While cleaning a funerary vase from Queen Nefertiti’s tomb, a dweeb of an Egyptologist named Ikky gets some dirt on his collar which ends up on his paleontologist girlfriend’s lips. Interesting things happen between the two of them, but when Ikky suggests that it might have something to do with the dirt, his girlfriend laughs it off. Rubbish! And to prove how ridiculous Ikky’s theory is, she puts some dirt on his lips that comes from an Allosaurus she’s preparing for exhibit. The moral? Sometimes you need to listen to dweeb Egyptologists.File Download (18:53 min / 8 MB)

Listen Now:

John Henry is a legend that pits humanity against the dehumanizing forces of technology – in this case the dehumanizing forces of a fancy schmancy lawn mower. Rick and John square off in a suburban lawn-mowing competition to see whether muscle and a good push mower can even come close to the efficiency of a top-of-the-line gas-powered mower. John Henry :: File Download (9:41 min / 4 MB)

Listen Now:

Ever get one of those scam letters or emails from Nigeria? Who hasn’t? They’re the ones that ask for money to help administer the estate of some dead general who has millions locked up in a Swiss bank account. But what if … ? Here’s a story about someone who answers one of those scam letters – with unexpected results. Letter from Nigeria :: File Download (5:37 min / 3 MB)

Listen Now:

Ever run into someone who has difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction? Like the guy who believes everything an advertiser says about a product. “It’s the real thing. For a fresh clean scent. There’s no life like it.” Here’s a story about an encounter with such a person. A Model Abuser :: File Download (6:09 min / 3 MB)

Listen Now:

Can political correctness go too far? Or are some people just such assholes that extraordinary measures are justified? Read a tale where special measures are used to deal with just such an asshole. Metro Police, PCU :: File Download (7:38 min / 4 MB)

Listen Now:

Here’s the story behind unexplained crop circles – as told by a redneck from a farm in the American midwest. Alien Rednecks :: File Download (19:20 min / 9 MB)

Listen Now:

People who come late in life to the internet should proceed with caution. Terrible things can happen. My Name is URL :: File Download (8:46 min / 4 MB)

Listen Now:

What if you woke up one day and discovered that your obituary had been published in the newspaper? How would you deal with it? What about the person who was responsible for the mistake? How would he deal with it? This is a story about saving face. The Obituary :: File Download (9:55 min / 5 MB)

Listen Now:

we the implicated we the intricated we the strand and bolt of fabric woven tight like mother's love and screaming child ... (listen to the whole poem) shock and awe :: File Download (1:20 min / 1 MB)

Listen Now:

Nowadays we live in a global economy, which means we also share one another’s insects. Bugs from one part of the world sometimes aren’t suited to other parts of the world. This is a story about how things go wrong with the Asian Long-Horned Beetle. Keep a close watch on your children. The Beetles :: File Download (9:27 min / 4 MB)

Listen Now:

Environmentalism is a huge issue – perhaps THE issue. Certainly it’s a huge issue from the environment’s point of view. We should be careful; the environment might be plotting its revenge. The Book :: File Download (7:00 min / 3 MB)

Listen Now:

The ceiling fan above doesn't turn. It waits on a switch that never trips. The snow outside sits cold and white. It waits on a sun that never shines. The world is a head with empty sockets spinning itself into nothing and nothing stirs me as I lie on my bed and see how the ceiling fan above doesn't turn. ... (listen to the whole poem) Unmoved :: File Download (1:48 min / 1 MB)

Listen Now:

Ever have to pee when you’re riding the subway? What happens if the train gets stuck in a tunnel when you’re sitting desperately holding it in? This is one person’s account of a bladder emergency. The Green Pill :: File Download (6:53 min / 3 MB)

Listen Now:

Do you wonder what I do now I'm gone away from you? Do you imagine how I live with the freedom that you give? Do you stand alone and gaze at the brightly whorled haze from my spackled palette knife that paints a lustrous life? Or do you look with clearer eye past the colour-dappled lie to the worn concrete greys of my empty days? Or do you call me back to you in a soft and pastel hue arguing the virtue of what passed for love? Though I wish to lie with you it is the lie I must undo. Only when I am untrue will I show good faith to you. The colour-dappled lie :: File Download (0:47 min / 0 MB)

Listen Now:

When I was a teen it was inconceivable that I might find radical tucked in the folds of an old man's face. Now in my forties (though with a boy's libido) I see in the mirror how the first lines crack my youthful veneer. From mid-day the dawn light looks the same as the dusk. Which explains why old fogies spend so much time counting change at the check out: they're protesting something. Age of Radicals :: File Download (0:32 min / 0 MB)

Listen Now:

The thing about a pike that makes it doubly cruel is the way its shaft can sway when it's blown by ridicule. ... (listen to the whole poem) The Pike :: File Download (1:08 min / 1 MB)

Listen Now:

Do not speak I cannot listen Do not beckon I cannot watch Do not summon I cannot answer Do not rail I cannot wince I want only to curl myself on the floor and feel my ribs pressed to the tiles. I wish I had their hardness. I wish I were ceramic. Do Not Speak :: File Download (0:31 min / 0 MB)

Listen Now:

My standard poodle ate Walt Whitman (Leaves of Grass in ropey coils on the lawn) I stoop and wrap my fingers around warm Song-Of-My-Self turds. She winces at the stanza that she squeezes from her anus. Do I constipate myself? Very well then I constipate myself. I am large. I contain multitudes. And I wonder if Whitman had to work so hard to get his words out in the first place. Shitting Whitman :: File Download (0:34 min / 0 MB)

Listen Now:

columbines betray last year's scattering of seed by straying from the well-kept bed and springing unruly from the lawn i want to tear them out and bring order to my jealous yard maybe I should collect crystals and arrange them neatly on a shelf but the suggestion prompts your laughter bursting through the spring air the columbines are beautiful with downcast gaze and slender neck they have their infidelities but i will tend them still columbine :: File Download (0:35 min / 0 MB)

Listen Now:

sometimes we desire what we cannot have but unable to extinguish the desire we fan ourselves into a roaring flame and so we rage and we flare but consume nothing from this god utters forth the usual useless shit then obedience comes not from love but from its failure we draw on god's teat like sucklings on an ashen nub The 7th Commandment :: File Download (0:35 min / 0 MB)

Listen Now: