure.” The many applications of that play-a-song-when-you-open-it greeting card technology. Ryan P. on Seven Second Delay, Joe Biden, my new magical toothbrush, and our incredibly important announcement! In addition to a magical toothbrush [...]

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Download Happy New Year, everyone! I’m back after a very hearty holiday. Holy shit it’s snowing. My stomach hurts from laughing and I’m wondering if this is what baby-having women call a good pain. I haven’t talked for a long time (or I hadn’t before the holiday). Some weird freestyle singing. A question from Clay envokes [...]

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Download here Quirky, smirky and smoove A sketch comedy show about being a strong woman in a hard world where money talks. Feminism will never be boring again with Feisty Meatball! Ask the crystal meatball your toughest questions. Follow the philosopher’s meatball from here to eternity. Get fashion tips from the cutest and brightest. Feisty Meatball: An exuberant, spirited [...]

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How can you call yourself a shop of a thing if you don't even have the thing you're a shop of?

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There is a fire in my loins and it is not from turkey

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I'm back, suckahs!

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Everybody in the world, you mean the world to me

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Sean McCabe's hit single

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I'm a mac and I know that.

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Galapagos, I love you!

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Menu from which I pick weapons.

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Try it in your butt.

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James Randi and me.

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A quick update before the live extravaganza!

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Thank you George Hrab and the JREF!

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A teaser.

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Download the show here sucka: Download From DnD 365 (also from Baltimore) I’ve been on fiyah and I think it’s because I’ve been reading my head off lately. Sometimes it just feels hectic inside my head but other times I’m able to laser beam it right out. I’m a regular mystery. I’m an irregular number. I’m a particle [...]

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A brilliant, confident pair of tits.

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The Amazing Meeting, Part Three

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Cutting edge fucking podcasting

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A hearty recap with Dawn and Drew

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The Amazing Meeting, Part Two

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The Universe is a fucked up place

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Play it as you will, homes.

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The Amazing Meeting

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Footage from the live show and so much more.

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The annotated live episode from Balticon

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Suspended from the rafters for this silent movie.

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I had a fight with a dude in a wheelchair once

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Soccergirl and Ryan P. adventure in the great outdoors.

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To a bear, what is reality?

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Yeah, I think you could say it's pretty Shakespearean.

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I think I'm the weisenheimer.

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An ode to Richard Dawkins.

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Thomas Aquinas, eat your heart out.

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Download the show here sucka: I was just packin’ up some merch. How ’bout them 49ers. This is my nutshell. If you get the newsletter then you already know about the amazon.com situation. If you don’t get the newsletter, you can sign up here. Here’s the story: As you probably know, after nearly a year of [...]

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I wonder if Mr. Tumnus ever had tongue numbness.

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Consider my self's back, patted.

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Soccergirl, Inc. was there before the uprising.

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Feeling my breasts until the break of dawn.

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My head is so preciously small.

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No hair going up means levitation is real.

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A free PDF of Seth Harwood shakin' 'em down.

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Dear Ryan, Won't you tell me the story of John DeLorean?

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Who farted? Was that you, listeners?

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Dude, where's my automobile?

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Soccergirl interviews Seth Harwood

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Happy belated Valentine's Day, listeners!

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Squinch your butthole up just a little bit right now.... for me, listeners.

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Soccergirl vs. Fox News Religion Correspondent, Lauren Green

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You can play it for your friends or rub it on one of those new-fangled compact disks.

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Anarcho power lifting with bionic arms

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Ryan P. is about to lay somethin' else on your penis

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I learned that from Cinderella back in Nam

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I'm writing this book. I'm drinking singer's tea. I'm writing this book.

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Introducing The Good Doctor

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You know you're missing out if you don't check me out

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Happy Boxing Day Boxing Day everyone!

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A tragically delicious video short

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Sleep in regular peace

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This will make your dick and balls feel really good

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Ryan's winter jamz

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I gave her a poon job

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Dear listeners who believe in Homeopathyâ?¦ Youâ??re wrong.

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Duties VS. Doodies

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Christ Allegory, Masturbation Reference, Top Secret Document, Car Bicycle Chase

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On behalf of my hard working brothers and sisters of letters

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The Interviews

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We need to start building splintles... if we're going to be protected when the plague comes... I mean the rage virus... I mean the flu pandemic

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The Geriatric Bugaloo

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Introducing the Heroes

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The most un-selling-outingest entertainment around

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Why the Canadian Thanksgiving is lamer than the Original Thanksgiving which everybody knows was made in America

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People love crack

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There's no such thing as safe sex when it comes to hearts.

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Remember folks, mutual stalking is a victimless crime.

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Bowlingirl's confession, part two.

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Aquaman knows my town!

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Snow White in the hizzy

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We're not just selling glass pipes and hemp lip balm... we're selling freedom.

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Ouch! Right on the nog

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Real live boobs and they're not even mine

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Mister Spock and his Spocky jock

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If you were going on a desert island and you could only bring one line of incest porn...

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Welcome to the 24th century, Soccergirl!

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This is what you get when Soccergirl is your girlfriend

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Now with 100 percent more Ryan

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Having sex with a horse... at least you've got a ride home

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The Bowlingirl investigation part four

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Fuck the chicken soup guy

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Vote for the show at podcastawards.com!

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The nomination mission was a success!

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A noodle to China

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Hello! Hola? Speaka the English?

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An extremely rare and inert compound found only in peace time.

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Get that queef monkey off my frequency!

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Chemical rot is all a chemical's got

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This is cutting fucking edge podcasting

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Female ducks have very complicated genitalia.

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Ruth Bell Graham wore lipstick because she didn't think it was a credit to Christ to be drab.

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Now that's ironic. Alanis Morissette, take note.

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America Democracy War Bad

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Hurray to Ryan for graduating!

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also Flintstones vitamins.

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Ryan will allow them to sprinkle his nuts.

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The only thing that doesn't make me bored. Love, God.

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My abortion.

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We didn't hire our tactical officer to sit on his butt when he's threatened!

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An exclusive interview with Alec Baldwin.

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God says homosexuality is wrong unless, of course, you're in Dubai.

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Prepare to embark on a Soccergirl, Incorporated journey through time out of mind and space incarnate.

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Dedicated to my hero, Kurt Vonnegut (both late and great).

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So I haven't finished the 200th episode yet... So what!? Wanna fight? It'll be out on the 13th, promise!

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Take note corporate America! Everything's better fortified with baby puke.

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Color Me Burkha and Post Traumatic Pussy Disorder

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Don't forget to get the space eggs for the om-a-let.

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(uncut)

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by Scott Sigler

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A Buttery Little Schoolboy (for you to french).

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Anna Nicole ended up paying me for sex.

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It's all metaphorical, obviously.

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Ryan didn't say poo-poo, he just said poop, but Jake definitely said poo-poo.

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The Eastern Spiny Soft Shell Turtle looks like Baron Harkonnen from the Dune movie.

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I'd like to wake up someone else in the middle of the night crying like an idiot, but I'm a megamist. I married myself.

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A new song by The Calculus!

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I got microwaves measured in microwaves showing me ways to save giving me coupons!

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By "totally radical" I mean politically rather than surfer, although sometimes the twain meet... just look at Keanu in Point Break.

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Zazztastic!

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and what are these animal hands?

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The streaming graphics and pumping din of baselines from walls of stacked television monitors at Costco experienced a momentary lag, a wall of snow that jolted shoppers from the foolish, thoughtless stupor they enjoyed with passive acceptance on every other day.

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She was about to close her eyes and spaz her duster arm around, when...

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You sound unsoothing and also pretty chalky.

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Dear Cindy, I am your dying mother.

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Did I ever tell you about the time I went to a martial arts banquet and came home with a vagina in my head?

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I wish Showbiz Dad could by my dad, but he's so hot that I'd be embarassed.

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Vomitol Toothpaste! Now with APF.

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There *are* no waters in Casablanca. I was misinformed.

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A short update... tiding you over with tidings.

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You must have a computer brain or something!

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Fruit salad stuffryan is one of my favorite kinds of stuffryans.

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IN A WORLD where this IN A WORLD trailer is the only WORLD they know...

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Shaved balls are like prickly chicken skin... I really don't want to rub my tongue on that.

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While I can't speak for everyone, I come in peace.

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and one gut would be bad enough!

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Bathcast with Smurf porn

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The Secret Episode

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Thanksgiving Boxing Day is whack.

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