NURSE: Doctor! Doctor! The patient! It's... it's... MOVING! DOCTOR: Nurse, don't waste my time. The patient's been unresponsive for months. Some of us think it's not even alive any more. NURSE: No, really! I think it's waking up! DOCTOR: Don't be ridicul- CFR: Arrrghgggllle... bleeeeaaaaaarrrrrghhh... gaaaaaaaaaah! DOCTOR: Sweet mother of god! It's alive! IT'S ALIVE! NURSE: Oh, look! Is it trying to... stand up? Oh, I'm going to help it. DOCTOR: Nurse, don't! Stand back! Don't get too- NURSE: AHHHHH! AHHHHH! IT HAS MY ARM! IT HAS MY- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! CFR: Nom nom nom. DOCTOR: Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Somebody help! SOMEBODY HELP! ITS... IT'S EATING HER FACE! CFR: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's Chicken Fried Radio! This episode is as long as it is and there may or may not be a song at the end. Welcome back. Now suck it.

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It's the -Potpourri of Poop- episode, and at a whopping hour and a half, this ill-conceived audio extravaganza will block your colon like a block of finely aged government cheese. It rambles, veers off on wild tangents, and provides a rare T.E./Ryan role reversal of truth. Enjoy it while you can, sickos.

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It's the -Put THIS In Your Mouth Episode- episode! Yes friends, CFR is back... kind of like that case of herpes that flares up when you least expect it!This episode is all about food, glorious food! It's a double episode, each in HALF the time of a normal length episode! It contains something for everybody, including the scat man as we revisit the most notorious video of 2008 a year late. All this and more on a Very Special CFR.This one clocks in at 1 hour and 3 minutes. The song at the end is -Worm Food- by Ruth Theodore.

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After a long unannounced hiatus, during which the US elected a president and our entire financial system melted down into a puddle of FAIL, CFR returns with the -I F***ed Your Sister in the A** Episode- episode! Yes, we left Ryan in charge of naming this one. It's all about manly men and men things and ball scratching and explosions and testosteroni. And penis snatchers.The opus runs about 72 minutes. The song at the end is -A Skit that Christian Forgot to Bring to the Recording- by, um, Christian.

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It's the -I'll Give You Something to Suck On- episode! This one essentially serves as Ryan's personal therapy session as we discuss the whys, wherefores, and whences of that harsh mistress, Nicotine.This episode runs about 58 minutes. The song at the end is -Candy Cigarette- by the Presidents of the United States of America.

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It's the -$700 Billion Episode- episode! This time around we tackle bailouts, tax breaks, ladylove economy, and what it all means for the little people. Hey, finances = fun in our book! Right? Uh, right? Guys?This episode is almost exactly 60 minutes long. The song at the end is -Folsom Prison Blues- by Johnny Cash.

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It's the -Autoerotica- episode! This week it's all cars, horseless chariots, and vehicular madness. And sticking rods up your urethra, of course. You sick Peckers will love it!If you haven't already, join the Peckerhead Army, virtually travel to foreign lands, meet interesting people, and viciously mock them on our messageboards at chickenfriedradio.com! This episode runs about 67 minutes long. The song at the end is -Nitro Burnin' Funny Cars- by the Dead Milkmen.

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It's the -A Modest Episode Episode-! We discuss all things irony and satire, lament our lack of links, and call it a day. Frankly, this one's pretty perfunctory, save for the impromptu ice battle somewhere in there. And no, geeks, we're not talking about anything Hoth-related, we promise. Hang in there! Next episode is bound to be better, right? RIGHT? It's all about, um, cars. Anyway, this one clocks in at about an hour. The song at the end is -At a Medium Pace- by Opera Man. Good night, and good luck.

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It's the -Voltron of Doom- episode! Yes folks, the long-rumored on-again off-again affair that seems somehow to have been associated with the near total annihilation of the CFR universe is finally ready to be revealed! Run a stake through its heart, this episode is FINALLY dead.This one's all about Germans and Japanese freakiness, friends. It features a Very Special Guest, a tangent or two, a plain-Jane .mp3 file, and a surprising dearth of scatological references.This trainwreck has a little bit of lagniappe,  clocking in at about 1 hour and 14 minutes. Enjoy it or else.

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It's the -Douchebags, Douchebags, Douchebags- episode! Why do douchebags get hot chicks? What's the douchebag/b-boy matrix? How do trannies fit into all of this? Do you like my new haircut? Fuckin' skanks!This episode runs about an hour, and the song at the end is -Is She Really Going Out With Him- by Joe Jackson.

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Okay, kids. We're doing something different this week. Abbie and T.E. are both out of town, and I'm too drunk to remember Ryan's phone number.So now, you have NO CHOICE but to watch a few videos of my favorite band of all time. Much better than Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers, by the way (zing, T.E.!)Anyhoo, without further doodoo, here's a taste of Ron and Russell Mael, aka Sparks:"This Town Ain't Big Enough" from 1974's Kimono My House."Beat the Clock" from the groundbreaking 1979 album Number One In Heaven. Produced by Giorgio Moroder."Tips for Teens" from 1981's Whomp That Sucker. Produced by Mack (of Queen fame)."I Predict" from 1982's Angst in My Pants. Directed by David Lynch."When Do I Get to Sing My Way" from 1994's Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins."The Rhythm Thief" from 2002's astounding Li'l Beethoven."Dick Around" from 2006's face-smash-in-ing Hello Young Lovers.I'm gonna catch so much hell for this, so enjoy it, Peckers!--Xian

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It's the "Fear of Commitment" Episode! It's about being crazy, dig? As expected, Ryan, Christian, and Abbey veer way off-script and indulge in cautionary tales from their misspent youth. Wait--what's that? No T.E.? That's right, Peckers. It's the first and (so far) only truly T.E.-free episode. A kinder, gentler CFR? Or the ravings of three insane people without their caretaker to guide them? Pickle.This one's 75 plus minutes, and 28 megs. Plus, this one's in the old-fashioned .mp3 format. 'Cuz we're crazy like that.Listen to voices: Check out our website, our forum, our wiki, our cafepress swag, our myspace page, and download ringtones from myxer.com!

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Another blast from the past to gear y'all up for a Very Special Episode coming soon. Episode 2 is the second and final of the pre-Huey days. Recorded in September 2005, I'm told the ep. bears the title "The 'Bad x9 Music' Episode" or something.  11.2 megs in girth. Do listen to The Shaggs if you're having doubts about starting that band. As always, come to www.chickenfriedradio.com and join the revolution!

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It's the Least Worst of Volume III-2! Or something. Enjoy 35 minutes of warmed-over comedy meatloaf that you didn't finish when you ate episode 73. Compiled by Mad Captain Ian. Next week it's the Voltron of Doom episode, wherein we try to find out what makes the Axis Powers so twisted.Always never forget to go here: www.chickenfriedradio.com or here: www.cafepress.com/chickenfriedrad. Oh, yeah. And we have pics here: www.flickr.com/chickenfriedradio.

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It's the -Damn Dirty Hippie Episode- wherein we discuss all things hippie. And dirty. And damned. Prepare to be skeeved, aroused, in an altered mental state, and need a shower really really badly... all at once! Next episode, we tackle the Voltron of Doom that is Germany and Japan. Call us at 678-FOWL-RANT or email us at jackasses@chickenfriedradio.com with your tales of foreign travel. This episode has a little lagniappe, clocking in at about 76 minutes. The song at the end is -The Thing That Only Eats Hippies- by the Dead Milkmen.

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"Hang In There: Part II" This week, instead of producing an audio episode, we go the pull-something-out-that-we-saved-for-a-rainy-day route to present the stunning conclusion of our first story involving the gang at ConsumerLink!

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Attention all mechapeckers!  It's been two years to the day since we last engaged in a self-congratulatory clip show, and frankly that is unacceptable.  Remember way back, when grains were kept whole?  When Uncle Ryan was around, and the idea of live broadcasts still sounded like a good idea?It's the "Least Worst of CFR, Volume 3," wherein we meet the penis pump judge, learn what life would be like without the cow, and finally uncover the secrets of cult control.  All best bits from Episodes 30-44 for your listening pleasure.This episode will occupy 77 minutes of brain space, and maybe, just maybe, teach you how to love.  The song is "Robots" by Flight of the Conchords.Check out our website, forum, wiki, and swag store, not to mention our brand spanking new free ringtones from Myxer.com.

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You've come a long way, baby! As promised in an earlier episode, here it is at last. For those new to the show, you'll be surprised to find that CFR's original format was somewhat thoughtful, occasionally erudite, and featured 34% fewer F-bombs. Listen as T.E. patronizes Ryan! Hear Ryan challenge T.E.'s chauvinism! Learn about Dead Groovy!This was recorded way back in August 2005, when hurricane Katrina was a petite tropical storm, and there were only 12 Scary Movie sequels! It's about exactly an hour, and fills up 13.6 megs of your hard drive.Check out our website, our forum, our wiki, our cafepress swag, our myspace page, and download ringtones from myxer.com!

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It's the -Guilty Pleasures- episode! This time around, we talk about the things we love. Did I say love? I meant, that stuff, uh, sucks. Yeah, we don't like that stuff. It's, um, dumb and terrible and bad and- oh, who are we kidding? We love dreck and cheeze and crap!This episode clocks in at 70 minutes. The song is -Barbie Girl- by Aqua. The enhanced podcast pictures are all furry and lovable. Oh, except that ONE.

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It's the "CFR Sketches Compilation: part II!" It's the best of Crackhead Cosby, Coach Miller, Officer Trevino, Floofy, and all the others. Compiled from January 2007 to March 2008, this compilation includes every sketch the Jackasses recorded from episode 60 to episode 71. It's 55 minutes and 19 megs. For all you neo-Luddites, we're posting it as an old-school .mp3 file.Don't forget to check out the ever-expanding wiki page here, and buy some non-useless CFR swag here!

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It's the "CFR Rummage Sale" epsiode! Chicken Fried Radio cleans out the basement with leftover links and random unstructured statements that have no unifying theme. So, yeah... pretty much your standard-issue CFR episode.This one clocks in at 61 minutes. The song at the end is "CFR Is Back" by Mayhem.

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Six months late, but here it is, the first official Chicken Fried Radio vidcast. This release format is still in its experimental stages. BTW, each time you view one of our videos, we get a pinky nail closer to quitting our dayjobs. Enjoy!

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On July 7, 2007, Xian and Abbey tied the knot.  T.E. busted out his Swiss Army knife and sliced through it, which was good, since the knot was in Abbey's puppet hair.  Also, Ryan later serenaded us, Finn officiated, Reuben showed up for the free food and booze, and Craig looked on in horror.  It's the Jackass Wedding Spectacular '07 video, now available as an .mp4 for play on your iPod or portable media player of your choice.

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It's the PSP Episode! But it's not what you're thinking, see. PSP stands for Public Safety Professionals! This one's all about cops, medics, and studly, incredibly attractive firefighters! No cats were dropped in the making of this episode.This one runs about 62 minutes. The song at the end is "TSA Gangstaz" by, um, TSA Gangstaz. As an added bonus, EVERY IMAGE in our enhanced podcast is by T.E.'s favorite artist, Mark Ryden.

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Fasten your seatbelts, folks! It's the Deceptively Vanilla-Titled Alt Sex episode! It's all pee pee and poo poo and bicycles and bears... sort of like the circus of your dreams, you freak. If you value your job, you WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES display the associated visuals from our enhanced podcast features at work!This episode runs about 75 minutes. The song at the end is "The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight," by Dominatrix.<a href="http://www.podcastalley.com/"> My Podcast Alley feed!</a> {pca-2e5eeda16857513fd6021e79ce638cf8}

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Back by popular demand! That means two people asked for it! It's that 1999 chestnut by Reuben and Xian, "The Freak Show: Boardroom of Doom!" Enjoy this pre-CFR nugget and wonder aloud why Reuben and Xian bothered in the first place. Check out the humble origins of Floofy, Mr. Man, the Dustmites, and the Space Hicks.  Now converted to mp4 format for all that watch-on-your-ipod goodness.

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Back by popular demand! That means two people asked for it! It's that 1999 chestnut by Reuben and Xian, "The Freak Show: Boardroom of Doom!" Enjoy this pre-CFR nugget and wonder aloud why Reuben and Xian bothered in the first place. Check out the humble origins of Floofy, Mr. Man, the Dustmites, and the Space Hicks. Thanks again to the folks at megaupload.com for hosting the file. Download the 76 meg file from the following link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DG7SKD5Q

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It's the "Scams and Flim-Flams" episode, all about, well, um, scams. And flim-flams. Can the Jackasses go an entire episode without the whole endeavor degenerating into chaos, madness, and debauchery? What do YOU think?Oh, almost forgot to ask... wanna buy a watch?This episode is bloated, clocking in at about 71 minutes. The song at the end is "Public Service Announcement" by Danger Mouse.

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It's the "Invent a Better Title" episode, wherein we discuss all manner of inventions and big ideas! This is our second "enhanced" podcast replete with links and images that'll pop yer eyeballs out. Call us at 678-FOWL-RANT or email jackasses@chickenfriedradio.com to tell us what you think. This episode runs about 63 minutes. The song at the end is "The Edison Museum" by They Might Be Giants.

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It's the "How Many Chromosomes Does It Take?" Episode! We take on mutants, freaks, and retards of all stripes to a Bananaphone backbeat. As an added bonus, it's our first ENHANCED podcast, complete with chapters, links, and disturbing images all baked right into the file!This episode runs about 61 minutes. The song is "Watching Scotty Die," by the Dead Milkmen.

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It's the Episode 65 Leftovers episode! We recorded so much lame crap on January 2, 2008, we couldn't possibly fit it all into one podcast! Enjoy. It's about 16 minutes.

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During our extended hiatus, our unofficial retainer Mad Captain Ian developed a sister site of chickenfriedradio.com, at  http://cfrremix.podomatic.com/ Hosted by Ryantron 2300, Ian's CFR Remix project looks promising. Check it out, won't you?

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Wise fwom yo gwave!The Jackasses have returned from hibernation for an all-new 2008 season. This is the "This Time We Mean It" episode, wherein T.E., Christian, and Abbey make the case as to why 2007 should be totally stricken from the record. Featuring Reuben Barr in a new Freak Show sketch, and LCD Soundsystem's "All My Friends" as the closing song. This show is 67 minutes and change. Next time it's "How Many Chromosomes Does It Take..." as we ponder some of God's more outrageous practical jokes predicated among his children.As T.Rex sang, "Hello. Hello. It's good to be back. It's good to be back. Hello. Hello. Hello." Hello!

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My fellow Peckerheads, our long national nightmare is over. Chicken Fried Radio has returned!It's the "Things You Should Like But Don't" episode, and it's the first in our newly-slightly-tweaked format! With a new release schedule and a HUGE project yet to be unveiled, you'll want to stay tuned and log into our message board at chickenfriedradio.com to keep up with the details.This episode is 57 minutes long and features the song, "Colonial Williamsburg" by Tris McCall.

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It's the "Coup d'etat!" episode, wherein the Pecker Generals (and Mystery Pecker X) commandeer the mic.  Explore the close knit and not-at-all pathetic world of the Fleshlight message board, learn how to make money off of fat people, learn about KFP's unicorn fantasies, and hear the story of Ian letting a squirrel ride him all afternoon.  This one clocks in at 80 minutes, and is capped off by "Praise the Lord" by Paul Oakenfield.  Viva la revolucion!

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It's the "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And CFR Feels Fine)" episode! Officially the last of the 1.0 series, Ryan rejoins the Jackasses for our not-really-final hurrah. We might as well have coined this one, "The Only Sure Things In Life," episode, as the majority of our stories center around our good friends Death and Taxes. Listen, and ask yourself: what are Abbey, Ryan, and T.E. so pissed off about? And what is Christian (always) smoking? The episode is 70 minutes long.Slated for the summer is a series of non-canonical stop-gap installments to prevent you Peckers from enduring heavy withdrawal symptoms. There are sure to be some surprises. Season 4, and the official launch of CFR 2.0, is slated for September 1, 2007. TTFN.

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It's the "I Saw a Leprechaun Up In a Tree!" episode. Ostensibly all about things Irish and/or drunk (in belated honor of St. Patrick's Day), the three Jackasses spend way more time waxing ludicrous about go-nowhere personal tales of love, love lost, and talking cars.As that 8-bit shopkeeper in the Nintendo game from years past once urged, "Buy something, will ya?" at our Cafe Press shop. Also, join the Peckerhead nation via our website, and do all those things we've ordered you to do time and time again.This episode is 77 minutes long, and features an unrequited love (for CFR) song by Mayhem.

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It's the "all sketches" compilation episode, hosted by Antonin and Micha. Forty-plus minutes of our favorite CFR sketches recorded over the last year-and-three-quarters. Episode 61 is just around the corner. With what is your breath baited, Peckers? Anticipation? Nightcrawlers? Check out what your fellow CF-Rnatics have to say at our message board.

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While episode 61 is slated for March 11, wash down our recent new episode with this heady desert wine from March 2006. It's "The Kids Are All Right," another Ryan-era, CFR-Mark 1 nugget from the archives.Check us out and meet other Peckers at chickenfriedradio.com.Read our message boards to find out about our big plans afoot for CFR 2.0.

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It's the "Depeche Mode" episode. Depeche Mode translates loosely into "fast fashion," which you already knew, therefore you can tell this this episode is all about the fabulous world of fashion! Big clothes, small clothes, edible clothes, regrettable clothes, and no clothes. And extra toes. That's what little CFR is made of.Although you might miss it, T.E. utters a key phrase somewhere during the procedings. Apparently, elements are going to differ in these parts! Find out what, why, when, where, who, and how much money when you tune in to episode 60, one of the last of the CFR episodes, version 1.0.Join the merry band of Peckers at www.chickenfriedradio.com and buy stuff from us.

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It's the Floofy Show! Drastic times call for stopgap measures, or so says Floofy. Floofy hosts, with Markie Byoogre, an episode of the long-running Freak Show. Normally hosted by Freak World superstar Piebold Gonatious, this episode becomes a vehicle for Floofy's boundless vanity and ass-whooposity. 25 minutes of Jackass indulgence!As always, come check out our CFR message board at chickenfriedradio.com and join the Freak Nation!

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It's the "It's All Geek to Me" episode, from January 2006. Another classic Ryan episode. How much don't you want to know about World of Warcraft?  Listen and find out!  We've got some newly recorded material at CFR studios which we'll be releasing before our dramatic unveiling of CFR 2.0. In the meantime, check out our always-active message board at chickenfriedradio.com.

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It's the Shiny Train Wreck episode. This is a fan-favorite, and it's also Ryan's last regular appearance. The title says it all, really. We were utterly unprepared. This was recorded in May of 2006.Check out our website at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers. Join the Peckerhead Army! Conform to our strict regimen of being different.

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It's the "Forrest Hump" episode, or "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bum." Hard (ahem) to believe that it's taken us a year-and-a-half to get to the sex industry as a CFR topic, but it finally arrived. (Get it? "Arrived" is a synonym of "came!") Listen, and you'll be able to answer these questions: When does a man become like Fraiser? Will a fleshlight help you find your way back to camp? And does that girl grinding in my crotch really like me?This episode is 79 minutes. The song is "Girls of Porn" by Mr. Bungle. Celebrate Season 3 of CFR by buying our swag, and posting on our message board at chickenfriedradio.com. CFR wants to meet singles just like you!

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T.E. is probably back from Merry ol' England, but we have yet to rev our CFR engines for season 3. Until we hit you with episode 59, enjoy this, our New Year's (2006) episode... featuring the Great Ryan Hillini!Stay tuned, Peckerinos. We'll be back with a vengeance soon. Check out our message board in the meantime, at chickenfriedradio.com and buy some CFR swag from cafepress.com! Do it!

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Season 3 kicks off in style with our first-ever London Remote Broadcast! T.E. flies first class without paying for it and winds up in a Victorian-era London slum. Here him wax drunkenly as Abbey and Christian share stories of Christian's recent hemorrhoidectomy! Fun! The episode clocks in at 58 minutes.Check out our message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers! The opening theme is "You and Me and Chicken Fried Radio Makes 3 (vocal-less club mix)" by Christian Huey, and the closing song is "Hitsville UK" by the Clash. Stay tuned, as we're (finally) planning an advertising blitz for season 3 early in the year. Cheers.

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It's the -57 Channels and Nothing On- episode! It's a Jackass-palooza as we return from our hiatus to ostensibly discuss all things television. Of course, what would CFR be without tangential rants, technical SNAFUs, and disgusting personal anecdotes?The song is -A Fistful of We Three Kings- by the High Balls.Limeys! Help us out! The next LIVE CFR BROADCAST will be our much-anticipated LONDON REMOTE on JANUARY 2ND. We need a venue! Free Coke Blake and CFR stickers for everyone! Visit the message boards at chickenfriedradio.com for more info.

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When, oh when, you ask will the Great Pumpkin return? Assuming that the Great Pumpkin represents a new episode of Chicken Fried Radio, that wait should be over next Tuesday, December 19, 2006. We will finally return from our extended hiatus with stories aplenty. Be there.In the meantime, enjoy this nugget from our archives. Episode 9, the Family Focus episode, from October 2005. Cheers.

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Still on hiatus! If it's any consolation to the Peckerhead Army, our Austin Christmas show has been a rousing success so far. Meanwhile, re-indulge your sicky bone with episode 8 of CFR: The Whole God Thing! Recorded in October 2005.

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It's the Least Worst of Volume I! Once again! Sorry, Peckers, but our live Christmas show in Austin is in full swing, and it's taking up approximately 26 hours of our working days. It'll be at least another week before we can bring you new material. In the meantime, catch up with our first season with Abbey's premier CFR compilation! Reminisce and stuff.Join the Peckers at chickenfriedradio.com and troll the message boards, ya weirdo.

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It's Professor J. Arglebargle's music episode! This one is a "collector's edition;" consider it outside the canon of our normal CFR episodes. Mad Captain Ian has assembled for our listening pleasure 47 minutes of glorious CFR-featured or inspired tunes, including "It's a Beautiful Day," (not the one with Larry Mullens, Jr. and Adam Clayton), Leonard Nimoy's chestnut "Bilbo Baggins," and many, many others.Stay tuned for next Wednesday when the Captain presents the long-awaited Least Worst of, Volume III!... And afterward, we may consider actually recording a new episode. We'll see.Check out our website at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers on the message board. Out!

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The Jackasses have been working time-and-a-half with their infamous "other performance thing" they do locally in Austin, so... we're late with this week's installment. In the meantime, enjoy revisiting episode 12: "My Country's Better Than Your Country," from November 2005. Check back with us next Wednesday for episode 57: "57 Channels and Nothin' On."Listen to our thirst-slaking streaming audio and meet other Peckers at our website, chickenfriedradio.com

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Here comes the *Halloween Was Last Week, You Jackasses* episode. It runs about 73 minutes, and in this one we manage to disgust even ourselves. We take on the bad costume ideas, Chuck E. Cheese, and a Very Special CFR News Item.Tune in next week for the *57 Channels and Nothing On* episode. All things television, ya know.If you are still a neophyte, you really owe it to yourself to visit chickenfriedradio.com and meet other sick bastards on our message boards.

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It's the *I Had This Really Weird Dream* episode! This one is massive, clocking in at a whopping 1 hour and 40 minutes of sleep-inducing goodness! We examine lucid dreaming, sneaky bug boys, a nightmarish crawling Xian, and more!The song is *39* by the Bush League Jackasses.Next week, we present the *Halloween Was Last Week, You Jackasses* episode. Listen live via Skypecast on Saturday, November 4th at 3pm CST. Visit chickenfriedradio.com for more details, and to meet other Peckers!

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It's "The Democracy Circus" episode! Election season is here in the U S of A, and we're celebrating our broken wide-open, Diebold and Rove-controlled system with 79 minutes of first amendment exercises. We promise copious coverage of our favorite congressional pedophile Mark Foley, as well as a good dig or two at Senator Santorum, Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi, and many other legislative jesters. If you're from across the pond, or across the galaxy, it may be bewildering to think this stuff isn't (entirely) fictional. For those of us living in this red-blue political potluck dinner we call America, it's precisely the kind of Twilight Zone-ish drug trip we've come to expect in this Idiocracy (courtesy Mike Judge, all rights reserved). Join the Peckerhead Army, vote (democracy, anyone?) for us on podcastalley.com, and listen to us via streaming audio on our website. Oh, yeah, and non-felon, 18-or-over Americans... GO FREAKIN' VOTE on November 7! DO IT!

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It's the "It Was the Dog" episode! We may have finally hit our nadir with this one, folks. All bodily functions; that's the theme. The wetter, the greasier, the chunkier, the nastier; the better. Any pretensions we may have had at seeming at least pseudo-intellectual are entirely defenestrated during these 80 minutes. We categorize farts, tell of Presidential puking, and showcase coprophilic personal ads; all with the aid of our special guest host, Reuben Barr.SPECIAL FEATURE! T.E. keeps his end of the bargain following our latest fundraiser. Can he down a gallon of whole milk within an hour without spewing it all over his wife's wool rug? Listen and see! Watch and hear!The song is "Eye of the Tiger"--in two versions: the Survivor classic and a cover by Paul Anka(!). Come check out our new and improved website and join the Peckerhead Army. We now offer all kinds of CFR-related swag!

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It's the -You, Me, Eat, Applebee's- episode (or, -Me Likey Food Good,- for our more literate listeners)! The three Jackasses tuck in for seventy-seven courses (minutes) of bizarre comestibles, or bizarre stories about normal comestibles. Don't even try to sneak into the express lane with all of these topics: pornographic pastries, cucumbers that cause car collisions, a cannibal cooking show,  and countless other comedic chow. Plus, Jefferson Roosevelt Washington III takes more of your questions.The song is -Spam- by Weird Al Yankovik. Join the Peckerhead Army at chickenfriedradio.com and help us win the Battle of Podcast Alley! Next episode, will the CFR coffers be lined heavily enough to subject T.E. to gastric upset via a gallon of whole milk in under an hour? Come back and find out.

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It's the "Bushleague Jackass Anniversary Party, part 2!" Ryan leaves the party, Abbey goes down to Georgia, MCI roasts us (again), and a host of other occurences transpire in a continued celebratory orgiastic display.Next week, it's "You, Me, Eat, Applebee's" wherein we'll discuss gastronomic delights and not-so-delights.The song is "How's Your News?" plus "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." This episode is 58 minutes. Join the Peckerhead Army at chickenfriedradio.com. Listen to the dulcet tones of our streaming audio!

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It's the "Bushleague Jackass Anniversary Party" episode! First, they said it couldn't be done. Then, they said it wouldn't be done. Recently, they said it shouldn't be done. But we said "screw you" to all of the above, and Chicken Fried Radio has survived its first year of existence! In podcasting terms, that puts us about as old as the California Redwoods. The Ryantron 2300 is in the shop for repairs, but we managed to find a decent replacement -- Ryan Hill! That's right; he's back for a limited time only. This one's another two-parter. Episode 51 (part 2) will be posted next week. You, me, Chicken Fried Radio's second year... it'll be great.This episode is 61 minutes. The song is the theme from "Perfect Strangers." Check out our message board at chickenfriedradio.com and join the Peckerhead Army. Our site proudly boasts succulent, savory, streaming audio.

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It's the "Public Pleasures" episode! We tell tales of individuals whose superegos are asleep on the job. Masturbation, defecation, fornication, and a whole litany of behaviors you ought to keep behind closed doors, but don't. Put on your favorite trenchcoat (the one with the sheepskin lining) and tune in. We've got two mashups featured: one from PIYB and one from Kaiser. Next week is the big 5-oh! Jackass Emeritus Ryan Hill has threatened to return for our reunion show that's coincidentally all about reunions.Check out our message board at chickenfriedradio.com and talk to fellow Peckers. Our site features delectable streaming audio!

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It's the "Gooble Gobble, One of Us!" episode. Guaranteed to be our best new episode in more than a month, it's all things FREAKS! After listening you'll be able to answer such questions as, "HOW many pounds of hair!?!" and, "What was the name of that moving company?"This episode is 65 minutes long. The song, which will stick in your head LONG after you wish it would go away, is "Pigs and Butter."Next week, it's the "Mumble... er, I dunno," episode. That means we haven't settled on a topic, ya see. Why don't you mosey on over to the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and help us decide? You'll be able to listen LIVE on Monday, September 4th at 16:30 Central Daylight Savings Time, if you're of a mind. Visit the website to learn how!

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T.E. is still unpacking boxes; Christian and Abbey are writing lesson plans and grading papers. Long story short -- we're still on hiatus. Meanwhile, enjoy this ol' nugget from our archives: "Episode 6: Police and Thieves!" This was recorded back in October 2005 at the Hideout theatre in Austin, TX.This episode is 56 minutes long. The song is "Bankrobber" by the Clash. Meet other Peckers on our message board at chickenfriedradio.com. Listen on our site via luscious, creamy, streaming audio. With any luck, "Episode 48: Least Worst of, Vol. III" will be posted next week. And after that... sorry, gang. No spoilers!

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Due to life's many hurdles, it's the "Selling It!" episode reduxed!  We've got e-bay finds, T-shirt Hell, and 17% more poop jokes than usual.  Oh, and Ryan goes absolutely apeshit.This episode runs 64 minutes long.  The song is by Strongbad.  Come check out our message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers. Our site features luscious streaming audio.

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It's the "Chicken Fried OooWEEooo" episode, Part 2! More ghost stories! More poorly conducted interviews! More Hawking! More Ringo (aka Craig)! And an all-new mashup by Kaiser (but P.I.Y.B. deserves credit, too).The song is "I Put a Spell on You" performed by Bryan Ferry. This episode is 61 minutes long.Come check out our message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers. Now with streaming audio spookiness!

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It's the "Chicken Fried 'OooWEEooo': Part 1" Episode! That's right; it's CFR's first two-parter. Now have we jumped the shark? Spooky stuff: ghosts, clairvoyance, poltregeists, telekinesis... Craig! The great Dr. Stephen Hawking would only accept cash as payment, but we got 'im back! Plus two comedic gems unearthed from the CFR mines, never before aired. This episode is 71 minutes long. The song is "Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo. Come check out our message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers. Our site features luscious streaming audio.

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It's our "Big Gay Episode!" Gay gangsta rappers, coprophillic Supreme Court Justices, and an indecent proposal from T.E. to Christian all here on our guaranteed gayest episode ever. This episode is just under 80 minutes. The song is by Stephen Lynch. Come check us out at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers on our message board. With streaming audio goodness! Huzzah!

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The long awaited "Chicken Fried (CENSORED)" episode has arrived! The following items have been officially redacted by The Man: North Korean tour guides, banned books that burn at 451 degrees Farenheit, and a very penitent Lester Sniffit. Plus, a network failure halfway into the program leaves us with only our (half-)wits to complete the show. Coincidence?? Probably!This episode, after a few - ahem - revisions, is 70 minutes long. The song is "Freedom of Choice" by DEVO.Check us out at chickenfriedradio.com and mingle with other Peckers on our message board. Now with streaming audio goodness!

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It's the "Eagle Fried Radio" episode! Happy 230th, God's America! We abuse our First Amendment rights by profaning all that Rove and company hold dear (besides money, we mean). Also, T.E. reveals a humiliating childhood secret, Abbey issues a fatwah on Houston, and Christian illustrates how improv saved him twice.This episode is 74 minutes long. Meet other Peckers on our forum over at chickenfriedradio.comNext week, it's Chicken *BEEP* Radio as we tackle the f*BEEP*ng issue of censorship.

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It's the "Yarrr!" episode. We plunder and pillage our way through all things pirate-y... for about ten minutes. Then, it's mutinee on our own bounty, as T.E., Christian, and Abbey's collective attention disorder takes over and sends anything resembling a coherent theme to Davy Jones's locker.This episode is 71 minutes long. Next week, it's "Eagle Fried Radio!" wherein we celebrate all things red, white, and blue. But mostly blue.Meet other Peckers on our message board at chickenfriedradio.com. Now with audio streaming goodness!

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It's the "It Puts the Lotion in the Basket" episode! You don't know what pain is, but the Jackasses will teach you with an entire episode devoted to serial killers and evil cults! Rub that on your skin for 79 minutes! Fun for the whole family - if your name is Manson.The song is "I'd F**k Me" from "Silence! The Musical" by Jon and Al Kaplan. Next week is the "Yarrrrr" episode.Meet other Peckers on our message board here at chickenfriedradio.com. Now with streaming audio goodness.

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It's the "I Bought My Socks at Target" episode! Finally, we get some class and tackle with reverence and tact the topic of... retards. Life Goes On for Chris "Corky" Burke, some "differently-abled" folks deliver the news, and some special high school kids answer the musical question, "what would life be like without the cow?"This episode is just under 72 minutes. The song is "Big White Russian" by our own Christian Huey.Check out chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers on our forum. CFR now available in streaming audio goodness!

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It's the "My Balls Are Bigger Than Your Balls" episode! We explore the trivialities of sports trivia and pose the questions: is NASCAR a sport? Is professional eating a sport (If the answer is "yes" to the latter, Christian should be a gold-medal Olympian)?It's our third live episode. We'll suck away 76 minutes of your life on this one. Meet other Peckers here at our message board at chickenfriedradio.com.

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It's the "While I Was Standing Atop K2" episode! The three Jackasses wax pretentious about their globetrotting experiences. We discuss hippie communes, international time traveler conventions, Egyptian theme parks, and way too much more.This episode will waste approximately 78 minutes of your precious, precious time. The song is "Young Parisians" by Adam Ant.Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers. Now with streaming audio goodness.

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It's the "Here Come da Judge!" episode!  We tackle McDonald's lettuce, cookie-eating pedophiles, and everything that can go wrong with our very first live broadcast of our recording session!This episode clocks in at about 78 minutes.  The song is "Can't Con an Honest John" by the Streets.Next week, it's our, "While I was Standing Atop K2..." episode, as we dicuss everything associated with travel! Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers! Now with streaming audio goodness!

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It's the "Syringes and Surgeries!" episode. We say goodbye to a Very Special Friend, review a new Epcot Center attraction, and confront all manner of disease head on! This episode runs about 76 minutes. The song is "Doctor" by Bloom. Next week, it's the "Here Come Dey Judge" episode as we take on lawyerin', law, and the scourge of daytime TV. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers! Now with streaming audio goodness!

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It's the "Ike Didn't Mean It, Baby" Episode! It's all about breakups. Real Doll-lovin', restraining orders, stalkers with feelings and more on our loooong-awaited 35th episode. This episode will just barely fit on your CD at slightly under 80 minutes. The song is "She's Mad" by David Byrne.Visit the message board at www.chickenfriedradio.com to meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Least Worst of, Volume 2" episode! While T.E.'s laptop's been on holiday, the time smelled ripe once again to bring you Peckers a super-distilled shot of funny. We pick up with Volume 2 where we left off last time. Fourteen episodes are represented here; 16 through 29. Dr. Hawking was flattered, but ultimately unable to reprise his role as M.C. In his stead we present prominent psychologist Dr. Virginia Frigidire, who has some interesting things to say about the Jackasses.This episode is 68 minutes long. The song is "I'm Deranged" by David Bowie.Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com to meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Shiny Train Wreck" episode! We're a nipple hair from being carted off to the asylum with this one. T.E.'s laptop is in the shop, leaving the four Jackasses to their own devices - make that three-and-a-half Jackasses, as T.E.'s got a flu so gnarly it's doubtful he remembers this recording. Enter... if... you... dare...This episode clocks in at about 77 minutes. The song is "Internet Porn" by DaVinci's Notebook.Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "It happened to a friend of a friend..." episode. This one is all over the place. "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" to quote TE. And the first episode edited by Ryan!! We cover Ryan's two dates, an urban legends quiz, Ryan's two dates, Antonin and Mica return, Ryan's two dates, and more urban legends!This episode runs 84 minutes. The song is more Steven Kellog and the Sixers.Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Where's My Swatch!?!" episode. Why waste your time watching reruns of "I Love the '80s" with Donal Logue telling you how lame the Glow Worms were? Let the Jackasses tell you instead! Aside from Reagan-era cereal commercials and cartoon shows, we also revisit the issues of the day, such as the music industry censorship battle, and what style and thickness of cardboard was best to use when showcasing your def-fresh breakdancing skills. Radical.This episode runs 70 minutes. The song is "5 Minutes (Bonzo Goes to Washington)" by Jerry Harrison.Stay tuned next week for "It Happened to a Friend of a Friend!", when we expose urban myths, explore old wive's tales, and fondle common stories of hearsay.Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Everything But The Kitchen Sink!" episode. The 4 Bringers of Chaos clear out the backlog as we churn through a random stream of follow-ups, oddities, and misfit stories. This episode is 63 minutes. The song is "Sampler Demo" by DJ Triad. Next week, it's the "Where's My Swatch!?!" episode as we revisit the '80s. This ain't no VH1 show, kiddies. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "You Kids Get Off My Lawn!" episode, as we explore in queasy detail all aspects of the geriatric community. We discuss everything you never wanted to know about septugenarian sex, wide-open tibia fractures, and the future promise of cryonic head-freezing. Old Uncle Ryan called in sick for this one, so it's just the three young'uns. This show's another whopper at about 74 minutes in length. The song is "Hope That I Get Old Before I Die" by They Might Be Giants. Stay tuned for our big 3-oh next week! Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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"(We Don't Need No) Education" or: No Chimp Left Behind! We bully the American compulsory education system as we skewer lazy biology teachers, the locker room pecking order, and high school motivational speakers. Also a call to action from Der Heidler and a special appearance by our good pal Guiseppe. Get your spring break fix with 79 whopping minutes of CFR lovin'. The song is "High School" by The MC5. Next week, it's the "Hey, you kids! Get off my lawn" episode as we pester the Depends undergarment-wearing community at large. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "It's All a Conspiracy!" episode. The government will be picking us up for re-education in a few days, as we discuss John Titor, the O'Reilley Factor, and *gulp* 9-11. This episode is a monster at 82 minutes. The song is "Conspiracy" by Nadir. Next week, it's the "(We Don't Need No) Education!" episode as we take on teachin' and learnin'. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Our Big Fat Episode!" episode. It's fat, fat, and more fat (sex), as we delve into places you'd rather not go. This episode runs about 69 minutes. The song is "Food" by Deirdre Flint. Next week, it's the "It's All a Conspiracy!" episode as we take on paranoia, grassy knolls and 9-11. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Repackaged Shite!" episode. It sounds suspiciously like Episode 4 with a new intro from an old friend and a new song tacked on. This episode runs about 49 minutes. The song is "10 $" by M.I.A. Next week, it's the "Our Big Fat Episode!" episode as we come back from hiatus to discuss all things rotund. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Four Legs Good, Two Legs Bad!" episode. It's so yiffy! Don't Google that at work. This episode runs about 58 minutes. The song is "Taller Than Dogs" by Oscar Trim. Next week, it's the "Our Big Fat Episode!" episode as we discuss all things rotund. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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*Featuring Mr. Mark Finn as a special guest!* This week we've got inflatable German penii, Al Capone's Valentine's Day Massacre, and Gary Coleman seduces us with his erotic prose. Inflate your date, and nestle by the fireside! This episode is 69 minutes long, you naughty monkey! The song is "This Is Not a Love Song" by Public Image Ltd. Next week, it's horns, hooves, and all things furry with "Animal House!" Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Art For Art's Sake!" episode. This week, it's all things arty, fruity and fey. Well, maybe not, as we get into corpse art and Garfunkel, Art. This episode runs about 65 minutes. The song is "Almond Sculpture" by Reason Disappears. Next week, it's the "I Luv U, Snookums!" episode as we discuss all things Valentiney. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "The Kids Are Alright!" episode. This week, is's all things kid, child, and teen, the little bastards. This episode runs about 64 minutes. The song is "Kids Wanna Know" by The Leaving Trains. Next week, it's the "Art For Art's Sake!" episode as we discuss, uh, art. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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Blood, sweat, and tears, Peckers. Blood, sweat, and tears. It's the "It's All Geek To Me" episode! Apparently the geek gods are frowning on us this week, as we've had technical foul-up after computer crash after upload problem trying to get this one to you, loyal listener. But we will not be stopped in our mission to provide you with low-brow content of dubious quality! This episode runs about 65 minutes. The song is "World of Warcraft Is a Feeling" by Pure Pwnage. Next week, it's the "The Kids Are Alright!" episode as we tackle children, small and tall. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes" episode. This week, we discuss, uh, changes. It's a New Year thing, ya see! This episode runs about 55 minutes. The song is "Piles of Change" by Chub Creek Music. Next week, it's the "All Things Geek!" episode as we tackle geekdom, high geekdom, and mega-super-multi-high geekdom. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Ass and a Half Holiday Special" episode. This week, the gang's all here as we chronicle our holidays and even get a visit from a Very Special Guest! This episode runs about 75 minutes (super-sized for the holidays!). The song is "Merry Christmas From the Family" by Robert Earl Keen. Next week, it's the "Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!" episode as we ease into the new year. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Arts and Crafts Audience" episode. Ryan and T.E. go it alone again, and the CFR audience comes through with better bits and ideas than we could EVER come up with on our own! This episode runs about 60 minutes. The song, "Bock Bock, I'm a Chicken," is by Chub Creek Music. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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Peckers, this episode is really something special. Rather than being an episode with the three of us talking about how TE is the biggest Jackass, TE spares us the difficulty and simply proves it once and for all. I won't give away any more. There's a whole lot of me (Ryan) being utterly and completely stunned. Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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So folks, TE is off being a pansy. Abbey took this opportunity to put together a fantastic collection of CFR bits. Now, if you'ved listened to all of the episodes (idiot!), don't worry, this is still worth listening to. She did some very cool creative stuff, and also managed to get the one and only Stephen Hawking to narrarate! Next week, the TE FREE Show!! Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Half Assed Holiday!" episode. Ryan and T.E. return to their roots as they do a Christian-and-Abbey-free, completely random episode, with no focus whatsoever! This episode runs about 55 minutes. The song, "Drunk Tonight," is by The Bloody Irish Boys. For the next TWO WEEKS, CFR will feature "Least Worst Of" episodes, as we're, uh... busy. Yeah, that's it. Busy. In the meantime, visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and meet other Peckers!

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It's the "Tonight at 11!" episode. It's all things media related at first: Katrina redux, reality TV, and more! Then the episode degenerates into a formless, topic-free mess! Hooray for bush league jackasses! This episode runs about 60 minutes. The song was sent to us by The Swindler. Next week's topic? Hell, we don't know! Visit the message board at chickenfriedradio.com and help us decide!

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It's the "My Country's Better Than Your Country" episode. Semen eating tribesmen, white power Olsen twins, and flaming love dolls! Oh, and Abbey flips the fuck out. This episode is 60 minutes long. The song is by Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers. Next week, it's the "Tonight at 11!" episode, wherein we'll discuss all things media-hyped. Feedback? Visit the CFR Message Board!

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GET IT HERE! It's the "Drinkin' and Druggin'" episode. Drunken birds, crack squirrels, and some... interesting... beer! This episode is 48 minutes long. The song is by Big Mountain Fudge Cake. Next week, it's the "My Country's Better Than Your Country" episode. Visit our new message board at chickenfriedradio.com!

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GET IT HERE! It's the "Take This Job and... well, you know the rest" episode. Jack Shacks, telemarketing, Mickey D's and more! Visit our new message board at chickenfriedradio.com!

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GET IT HERE! This week it's Santorum, Cousin Randy, and one pissed off mama!Feedback? Visit the Message Board!

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EPISODE 8 IS HERE! Guaranteed lowest energy episode ever! We discuss Christian porn, soccer fatwas, monkey gods, and more. Next week, it'll be the "Focus on the Fucked Up Family" episode. Have something pertinent? Email us at jackasses@chickenfriedradio.com!

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